Chapter 45.

-The roses-

2.20.2004


A knock on the door woke him up from the weird but pleasant dream. Michael didn't want for the dream to end; he pulled the cover up, wrapping himself almost completely under it. He closed his eyes. Another knock.

“Michael, love, are you decent? I'm coming in.” He heard Sam's voice calling distantly. He couldn't understand why Sam would be knocking on his door in the middle of the night, asking if he was decent. Wasn't Sam supposed to be in London?

The door opened, and Michael pulled the cover up to hide his face as the light dazzled his eyes. Surely it was still early? He didn't want to get up just yet. The steps were nearing the bed.

“Love, its half past eleven, time to wake up.” Sam told him, opening the curtains, bringing more irritating light into the room.

“Mmh...” Michael muttered from under the cover. Sam came closer and pulled the cover down so that he could now see his lovers face. Michael muttered an unclear protest, squeezing his eyes close.



“Wake up, wake up now, or I'll tickle you to death.” Sam grinned and started to tickle him. Michael was twirling on the bed and laughing.

“No, no, evil person!” He shouted still laughing. Sam stopped and then laid himself down on top of him. He kissed his lover's soft lips and felt him responding to the kiss.

“I would have wanted to sleep some more you meanie.” Michael muttered and looked at him as if he had just taken away his candy.

“Do you know what time it is?” Sam asked with amused tone.

“I don't care what time it is, all I care about right now is sleeping and the dream I had, the dream you woke me from, you mean, mean person.” Michael muttered, eyes close, a smile playing on his lips.

“Oh am I really that mean?” Sam asked with a grin, he stroked Michael's hair gently.

“No, not really.” Michael smiled. “What are you doing here so early, I thought that you'd come later in the evening.” Michael asked sleepily.

“Well your parents are leaving soon and I thought that...” Sam kissed his lips. “...I could come here a bit earlier than planned, so that you won't have to stay alone for one minute.” Sam kissed his neck. “And the fact that I could get more alone time with you.” Sam smiled, kissed him a bit longer this time and Michael could feel that the 'little Sam' was beginning to get a bit too eager. After all, it was still early and his parents were walking back and forth in the house while packing their stuff for the weekend. They were leaving to Birmingham to meet his uncle and his family.

“Just calm down Sam, I need to get dressed.” Michael said then and got up from under his boyfriend. Sam let out a small squeak that reminded him of a small puppy. Michael turned to look at him and grinned once he saw his expression; a sad lower lip, big blue eyes wide open, looking so absolutely adorable. Sam squeezed a pillow on his lap.

“Michael, honey, come here, please?” Sam pleaded, looking at his every move very closely.



“Well just look at the time, I wonder how I should dress for today.” Michael wondered out loud, while stretching his arms. He was very aware of the fact that Sam was still looking at him and that he was slightly teasing him by his little morning stretch with nothing but his boxers on. A small voice in the back of his mind started panicking, telling him to cover his body quickly before bad things would happen. Michael stood still for a moment, looked at Sam and then the room surrounding him. He listed to the distant voices of his parents coming from downstairs. 'Everything is alright, they're not here.' He told himself, smiled slightly and returned to his task of finding some clothes.



Sam sighed deeply, he kept an eye on his boyfriend and noticed him staying still for a moment, Michael looked at him and then around himself, every muscle in his body slightly tensed. It reminded him of an animal that kept close guard, looking around for a possible danger, in-case it should need to alert the others and then run. He smiled when he saw Michael smiling to himself and returning to his task.



“Guess who owns a new gym in London?” Sam asked then. Michael turned to look at him.

“Really?” He asked.

”Yes, I've thought about it for ages, and I think that it was a good place to invest some of my money into, correction; our money. And now it's easier for me to work at home and spend more time with you. The gym is quite popular and I will keep all the old workers there, so I am not needed there every day to make things work.” Sam explained to him. Michael had only pulled his jeans on and now came to him to give him a long and passionate kiss.

“Well, congratulations to the new owner.” He whispered then, with a smile on his lips. One more kiss and then he walked back over to his wardrobe to find a shirt for himself. Sam sighed deeply and stood up.

“I'll go downstairs to wait. If I stay here looking at you, the little Sam will start doing the thinking for me, and then we’re in trouble. Did that make any sense what so ever I wonder?” Sam smiled, walked over to him and kissed his neck. Michael looked at him and grinned.

“I'll come down soon.” Michael told him.



Evelyn closed the front door. She looked at the delivered bunch of roses in confusion; 23 long stem, crimson roses. She looked at the red envelope, which had her sons name on it. The roses weren't from Sam, because he had just arrived there moments earlier. Then from who could they be? Evelyn wondered.



She walked over to the kitchen and placed the flowers on the kitchen counter. She had a bad feeling about this and so she decided to open the envelope. She felt a bit guilty when doing this, after all the flowers weren't for her, but she was only thinking about her son’s best interest. Slowly she opened the envelope and took the letter inside. As she started reading, her hands began to shake, she lift her other hand up to cover her mouth.



“Every night I dream of you and every day I think of you. You're on my mind constantly and I can not get a moment of peace.

I dream that you are here, I imagine you lying next to me on this bed. The taste of your lips, the softness of your naked skin. I want you; I want to taste you, to have you, to ravish you. To see those beautiful eyes as they look up to me in fear, to hear your voice as you ask for me to stop. And still I know that you want. You want the fear, you want the pain, and you live for them. You tease and allure us who are so much beneath your beauty. You're a tease, a liar... I had the taste of you once, drank the beauty of you, how can I give that up? I yearn for the taste of you Chéri with every fibre of my being. At least now, I know where you are. –Jean-“



“Henry.” Evelyn called for her husband, her voice was trembling. The man walked into the kitchen and the first thing that he noticed, were the roses on the table.



“Does my beautiful wife have some secret admirer that I should worry about?” Henry asked smiling and only then did he see the look on his wife's face.

“My God Eve, what's wrong?” He asked, came closer and placed his hand on her shoulder. Evelyn's face was pale. She handed the letter to him. Henry took it and started reading.



“Fuck.” He cursed out loud after reading. “I swear that I'll kill that fucking perverted French bastard if he ever again lays a hand on my son.” He spoke, staring at the letter with anger.



Sam walked down the stairs into the kitchen. He looked at the mother of his boyfriend in confusion; she was on the verge of crying. Sam then looked at Mr. Wills, who was holding a letter in his hands, staring angrily at it. Sam saw the roses on the table.



“What's wrong?” He asked with worry. Henry looked at him, hesitated for a moment and then handed the letter to him. Sam looked at them both briefly before he began to read. “Oh you have got to be shitting me. Why can't he leave Michael alone! I never thought that I could hate this much.” Sam didn't know which way to stand. He wanted to strangle the bastard, to kill him slowly and painfully. “This is the last thing that Michael needs right now, just when he was starting to get better.” Sam sighed.

For a moment they were all silent.



“We will not tell him, it is for the best, it is of no use to get him all upset.” Henry spoke then. He took the letter and folded it into his pocket. “I will take this letter to the police today.” He continued. Sam and Evelyn nodded their heads, staying quiet.



“Should we just stay home Henry?” Evelyn asked, looking at her husband.

“Well, if you are going to stay, then Michael is going to suspect that something is wrong. I'll be here and I'll take care of him. Tony and Kitty are also coming to spend the night. Michael will be safe with us.” Sam assured her.



“Alright, but you will call if something happens, will you?” Evelyn asked him.

“Of course I will.” Sam promised.



Michael hopped down the stairs. He was in an especially good mood today, not really knowing why. He walked into the kitchen, where his parents and boyfriend already were, they all had a funny look on their faces and they were having a quiet conversation.



“Well what’s wrong with you guys? One could think that someone has just died or something.” He asked with amused tone. He saw the roses on the table and went closer to look at them. “These are very beautiful, did father give you these?” He asked looking at his mother. He smelled one rose and smiled. Evelyn could barely nod, she would have wanted to take the roses from her son’s hands and toss them into the waste-basket.



*************************

Sam sat on the couch, Michael laid there on his side, his head resting on his lap and Sam played with his hair gently as they watched TV.

“Sam, would you come over here for a moment, I'd like to have a word with you.” Henry asked just before he and Evelyn had to leave. Michael lifted his head up in surprise and rose to sit.

“Of course Mr. Wills.” Sam said and stood up, Michael stood up after him.

“You can wait here Michael. Sam will return to you shortly, what I have to say only concerns him.” His father spoke.

“What concerns Sam, concerns me as well.” Michael tried to protest.

“It's alright, just wait there love.” Sam smiled and Michael started to feel slightly irritated. Suddenly he felt himself really young, a child that wouldn't be included when adults had their talk with each others. But he was a grown man, for goodness sake! He thought to himself frowning. He muttered something that neither Sam nor his father could make any sense out of, and then he sat back down on the couch. Sam followed his father to upstairs. 'What the hell is going on?' Michael wondered silently.



Sam followed Henry into his study. Henry walked behind his desk and opened one of the drawers. He looked at Sam with serious expression on his face.

“I'm quite worried about that letter, as I'm sure that you are too.” Henry asked holding his other hand inside the opened drawer.

“Yes, I am.” Sam answered, wondering where the conversation was heading.

“The letter that arrived this morning with the roses isn't the only one. I do not know if I have taken too much freedom in my hands, but I have read my sons mail since he moved back here. All the letters from that man or any others that have looked suspicious, I have taken to the police, thus leaving my son unaware of any danger. There have also been phone calls, which luckily stopped after we changed our phone number, as a private one... Anyway, we do need to be careful, very much so. I have talked with my wife and we both agree that it is best that Michael doesn't know about this. He has just started to feel better, like you said, and I will not see him unhappy again. It is our job to protect him and now that I am leaving with Evelyn for the weekend, I expect you as his lover to take care of him. I expect you to do what ever it takes to keep him safe and there for...” Henry looked into the drawer and pulled out a hand gun. He handed it to Sam, so that he could look at it closer. “I got it after Christmas, to protect us, if anyone should...” Henry started and looked at Sam, who in return looked at the gun and then back at him. His face had gone pale, but it read understanding.

“Do you know how to use a gun? Have you ever tried it before?” Henry asked.

“Yes, I think I can, my father has taught me.” Sam replied.

“Good. I do hope that we will never have to use it, but if anything should happen, it is good to know that it's here... And Sam, I ask of you, not to talk about this to my son.” Henry took the gun and placed it back to the drawer.

“I will not tell him Mr. Wills, if that is your wish.” Sam answered. The man smiled at him.

“I do think that it is time for you stop calling me that and start using my first name. As it seems that you and my son will be together for quite some time.” Henry said then, suggesting to the ring on his ring finger.

“Thank you Mr... I mean Henry.” Sam said and smiled back to him. Behind their smile, both men felt the silent fear.



***********************



“What did my father say to you?” Michael asked for the third time, since his parents had left. He looked at his boyfriend. Whom lay on his bed reading Donald the Duck.

“Didn't you say that you had an essay to write? I don't hear any typing boy.” Sam grinned, turning to look at him. Michael threw a pillow at him.

“What boy am I to you?” He asked laughing.

“A boy is a boy. All boys under 25-year old are boys.” Sam told him.

“Says a man at the ripe age of 27.” Michael raised one of his brows, Sam stuck out his tongue at him.

“Oh that's so adult of you.” Michael laughed again and turned back on his seat to stare at the computer screen, the white background that had only a few sentences written on it. He had already forgotten how completely boring homework could be. He sighed deeply and tapped the table with his fingers. He wanted to know what Sam and his father had talked about. He glanced over at his boyfriend, who was absorbed with the comic book, he was laughing quietly to something in it.

“Oh that Donald...” Sam sighed between his laugh.

Besides, it was completely wrong that Sam lay there, without a care in the world, reading and laughing, while he had this stupid essay to write. He was supposed to write a book review, from one really silly book. It was the most foolish thing that he had ever read, and him being a busy reader, it was quite lot to be said. It was an autobiography of some woman that Michael had never heard of. It was an outpouring of her hard life, of how everything went wrong for her and how utterly depressed, she was all the time. Her dog died, her first boyfriend was a thief, and her husband ran off with his secretary. The woman hated her job and all in all; life was completely depressing when you didn't get what you wanted.

Michael shook his head and sighed. 'Oh dear God this book is full of shit...’ He thought. He just couldn't relate to it, he didn't care if all of her pets had died, he didn't care that her daddy didn't buy her the pony that he had promised, or that her idiotic boyfriend always forgot her birthday. Had any one ever beat her up? No. Had she been forced to sell her own body? No. Had she been raped and almost kill several times? No. So what the fuck was she complaining about? Michael couldn't understand. He read the few lines that he had managed to write on the screen. “The book was complete rubbish; honestly. She should just get a life, get something to really complain about, or then write something that is not real. This might be good for some late night reading, when you find it hard to get some sleep, although I just find the book in question simply irritating.” What on earth should he write about the book? Obviously he couldn't return this to his teacher. Perhaps he could just pretend that he was crazy about the book and that he had had multiple brain orgasms when reading it? Michael snickered; yes, perhaps not. Maybe he could praise the construction of words? Michael shook his head and once again looked at Sam.

“What did my father say to you?” He tried again. Sam sighed, placed the book on his stomach and looked at him.

“Alright, he addressed me; ‘Samuel.’ He said. ‘Flowers and bees, you know, or is it a bee and a bee? Lets talk about that Samuel. If one of you should become pregnant, you are using some kind of birth-control, aren't you?...’ He asked and I told him; ‘Mr. Wills, I'm fairly sure that men, even in this day and era, can't become pregnant. Although it is true that modern science has made huge progress, but in this, sadly, it has not. But if for some miracle this should happen, I can promise that our child will not born as a bastard. I will make an honest man out of your son.’ ” Sam finished, sounding dead serious. Michael couldn't help but to laugh.

“You are an idiot, you do realize that, don't you Sam?” He asked. Sam grinned.

“An Idiot? This was very truthful conversation.” He said then.

“Yes of course, my father is knowingly just that stupid.” Michael smiled and looked at him with one eyebrow raised. Michael stood up and neared the bed, he climbed on top of Sam, one leg each side of him, he kissed Sam's neck “But what did he really say to you? Tell me honey...please...” He whispered, moving his hips in a seducing manner.

“Is this supposed to be fair?” Sam asked, feeling his cock starting to respond to his lover’s actions.

“Yes, I think that this is fair... Tell me love, if you tell me...” Michael moved his hand on his hips, down on his thigh, almost touching at the front of his jeans, but not quite, he was breathing on Sam's neck, moving up to his lips with light kisses. His hand still teasing; almost touching Sam's cock. But only almost. A moan escaped from Sam's lips. “...Tell me Sam, how badly do you want me to touch you right now?” Michael asked then.

“Oh gods, please...” Sam breathed out and looked at him, Michael smiled.

“Then, just tell me.”

“Oh, I..You evil, evil... Michael...oh god...” Sam was beginning to get desperate, he was rock hard right now. Michael hadn't played with him like this, not since...

“Tell me.” Michael whispered again, his hand squeezed his organ lightly, before he once again moved it away to touch his inner thigh.

“Okay, okay, your father, um, he said that, uh...” Sam tried to think of something clever which was hard in his current situation. “He warned me of not to hurt you in any way...that uh, if I touch you the wrong way then I would be as good as dead.” Sam was finally able to say. Michael stopped for a moment. That did sound like something his father could have said.

“Oh, I wonder if he meant not having sex with me.” Michael whispered.

“Um, I don't know, uh maybe...” Sam replied and immediately wished that he hadn't. What if Michael would now hold the sex card completely down?

“Then we're sleeping on their bed tonight, having sex too. He can't tell you not to touch me in that way, you are my fiancé.” Michael said next. Sam didn't quite understand the logic of his boyfriend, but who was he to refuse having sex on a larger bed? Sam closed his eyes and smiled. So he was going to get some action tonight.

Michael stood up from the bed and Sam groaned from the lost of him.

“I need to go visit the library and you have a car.” Michael said and looked at him sweetly.

“uh, alright, but first I need to take care what of you did to me.” Sam said pointing at his crotch.

“ups, sorry about that... I'll make it up to you later.” Michael offered.



*******************



They arrived to the town library, Michael headed to the instructional book section, to find some books for his history essay.

“I'll go to see if I could find any good books to read, will you manage on your own?” Sam asked and placed his hand on his shoulder, he looked a bit worried.

“Sam, we're in a library, I think I can manage just fine.” Michael grinned. “I'll come to look for you as soon as I've found the books.” He added and headed to the history section.

He went through the books, trying to find the right ones, there was one which looked quite promising. He took it and looked at it a bit closer. It had just the information the he was searching for. He heard someone else walking to the section that he was in, he glanced over his shoulder to see who it was; an over weighted, forty something man, who had kind of yellowish hair. The man stared at him with his muddy brown eyes and when the man saw that he was looking back at him, he quickly turned his eyes to the books. Michael felt uncomfortable, he swallowed and returned his eyes back to the books as well. The man seemed to move closer and Michael could feel his eyes on him. His heart was beating fast, he glanced at him feeling nervous and then back to the books. He could recognize that look; the hungry, lusting look. Michael shivered. Why on earth did all the perverts find him? Was there some kind of magnet in him to draw them like fly? Michael shook his head and took few books in his hands.

“Hey boy...” The man whispered, Michael looked at him in disgust, turned and walked away with quick steps. He wanted to find Sam and fast. He hadn't look where he was walking and bumped into someone. The books fell from his hands onto the floor.

“I'm sorry.” He muttered and knelled down to collect them.

“Troubles again Mikey?” The man, to whom he had just bumped into, asked with amused tone, handing one of the books to him. Michael looked up in surprise.

“Sean?” He asked and looked at his former friend in the eyes.

“I've heard rumors that you would have returned. I was already beginning to suspect that they weren't true because I haven't seen you anywhere.” Sean said. He looked at Michael's hand and noticed the ring. He took his hand into a closer look. Michael looked at him, too surprised to move his hand away, even though he didn't want to be touched so.

“Engaged I see. Who's the lucky fellow?” Sean asked and released his hand. Both of them stood up from the floor. Michael pulled the books close to his chest and brushed his hair that had fallen to his forehead.

“You don't know him.“ He answered finally.

“Tony must have been disappointed.” Sean sneered. Michael looked at him furrowing, he felt really uncomfortable. “Don't get this the wrong way, but it is fairly obvious that Tony has that kind of feeling towards you.” Sean continued, measuring his former friends figure up and down with his eyes.

“Sean, what are you...” Michael started with insecure voice.

“You look good Mikey, really good, as always... Hey, what do you say if we would bury the old war hatchet? Lets be friends again? I was a fool back then, will you forgive me?” Michael was quiet for a minute, thinking of how he should answer. He didn't feel comfortable with Sean and wondered if he really wanted to be his friend. “So will you?”

“It was along time ago, I have forgiven you.” Michael answered finally.

“Great! So are you coming to the class reunion, it's two weeks from now?” Sean asked.

“I don't know,I have to think about it.” Michael said. ”I need to be going.” He added then and tried to move past the other. Sean grasped his arm and Michael breathed out in surprise. The other looked at him with curiosity, a grin played on his lips.

“Are you afraid of me?” Sean asked with amused tone.

“No, of course not.” Michael tried to laugh and pulled his arm free.

“Then why are you shaking?” Sean asked, grinned and raised his brow. Michael was opening his mouth unsure what to reply.



“Here you are.” He heard Sam's voice from behind him. Sam looked at the other man with suspicion, the man was smiling in a way that he didn't like. Michael moved closer to him by instinct, as if he was looking for his protection.

“So, this is your boyfriend? Aren't you going to introduce us?” Sean asked.

“Sam, this is Sean, an old friend from school. Sean this is my fiance Sam.” Michael said with quiet tone of voice.

“Pleased to meet you.” Sean held out his hand, Sam took it, they shook hands.

“Pleased to meet any of Michael's old friends.” Sam said, although he really didn't mean it with Sean. He did notice that Michael was not all that comfortable with him. “I think we should get going now.” Sam said next.

“Sure, well, see you again Mike, hopefully at the reunion.” Sean said, winked at him and then turned and left.

“What the fuck was that all about?” Sam wondered with angry tone of voice.

“I really don't know, he's always been like that, lets just go.” Michael answered.

*****************

Michael came from the shower into his room. He stood in front of his mirror, only a towel wrapped around hs waist. He looked up insecurely; it had been a long time since the last time that he had looked at himself like this, he had been too afraid, he feared that he would hate what he would see. He sighed, looked up, trying to get acquainted with his own body once more.

He tried to look at himself in the way the others saw him. What was it in him, that seemed to draw intention of all the perverts? He stepped closer, studying his own face. He lifted his hand up to touch his face, his cheekbones, down on his cheek, on his neck, he turned his head to the side; searching, wondering. He dimly remembered a time when he had looked at himself from the same mirror, feeling confident, feeling satisfied with what he saw, and now? His face was still the same, a little boyish perhaps? He wondered and turned his head in the other direction. He looked at his naked upper body, touched the muscles of his chest and stomach, his collarbone. Trying to see what others saw. He lifted his eyes up to look at his face again; he couldn't understand.



“What are you looking at honey?” Sam, who had watched him from the doorway, asked with a smile as he came closer. Michael looked back at him, seeming a bit embarrassed.

“I, well... What's wrong with me Sam? Why does everybody... Why me?” He started and then looked at the floor. Sam walked behind him, wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed his lovers neck softly. He looked at him through the mirror, not sure what to answer.

“Look up.” Sam asked, and Michael did. ”You're beautiful.” Sam whispered. Michael looked him at the eyes, through the mirror. “You ask why, but I can not tell you. The world is not so easy. Some people go through a lot more than the others, having to endure more difficulties then what they would deserve. Others have it easy. There is nothing wrong with you Michael, remember that... You're not blaming yourself anymore, are you?” Sam asked and Michael shook his head faintly.



“Not anymore, at times I do, but... Therapy has helped me.” He said and smiled carefully. He turned and kissed his boyfriends lips gently. “I'll put some clothes on.” He whispered.



****************



Later that night Tony and Kitty arrived. Kitty and Sam were talking in the kitchen and Michael made pizza in the kitchen with Tony.

“I saw Sean today." Michael told him while peeling the onions.

“Oh, Where did you see him?” Tony asked, took the paprika and started washing it.

“I bumped into him in the library, I mean literally.” Michael said, looked at him and smiled slightly.



”So did you two talk?” Tony asked carefully.

“Only a few words. He seemed somehow odd to me...” Michael said quietly and the continued. “He asked if I would come to the reunion.”

“And? What did you say? Are you coming? I would like it if you would.” Tony asked.

“I have to think about it, I'm a bit scared. What if everyone hates me? I wonder if I even know how to talk to them anymore.” Michael took the knife and started chopping the onions.

“No one hates you. Besides I'd be there with you the whole time. It could be fun, like the old times.” Tony said looking at him with hope. Michael glanced him and smiled.

“Perhaps... If you promise not to leave me alone with them.” He asked, Tony touched his shoulder.

“Of course I wouldn't."

“Damn these onions, they always make me cry.” Michael spoke after a long moment spend in silence, he wiped the tears away from his eyes. Sam came into the kitchen followed by Kitty.

“Why is my baby crying?” Sam asked, walked behind him and wrapped his arms around him. He kissed Michael’s neck. Michael laughed softly.

“Sam we have guests, besides, you shouldn't sneak up on people holding a knife.” He said, but turned his head anyway and kissed Sam's lips. Tony looked at them, feeling slightly uncomfortable, although it might have been jealousy that he really felt.

“Oh god, there they go again.” Kitty sighed with a smile, she looked at Tony and shook her head. “You see what I have been forced to endure? Thank God I'm not the third wheel anymore, so this is not that uncomfortable.” She laughed then and Tony smiled gently to her.



Later they sat in the living room, watching tv, chatting and drinking some beer and wine. Tony looked at Sam and Michael with interest. Michael was leaning his head against Sam's chest, half laying in his arms, Sam's legs either side of his body. Sam was drinking his beer and stroking Michael's hair gently. Tony, who hadn't never done anything except kissed with another man, was starting to feel even more curiosity to try something more with someone. Sam and Michael looked somehow so natural with each others. The way that they were close, the way that they touched each others, there was nothing odd about it; they belonged to each others, completed one another. Tony thought and noticed that he was smiling to himself. Michael and Sam were meant for each other, you could see it when looking at them like this. But still, there would always be that little voice in his head asking; What if? If things had gone differently, would he and Michael have been happy together as lovers? ‘What if?’ Tony wondered, took a gulp of his beer and then shook his head. It was too late to think about that now.



*****************



Michael undressed his shirt and looked at Sam, smiling. He continued by undressing his shoes and jeans. He climbed on the bed, next to his lover. Strong, but gentle hands wrapped around his lean figure and lifted him up to sit on his lovers warm lap. Michael wrapped his legs around Sam's stronger body, and kissed his neck softly. He felt Sam's hands moving on his back, drawing him even closer to the warm body. They kissed. Michael could feel Sam's erection against his own and moaned.

“Lets take off the rest?” Sam suggested quietly. Michael nodded, stood up for a moment and undressed himself naked. Sam lifted his hips and undressed his boxers he tossed them somewhere on the floor with the rest of his clothes.

Sam laid on the bed on his back taking Michael's hand in his. Michael moved carefully, he sat on Sam's hips, one leg each side. He leaned in to continue the kiss that had been interrupted. Michael felt his own heart beating fast, he felt slightly tense and at the same time he enjoyed the feeling of Sam's touch on his naked body. He wanted more.



“Sam, if you want to, then the answer is yes.” He whispered, when he felt Sam's hands caressing his buttocks. Sam looked at him and touched his face.

“Are you absolutely sure?” He asked. Michael smiled and nodded carefully.

“Maybe you can make me whole again.” He whispered and kissed his neck and then his lips. When the kiss ended, Michael looked around the room, he got up and went to get a body-lotion from his mothers dressing table. “I think this will do.” He smiled, blushing slightly. His father would most likely have a heart attack if he would ever find out what they had done on their bed.

Sam guided Michael gently to lay on his back on the bed. He took some lotion in his hands and looked at his face once more with a question.

“You don't have to do this Michael, I hope you know that?” He asked.

“I know, but I want to try if...” Michael whispered and his cheeks went slightly red again. He didn't know why he had started to blush so much lately, he didn't like it, it was embarrassing to be blushing like a little girl. Sam smiled, kissed his forehead and brought his hand between his opened legs. He used generous amount of the lotion to prepare him. Took some more of it and very gently pushed his first finger inside. He looked at Michael's face the whole time, and felt how he reached to take his free hand in his.

“How does this feel?” Sam asked, moving his finger in and out slowly. Michael looked at him calming down his breathing.

“It feels good.” He whispered, and Sam added a second finger.

“I hope that I'm not hurting you? Say if I am?” Sam asked.

“No, it doesn't hurt.” Michael assured and looked at the blue eyes of his lover. He felt himself oddly calm, and smiled slightly. Sam added a third finger and Michael flinched slightly. “It's alright Sam, you can continue.” He hurried to assure when Sam looked at him with worry.

Sam prepared him long and carefully. He reminded himself that this was not the time to be thinking about his own pleasure, but rather concentrate on his lover’s. This time would be important for the future and it needed to be as gentle as possible. Finally he spread the lotion on his hard member and positioned himself against his lovers opening.

“Is this alright?” He asked, Michael nodded. Sam moved in slowly, he kissed Michael's lips. He stopped moving once he got all the way in, giving Michael some time to get used to the feeling of him. His first movements were slow, he close his eyes for a second enjoying the feeling of closeness. Michael wrapped his legs around him tightly, he kissed Sam's shoulder, then his lips, he was smiling.

“What are you smiling about?” Sam asked, with a smile of his own.

“Feel so good, it doesn't hurt.” Michael whispered with wider smile. It really felt incredible, he had been afraid that he could never do this again and that... He pulled Sam even closer to himself, they were one again and it felt so right.



Afterwards they laid on the bed holding each others.

Michael laid his head against Sam's neck, his left hand rested on Sam's chest and he looked at the golden ring on his finger with a smile. He felt so safe there, he felt so happy. He took Sam's left hand in his and kissed it. The golden ring glimmered on his finger as well. ‘Sam is so wonderful and he's mine.’ Michael thought happily and felt a gentle hand playing with his hair. Sam kissed the crown of his head and breathed in the sent of his hair. Come what ever devil that may, but he would protect and save his angel from it. Sam thought, smiled and close his eyes. Finally they both fell a sleep, arms still around each others.
 

Chapter 46.

Saturday March 6th

“I wonder if this was a good idea after all.” Michael said looking around himself, when he and Tony arrived to the hotel lobby.

“Don't worry, everything will be fine.” Tony assured him with a smile. They walked over to the bar, where most of their old class mates already were.

“A drink, I need something to drink.” Michael said as all their eyes were turned on him. Some of them looked really surprised, some very interested and few were already too drunk to notice. “Oh gods this really wasn't a good idea, not at all.” Michael kept saying as he saw Tom, Mark, Sean and few ofter other friends standing near the bar counter. All eyes were on him, and Michael didn't know what to think of that look that they were giving.



He glanced quickly to his left side and saw five young woman and with each of them, he had, at one point in his life, more or less made out with. The women were smiling to him, giggling like bunch of school girls.

“Oh god...” Michael breathed out. Tony took his hand in his and smiled encouragingly.

“Just calm down.” He said.

“You do realize Tony, that this; you holding my hand, makes it seem like we have more going on between us than just friendship?” Michael asked.

“Let them think what they will, you're the most beautiful person in the room, so I'd only be flattered.” Tony grinned. Michael looked at him, smiled and shook his head.

“Oh Tony...”





“Michael!” Jenny called out with joy as she approached them. “I'm so glad that you came!” She said and threw her arms around him to give him a hug.

“It's nice to see you Jenny.” He replied.

“It would be nice Jen, if you would find the sight of me equally delightful. If I remember correctly, we were once too quite close to one another.” Tony grinned.

“Oh, of course Tony, I'm always happy to see you. It's just, well...it's been such a long time since I've seen Michael.” Jenny smiled and then hugged him as well. “Why are you holding hands? Are you two...? Oh no, please don't tell me that my ex-boyfriends have found each other?” Jenny asked with worry.

“As lovely as that would be, I'm sorry to say that Michael is already taken, engaged no less!” Tony sighed and looked at his best friend who was smiling back at him.

“Engaged? But the last time I saw you, you said that you were with no one? That's pretty quick.” Jenny wondered.

“My boyfriend returned home from Paris, we were broken up for a while.” Michael told her.

“Oh, then I think congratulation is in order.” Jenny smiled.

“Thank you Jen.”

“Well, I'll go now, to get something to drink. One can't go through these reunions without a drink.” Jenny laughed in a slightly nervous manner and then left.

They went to get drinks for themselves too when Tom, Mark, Sean and Collin approached.



“Michael; long time no seen.” Tom said coldly, looking at him from head to toe. Michael looked back at him: Tom was even chubbier than he had been before, and looking just as big of an idiot as always. Michael thought.

“Tom.” Michael acknowledged nodding his head towards him.

“So you've finally admitted your true feeling towards each other?” Tom smirked, looking at them both.

“Are you trying to be funny Tom, or what? Please help me out on this one?” Tony asked receiving a puzzled expression from Tom.

“I thought that you were engaged Mike, what happened to your fiance?” Sean asked, a sly grin playing on his lips.

“My fiance is visiting London, how come you're asking?” Michael asked looking straight at him, he felt a little more confident knowing that Tony stood by his side.

“I was just thinking, you seemed so close with Tony here.” Sean grinned.

“The reason why we look close, is really very simple; we are close, because we're best friends.” Tony answered calmly.

Mark and Collin began to look bored, when they couldn't think of anything clever to say, so they left the scene without saying a thing.



“Well have a nice evening you fags!” Tom said with mean voice and turned to leave. Michael and Tony started to laugh.

“Is that the best that he can do?” Michael wondered. Sean looked at him once more, with that strange way of his that made Michael feel uncomfortable.

“Not bad...” He muttered and winked at him.

“Sean’s acting weird...” Michael noted when the other man left them. Tony looked at him and then at Sean, who now stood a little farther away, talking with his friends.

“I think it's best that you’ll stay away from him. Promise me that you will?” Tony asked.

“I promise, besides; I don't even have anything to say to him.” Michael answered and tasted his drink.



The hours went by, Michael didn't know how many peoples he had already talked with, telling the same things over and over again, but leaving many things out. New York, Paris, working as a waiter, nothing much; these were the things that he had told them and that yes,that he was still gay and he was indeed engaged with a man.



“Michael, could we talk? Somewhere more private.” Jenny came to ask him, she was already quite clearly drunk. Michael glanced at Tony, who was currently chatting with Annie.

“Tony, I'll go with Jen, I'll come back soon.” He said and Tony turned to look at him.

“Well okay, but don't be long alright?” He asked.

“I won't.”



“Where are we going?” Michael asked when Jenny lead him up the stairs holding his hand in hers.

“To my hotel room.” Jenny told him.

“Why?” Michael asked. He couldn't really understand why she would have booked a hotel room, when as far he knew, she was living in Plymouth where the hotel was.

“To talk.” Jenny answered. They stood in front of the door to the room and Jenny opened it with shaking hands. She giggled as she stumbled into the room.

“Jenny, are you alright?” Michael asked. Jenny close the door after them and looked at him.

“I've missed you, so much...” She sighed and pressed her body against his. She kissed him and it was a drunken, sloppy kiss. Michael took a hold of her wrist and pushed her away.

“What's this?” He asked in confusion. Her body began to shake, tears ran down on her face.

“I love you! I've loved you since we were fourteen! And you...” Jenny swallowed hard, her voice almost drowning.

“Jen, I think you've just had too much to drink and um...” Michael started insecurely. Jenny sat on the bed and laid down.

“No one loves me!” She screamed. Michael approached her carefully and sat down next to her.



“What's wrong? Last time I saw you, you seemed so happy; you said that you were engaged and getting married...?” He started and brushed her hair gently away from her face. Jenny rose to sit.

“He cheats on me! All men do! What's wrong with me?!” The girl cried and wrapped her arms around him. Michael stroke her back gently.

“There's nothing wrong with you Jen, not at all.” He spoke. She lift her head up and looked at him, a bit of her mascara had ran down on her cheeks and under her eyes.

“There has to be! You're gay, and Tony; is he one too? And then all the men that I meet are nothing but arseholes that do nothing but cheat and lie. Taking advantage and... Make love to me Michael, please, just this one time.” Jenny cried and leaned in to kiss him.

Michael pulled away.

“I'm still only interested in men that way, I'm in love and engaged.” Michael tried to explain.

“What is it? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not sexy enough?” Jenny asked, tears were still in her eyes. Michael sighed.

“Jenny, you are a beautiful woman, who has a great body, but for me, well; the problem is just that you're a woman. I’m gay, remember?”

“But you could try? We never went all the way, but I could make you hard, I know that I could do that now too. Michael please! I need it, I need you, onlfory this one night, that’s all I’m asking...”

Jenny had gotten close again, she kissed his neck and massaged his cock through his jeans.

“Jen, honestly; no! I really am gay and above all, I'm already taken.” Michael snapped, making the girl cry again.

“What's wrong with me...” She kept asking. “My life is just full of shit...” She continued. Sighing Michael placed his hand on her shoulder.



”Jenny, there really is nothing wrong with you, you are really beautiful and half of the guys in school were jealous of me because I had you. Yes, I did love you, but I loved you as a friend, I still do. I'm sorry the way that things turned out back then, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you myself, I never wanted to hurt you and I hope that you believe me.” Michael told her.

“You love that man? Are you happy?” Jenny asked.

“I am happy with him.” Michael answered.

”Why can't I have that? Why does everyone else get love so easily? If I really am so beautiful and great, then why am I not happy?” Jenny was crying again.

“Trust me Jen, you do not know the half that is my life. Yes, now I do have a man that loves me for real, but I have not gotten that easily. My life is and has been hard. More so than you can ever even imagine... We're still young Jen and trust me, you'll find happiness, you'll find the true love that you seek."

He sat beside her a moment longer.



“Will you be alright?” He asked. The girl laid down, and wipe the tears away. She nodded her head carefully. “Are you and Sara still friends?” He asked next.

“Yes.” Jenny replied.

“I'll go and get her here, I think you could use some company now.” Michael said and stood up.

“Michael?” Jenny called faintly. Michael turned to look at her. “Thank you and I am sorry of the way that I acted. Who ever that man is, he is very lucky to have you.” She said and smiled weakly.

“Thank you Jenny.” He said and smiled back, he was about to leave, but then he turned back to her, he took piece of paper and a pen from the table near by and wrote his phone number on it. He gave it to her. “I'd still like to be your friend, you can call me if you need me.” Michael whispered, Jenny looked at him with surprise and then at the piece of paper in her hand.

“I will...” She whispered. Michael smiled gently, kissed her forehead and then left the room.

Michael close the door after him and sighed. He walked alone down the empty corridor, to get back to the others, to find Sara and then Tony. Suddenly someone clutched his arm from behind and pulled him to the near by men's room.



Michael cried out in pain as he was being slammed against the cold tile wall.

“Sean, what the fuck do you want?” He asked and looked with slight worry as the other locked the door. “What do you think that you're doing?” He asked and tried to get to the door. Sean, however, forced him against the wall again. He kept a hold of his shoulders.

“I just want to talk with you.” Sean smiled.

“In here?!” Michael asked not hiding his irritation.

“What? Bad memories?” Sean grinned.

”Look, I don't know what game you are playing at, but I do not wish to have any part of it.” Michael said trying to push him away but failing.

“This a perfect place for our little chat.” Sean said, pressing himself hard against him. Michael felt his heart bead speeding up, he was beginning to panic, bad memories were indeed starting to fill his mind as he tried to free himself with no succeed.

“Let go of me, I am not interested in talking with you. There's nothing to say.” Michael tried struggling, but once again Sean managed to stop him. He brought his other leg between his thighs, holding his arms on his side against the wall.

“When did we meet for the first time Michael?” Sean asked, Michael frowned

“What are you playing at?” He asked in confusion.



“Don't remember? Well, I do... me and Tom, we were left behind from our class, so we ended up in yours, you were twelve at the time. Sure I had seen you before at the school, but that was the first time that you and I talked. We were quite close friends, were we not?” Sean spoke and Michael looked at him as though he would have gone mad.

“Of course I remember when you came to my class... god... And yes, we were pretty close friends, or so I thought, before all of you turned your backs on me.” He snarled. Sean only leaned in closer if that was even possible.



“You always flirted with me, right from the first day.” He whispered, and Michael felt his tongue licking his ear, he flinched and pushed him away with all his strength.

“Flirted with you!? If you're trying to say, that I was flirting with you at the age of twelve then you're more messed up than I thought you were. I'm leaving now!” He screamed and walked towards the door. Sean grasped him again and pulled him against himself. Sean was strong, Michael realized, stronger than he himself was and he was beginning to tremble at that thought.

"I've always wondered, what it would be like with another man; with you Michael. You have a gorgeous figure and a beautiful face. You're nothing like the others, I've never in my life seen someone so...” Sean ran his fingers on his startled face, touching his lips softly. His eyes held that glimmer that Michael knew all too well by now. “..so breath taking, so sexy as you are Michael. Tell me...” Sean licked his neck, his hand was moving down on his buttocks, squeezing. “...What is your prize?” Michael was able to move few steps backwards from him.



“Excuse me?!” He cried out, looking at him with confusion and loathing.

“What is your prize? For a blow job? For a fuck?” Sean asked with a smile as he stepped closer.

“You've obviously gone mad. I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm leaving, Tony is waiting for me.” Sean pushed him against the wall again.

“Don't play so Innocent Michael. Once a whore, always a whore... Perhaps you give it for free to an old friend...” Sean said and kissed him fiercely. Michael struggled in despair, Sean was tearing his shirt open, his jeans. When Michael tried to push him off he slapped his face.

“If you play along, I won't have to hurt you.” Sean told him.



The rage inside Michael overcame the fear.

“Do you really think Sean, that you can scare me? I lived four years with the devil and you are nothing compared to him.” Michael hissed. He brought his knee up with speed and hit it against Sean's crotch. Sean shrieked from the sudden pain, he gasped for air and brought his hand to comfort his sore organs.

“Fuck!” He cried and despite of his pain he tried to knock out his former friend, but Michael was faster. He hit him on the face, straight to his nose which then began to bleed. Sean swore and moaned on the floor.



“You fucking whore, I'll fucking inform this to the police.” He moaned, he held his on hand on his bleeding nose and the other on his crotch. Michael looked at him and then at himself, his shirt was slightly torn, his jeans open and missing one button, he felt tingling on his left cheek where Sean had slapped him.

“You can do that Sean...” Michael said calmly looking down at him. “...But I can go to them as well, and knowing my history I think they would be on my side. I think they'd understand my need to defend myself from someone who tried to rape me.” He continued and bend down closer to him. “Don't you ever touch me again, or even speak to me, because if you do I swear that the pain you're in now will be nothing to what would follow.” He whispered and stood up. He left and never looked back. Someone would find Sean eventually, he thought.



He found another bathroom, knowing that he would need to clean himself up. He took the torn shirt completely off and thanked his luck that he had a black tank top underneath it. He buttoned his jeans up, luckily his shirt covered the fact that he was missing one button. He ran his fingers through his hair, looked at his face from the mirror; great; his lips were slightly bruised, his cheek was slightly red from the spot that Sean had hit him. And now that he was missing his shirt it would be quite easy too see what had happened, at least Tony would probably guess it. Michael was glad that Sam wouldn't see him like this. He sighed, feeling tired, depressed and irritated. 'Once a whore always a whore...' Sean words were repeated in his mind. But he didn't cry, he felt numb, he was tired of crying, tired of everything.



He left, found Sara downstairs and asked her to go to Jenny. Then he found Tony, who did indeed notice.

“What happened? Where were you? I was so worried!” Tony asked.

“Lets just go Tony, please, I can't stand being here any longer.” Michael spoke and Tony understood, he led his friend out of the bar, got their coats for them and then the two of them left outside. Tony was thankful that they got taxi quite easily. They headed to his place.



****************



When they got there, Michael sat down on the couch.

“Could I have something to drink?” He asked. “Something which has plenty of alcohol.” He added.

”Yes, of course.” Tony replied and disappeared into the kitchen. He returned with two drinks and sat down next to him on the couch. He tasted his drink.





“So, what happened with Jenny?” Tony asked carefully. Michael looked at him briefly, before looking down into his drink.

“She was depressed, needed some comfort...”

“What happened after that? And don't you try to lie to me, because I can see that something did... My God; your lips are swollen, and your cheek? Did someone hit you?“



“Sean, that's what happened. He... apparently he knows about my past, knows what I really was back in New York... He would have wanted to try me out himself, but I managed to break his nose... ” Michael said and he swallowed hard as he thought about what could have happened if he hadn't gotten away when he did.

“God, I want to kill that bastard. Are you alright?” Tony asked with worry.

“Oh I'm bloody perfect. My life is such a joke, All the fucking perverts somehow manage to find me...” Michael sighed darkly and continued. “One thing I can promise Tony; I'll never again go to one of those things.” Tony looked at him with serious expression on his face. He then pulled him close to his chest, stroking his back to give him comfort.

“I would have liked to see Sean's face when you hit him.” Tony said with a small smile.

“I also kicked his genitals with my knee.” Michael grinned.



“Ouch, that must have hurt, he deserved it though.” Tony laughed. Michael snuggled closer, his head was resting on Tony's shoulder. Tony stroked his hair softly. They were quiet for a moment, Michael had close his eyes. Tony looked at him, wondering. Michael was so close and it felt so good to hold him like that, perhaps a little too good.

“Michael...” Tony started. Michael lift his head up to look at him. Chocolate brown eyes met the deep green ones. Tony touched his cheek gently and leaned forward slightly. For a moment they just looked one another. Tony leaned even closer, his lips brushed his friends softly. Michael almost fell into the situation, but then he remembered and pulled away quickly.

“I'd like to have more to drink, may I?” He asked, standing up. Tony sighed.

“Of course.”



Michael returned with two beers, gave him the other and sat down on an armchair.

“Michael, about that, I'm sorry if...” Tony started.

“It's alright Tony, we just need to be more careful with each other... If we were to act on these feeling that obviously are still there, not only would we risk our friendship, but I would end up loosing Sam, and I do not want that. I can't loose him Tony. It would break my heart completely. My life is quite complicated enough.” Michael said looking at him.

“I understand, you are right.”





”May I ask something personal from you?” Tony asked after they had been quiet for a moment.

“Go right ahead, you've asked me before.” Michael grinned.



“Well, you and Sam, how are things going with you two? I mean with sex and all? You don't have to answer, I understand completely if you don't want to.” Tony asked insecurely. Michael took a deep breath before answering.

“Well, one step at the time. It's starting to get better. I can trust Sam, I enjoy being with him, close to him... There are days that are better than the others. There are times that I won't let him touch me at all and times when I long for it, when I ask him for it. I can't really explain this... At times I feel nothing but loathing for myself, I feel disgusting and dirty and not worth him. Like I'm dirty and bad for wanting to have sex with him so badly. It's hard, but luckily Sam has been very patient and understanding with me and slowly I'm gaining more confidence in myself.” Michael told him, and took another sip of his drink. “Anything else you want to know?” He asked and smiled carefully.

“Well actually, yes there is... I'm so sorry in advance, I know I shouldn't be asking this, but I can't seem to be helping myself. Let's just blame the alcohol, alright? But I, um, what kind of... What do you do exactly when you have sex?... And again I'm really, really sorry.” Tony leaned back and drank his beer, feeling like an idiot.

“Um...What do we do? Quite many different things, um...” Michael hesitated.

“Is one of you always on top? I mean do you even do that?" Tony asked cursing himself mentally. 'You're such an arse Tony, you can't ask him that!' His mind screamed, but the words just seemed to slip out of his mouth without any kind of control.

“Well we, we um ... Sam likes more to be on top, you know the one who, well you know?... But sometimes he lets me do that too, he's the first one who has... And it's not like it's the only thing that we do in bed... “

“Thank you for answering and again I am sorry.” Tony said.

“It's alright. Why are you asking by the way? Are you perhaps thinking of trying it out yourself with someone?” Michael asked curiously.

“Perhaps, if I meet someone interesting enough. I don't know, I'll keep my eyes open." Tony answered and smiled slightly.

“It's so weird to be talking with you like this, why weren't you like this all those years ago when we were 17?” Michael asked, smiling faintly. He wasn't sure if he liked the idea of Tony with some other man, somehow it seemed it easier to think of him with a woman than a man. He was quite sure that he would get somewhat jealous when Tony would be with someone else and he knew that he was being silly for thinking like that.

“Well, you tell me. I was stupid back then, really stupid.” Tony sighed looking at him.





“You know what I've been wondering?” Tony asked then, thinking that it would be best to change the subject.

“What?” Michael asked.

“Well, Sam grew up in rich family and he is rich too, right?” Tony started.

“Yes...” Michael answered and looked at him slightly puzzled of where he was getting at.

“Well, he's a personal trainer or something like that. He's rich and works at some gym, I mean what's the deal there?” Tony asked.

“What's so odd about it?” Michael asked.

“Um, Aren't the rich kids usually more like doctors or lawyers, or just spend their life's in luxury, swimming in their money or something like that? At least hire their own personal trainer rather than become one themselves?”

“Those are stereotypes Tony. Sam has always loved exercise and he isn't the kind of a person who could just live on with their parents money or sit in some dusty office all the time, doing paper work. He has the job that he loves, and I respect him even more for his choices. If you want a better answer, then you need to ask this from him. And it is slightly different now, his job I mean, now that he owns that gym.“

“Indeed... And loves exercise, well that shows...hm...” A smile played on Tony's lips.

”What hm?” Michael asked slightly amused.



”Oh nothing. Sam loves exercise, you love exercise. It's nice.” Tony said seeming to drift into his own thoughts.

“Tony, are you imagining what my boyfriend looks like when he's naked?” Michael grinned.

“Who me?..Er... Well, only a little and then I imagined the two of you naked together.” Tony admitted. “I'm sorry, I've drunk too much, I'm way too tired and it's been a long time since I had sex.” Tony laughed.

“It's alright, it's nice to undress Sam in ones mind.” Michael grinned. ”Well, even nicer if it's for real, but only I get to do that!” Michael added with a smile.

“Of course, only you.” Tony grinned back.

Chapter 47.

3.13.2004

Sam walked into the room and looked at his boyfriend with a smile. Michael laid on the bed, on his side fallen asleep. On the bed next to him were a few open books and a notebook, his right hand still held a pen in a loose hold. Sam thought that nothing had ever looked as adorable.

They had come to spend the weekend with Lisa and her family. That afternoon they had spend couple of hours horseback-riding. They had had a splendid dinner and after that Michael had played with Lisa's four year old son, who had grown quite fond with Michael.

Few hours ago Michael had excused himself and told them that he would have to do some schoolwork, so he had left to the guestroom prepared for them. Sam knew that he had been very tired, so it didn't surprise him to find him fallen asleep on the bed.

Sam sneak closer to the bed. He carefully took the books, the notebook and the pen and placed them on the near by table. Sam knelt in front of the bed and touched his lover’s face gently, he leaned forward and kissed his forehead. Michael made a small noise and moved slightly.
“I must have fallen asleep, what time is it?” He muttered. Sam looked into his sleepy eyes.

“It's half past eleven, it’s alright, just go back to sleep love.” He whispered.

“I haven't brushed my teeth yet, I'm tired...”

“I don't think that the world will end, if for one night you don't brush your teeth.” Sam smiled.

“It won't? Promise?” Michael grinned, his eyes were close.

“I promise. Now let me help you to undress.” Sam said sitting on the edge of the bed. He started opening Michael's belt and the buttons of his jeans.

“You just want see me naked.” Michael said yawning. He lift his hips up slightly so that Sam could pull his jeans down.

“Right you are.” Sam grinned. “I can't help the fact that I love your body so much... but don't worry you will get your sleep tonight.” Sam helped him to remove his over-shirt and then tucked him in carefully. “I'll go back downstairs to talk with Lisa and Charles.” He whispered and kissed his lips lightly.

“Alright, good night Sam.”

“Good night love.” Sam turned the lights off and close the door after him. He was just about to return downstairs when his cellphone started to ring.
“Who the fuck calls at this hour.” He growled as he took his phone.

“Samuel Grey.” He answered.

“Good evening Sam. I'm glad that you haven't changed your number.” Sam recognized the voice instantly.

“Jean... What the fuck do you want?” He hissed. His hand was shaking, his whole body was shaking from anger he felt towards the man.

“What do I want? Isn't it quite obvious what I want?” Jean answered with cold and amused tone.

“Stay away from him Jean, stay fucking far away, if you want to keep on living.” Sam threatened.

“If I want to live Sam?” Jean laughed. Sam could hear from his voice that once again the man was drunk.

“I want that whore and when I get him, this time he won't be able to get away. This time, I won't believe his lies.” Jean told him.

“You won't get him never again! And don't you ever call him that!” Sam snapped.

“Oh Sam, you can keep trying to cover the truth with roses, but in the end, it's never enough; Michael is a whore and that is the truth... Haven't you noticed how others look at him? How they want him? Can you honestly tell me Sam, that it never bothers you how he flirts with them?” Sam tried to swallow his rage, it was obvious to him that Jean had finaly lost the last thread of sanity.

“The cops are on to you Jean, you won’t be able to get anywhere near him.” Sam said trying to sound as calm as he could.

“You are in my way Sam, you just don't get it, do you? Michael is mine, only mine and I will make that whore understand, what ever it takes, I will get him to understand. I can hardly wait to be able touch him again, I can't wait to hear him beg for me... He will be mine.” Jean whispered and then, without another word, Jean hung up on him.
Sam was breathing fast, his hands were still shaking. Everything Jean had said to him, were repeated in his mind; over and over again. Something had to be done to stop that man, but Sam didn't know what he could do that hadn't been done already. 'Jean won't be able to get here, he won't get him.' He tried to comfort himself, but still, there was always that small doubt.

“Sam, what's wrong?” Lisa's concerned voice asked from behind him. She had come to look for her brother when he hadn't returned downstairs like he had promised.
Sam looked at her, his blue eyes were glimmering from un-shed tears. Lisa walked closer and placed her hand on his shoulder.

“What's wrong?” She asked again. Sam swallowed hard, trying to get himself back together, trying not to cry. He was suppose to be stronger than this. Lisa pulled him into a hug. “Tell me, what's happened?” She asked. Sam led out a trembling sigh.

“Jean called, Michael's ex, one of the men who...” He started. “He can't get here, right Lisa? He would have to come here by plain or by the train and the cops or the guards would notice. They would arrest him before he would even have the time to step foot in the airport or the train-station.” Sam tried more to convince himself about this.
Lisa looked at her brother, she saw that he needed the reassurance so she thought it best to give it to him;
“Yes Sam, I'm sure that he won't be able toget here.” She said and tried to smile. “Come now little brother, lets get you a glass of wine, lets talk more downstairs.” Lisa urged him.

“Just a sec, I need to go check on Michael, I'll calm down soon, I promise.” Sam told her.
He knew that he was over reacting, that he was being silly with his sudden worry, but he needed to see that Michael was alright. He needed to see that Michael was where he had left him.
He didn't turn the lights on, he walked over to the bed and knelt down onto the floor just like before. His eyes adjusted to the darkness and soon he could see his lovers face more clearly. Michael was sleeping; a quiet, restful sleep. Sam looked at his chest that kept rising and falling. 'Everything is alright.' Sam thought and finally he stood up.

“I love you.” He whispered before he left the room.

*********

3.16

”Those bastards have been free for five months and still the police doesn't have a clue where they are! There has to be something we can do!” Sam spoke with agitated voice. He looked at Michael's father who sat in front of the kitchen table and then at Tony who stood in front of the window looking out into the dark night. Henry had just told them about a new letter that had arrived and after that, Sam had told them about the phone call he had received from Jean.

“We have to come up with a plan.” Henry pointed out staring at the wall infront of him. “We have to be careful, we have to make sure that he's never alone, that there's always someone with him.” The man continued.

“And just how are you going to do that? Follow him to the bathroom too?” Tony snorted and turned to look at his friends fiance and his father.

“Tony, this is serious.” Henry said looking at him.

“I know that, of course I do, it's just... Well, you're still not planning on telling him what's going on, are you?” Tony asked looking at the two older men.

“No, it is for the best. Why worry him for nothing? There's enough stress in his life as it is.” Henry said.

“I have to agree with Henry.” Sam admitted.

“Worry him for nothing? If you ask me, then this certainly isn't nothing. Do you honestly think that he won't notice that you're keeping things from him? Call me crazy if you like, but I think I know my friend quite well. I am his best friend, I've know him since we were infants and believe when I tell you this, if Michael will find out just what you are hiding from him, then he won't like it, not one bit.” Tony said glaring at them.

”I can understand that Tony, but Michael has gone through a whole lot of shit during those six years that you weren't there with him. If we were to tell him that his fucking crazy ex is still determined to hurt him in the worst possible way that he knows, I'm sure that it won't help him one bit! He doesn't have to know because we won't let anything bad happen to him!” Sam snapped. They were glaring each others with Tony in anger.

“Well Sam, what if for some reason or another your clever plan, what ever that might be, isn't going to work. What if Michael does end up alone, unaware of the possible threat, what if Jean really gets him? Wouldn't it be better for him to know, so we can start preparing him? So he can learn to protect himself better?” Tony snapped back.

“Alright boys, lets calm down now shall we?” Henry interrupted them. “I do see your point Tony, but as Michael's father my decision is final; he does not have to know and I ask of you to respect my decision.” Henry spoke with calm voice. Sam had a victorious smile on his lips, a little too victorious from where Tony stood.

“As his father? Bloody hell… Michael is a grown man!” Tony screamed.

”He is a young man, who won't need another reason to stress himself over. He won't have to know.” Sam said firmly.

“Argh! And just how much more older you are Sam? Three and a half years? Oh my. That sure is lot!” Tony snapped, he wasn't quite sure why he had said that, why he felt so angry. That rich, handsome blond just got to his nerves at times. The fact that, that said blond was engaged to his best friend, a friend that Tony loved more than he should love a friend, might have had something to do with it. Tony folded his arms against his chest and pouted. Sam looked at him with amusement, a little unsure of what was going on anymore. Henry was even more confused of what was the issue between these two young men.

Michael sneaked downstairs quietly. He had woken up to the voices of arguing. He looked at the time; 9.30pm, once again he had fallen asleep so early. He sighed. He stood behind the kitchen doorway and listened quietly. “As his father? Bloody hell... Michael is a grown man!” Tony screamed. ”He is a young man, who won't need another reason to stress himself. He won't have to know.” Sam's voice answered. Michael listened a little while longer before he stepped in.

“I won't have to know what?” He asked. He looked at his father, his friend and his fiance with suspicion. They all looked surprised to see him standing there.

“Michael...” Sam started. ”We, um, we were just talking...” He stuttered..Michael, who had, for awhile now, felt like everyone was acting somewhat strangely around him, was now sure that something was going on.

“You are planning something.” He said then. “You're hiding something from me, what is it?!” He insisted.

“We're not hiding anything love, honestly, we were just chatting and Tony and I got a little carried away.” Sam told him. Michael looked at him and then at Tony who had just happened to roll his eyes to what Sam had said. And then there was that worried look that his father and Sam exchanged with each others.

“So you really are hiding things from me! Well for once it would fucking great if you started treating me like the adult that I am, but apparently it's just too much to ask!” Michael shouted and rushed out of the room. He took his coat and left outside, the front door was slammed shut with a loud pang after him.

“I hate to say this; but it told you so.” Tony said looking at the other two men. Evelyn, who had just walked into the kitchen looked at them with worry.

“Someone has to go after him!” She said. Sam was already about to leave when Tony stopped him.

“Let me, I think I know where he's going.” He said and quickly threw his coat on.



Michael walked down the street with quick steps. He was angry, really angry. Why didn't they tell him things? What did they think of him? That he was some poor, fragile creature who needed to be kept inside cotton? Well he wasn't! He was grown up, why couldn't they see that? And did they think that he was totally witless? Apparently.

He stopped walking when he had reached far enough from the house. He tried to calm himself, looking at the dark evening around him. Few cars drove by, other than that the street was quiet, perhaps a little too quiet. Only now did he stop thinking about the situation more carefully. He looked at the dark forest beside the street, he thought of the dangers that might be lurking in the shadows. 'Oh my God, I am childish, aren't I?' He thought. 'I'm 24 soon and I'm acting like some god damn kid! Oh this is just fucking perfect.' He looked around himself once more and the fear started to fill him. It was so dark, so quiet. He could see a new car coming from behind the curve and it made him almost jump when it drove by him.
He wrapped his arms around him and looked to the direction where his home was. What if he would just swallow his pride and go back home? Return to the safe arms of Sam? He shook his head. No, his pride wouldn't let him do that so easily, so he kept on walking forward. 'Isabella, I wish Isabella would be here' He thought. His grandmother would have understood him, she would have known what he should do.

'This is why you always get in to trouble.' His inner voice told him, when he once again, was startled by the dark shadows of the forest. 'Tony asks you; don't go with that man, and what do you do? Go anyway. Kitty says; I can give you a lift home, and what do you tell her? I can walk. And now you are walking here, all alone, late at night, only because...? Oh...You're such an idiot Michael.' The voice told him, when he finally reached the gate of the cemetery.
He walked through the lanes of the cemetery, until he found what he was looking for. He knelled onto the moist grass.
*William George Harris, B: 4.2.1932 D: 8.24.1986.* Michael read from the tombstone and looked at the one next to it. *Isabella Maria Harris, B: 11.16.1935, D:10.25.1997* Michael touched the engraved letters and felt tears in his eyes.

“I miss you, the both of you...” He whispered. “Why aren't you here Bella, I need you... You would understand me, wouldn't you? You would know what I should do...” He looked at the stone carefully, almost like thinking that if he would look at it long enough, then she would appear to him. “I'm so tired, do you think that it will get easier with time?... Will it ever stop, do you think? I'm beginning to doubt.” He sighed and looked up to the sky. “I should have listened to you, shouldn't I? You were always right, why didn't I listen to you back then... Why me? Why does it have to be me? Couldn't God give me a break already?... I know, it's not up to God... I just want it to stop, I want them to stop.” He touched the grass with his fingers.

“They are keeping secrets from me, did you know? I think it has to do with Jean. They think that I don't see it, that I don't know, but how could I not? I've grown to understand, that I can never have an easy life. I accept that, but that doesn't mean that I like it. I don't ask much, only that I could live my life with Sam fairly happily. I don't care about the money, not anymore... I love Sam, with or without his money...” Michael sighed.

“ I'm so tired of hearing how beautiful I am, of how sexy I am. I'm just so tired. It's only the outside and it seems that my appearance defines everything about myself... I'm glad to have people in my life who can see past my looks...I know you would understand.”

”I had a feeling that I would find you here.” Tony's voice said from behind him. Michael turned his head to look at him. He then stared back to the tombstone. Tony knelt on the ground beside him. “You always went to her, when ever someone or something bugged you. So I thought you might come to her now too.” Tony continued.

“What are you hiding from me Tony? And don't lie to me, I'm not stupid.” Michael asked, looking at him. Tony sighed.

“They say that it's better if you don't know.” He told him.

“It's about Jean, isn't it?” Michael asked. Tony looked at him with little surprised expression on his face. “Did you really think that I wouldn't know? I haven't forgotten that letter. I was with him for two years and I know that he is not the one to give up, just look what happened the last time... You are my best friend Tony, please tell me what's going on? I want to know and shouldn't I be allowed to know things that concern me? The last time I checked I was a grown up and it would be nice if people started treating me accordingly.”

“Maybe if you started acting accordingly.” Tony grinned.

“What do you mean?”

”Well you shouldn't be running outside on your own when you know that he's still out there. Even if he would be just threatening you, you should be more careful. Sometimes Michael, sometimes you're still acting like a teen-ager.”

“Well I lost some of my teen-age years being treated like a whore, so I'm terribly sorry if I sometimes act a little childish.” Michael muttered. “But can you please tell me now what's going on?”

“Jean has sent you some new letters, he even called Sam. Your parents and Sam thought that it would be best if you wouldn't know about this.” Tony explained and looked at him carefully. Michael squeezed some grass into his fists, he was trembling slightly.

“What was on those letters?” He asked, his voice trembling. Tony hesitated. “Tony, I want to know what was in those letters.” Michael insisted.

“He wants you. The same that was in that letter, that you received from him earlier.” Tony told him. Michael felt tears in his eyes.

“It never ends, does it?” He cried, Tony pulled him into a warm hug.

“He is just trying to scare you, he won't get you, I promise.” Tony whispered.

“Don't promise things that you can't be sure to keep.” Michael whispered. For a moment they stayed silent.

“Sam should have told me, he thinks that I'm too weak.” He muttered.

“I agree that he should have told you, but he only did what he thought was best for you.” Tony whispered.

”What can I do Tony? Move away? Hide from him? What if I would change my name? If I would take my middle name and Sam's surname to use; Benjamin Grey, how does that sound?” Michael looked at him.

“It's sounds okay, but I don't think that I could get used to calling you with a different name. And to be honest, I don't think that it would help anything.” Tony told him with a soft voice.

“I guess you're right. But why didn't Sam tell me, he should have told me about Jean calling him. I wonder what Jean said to him.” Michael sighed.


Tony decided to try and lighten the mood.
“Do you know what your boyfriend needs Michael?” Tony asked with a grin.

“I am afraid to ask, but what does he need Tony?”

“He needs to get some, in his arse.” Tony whispered. Michael started to laugh.

“Oh does he now?”

“Yes, trust me, that is exactly what he needs.” Tony grinned.

“I'm not sure if this is appropriate thing to discus at my grandparents final resting place.” Michael shook his head.

“Oh, Isabella wouldn't mind, right Isa? And I'm sure that William would understand too.” Tony looked at the two tombstones. “Yes, Isabella just told me that she doesn't mind and that she agrees with me.” Tony smiled brightly. Michael nudged him at his side.

“Please forgive Tony. I'll take him now with me, away from disturbing your peace.” He said and stood up.


They walked back to the house.

“So, are you going to give your boyfriend what I suggested?” Tony asked with a grin.

“Why do I feel like you find this idea strangely fascinating?” Michael asked with amusement.

“Well, that blond just needs it, give him a good ride.” Tony smirked.

“Hey, that’s my fiance that we're talking about here.”

“Yes, of course, give your fiance a good ride.” Tony grinned and started walking to his car whistling happily. When he was opening the car door, he looked at his friend once more.

“Oh, and tell Sam that I said hi!” He winked at him.

“Oh, okay, I will...”

**********’’

Michael came in and took his coat off.

“Michael, thank God! I was worried sick!” His mother told him when rushing to him, to give him a hug. “Don't you ever run off like that.” She said looking at his face closely.

“I'm sorry that I got you worried mom.” He said and then looked at his father. “Why didn't you tell me?!”

“I'm sorry son, I thought that it would be for the best.” Henry said quietly.

“Well it wasn't! And from now on I want to read my own mail thank you very much!” He snapped.

“We were just thinking what would be best for you.” Henry told him.

“We can talk more in the morning. Now, where's Sam?” Michael asked.


“He's in your room.” His mother told him.

“Well, good night then.” He almost ran up the stairs. When he reached the door to his room, he forced an angry expression on his face.

He opened the door. Sam sat on his bed and it appeared that he had just gotten out from the shower, because his hair was slightly wet. 'Perfect.' Michael though, trying to keep the grin from forming to his face. Then he noticed that his cat was resting on Sam's lap. 'Not good.' He thought and walked further in.

“Thank God you came, are you still mad at me?” Sam asked with worry. Michael took the cat to his arms, but didn't say a thing. He walked back to the door and lowered the cat onto floor of the corridor. Cleo looked at him in a way that made him always feel somehow guilty.

“Not today Cleo, I'm sorry.” He whispered and closed the door, locking it. He turned to look at Sam, who was following his every move with his eyes. Michael walked over to his cd-player and turned some music on. He looked at Sam once more.

“I'm sorry.” Sam said carefully, noticing that Michael still seemed mad.

“Take you pants off blondy, the shirt as well.” Michael said looking at him closely. Sam raised one eyebrow. ”Well, I'm waiting.” He was still standing at the other side of the room. Sam took off his t-shirt and then his pants. He sat back on the bed and looked at Michael with curiosity.

”I believe you missed something.” Michael noted, gesturing to his boxers with his hand. Sam smiled slightly and undressed the final piece of clothing that he had on.

“Sometimes I feel like you forget that I am a man as well.” Michael started, removing his own shirt. Sam had a goofy smile on his face.

“Oh honey, I do know that you're a man, I wouldn't be with you if you weren't. Your cock has been in my mouth and in other places, so...” Sam grinned looking at Michael's naked upper body with lust.

“I still think that you need a reminder.” Michael continued opening his jeans. He took the lube from his drawer and approached the bed. He undressed himself completely and urged Sam to lie down on the bed. He then climbed on top of him. He kissed Sam's lips, pressing himself closer to the warm body beneath him. He started rocking his hips, feeling Sam's cock massaging his own. Sam moaned, his hands wrapped around him, trying to turn them so that he would be on top.

“Oh no, not this time Sam.” Michael grinned, keeping Sam firmly under himself. He knew that if Sam really wanted, he could very easily get on top, Sam was, after all, the stronger one of the two of them.

Michael kissed his neck and his chest, moving down on his nipples. He licked one, took it between his teeth's nipping slightly, he repeated the same action with the other one. Sam was moaning, panting, his body twirled under him from anticipation. Michael spit on his hand and took a firm hold of Sam's rock hard organ. He kissed Sam's lips once more. He moved down on his body, finally reaching his destination. He gave a lick to the tip of Sam's cock. He smiled when he saw how Sam's breathing quickened and his lips parted. He started sucking him slowly and opened the lube while doing this. Once he had his fingers moistened with the lube, he moved the first finger inside him. Sam moaned from pleasure.

“You like this, don't you Sam?” Michael asked with a whisper.

“Yes...” Sam needed more, he wanted more, his cock was throbbing, the finger inside him found that lovely place that made his whole body quiver with need. Soon another finger moved in, stretching him.

“Oh gods, Michael, please, more...I want more... I want you, please...” Michael smiled, he took his fingers out and slicked his own member. Sam lift his hips up and Michael placed a pillow under his pelvis. He moved up on Sam's body with kisses, positioning himself against his opening. Slowly he started moving in. Feeling the tight muscles around his cock felt amazing. Sam was so tight, so warm. Michael laid his forehead against his and started moving. Sam was squeezing his buttocks.

“Faster...” He begged and Michael filled his wish by taking a firm hold his hips and starting to speed up his thrusts. He moaned from the pleasure that moved through his body. He could only wish that his parents wouldn't hear them.
He took a hold of Sam's cock and started stroking it, while pushing in and out of him.

“I'm going to cum...” Sam whispered, looking at Michael's eyes. Michael smiled, kissed his lips.

“Then cum for me honey...” Michael whispered, feeling his own orgasm nearing. Sam's muscles tightened around him, his cock started pulsing in his hand, erupting the thick, warm liquid on his hand and on their stomachs. Only few last thrusts and Michael came inside him. He laid down on top Sam’s body, trying to catch his breath. Sam was stroking his back, he kissed his shoulders, his neck, his lips.

“Felt good...” Sam whispered.

“So did you.” Michael whispered back, pulling out of him. He laid down next to Sam and wrapped the coverlet around them both.

“Oh, and before I forget; Tony says hi.” He grinned.

“Tony says hi?” Sam repeated with confusion. Michael laughed softly at his confused expression.

“Yes, you can ponder about that my love.” He said and kissed him again.

“So your not mad at me anymore?” Sam asked quietly.

“No, I just wish that from now on, you wouldn't keep hiding things from me.”

“I just thought that it would be best, you've gone through so much lately. I didn't want to add on your stress.”

”I know that you were just looking out for me, but I needed to know. I don't want any secrets between us, I don't want you to cary all the worry on your shoulders. I need you Sam, I need you to take care of me, but not by hiding important things from me.” He whispered and took Sam's hand in his.

“Alright, I promise that from now one there will be no more hiding things. And I promise that everything will be alright. I promise that I’ll always protect you.” Sam told him, pulled him close to his chest, and kissed his forehead.

“I love you Michael.” He told him, receiving a loving smile.

“I love you too Sam.”

Chapter 48.

The nightmares had started again, just when he had thought that he had gotten rid of them, they returned. Every night, he would wake up to the sound of his own scream, sweating all over. Sam would wrap his arms around him, whisper to him soothingly and hold onto him as long as it would take to relax him. And Michael didn't understand why the nightmares had to return now, when he had thought that he had gotten over them already.

“This is what I was afraid of.” Sam had whispered quietly, after the first nightmare. Michael hadn't said a word, he had just sobbed quietly in his arms.

“He's coming and this time I won't survive, this time I'll die.” Michael had finally whispered in his shocked state of mind. Sam had taken his face between his hands and looked at his eyes firmly almost angrily.

“Don't you say that, don't you ever think like that! You're not going to die because I won't let you. Understand?!” All the while Sam had looked deep into his eyes. “Do you understand?” He had insisted, Michael had cried and finally nodded his head. They had held each other for a long time.

*********************

3.24.04

He placed their books onto the bookshelf. Sam sat on the floor going through their CD collection. Michael glanced at him, Sam glanced back, and they smiled to one another.

The day was sunny, and unusually warm, the birds were singing and they were finally moving into their new home. The furniture were already been arranged to their places so all they had to do was to arrange all the little stuff.


“Are you hungry?” Michael asked once he had finally arranged all the books in to their places.

“Yes, a little.” Sam answered while standing up and going to the stereo to put a CD on instead of listening to the radio's hit songs.



“What would you like to eat? Is chicken salad okay?” Michael called from the kitchen.

“Yes, it's perfect!” Sam shouted back to him. “Michael, you have mixed all the CDs again!” He shouted after that. Michael came back from the kitchen and looked at him with innocent face.

“What?” He asked.

“You have mixed these again.” Sam told him and showed him the Eminem CD-case which had a Madonna-CD inside it. Then he opened a Spanish-music case that had an Irish music CD inside it, there were plenty of examples like that.

“How can I ever find the right CD that I want to listen? Couldn't you finally learn how to place these into the right cases?” Sam asked and looked at his boyfriend with slightly amused expression.

“Oh Sam, this is really very simple, look;” He took out the Madonna CD case opened it and showed him the Eminem CD inside it. He opened few more CDs while telling Sam, according to himself, a very logic explanation. “And this Spanish CD is here in the Irish CD case. You see? As simple as that.” He smiled.

“Why? Because the Irish wanted to visit Spain and the other way around?” Sam asked still feeling amused. He simply couldn't stay mad at Michael, about this very annoying habit of his, he thought that it was simply endearing in some strange kind of way.

“Yes, sometimes the CDs might also want some change, don't you think?” Michael said and flashed him the most charming smile ever.

“Oh, indeed?” Sam smiled back, shook his head and finally placed the CD that he wanted, into the player.



”Sam, what could I do for a living, where I wouldn't have to meet with people much, and the kind of job that I could do at home maybe?” Michael asked while they were eating in the kitchen.

“Why do you ask?” Sam looked at him.

“Well, why do you think? I can't work as a waiter anymore, or a chef, or... well I can't pretty much do anything that I used to dream of doing. When I finish high school. I need to think of something new.” Michael explained, moving his food around with his fork.

“You do know sweetheart that you don't need to rush? I think it's better that you just take your time to get well. In all truth, there's no need for you to go to work of any kind. We have enough money, so you do not need to worry.” Sam smiled gently.
“I need to do something; I want to live, not just be.” Michael sighed looking at him.

“I understand that love, but you don't need a job just to do something... You can paint, write, study languages, or help me do some paper work. As I said there's no rush. Just remember that.” Sam looked at him. Michael smiled slightly.

“I could try painting and writing, my therapist actually suggested it.” Michael said then.

*************

They sat on the couch kissing, Sam held Michael tighter against himself, nipping and licking his earlobe. Quiet moans mingled with the voices coming from the tv. Two half full wine glasses on the table, opened bottle of wine, the night had already darkened. Michael opened Sam's shirt without a rush, they kissed.

Sam took a hold of his hips and moved them so that he was now laying on top of Michael, Michael's legs each side of him. The kiss continued. Their upper body's were naked, jeans still on. Sam kissed his neck. Michael moaned, closed his eyes. The soft light coming from the fireplace lightened the room that was otherwise dark. Few candles on the near by table.

“I hope you know, what would happen if you ever cheated on me Michael?” Michael snapped his eyes open and looked around himself in confusion. He wasn't on the couch with Sam anymore, he was laying on a bed of a dimly lighted bedroom. A hand moved under his shirt, on his stomach, he looked down. A hot breath on his neck, a gentle bite. He was breathing uneasily, his heart was racing.

“I would never cheat on you Jean.” He heard his own fearful voice answer.

“Wouldn't you cherié? You were out with Sam today, for quite a long time. I am not a happy man if some one cheats on me.” Jean's face above his own.
“I was mad at you Jean, you told everyone. Sam merely gave me some comfort. Unlike you, he doesn't care what I was, he wants to be my friend despite it.” He answered with an angry voice. Jean slapped him on his cheek and he cried out.

“You insulted me today, in front of them. And if you think that Sam, or anyone else, doesn't care about what you've been in the past; that you've been a whore, then you're wrong. I had every right to say what I did, but you...” Jean's voice hissed, as he cried silently. “There, there... Don't cry cherié. Let me kiss the pain away...I'll forgive you. I'm always going to be here to take care of you, you just need some discipline mon amour.”´The older man climbed on top of his younger body, kissing his cheek softly.

Lips were pressed on his owns, into a violent kiss. He took a hold of the man's wrist attempting to push him away but failing. The taste of alcohol and cigarettes mixed into his mouth.

“I'm tired Jean.” His own voice whispered quietly, when the kiss ended.

“You've used that same excuse for far too long cherié. You're my boyfriend, so start acting accordingly.” Jean hissed as he teared his jeans open in a violent manner. The man forced him to lay on his stomach, pulled his jeans down to his ankles.
Cold oily fingers moved inside him, a quick, hasty preparation, a zipper was opened.

“Shh... Don't cry cherié, I'll forgive you when you give me what I want...” The man whispered into his ear. He didn't say a word to stop the man. A muffled cry as the man shoved his hard organ inside him. Quiet tears on his cheeks, moaning, the sound of Jean's balls slamming against his cheeks, the nails dug into his flesh.

“Good boy, very good...” The man whispered when he was done. He was brushing his hair gently, wiping his tears away. Kissing his lips so softly, pulling him close, holding him. “I love you Michael. Don't ever cheat on me, otherwise I'd have to hurt you, and you don't want that, do you?” Jean whispered, still holding him.


Michael shook his head.
“What?...no...” He started.

“Michael what is it? Why did you stop?” Sam's voice awakened him into the reality. He looked at him in confusion, into Sam's blue and worried eyes. What on earth just happened? He asked himself when standing up. He took his shirt from the floor, dressed it on and buttoned his jeans back up. Sam rose to sit, he took Michael's hand, looking at him with worry.

“What's wrong?” He asked.

“I'm sorry Sam, I need a shower, I'm sorry...” Michael said quietly and walked upstairs quickly.

He stood under the shower and thought of Jean. The man was one big mystery to him, so many things that he tried to forgot, things he didn't want to remember. Perhaps he had always known what the man could do? Perhaps he had seen it, but just ignored it?

He hated Jean, with all of his being, and at the same time... He remembered another man, a man in that same body, who had... Who had loved him? Who had kissed him gently, who had smiled with tenderness. Brought him tea when he had been sick and gently covered him up with a blanket. He hadn't thought about that man for ages, he had been afraid to think about him, because somehow, it always hurt him to remember. In some strange way he missed the person that Jean had once been, and felt wrong to miss him, because at the same time, that man was a monster that he despised. Michael sighed and let some of the memories to return.

******************

12.31.2001

“Thank you Jean.” He whispered quietly and snuggled closer to the man's chest.

“Thank you for what?” The man asked with a smile, while stroking his hair gently.

“For bringing me here, for taking care of me. I won't have to pretend anymore, I can just be with you. I had already lost my hope before I met you. I love Paris... I love you.” He whispered and looked at Jean's grey eyes a little shyly. Jean smiled, touched his cheek gently, brushed his hair lovingly.

“You love me? You have no idea, of how long I've waited to hear you say that. Oh Michael, I love you so much... You're the best I've ever had, we'll always be together, I'll always take care of you.” The man said when pulling him closer. He kissed the boy gently, moved his hands down on his back and stopped to look at him. “You're so young, so incredibly beautiful. I've never seen anything more beautiful than you...”


***********
Now:

That night they had made love and Jean had been more gentle than ever before, more gentle than he ever would be.
Michael leaned his back against the cold tile wall of the shower. He felt tears running down and he was so tired of crying. Jean confused him. With Ricky everything had been simple; the man was pure evil to him, Michael had felt nothing but fear and anger since he had gone to New York with him, but Jean? What could be said about Jean? Sure, with all his heart, he hated the monster that had later revealed himself, but the memories of a better time... He couldn't help but to think if they had ever been true. Something inside him told him that right at the beginning, despite the lie, Jean had cared for him. That he had seen a glimpse of a man that Jean had once been, long before Ricky.

***********'

“Tell me about your childhood Jean, what were your parents like? Do you have any siblings?” He asked looking at the man. “There's nothing to tell about my childhood, those stories are only depressing, what's gone is gone, so are my parents, so are my brother and my sister. I do not wish to talk about them.” The man answered and turned away.

**********
The same had happened when ever he had tried to ask something about his past. Had the man ever been in love? How had his old lovers been like? Always dodging answers, but never the truth.

Michael didn't want to think about Jean, he just didn't know how to stop. He feared the encounter, that he now knew would come for certain. Jean would come for him, it still wasn't over...

Chapter 49.

”So how have you been doing?” Jack asked as they walked down the Hyde Park together.
“Well, I've started having nightmares again, but other than that I'm doing okay.” Michael answered and gave his friend a weak smile.
“How about you? It seems like forever since the last time we saw each others.”
“Well, it's been almost five months, so it is a long time, I'm happy that we live in the same city now, so I can see you more often. And I'm fine too, I've never been as happy as I am now. Things are going great with Brian.” Jack told him, Michael smiled.

“You deserve to be happy Jack and I am glad to hear that you are... I've missed this; seeing you, being able to talk to you in person...” They sat down on the park bench. Jack looked at him.
“Are you happy?” Jack asked suddenly. Michael looked at him with surprised expression.
“Yes, I am happy. I'm happy with Sam, but... I do worry and I am scared.” Michael admitted.
“No one can blame you. You can talk to me, you know that. After all I know what you've been trough, better than anyone else I'm sure.”
“Yes I know. Thank you Jack, I'm so glad that you found me when you did. ” Michael said and then hugged him.
“We have a small house warming party with Sam, on this upcoming weekend. Would you and Brian like to come? I know that this is a late invitation and I'm sorry about that, but there's been a lot on my mind lately.”

“I understand it completely. I would love to come, but we already have plans, we're going to Scotland to visit Brian's family.”
“Oh, okay, you'll come some other time then, won't you?”
“Yes of course Michael. I want to see your new house.” Jack smiled.
“Okay, I'm going to hold you to that promise. You can come on some weekend to spend the night, we have quite big house, and more rooms that we ever need to use I'm sure.”
“Sounds good to me.” Jack grinned.

4.3.2004

Michael lay on the bed, he laid down the book that he had been reading and looked at Sam who was standing in front of the mirror doing his hair. It was the day of their house warming party and Michael would meet more of Sam's older friends.
“Okay, how do I look?” Sam asked, turning around. Michael looked at him from head to toe; Sam had a midnight blue silk shirt on which brought out his eyes, he also wore tight black pants that fitted on him perfectly.
“You look absolutely amazing honey, come here.” Michael said holding out his hand. Sam walked over to him, took his hand in his and sat down on the bed next to him. Michael sat up slightly to kiss his lips and his neck. “You smell good too, a new aftershave?” He whispered. Sam nodded his head.
“I'm glad that you like.” He whispered back.
”I need to change too, I think your friends would look at me a bit funny if I were to walk around in my sweatpants and in too large t-shirt. I don’t wish to embarrass you in front of them. Michel smiled.
”Honey you would look great even if you had a big trash bag on, you could never embarrass me.” Sam told him and gently stroked his cheek.”
“I think I'm still going to change into something more decent.” Michael grinned. “Could you fix my hair?” He asked.
“Of course, I'll just go and get the wax from the bathroom.” Sam kissed him gain stood up and left the room.

Michael stood up as well to find some better clothes. Sam returned into the room.
“I don't know what to wear.” Michael said, smiling to him. Sam came closer to him.
“Hm... Wear these, you look great in these.” Sam suggested, handing him a black button up shirt and a pair of nice fitting jeans. Michael nodded and put the clothes on.

“Alright, turn around so I can fix your hair.” Sam smiled. Michael turned to face him and smiled back. He loved when Sam did his hair; he loved when he played with it. Sam warmed up the wax between his hands and then ran his fingers through his lover’s hair mixing it up. “I'm more than pleased, what do you think?” Sam asked. Michael turned to look from the mirror; his hair had been done in a way that made it look like he had just had some wild sex. He looked at Sam through the mirror and grinned.
“I like it, thanks. I'll go and find my aftershave now.” Michael turned to kiss him. Sam pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. Just then, the doorbell rang.
“Why now? They weren't supposed to arrive just yet.” Sam sighed. “I wouldn't want to let you go from my arms.” Sam whispered close to his ear.
“No can do love, you better go and see who it is.” Michael smiled kissed his cheek and removed himself from his lovers embrace. Sam sighed deeply once more before he could get himself moving. He walked downstairs without a rush; the doorbell rang for the second time.
“I'm coming, I'm coming.” He muttered when reaching the door.

“Sam, long time no see!” Caleb Harker Sam's former friend, fuck buddy and 'idol' said when coming in. Sam stared at the man with confusion. He was the last person that he had expected to see when opening the door. He hadn't invited him, he was sure of that. “Cat got your tongue baby?” Caleb asked winking at him. He stepped further into to the hall.
“I just didn't expect to see you here, you could have called me first you know?” Sam said with rude tone of voice and shut the front door.

“Well, I happened to be in the neighbourhood and heard that you were having housewarming party tonight. I'm sure that you just forgot to invite me.” Caleb smiled raising one of his brows. “Haven't you missed me at all baby?” Caleb asked and slapped his bottom. “Mmmh... still so firm.” The older man grinned.

“Stop that.” Sam hissed. ”You could have called.” He muttered after. The older man looked around himself while taking his coat off.
“I heard a wild rumour, well Mark told me, that you've gotten engaged. I told Mark, that it would be a cold day in hell before Samuel Grey would take such a big step in a relationship, but Mark insisted this to be true.” Caleb started, placing his coat on the coat-rack; he looked at Sam with question. Sam looked back at him with annoyed expression.
“It is true, I am engaged and I don't see what's so strange about it.” Sam said finally.
“I remember a young, wild boy who swore to the name of partying. I remember a boy who never stayed with one person for a long period of time without cheating on them. I remember a boy with whom I spent the most heated nights of my life.” Caleb told him, smiling with that flirting manner of his, that Sam remembered all to well from his younger days. The man stepped closer.
“That boy looked hell of a lot like you.” Caleb looked at his figure up and down. “I sure would love to meet with that person who has managed to capture your heart.” Sam took few steps away from him.

“People change Caleb, they grow up.” Sam said with steady voice.
”I've never seen people changing just like that. Are you going to tell me that you're a loyal boyfriend? You have a nice house for sure, fit for a family. Is this some kind of game perhaps? Maybe you're just fooling yourself?" Caleb asked studying his expression. He remembered that expression; the younger man was on the verge of loosing his nerves. Caleb wondered for a moment of how much he could say before Sam would throw him out.
“I'm in love, love changes a person. Perhaps I was fooling myself before; I thought that I was having fun when all that time I was just waiting to meet with him. Now I've finally found him and I'm happy, truly happy.” Sam told him, looking straight into his green brown eyes.
Caleb laughed, looked at him and laughed.

“Oh this is priceless, have you stolen that line from some romance novel? I really need to see that other half of yours, where is he?” The man asked. Sam gnashed his teeth together. He had already forgotten how annoying Caleb could be, or maybe he only saw it now? When Sam had met Caleb, he had just turned 18, Caleb had been 22. Sam had had a huge crush on him. Caleb had been handsome and wild; bad boys sort to speak. He remembered his black leather jacked and his motorbike. He remembered his own desperate urge to shake down his own good, rich boy image once and for all. He had felt like he could do nothing to shock his parents with, but getting together with a man who spoke, acted and looked like some kind of criminal had finally been the trick to shock them.
His parents had always hated Caleb Harker and they would always go on hating him. Sam had worshiped the man whose whole life and being was so different from his own.
Sam had lost his virginity at the age of 16, but Caleb had brought him into a whole new level in the act of sex. Sam had been an eager student, he had wanted to see and he had wanted to learn and Caleb had been more than pleased to teach him. Sam had had sex with men that he hardly even remembered anymore, at times with more than one at once, always thinking that there would be something better out there, that there had to be something better. That life hadn't suited to him, but he had continued, somehow. Lost, somewhere drifting and then there had been Caleb, who had always managed to talk him into new and stupid stuff.

Suddenly the man stopped laughing, he looked over Sam's shoulder and a sly grin rose on his thin lips. The man looked at something with keen interest.

“Sam...” Sam turned when he heard his boyfriend’s soft voice from behind him. Michael looked at him and then at Caleb.
“So you're the one to have stolen Samuel's heart I believe...” Caleb smiled and walked closer to Michael. “Caleb Harker, a pleasure to meet with you.” Caleb took the young mans hand in his and kissed him palm. Michael looked at Sam with a bit of a stunned expression on his face, looking like he didn't know whether to laugh or to run away quickly.
“Well, now I understand perfectly.” Caleb grinned looking back at Sam.
“You must be in a hurry Caleb, it was nice to see you, do pop in some other time.” Sam said quickly, trying to urge the man to leave.
“I'm not in a hurry, I though that I'd stay for your party.” Caleb grinned and stepped further in. “I'd like to see more of this beautiful house of yours; you'll show me around, won't you?" Caleb asked looking at them both. Sam glanced at Michael, who looked back at him with question. Sam sighed, he didn't know how to make Caleb leave, he really didn't like the idea that Caleb would stay. Knowing Caleb, the man could do something to upset Michael and Sam sure didn't like the way that the man had looked at his boyfriend.


It was seven o'clock in the evening. There was now Caleb, Mark, Adam, Julie, Chris, John and his girlfriend Emma in their apartment. Michael sat in the living room with their quests, trying to stay calm and smile. Outward he looked perfectly calm, inside, his whole being was trembling. He glanced at the doorway every once and awhile, hoping that Sam, who had left only moments earlier to open the front door, would soon return back to him.

“What do you do for living Michael? Or are you still in school?” Emma asked. Michael glanced at the woman who stared at him as did everyone else. Emma smiled; a polite, but forced smile, the kind of which Michael had always hated.
“I'm still studying.” He answered shortly and smiled back to her.
“And what do you study?”
“I'm finishing senior high school by home studying.” He told her and noticed that he was slightly embarrassed of the fact. Emma's expression, when hearing his answer, only increased his embarrassment.
“What are you going to do after that's done? You're not working at all? How old did you say you were?” Emma asked and smiled with unpleasant manner.
“I'm 23, I haven't thought about that yet. I worked as a waiter before, but now...”
“It's very convenient for you that Samuel is so rich.” The woman interrupted him. Michael looked at her with confusion, realizing then what the woman was implying. John whispered something to her, looking at his girlfriend with an angry expression. Mark who was the only one in the room to know what the situation with Michael really was, decided to change to subject quickly.

“Sam told me, that you're very keen on history and that you're an excellent cook.” He said and smiled to the younger man.
“History was one of my favourite subjects in school and I do enjoy cooking greatly.” Michael smiled back at him.
“You're a former dancer too, am I right?” Mark asked. Michael noticed Caleb's expression changing oddly. He was looking straight at him in a way that Michael didn't like.
“Former is the key word; my dancing was more like a hobby to me when I was younger.”

”And as I understood correctly; you also won a contest?” Mark added.
“Yes, but that was a long time ago.” Michael answered quietly, hoping that all the attention would be soon drawn to somewhere else or to someone else.

*******

Sam opened the front door and met with smiling Daniel and his new boyfriend.
“Hi Sam, I brought my boyfriend with me, I hope that you don't mind?” Daniel asked and Sam noticed that it seemed like he was hoping that it would bother him even a little bit.
“Not at all, you're both welcome... Samuel Grey, nice to meet you.” Sam shook the man's hand.
“Julius Shawn, nice to meet you too.” The man answered, seeming slightly bored somehow.

”Julius? I had a hamster, when I as a young boy, who's name was Julius. Julius Caesar.” Sam said thoughtfully, he hadn't meant to say it out loud. The man's expression turned slightly sour. Daniel smiled, he probably thought that Sam's hamster comment meant that Sam slightly jealous of him.
“A nice hamster he was, Julius I mean.” Sam continued and then shook his head slightly. “Oh well, where are my manners, do come in. There's some wine and beer in the kitchen, there's also some small snacks if you're hungry.” He smiled and then left back to the living room.

He looked at Michael and saw his face immediately lighting up when he saw him. He smiled in a happy and a relieved manner. Sam sat next to him and wrapped his arm around his shoulders. Michael laid his head down against his chest, feeling better straight away.
”You know what I just realized; I had a hamster whose name was Julius Caesar and your cat's name is Cleopatra; now that's some coincidence, wouldn't you agree? It's clear that we're meant for each others. We are a couple, whose pets have the most ridiculous names ever. We could get a dog and name him; Marcus Aurelius.” Sam whispered Michael lift his head up and laughed quietly.
”Perfect idea, some cute little pug that snores... It would be so gay; a pug, whose name is Marcus Aurelius.” He whispered. They looked in each others eyes; Sam smiled and gently brushed his hair away from his forehead. Adam cleared his throat.
“There's still other people in here.”
“Oh, sorry, we try to behave.” Sam said and grinned to his friend.

Michael remembered all the other people in the room again. He felt their eyes on his body. He tried to concentrate on Sam, on how good he smelled and how warm his body was. Sam was chatting with Adam, aware of how everyone was looking at his fiancé. Daniel's and Emma's gaze however, was different from the others. They looked at Michael, seeming a bit jealous. Sam felt Michael's heart racing, when he was so close to his body. He also felt him trembling slightly. If Michael did everything he could to make him seem calm, the others wouldn't notice how nervous he really was.

”I'll go get something to drink from the kitchen.” Michael said finally, stood up and left. Sam looked after him feeling worried. He was about to go after him.
“Tell me Sam, where did you find that hottie?” Caleb asked pulling him back to sit on the couch. Adam sat on his other side.
”Damn he’s gorgeous.” Adam commented. Sam looked towards the kitchen, still worried, slightly irritated about these two men beside him.
“I'm sorry, I'll go and...” Sam started, but once again he was being pulled back. He looked at Mark who mouthed the word's; 'I'll go' silently to him. Sam smiled to him with gratitude
”Sam would you be interested in sharing him tonight? Having more fun; like back when we were younger.” Caleb suggested with a quiet voice.
“No I'm not interested in sharing.” Sam hissed.
“Didn't your mother teach you to share your toys?”
“I share toys, not the man I love, not my fiancé.” Sam answered and looked at Caleb coldly, with despise. He stood up and Caleb stood up after him grasping his arm.
“Sam... Don't you remember how much fun we used to have? When you and Daniel were together he used to love it when we took him together. That hot Spanish lover of yours might enjoy it as well.” Sam pulled his arm free.
“It was forever ago and Michael differs from Daniel like night does from day. You can suggest that to Daniel and Julius; see if they'd be interested.” Sam told him.

**********

Michael came in to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of wine. 'Just breaths, easy, just remember to breath.' He told himself. His heart was beating wildly. He leaned against the counter and closed his eyes.
“Hey, how you're doing?” He heard Mark's voice asking. Michael opened his eyes and looked at the man.
“I'm fine, thank you.” He answered quietly. He felt ashamed when he remembered Sam's birthday party and what he had screamed there. Mark knew.
”Better than in November?” Mark asked. Michael smiled carefully.
“Yes, better than in November.”
“That's good to hear.” The man smiled.
"Look, I'm sorry for the way I acted back then, I...” Michael started. Mark raised his hand up and smiled.
“Hey there's really no need to explain, I understand. And I'm sorry for the way that the others have behaved tonight. Try not to care too much, Emma for example, is a rich brat, who's used to getting all the attention. She gets jealous when ever there's someone to steel that from her. No matter if the object wants it or not.” Mark told him smiling with sympathy.
“Thank you Mark. And no worries, I'm quite used to people like her, one can not escape from them.” Michael said and smiled little weakly. The doorbell rang. “It must be Tony or Kitty. I'll go and see.” Michael said and looked at Mark who nodded his head.

Michael opened the door and looked at Tony from head to toe; Tony had a very traditional Scottish outfit. He was wearing a kilt.
“Don't say a word.” Tony warned him when stepping in. Michael nipped his bottom lip and tried hard not to laugh. Tony looked at him sighing.
“Hey I couldn't help this! I came straight from my cousin’s bachelor party, I had to wear this, and I didn't have the time to change and...” Tony started. Michael nodded his head, still biting his lip. “Then there were those bloody tourists on the subway, who apparently have never seen a man wearing a kilt. Giggling school girls, and perverts who...” Tony looked at him again. “Alright, alright. Go on then; laugh, just let it out.” He gave up.
“Do you have any underwear?” Michael asked snickering. He looked at his friend with curiosity. He had definitely drunk too much wine; he thought about how fun it would be to lift Tony's kilt up and check it himself.
“Oh, you want to see, do you?” Tony grinned and started lifting the hem up slightly. “You want to see my equipment, I knew it, and you perverted Irish.” Michael laughed and took few steps away from him.
“You crazy Scottish, stay away.” He screamed laughing and ran away from him. Tony moved closer.
”Maybe if I flash you a bit, uh, Mmmh, yeah I know you'd like that.” Tony fooled around, trying to catch him. Michael ran, still laughing. He loved the fact that Tony still treated him like he had before, that he wasn't so overly careful around him like so many others that knew about his history. With Tony, he could act normal, he could joke and just fool around.

Someone cleared their throat. Tony had just lifted his hem up so that Michael could see what he wore under the kilt. Tony blushed slightly, looked at Michael and smoothed down the hem of his kilt. He turned around. Mark and Sam were looking at them both with amused curiosity.
“What's happening here?” Sam asked, raising his brow. He looked at Tony.
”I was just, uh...” Tony stuttered.
“Tony just showed me something.” Michael smiled and walked over to Sam.

”Nice legs.” Mark grinned looking at the other young man. Tony blushed even more, other men had hardly ever looked at him the way that Mark did.
“He showed you what?” Sam asked with curiosity.
”It's a secret, I won't tell.” Michael grinned and looked at his friend. Tony looked sweet when he blushed, which didn't happen so often.
"Tony?" Sam asked. Tony tried hard to pull himself together from his embarrassed state; he looked at Sam and smiled.
“I won't tell.” Then he collected more courage and looked at the older, dark haired man. Tony grinned to him in secretive manner and then winked at him. Michael looked at the scene with surprise.

"Is it just me, or is Tony flirting with Mark?” He whispered to Sam. Sam looked at the other two, who were still staring at one another and smiling.
“Hm... I'd say that there's something going on between them. This should be interesting.” Sam whispered and looked at his boyfriend. “You're not jealous, are you?” He asked with a grin. Michael looked at him.

“No...Of curse not, why should I be?...” Michael answered and turned his gaze back to Tony.

Chapter 50.

Michael returned into the kitchen happy of the fact that it was empty and quiet. Sam was talking with his friends in the living room, Mark and Tony had disappeared outside for a smoke. He heard the laughter coming from the living room; everyone seemed to be quite drunk already. Michael poured himself a glass of wine and filled the sink with warm watter. He started to wash some dishes. When he had been younger, he had hated dish washing, hated the fact that his hands would get all wrinkled and dry. He smiled at the memories of the past with amusement, after all, he had also dreamed of becoming an archaeologist and what would his hands have looked like then?

“Is everything alright dear?” Michael turned his head to the voice. Sam walked behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist.

“Yes, everything is alright.” Michael assured him and kissed Sam's lips.

“Then why are you hiding here?” Sam asked.

“I'm not hiding; I’m just washing up some dishes; so that there wouldn’t be so much to clean tomorrow.”

“We do have a dishwasher, right there, if you haven't noticed.” Sam noted with amusement.

“I know, I just... I like washing dishes.” Michael tried.

“No you don't.” Sam said and looked at him with curiosity. Michael looked back at him frowning. He was about to open his mouth to protest.

“My skin will dry, hands get all wrinkled – I hate it.' That's what you once told me in our old place.” Sam reminded him with a smile.

“I did?”

“Oh yes.”

“Well, I just...”

“Others are making you feel uneasy and washing dishes is a good excuse.” Sam stated calmly.

“I wouldn't want to be dull, I just...” Michael started with a low and apologetic voice.

“Don't worry, I understand. And I'm sorry that some of my friends are such jerks, especially Caleb, I don't know how to make him leave.” Sam sighed and kissed his neck.

”Go with your friends, I'll join you later, I promise.” Michael urged his boyfriend

“Alright, but if any of my friends say or do something stupid to you, then promise that you’ll come and tell me about it, alright?” Sam asked. Michael gave him a faint smile and nodded his head.



***************

After drying up the dishes and putting them into the kitchen cabinets, Michael thought about returning to the others. He walked towards the living room, but didn’t enter the room. He stayed in the shadows that the doorway provided and watched the others silently; Sam was talking with John and Kitty, laughing at something that Kitty had just said. The music was playing and the guests were drinking, talking and having fun.

He noticed that he couldn't find the courage to step inside the room and join them, he felt scared somehow. Especially Caleb made him feel unease. The way that the man had looked at him, the way the man acted and the way that he talked... Something in him, reminded him of Patrick. He wouldn't want to be left alone with that man; his instincts told him that it would be a bad mistake. Although nowadays; his instinct seemed to think that way of many strange men.

He knew what was being said about him, he knew that some thought that he was strange. “Is your boyfriend afraid that we might eat him?” Someone had asked with laughter. “Sam’s probably with him only because of his good looks, I can't think of a better reason.” someone else had whispered, and the words may not have been indented for him to hear, but he had heard it all the same and he couldn't deny that it didn't hurt.

He felt lonely. He wished that he could have been the person that he once had been; a confident, cheerful boy who loved being the center of attention. He hoped that he could just go to them and act like all the others, but he couldn't, not now anyways. Those looks made him feel uncomfortable, too much attention was hard for him to handle and he always got plenty of it where ever he went. It was funny in a way; that something that he had once loved so much had now become so uterly repulsing to him.

His eyes fixed on Daniel, who was desperately trying to get Sam's attention. Daniel was kissing and touching his own boyfriend, all the while looking at Sam with longing and desire. Julius might have missed this as well as many others, but Michael saw it clearly. Michael smiled with satisfaction as he noticed Sam's total lack of interest towards his ex.


Suddenly Daniel's eyes met with his own. Michael was a bit shaken by this and Daniel only gave him an evil smirk. Michael turned away quickly; he wanted to be alone for awhile.


He walked towards the stairs, but stopped as he saw Mark and Tony through the window, they stood on the back porch; kissing. Michael stood still for a moment, his hand reached out to take the support from the rail of the stairs. Something inside him seemed to break, he was hurting and at first he didn't quite understand why. Michael shook his head and turned his eyes away. He walked upstairs, the image of Tony kissing Mark firmly on his mind.

He closed the bedroom door after him. He looked at the photos on the shelf, a picture in which he and Tony were under the age of ten and a picture where they were 15. Tony kissed him, in his room, in front of the mirror. Said that it was disgusting when he had revealed his feelings. Now he was kissing another man in their back yard.

Michael sat on the bedside and squeezed the wineglass in his hand. “Are you really jealous of Tony?” He asked himself with a whisper, a cold amusement in his voice. He felt himself silly and somehow oddly deceived. But why would he feel jealous when he was happy with Sam? When he had and would still choose Sam over Tony. Perhaps no one could really escape the feeling of jealousy completely, Michael wondered. He just needed time to learn to get used to it, life continued on and Tony wouldn't always remain single.

He tasted his wine and accidentally managed to spill some on his shirt. Cursing quietly he stood up, placed the glass on the table and walked over to the wardrobe to find a new shirt to wear. Michael unbuttoned his shirt. The door opened and he thought that it would be Sam.

“I spilled some wine on my shirt; I must have drunk too much.” He laughed and heard the door closing after the comer.


“Have you really been raped?” He heard Daniel's voice asking. Michael froze for a moment. He looked at the other man, he felt nervous, not knowing what to answer or how to react to such a straight question. “I find it hard to believe, I think you just made it up to get some attention, maybe to keep Sam with you out of pity.” Daniel continued eying him.

“I do not care what you believe Daniel; I do not want to talk about this with you.” Michael told him still trying to find a decent shirt to wear.

“I don't understand what everyone sees in you, I wouldn’t want to sleep with you, like everyone else seems to.” Daniel said next. Michael took his shirt off; Daniel looked at his naked upper body. “I wouldn't, not at all...” Daniel repeated, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself of it. Michael put the new shirt on quickly.


“Well, congratulations Daniel, I would not want to sleep with you either, so; don't worry.” The other man had seen a glimpse of the scar on his side, the scar from the gunshot wound. Daniel stepped closer and touched it. Michael startled, took few steps back.

“Can you give Sam what he wants? What he needs?” He asked quietly and looked at the younger man evilly. Michael looked back at him with anger, clearly sensing the others hate; his jealousy. He lifted his left hand for Daniel to see, he looked at the ring on his ring finger and then back at him.

“Sam gave me this; I think it should answer to your question.” He told him, wanting to hurt Daniel as much as he wanted to hurt him.

Daniel looked at the ring and then at the face of the younger man. He wanted to hit him; he wanted to destroy the beauty that was greater than his own. He was bitter, incredibly bitter. He loved Sam; he had loved him from the moment that they had first met. He had been 19 at the time, Sam had been 21. Sam had told him that he wasn't looking for a relationship, they had slept together and Daniel hadn't given up on the idea of seeing him again. They had finally ended up dating each other, Sam had been unfaithful, and Daniel had forgiven. Sam had left him, Daniel had managed to get him back and time after time Sam had left, but eventually always returned. Daniel had told him that he loved him, over and over again, but never had Sam returned those words. “I like you Daniel, I do, but... I've never said those words to anyone and I do not plan on saying it before I'm absolutely sure, which I doubt will ever happen. I think people say it way too easily to one another, without really meaning it.” Sam had often told him, but Daniel had always hoped maybe even believed that one day he would hear those sweet words from his lovers lips. But then, in the end, came the day when Sam hadn't return to him anymore. Sam had moved to Paris; Daniel's heart had been broken.


“You will find someone else Daniel, someone who can commit to you, someone who can be the man that you seek, and he will love you in the way that you deserve to be loved. Our relationship never really worked, and it never will, no matter how hard we would try. I'll always be your friend though.” Sam had explained, when Daniel had come to the airport, trying one last time to change his mind and stay. Daniel had wept when he had watched the airplane taking off, taking Sam far away from him.

And now Sam was engaged, living with this 'perfect' creature, whose mere existent felt like thousand stabs in his heart. Earlier that night, he had seen Sam hugging Michael in the kitchen, they had kissed and Sam had whispered those words to Michael, that Daniel had always waited to hear from him ; I love you.for a moment, Daniel had actually thought that he could die, when at the same moment, this brunet had smiled his perfect smile, his eyes brightening, whispering back the same words. Daniel was more than annoyed and he hated Michael for getting Sam, he hated Michael because he had Sam's love.

Daniel couldn't hide his jealousy when he looked at the ring. Michael was smiling with satisfaction as he saw that he had managed to hurt him. Daniel's anger grew.

“What Sam sees in you, I'll never know. You may be beautiful for the eyes, but what's the use of it, when the beauty has been spoiled? Gang banged slut who's afraid of his own shadow.” Daniel hissed approaching Michael, who looked at him with shocked _expression, taking few steps back. “Sam is with you, because he pities you, maybe blinded by your looks, but how long will it last? What can you give to him?” He continued.



Michael bit his teeth's together, his eyes were glimmering from tears, but he managed to hold them in before they would show. He was hurt and angry, tired of people who thought that they could speak to him anyway they pleased.


“Sam never loved you Daniel, that's what really bothering you, isn't it? Sam loves me and not only for my looks. He loves me and he wants to be with me and he tells me that often. He shows his feelings to me so openly; he never did that with you, did he?” Michael looked at him, smiling cruelly, well, as cruelly as he could. “I, on the other hand, have never managed to understand what he ever saw in you. You're just annoying, whining excuse for a man; no wonder Sam left you. I wouldn't dare to spend even one day with you; even a day would be pure torture, and believe me, with my past that’s a lot being said.” He continued with defiance, it was his old self who did the talking for him, his younger self. He could clearly see how badly Daniel wanted to hit him.

“You stupid slut, your looks are not forever and sooner or later Sam will become bored of you like he does with everyone else.” Daniel hissed and turned to leave.

“We shall see Daniel.” Michael answered calmly and watched him leave the room. He was trembling and he had to sit down on the bed to gather his strength. Maybe he shouldn't have been so mean to Daniel? He wondered, but came into the conclusion that what ever he had said to him was right after what Daniel had said to him.

“What was his problem?” Michael turned his head towards the door and saw Tony. He gave him a weak smile.

“Daniel’s? He’s jealous of Sam." He answered. Tony stepped closer and finally sat on the bed next to him.

“Is everything alright?” Tony asked.

“Yes, we just had a small fight, nothing serious. I can't stand that man.” Michael sighed and leaned slightly backwards on the bed.

“Ex boyfriends or girlfriends can be troublesome sometimes.” Tony smiled with sympathy.

“You can say that again, but why do we have to have the most troublesome ex-boyfriends with Sam? On the other hand, one can not compare Daniel to Jean in any way. Daniel may be annoying but other than that, his quite harmless I think.”

Michael looked at Tony. “Anyway, let’s talk about something else.” He sighed. Tony was silent and Michael could see how much he wanted to tell him something, but hesitated. “Well Tony, you and Mark?” Michael asked smiling. Tony smiled back and stared at the beer can in his hand.

“We kissed.” He said then and looked at his friend briefly. Michael studied his smiling _expression.

“From that smile of yours, one comes to the conclusion that the experience was enjoyable.” Michael noted, smiling as well.



“Mmm... Yes it was...” Tony admitted.. “Whats wrong with me? Here I am; a man at the age of 24, smiling like some god damn school girl, after her first date or something. I feel so silly and so... so odd; I don't know what to think.” They were both silent for a moment, Tony looked at Michael and he looked back at him.


Slightly hesitating Tony took Michael's hand in his own. “It feels odd in a way because I thought that I couldn't...” Tony started, he looked into his eyes. “...I thought that I couldn't feel the same desire towards any other man beside you.” Tony admitted.

“I saw you and Mark when you were kissing and I found myself feeling jealous. It felt strange to see you two like that, but now as I listened and watched you telling me about it, it doesn't feel so strange anymore. Life continues on and I want you to be happy... Mark seems nice and he is not bad to look at.” Michael grinned.

“I've been jealous of you too... You and Sam, gods you two can be so cheesy at times. So sugary; it's almost nauseating.” Tony laughed.

“We're cheesy? Too sugary? Nauseating? Oh those are fine words to say to ones best friend.” Michael laughed with astonishment.

“Well just sometimes, other than that you two are quite hmm...stimulating together.” Tony grinned.

“Cheesy but stimulating? Interesting.” Michael raised his eyebrow.

Tony drank some more. “Some are going to a club near here; Mark asked if I'd go, but...”

“Why wouldn't you go?” Michael asked.

“Well firstly; I've never been in a gay-club before and secondly; well just look at what I'm wearing, I'd never go wearing these.” Tony laughed.

“Well, it may not be the best choice of clothes to a place like that.” Michel admitted and stood up. “But if the only problem is the clothes then you can borrow some of mine or Sam's.” He continued, stood up and walked over to the wardrobe. Tony stood up as well; Michael measured his body with his eyes. “Hm...” Michael searched through some clothes. He took his boyfriends blue, tight fitting jeans and handed them to Tony. “You and Sam are about the same size.” He told him and started looking for a shirt.

“What if Sam doesn't like me borrowing his clothes?” Tony asked with slight worry.

“He won't mind, I promise.” Michael smiled and handed him his own black tank top and black button up shirt with it. “I'll charm him with my flirting and then he'll be so drunk with sugar loving that he won't mind a thing.” Michael snickered.

“Thank you.” Tony smiled and rolled his eyes at his friend’s last comment. He started changing his clothes. Michael sat back on the bed and politely turned his eyes away.

“Are you going?”

“Me? No, I don't think that I'm ready for clubbing yet. The class reunion was hard enough for me and even tonight I've been mostly hiding myself from others. I might get a panic attack, start crying or something as stupid as that. I don’t want to spoil everyone else’s fun so...” Michael answered and glanced briefly at Tony.

“I understand. It would have been nice if you and Sam would have come, I wouldn't feel so nervous, if I knew that you were there too. After all, I don't know Mark or the others so well.” Tony said, took his shirt off and changed the one that Michael had given him.

“If I'm not coming, it doesn’t mean that Sam couldn't come either.” Michael told him smiling.

“And you would stay home alone?” Tony looked at him as thought the mere idea would be completely crazy. “I think not Mike.” He added then and walked over to the mirror to check himself out. “Hm... This shirt you gave me is quite tight for me.” Tony noted.


”I know, that's why I gave it to you.” Michael grinned winking at him. “And why couldn't I stay home by myself? I am not a child, I can manage just fine.” He asked with a more serious tone of voice. Tony looked at him through the mirror.

“You know perfectly well the reason why Michael. And the name of that reason starts with J.” Tony told him. Michael looked at him quickly, frowned, and then looked away.

“We have a very good security system, I can manage.” He tried.

“You shouldn't relay on those things blindly, even the best kind of technology can sometimes fail you. You know that. If Sam goes, then I'll stay here with you.” Tony said with firm voice turning around to face him.

“Well I can sleep with a phone in one hand and a knife on the other.” Michael said, Tony looked at him with one eyebrow raised. “Honestly Tony, I do not need a babysitter; we can not let that crazy ex of mine control all of our live's like this.” Michael sighed.

“But the situation is what it is and of course it will affect us all because we care for you, because we love you and we do not want to see you get hurt anymore.”

Michael stood up and smiled. “There's a handsome man downstairs, who is quite obviously smitten with you Tony. You have a chance to have mind blowing sex with that man, are you really going to pass that opportunity just so you can stay here and feel sorry for me?” Michael asked, he took the hair wax from the table and fixed his friends hair with it. He guided Tony to look back towards the mirror. Tony looked at him through it and then at himself.

“I would love to see Mark's _expression when he sees you Tony, you look really good.” Michael told him, he wrapped his arms around him from behind and rested his chin on his shoulders. Tony touched his arm.

“I'll be alright Tony, I want you and Sam to go out and have some fun. I want you to have a chance with Mark.” Tony close his eyes, feeling the warmth of his friends body against his own, smelling Michael's own scent under his aftershave. Tony opened his eyes and looked at him again. Michael smiled and stepped back from him. Tony immediately missed his warmth that had felt so secure.

“The sex thing kind of makes me nervous a bit.” Tony admitted.

“What makes you nervous about it?”

“Well, I've only been with women before and it's bound to be different with another man.” Tony explained. “I'm not ready for any arse things; I mean no one is going to push anything up my arse, that's for sure.” Tony said and laughed in a slightly nervous manner. Michael smiled gently to him.

”You don't have to be ready for that. I think it's best to avoid that on your first time. That's what I would have done, had I been given the choice.” Michael said and Tony looked at him with sadness, in somehow apologizing manner.

“It could be that Mark doesn't even like that sort of thing.” Michael continued then before Tony would have time to say anything to the previous.

“Your first time...?” Tony started carefully. “...It was forced too?” He asked, Michael was silent for a moment.

“Tony, what happened then, happened, and it can not be changed... Let’s talk about something happier, talk with Sam about his first time or mine and his first time.” Michael said and tried to laugh in a carefree manner. Tony, however, saw through him and was about to open his mouth.

“Come; let’s go downstairs to the others.” Michael said quickly sensing that Tony was about to ask more questions.


****************

“I borrowed your jeans to Tony.” Michael whispered to Sam's ear. Sam glanced over at Tony who stood little farther away with Mark. Both men were smiling to each others, Mark touched Tony's thigh and whispered something to his ear, which made Tony blush slightly. Michael found it odd to see a blushing Tony; he remembered a young, confident and quick tempered boy, who was easily picking up a fight with someone, hardly ever blushing from other than anger. On the other hand, Michael understood Tony's reaction completely. The situation must have been odd for a man, who had gotten used to flirting with young women, when now he was faced with an older more experienced man.


“Alright. Tony and Mark look quite good together actually. I just thought that Tony was more into women.” Sam whispered back and wrapped his arm around his waist.

“He just hadn't met someone interesting enough before, to try it.” Michael answered. Sam looked at him with a thoughtful _expression.

“Except you.” Sam said then.

“Yes, well, but I am not available anymore.” Michael whispered and kissed Sam's cheek. Sam took Michael's left hand in his and looked at the golden ring on his finger; he touched it with his thumb. Michael looked at their hands, smiled and snuggled closer to his chest.

“Feels so good to think that you're mine.” Sam whispered. “I mean; not that I own you or anything, but...” Sam hurried to explain. Michael laughed softly.

“I know what you mean. I feel the same way about you.” They kissed.

“Are you going to the club with the others?” Michael asked then as Kitty approached them.

“I'll stay here with you.” Sam answered.

“Just go Sam, I know that you would want to go. When was the last time that you were out?” He asked. Kitty stood next to them and looked at them with curiosity. Michael smiled to her and then looked at Sam who for some reason or another was staring at the nails on his right hand.

“Um.. on New Years Eve.” Sam answered quietly, still looking at his nails. He felt a shamed when he remembered the night with that French man. It had been so stupid. Sam lifted his gaze up to Kitty, who stood there her arms folded against her chest, looking at him like saying; 'I know what you did.' Then he looked at Michael, who looked between him and Kitty seeming a bit confused about what was going on.



Michael put two and two together, knowing well that this was the face that told him that Sam had done something that he regretted. Sam had slept with someone else that night, he realized as he looked at his fiancé. “We were separated.” He pointed out after he had been quiet for awhile. The thought of Sam with someone else wasn't all that pleasant, but the truth was, that they hadn't been together then and he had left him in total insecurity that their relationship would ever continue.

Michael looked at Sam who stayed quiet; embarrassed, like waiting for some kind of judgment from him.

“We weren't together back then.” Michael repeated and wrapped his arm around Sam's waist. Sam looked at him wondering if he should explain it in some way, if he should say something, but as he met with Michael's eyes, he knew that he didn't have to. He kissed Michael's lips softly.

“I'll stay here, with you.” Sam whispered again.


”No, you can go Sam, even if we are engaged, it doesn't mean that we always need to be where the other one is. Go, have fun, just come home to me, to spend the night.” Michael smiled.

“I won't leave you alone!” Sam almost shouted. Michael looked at him, sighed.

“I'll be fine, really.” He assured. Sam was about to open his mouth in protest.

“I can stay here with Michael. Gay-clubs only depress me; lots of good looking men whom I can not have, no matter what I do.” Kitty laughed.

”Alright Sam, that's settled. Besides you have to take care of Tony; after all he's a virgin in gay stuff.”Michael grinned.

Sam looked at them both with doubt. “Well it is so comforting thought that you have a woman who weights like 50kg as your bodyguard.” Sam commented with sarcasm.

“I weight 57kg!” Kitty corrected and looked at her friend's amused face. “Hey, I might be small, but I'm spicy!” Kitty told him.

“And I'm not completely helpless either Sam, honestly.” Michael pointed out with a smile.

“Well alright, but make sure that the alarm is on, keep the doors locked and call the cops if you hear anything suspicious.” Sam demanded them.

“Yes daddy.” Michael and Kitty answered the same time and burst out in laughter.


****************

Daniel looked at the couple; his mind filling with jealous rage. Julius tied to touch him tenderly, to kiss him, but Daniel shook him off of himself. Julius looked at him in confusion.

“What is it love?” The man asked, he didn't always understand the others mood swings. One moment Daniel might be all over him and the next he could be pushing him off like now. “I'm getting tired of this Daniel.” Julius told him.

“Oh? Well honestly Julius; I don't give a shit.” Daniel snapped and rushed away from the living room towards the hall. He took his coat, opened the front door and slammed it shut after him. Julius looked after his boyfriend not knowing what he did wrong now.

“What's up with Daniel...” Sam wondered out loud after witnessing the scene.

“I had a fight with him earlier.” Michael admitted quietly.

“A fight about what?” Sam asked looking at him.

“He said that I was...” Michal tried to gather his courage to say it out loud. “That I'm a gang banged slut and that you're with me only because of the way I look.” Michael whispered.

“Dammit, I've had enough of his behavior.” Sam cursed. “Wait here.” He told them and went after his ex.

*******************

Daniel kicked a tire on a car that was parked on the side way.

”Fucking Spanish Irish whore; 'uu I'm so fucking perfect, everybody wants me, look at my arse' Argh!” Daniel screamed and kicked the tier once more.

“What the hell is wrong with you Daniel?!” Sam asked once he had reached him, he grasped his arm. Blue eyes looked into his in an angrier manner than ever before. Daniel looked at him and folded his arms against his chest refusing to answer.

”You have no right to talk to Michael that way, if you can not handle us being together then our friendship has to end, do you understand?” Sam snapped. Daniel remained silent. “Do you understand?!” He asked again with firmer voice.

“Why him? What does he have, that I don't? Don't you get it Sam; I love you!” Daniel said clutching into him. Sam looked at him with surprise.

“I thought you had gotten over it by now.” He said.

“Well obviously I haven't, I lied.”

“You know what Daniel; I think that you just think that you love me. Don't you remember what our relationship was like? I was only hurting you, cheating on you. You're with Julius now, his much better for you than I ever was.”

“Are you cheating on him too?” Daniel asked.

“No, I'm not. I love Michael; he is the one for me. You know what he's been through and you have no right to hurt him in the way that you did. If you want to keep our friendship then you'll come and apologize to him.” Sam said calmly. “Think about it.” He added, turned around and left to go back inside.

Daniel looked after him moping. The thought of apologizing didn't exactly appeal him.



*******************

The man had sat in his car for a few hours already; watching, waiting. Every night for a week he had waited in his dark car in the same spot. He stretched his limbs and poured some coffee from a thermos into a little cup. He drank. ‘Patience was good, patience was everything’ he reminded himself after cursing his buttocks that was starting to feel numb.

A light was turned on to the upstairs bedroom. The man became alerted, he hoped that he could see at least one glimpse, but only saw the shadows moving. He would have to think of some way, some way to see him. Some way to get him.

The man smiled at the thoughts and ideas that his mind quickly came up with. And some said that alcohol destroyed your brain cells? If any thing, alcohol had helped him to see the true picture, no more helplessness, no more abuse, no more was he easily guided by others. No, he was his own man now, who had stopped believing in lies, and who would take what he wanted with no remorse.



He longed to see his target, who had managed to hide inside too well for now. The previous night he had seen him in the garden alone and the man had to fight with himself so that he wouldn't reveal himself to him too early. He smiled when he thought of how the brown eyes would look at him with surprise and disbelief, maybe with a hint of fear? And what would he say? Would he scream? The screaming wouldn't be good, it might alarm the neighbors and that would be bad for him. It also seemed that his love was never alone in the house and he was quite sure that there would be some kind of alarm system, should anyone try to brake in. He would have to find away to go around it.

He kept his eyes on the house, now looking more closely with binoculars, he had a good view to the kitchen and he had seen him there few times that night. That annoying blond had been touching and kissing his pet and he hadn't liked what he had seen, not one bit. Now the kitchen, however, was empty.

He was awoken from his thoughts when someone rushed outside from the house, a young man, who was in his mid twenties. The young man was kicking a car tire, a car that was parked in front of the house.

“Fucking Spanish Irish whore; 'uu I'm so fucking perfect, everybody wants me, look at my arse' Argh!”


The man smiled. “Oh Michael, what have you done now?” He asked from the quietness surrounding him, while looking at this man with interest. Then he saw Sam. He frowned and his hand reached the handle of his gun by instinct. He heard how Sam rampaged and thought about how easy it would be to raise his gun and shoot him right then and there. He stroked the cold steel in his hand. 'No, it would ruin everything if I did it now.' He though silently.


”...I love you!” The younger, shorter man shouted, seeming somehow desperate, clinging on to Sam, who backed away from him. Sam spoke to him calmly, too quietly for him to hear, but apparently the answer was not what the younger one had hoped. They spoke for a moment longer, then Sam turned and left. The other didn't seem happy at all.

The man came up with a new plan quickly, now that the opportunity presented itself. 'It could work, perhaps?' He wondered and knew that there wasn't a time to waste. He had to make quick decisions, this one could either ruin all, or help to quicken and ease it even more. He had already made it this far, his confidence was high. He got out of the car, lifted his jacket collar high and approached the young man.


Daniel looked up as he saw someone approaching his way. The man had a black leather jacket, un-shaved beard, short, black hair and sunglasses. Daniel thought it strange that someone would wear sunglasses that late at night. The stranger kept coming closer, his face meeting his, his _expression somehow determined. Daniel took few steps back; something seemed to tell him that the man was up to no good.

“Bonsoir.” The man greeted him.

“Who're you? Do I know you?” Daniel asked with insecurity. The man smiled to him in a secretive manner and lifted the sunglasses from hiding his eyes.

“You might have heard of me.” The man said. His accent was French. He smiled, his cold grey eyes searching Daniel’s.

“I'm here for Michael.”

Daniel sighed deeply, rolling his eyes. 'Just great, like that slut didn’t have enough admirers already.' He thought darkly.

“I am afraid though, that Michael wouldn't be as happy to see me as I would be of seeing him.” The man continued then, now getting his attention. Daniel looked at him with surprise, but clearly wanting to hear more.

“We both seem to have a problem where we could help each other. I'd like to have a talk with you...”

After Daniel had remained silent for a moment, he nodded his head carefully, his curiosity had been growing.


*************

Sam was feeding him chocolate cake, his body pressing his own against the counter. Michael laughed. His mouth was already full, but still Sam tried to feed him more. He took a hold of Sam's hand and swallowed his mouth empty.

“You're drunk Sam.” Michael laughed.

“As are you.” Sam smiled, kissed his lips. The piece of the cake was left forgotten on the counter.

Someone cleared their throat. They stopped kissing and looked at the arrival with surprise.

“I didn't mean to interrupt.” Daniel started looking at them both. “I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry... Michael, I acted like a total moron, I had drunk too much and I said some things that I really didn't mean. I hope that you can forgive me.” Daniel looked straight at Michael, looking sincerely sorry. Michael quickly glanced at Sam and then back to Daniel.

“I accept the apology.” He answered and smiled to him. Daniel smiled back, stepped closer and stretched his hand out to him.

“Friends then?” He asked with hope.

“Friends.” Michael answered and took the offered hand.

Chapter 51.

Michael looked at the mess in the kitchen, the dishes on the table and on the counter. The floor was filled with crumbs and the dining room just as messy as the kitchen. Didn't he just clean the place up? How much did these people eat? He wondered as he piled the dishes onto the counter. The others were getting ready to leave to the club, Emma was giggling loudly in the living room. Michael stared at the mess that was just waiting to be cleaned up. He sighed deeply.

“Oh forget it, I'll clean up tomorrow.” He decided and poured himself a glass of wine.

“You seem to be spending lots of time in the kitchen” A man's voice sneered behind him. Michael turned and looked at Caleb with insecurity. He didn't know what to answer so he just smiled. The man came closer, Michael backed away from him carefully. He looked at the man feeling nervous; he tried to answer to the smile that the man was giving him.

“You're pretty shy, aren't you? Isn’t that just adorable.” The man whispered, once he had gotten close enough again.

“Do you want something? Wine? Beer?” Michael asked and walked over to the fridge; he opened the door and seemed to be searching the inside.

“I want something, but not wine, or beer.” Caleb told him

Michael startled when he felt the hand touching his thigh from behind. Michael looked at him with surprise, the man merely smiled, touched him more boldly this time. "Don't" Michael said quietly, walked away. The man stopped him, pressed him firmly against the counter.

“Don't look so scared baby, I ain't going to bite" He laughed. "Give us a kiss then.” The man smiled, tried to kiss him, Michael turned his head away, and he felt hands on his waist, going lower.

”Stop.” Michael hissed, trying to brake free.

”Sam doesn't have to know, don't tell me that you wouldn't want to, you're practically begging for it.” Caleb laughed feeling him up.

“No, I don't! Stop it!” Michael tried to push him away. When he didn't manage and when the man didn't listen, he took a hold of a kitchen knife and pointed it to the man's chest. “Do you not understand the word; NO? Do not touch me.” He hissed. Caleb backed away, his hands in front of him.

“Take it easy sweetheart, I meant no harm.” Caleb said with amused tone, a grin on his lips.


Finally the man left him alone and only then could Michael place the knife back down on the counter. He was trembling, clenching on the counter tightly. He closed his eyes, forcing the tears back and when Sam, only moments later, came into the room, he somehow managed to smile and seem as though everything would have been fine. The molestation was something, that sadly enough; he had gotten used to already , he just didn't want to go and cry about it to his boyfriend, every time that it happened. He didn't want to be the cause of anymore worry for Sam then he had been already.


“Have a nice time.” He whispered to Sam as he was leaving with the others.

“It feels odd to leave you here.” Sam whispered back to him.

“You'll miss me all night and then you'll come and sleep next to me, showing me with your love, it's my clever little plan.” Michael grinned.

“Clever indeed...” Sam pressed his forehead against his. “I'm missing you already.” He grinned back. Michael laughed, gave him a quick kiss.

“When did we become so sugary with each other?” He asked smiling; it was Sam's turn to laugh.

“I don't know, perhaps its love that makes people act strange.”

“Yes, perhaps.”




****************

A musty smell and bad lighting, the man sniffed his nose as he walked on the crimson red fitted carpet on the dim corridor. He hated the place with all his heart. A woman screamed somewhere. He looked at the blemishes on the pale walls and his expression turned sourer. How low had he sunk, having to spend his nights in this god awful place? But no one asked questions here, people come and they'd go, no names were needed. Someone could have been dying, screaming in agony and no one would have cared.

The man thought about his beloved and a smile rose to his lips.

“Michael...” He whispered the name quietly. All this trouble and all this bother would be worth it, once he'd have his love in his arms, once he would be able to touch that perfection. Cold shivers ran down on his spine and he felt his erection growing inside his pants.

Finally he reached the door of his wretched apartment. As he opened the door, feeling the stifling air fill his lungs, he knew that he would have to find a better place to bring his love.


He walked into the sitting room and looked at his friend who sat on the couch staring at the TV screen with a blank expression. The other man turned his head slowly to look at him.

“Anything new Jean?” He asked, clearly hoping that there would be some kind of progress being made.

“Our wait will soon be over; soon it's time to act.” Jean answered and smiled with satisfaction.



***************

The place hadn't changed much in two years, Sam thought as he sat down, in front of the table. The music was playing loud; couples on the dance floor, which kissed and danced in a way that made promises for the night to follow.


Was it really only two years, when he had last been in this place? He tasted his drink and smiled as he thought of Michael, he missed him already. He closed his eyes and tried to get into the mood of the place.

“What are you thinking about Sam?” Daniel asked, sitting next to him. Sam smiled, his eyes still close.

“Michael.” He answered and didn't see the sour _expression that lurked on Daniel's face.

“Why didn't he come with us?” Daniel asked next.

“You know perfectly well why, I've told you.” Sam answered and took another sip of his drink. He felt little uncomfortable so close to his ex, ex that just few hours ago had claimed to love him. For a moment Daniel was silent.

“Do you remember when we met here for the first time?” Daniel asked then, Sam turned to look at him and the younger one smiled. “I saw you from the moment you stepped into this place; you had a tight black shirt and blue jeans on. You looked so confident and so handsome. I hoped that you would notice me, but it seemed impossible as so many others looked at you the same way that I did. And then, you came to me...”Daniel smiled to his memories and continued. “And when you kissed me, I thought my legs would soon fail from under me.” Daniel looked longingly towards the spot where they had shared their first kiss.


“Maybe it wasn't wise to come here tonight...” Sam started.

“No, I'm sorry Sam, I didn't say this to make you feel uncomfortable, but there's nothing wrong in reminiscing, now is there? You're engaged, you're in love and I get that, I do respect that. I am sorry about what I said earlier today, I was drunk and I... Oh, just forget it ever happened, I'm ashamed about that. And I'm sorry about what I said to Michael. He is incredibly strong for getting through so well from what's happened to him, I don't think that I could be as strong as he. Michael is lucky to have you by his side.” Daniel smiled.

“Thank you Daniel, I consider myself lucky to have him.”


Julius walked over to them and placed two drinks on the table. “Will you come and dance with me honey?” He asked and looked at the younger one with hope.

“Gladly.” Daniel smiled and took the offered hand. Sam looked after them for a moment until his attention was drawn to Tony who sat on the opposite side of the table.

“Mark is getting us something to drink.” Tony told him with loud voice, his cheeks and his lips were slightly red and he looked around himself with curiosity.

“Where were you?” Sam asked grinning.

“Oh, we were dancing!” Tony snickered, Sam smiled. One could clearly see that Tony was drunk.

“Are you still coming to spend the night at our place?” Sam asked looking at the other with amusement.

“What? Yeah, of course, where else would I go?” Tony asked and looked at Sam with silly expression. Sam couldn't help but to laugh.

“Where else indeed.” Sam grinned. Tony blinked in confusion; he really didn't get what Sam was implying.


“Do they always slap others in the arse in these kinds of places? I've been slapped three times already, when ever Mark turned his back.” Tony asked leaning forward and tried to look at Sam straight in his eyes and sound less drunk than he really was. He did realize that he was failing miserably.

“If one has a great arse, then yes.” Sam said and winked at him.

Mark returned, he sat next to Tony and gave him a drink which the younger one took eagerly. “I brought one to you as well.” Mark said and pushed the drink glass closer to him.

“Thank you.” Sam smiled and looked how Mark placed his arm around Tony's shoulders, pulling him closer to himself. Tony, who only moments ago, had been very concentrated on the drink in his hand, looked at the other man in confusion, before he finally relaxed in his arms.

Mark stroked Tony's thigh and kissed his neck softly. Tony found it hard to concentrate on anything that was happening around them, Mark's hands seemed to be everywhere on him, touching, feeling. Skilled lips on his skin and Tony felt as though his skin would have been burning. He moaned and placed his drink on the table with shaking hands.

Mark's hand travelled up on his thigh, touched him lightly on his groin, teasing, until the hand returned on his thigh. Mark's lips pressed against his own, nipping gently, a tongue asking for entrance and Tony decided to grant the wish. The searching hand returned, squeezed him from there. Tony let out a surprised sigh. This man was driving him mad, Tony licked his lips, feeling Mark's lips on his neck once more, and Mark’s hand was under his shirt now. Tony felt himself becoming hard as rock already and had he been sober he would have been greatly embarrassed to be in such a state in such a public place. But now, he just didn't care, it felt much too good and he didn't want Mark to stop.

Sam looked at them for a moment, Mark was skilled in what he did and Tony was pure wax in his hands now. Sam grinned, for a moment he was worried if the two would start doing it right there on the table, they were so lost in the moment. He missed Michael even more; he hoped that Michael would be in the mood when he came home. On the other hand, he was afraid that he would pressure his boyfriend too much, coming home drunk, in the mood for sex and the last thing he wanted to do, was to pressure Michael.


********************


”Would you like some Irish coffee?” Michael asked and looked at the woman.

“I would, thank you.” Kitty smiled and followed him into the kitchen. Michael was just pouring some water into the coffee-maker when the phone rang. He glanced at the clock, it was nearly midnight. He could guess who the caller would be, he had already been wondering why the usual call hadn't come already.

“I'll continue.” Kitty told him with a smile; Michael smiled back and walked over to the phone.

“Hello... Hi mom.” Michael glanced at Kitty, who just turned on the coffee-maker. Michael smiled, rolling his eyes; Kitty smiled back and went to get the cream from the fridge. “No, you didn't wake me... Yes, everything is alright, how are things over there?”

“Sam went out with others... I told him to go mom, it's been such a long time since he's been out with his friends...No I'm not alone, Katherine is here... We’ll come and visit you next week... I love you too...Good night mom.” Michael smiled when hanging up the phone

“She calls every night, she says that she can't get any sleep without knowing that I'm alright. She did try today though, it's nearly twelve o’clock.” He explained to Kitty, who poured some whiskey into the glasses that had the coffee and the brown sugar in it already.

“I think it's sweet. My own mom is the same. I'm nearly 28 and still she worries about me as though I would be a teen-aged.” She smiled and placed the cream on the top of the drink. He gave the other glass to Michael.

“Thank you.”

”Would you like to watch a movie?” Kitty suggested.

”Why not, how about Brave Heart? I think I've watched it like a thousand time's already, but for some reason or another I'll never get bored, Sam always makes fun of me for it.” Michael grinned.

“Hm...The beauty of Scotland, love story and fighting men, yeah; let’s watch that.” Kitty laughed.


They sat on the couch together, wrapped under a blanket.

“I love this movie; I love this beginning, the scenery. It would be great to go to Scotland or to Ireland after such a long time. I though I'd ask Sam if we could go to Ireland to visit my cousin this summer, if we'd go by ship, I could take Devlin with us.” Michael wondered.

“Sounds like a great plan, I'm sure that Sam would only be happy to go with you.”


“Have you met any of your neighbours yet?” Kitty asked.

“Only one, a woman across the street came to introduce herself one day, when we were out in the garden.” Michael told her, a grin forming on his lips. “She asked; are you two homosexuals?' When we told her that yes, we are, she said that it didn't bother her at all and welcomed us to the neighbourhood. We visited her the day before; she is a nice old lady, a widower, quite lonely. She told us to come and visit her anytime... Others haven't had the courage to come and introduce themselves. One middle-aged woman walks past our driveway from time to time, looking at our house like it would be the devil himself living here; I've seen the Bible in her hands. I think she's just gathering up some courage to step inside the sinners nest to talk about God and salvation.” Michael laughed and continued. “I thought that if she was to come, I'd show her this...” Michael took out the silver cross from under his shirt. “...And tell her that I know enough. I'm sure it would shock her.”

“It might.” Kitty laughed.

Michael placed the necklace under his shirt again. Kitty was quiet, studied him.

“Do you believe in God?” She asked finally. Michael looked back at her, smiling slightly.

“It might sound stupid, after all that's happened, but in some level I do. I don’t believe in church, people have made the things that church teaches, too cold and full of contradictories. The church speaks of love and forgiveness and tolerance, but it only reaches to a certain point. Who are we to say which religion is right? When I think of God, I do not see some man with white clothes and a beard sitting on some cloud in heaven, I believe in a force of good and evil. God mirrors all the good in this world, and the evil is in people, in some more than in the others... No one who lives their life respecting others, seeing beyond themselves and loving others for who they are and not what they should be by some book, can not be wrong in what ever it is that they believe in. Do I make any sense what so ever? It's hard to explain this while I've been drinking.” Michael laughed.

“It does make sense; it makes perfect sense to me.” Kitty smiled. ”So tell me; when are and Sam are going to get married?” Kitty grinned.

“Married?” Michael asked as though the idea was totally peculiar.

”Yes, you're engaged and well, usually the next step is to seal the deal.”

“We haven't talked about it yet, so far I've been satisfied to the way that things are now.”

“Well when you will get married, and trust me, you will...” Kitty grinned. “...How would you like it to happen?” She asked.

”Well I guess I'd like it too be something simple, something small. I'd like to get married outside, like some beautiful and peaceful place, hmm... it could be in a forest or something and it could be midnight. Just me Sam and few witnesses like you and Tony and of course the authorized person who can marry us or make our relationship a registered one... And the next day we could have a bigger party with all the family and friends... Oh well, I guess I have thought about it a little.” Michael grinned.

“Oh I like the idea, but if you do that you must promise that I get to be there for that special moment, uh, I mean for the ceremony. “ Kitty giggled for some naughty ideas that had suddenly popped in to her mind. Michael looked at her with a questioning eyebrow.

“Of course we'd have you there Kitty, you mean so much to me and Sam, without you, we might have never gotten together.” He said then.

The phone rang, interrupting their chat, Michael looked at the time and then at Kitty standing up quickly. He was suddenly afraid that something had happened to Sam; he hurried into the kitchen where the phone was. Kitty sat up, starting to worry as well, who would call in such a time?

Michael reached the phone.

“Michael Harris speaking.”

Silence.

“Hello?”

He heard someone breathing slowly at first and then more heavily.

“Is someone there?” He asked insecurely, thinking about hanging up.

“Michael, Môn amour... Do you miss me?” The voice crackled.

“No...” Michael breathed out, he squeezed the phone in his hand tightly, like his life was depending on it, he felt the first tear falling down on his cheek. “Jean, I'm begging you, leave me alone; just let me be. I'm begging you.”

Jean laughed, in an almost tender way.

“You still don't know what you really want Mon Amour, but don't worry; soon Cherie, soon…” The hoarse voice promised and before he even had time to realize what he had said the call ended.


His hand was shaking when he placed the phone back down. He leaned against the wall, looking around himself in the dark, he felt more tears gathering into his eyes. He lifted his shaking hand to wipe the tears away. How did Jean manage to get their private number? He wondered and felt the anxiety growing inside him. The time seemed to ran out, escape from his hands, would it happen again? He didn't want the pain back ever again, he wanted it to end.

Once he managed to calm down a bit, he took the phone receiver off from the handle, he close the kitchen curtains, went to check that all the doors were locked, checked the security system; still working. He then returned into the living room.

Kitty looked at Michael closely when he returned into the room. His face was pale and his eyes held an odd look in them. Michael smiled to her, but the smile was tired and fake.

“Who was it?” Kitty asked as Michael sat down next to her.

“Wrong number.” Michael told her and reached out for the remote control from the table. Kitty noticed his hand shaking. She reached out and took his hand gently in hers


“I can see that you're lying. Who was it?”

“ItwasJean.” Michael muttered.

“Who?"

“Jean.”

”What did he say?” She asked with worry.

“He's coming; he told me that he was coming to get me...” Michael said and finally gave in and started crying. Kitty looked at him with shock; she wrapped her arms around him tightly.

“Shh...It’s okay. He won't get you, I promise.” He felt Michael wrapping his arms around her. “We've got to tell to the police.” She whispered and heard Michael taking a deep and shaking breath.

“I know... This might sound stupid, but can you sleep next to me until Sam comes home? I hate sleeping alone in this place, the stairs creak sometimes even if there's no one walking on them.”

“Of course I can.”

“Thanks, and I'm sorry for acting like such a lady sometimes...” Michael muttered.

“Wanting me to stay next to you in this old house, after Jean called you, doesn't make a lady out of you.” She smiled gently, receiving a smile back.

“Thanks Kit.”

********************

Sam walked over to the bar counter to get a new drink. He felt the hungry eyes on his body, trying to ignore each of them. He had heard some very weird suggestions already during that night, old men who looked for someone young and good looking for a quick fuck and boys who were barely old enough for the place looked at him with admiration and tried their clumsy lines on him. Sam had already forgotten how desperate the search of someone to sleep with was in these places. He felt grateful that he had Michael.

“Sam, baby, you should look more cheerful.” Caleb whispered to him ear and squeezed his butt. Sam pushed him away.

“Dammit Caleb, do you always have to be touching my arse?!” Sam snapped. Caleb pulled him into a slightly more secluded corner.

“I heard a rumour, that the young, gorgeous boyfriend of yours would have been raped, by several men no less. Is it true?” Caleb asked looking sickeningly curious.

“From where did you hear that?” Sam asked his voice tightening

“So it is true.” Caleb laughed.

“Tell me Sam; how's your sex life? Does he give it to you? Does he cry during it? Or maybe he's a real wanton slut? I've hear that some rape victims turn out that way, they have to prove themselves that they can still enjoy the sex so they keep sleeping around, or then they are so afraid that it might happen again that they give it to anyone who's interested.” Caleb looked at Sam's face, his eyes that burned with anger. Caleb took a sip of his drink. Sam tried to leave, but the man pushed him against the wall. “Calm down Sam, your boyfriend is not a slut, I've tested him. It's the first time that I've been threatened with a knife.” Caleb laughed. “He's quite fiery.” The man added.

”What did you do? What did you say to him?!” Sam asked with anger, rage boiling inside him.

“Oh nothing serious, I merely suggested some fun, I might have touched him, but can you blame me Sam? Your boyfriend is sex on two legs, a real rarity.” Sam squeezed his hands into fists, his nails dug into his flesh. With deep revulsion he shoved Caleb away, trying to swallow down the almost desperate urge to beat the man up.

“I have no idea how I ever could have admired you. As of this moment, I feel nothing but burning loathing towards you. You are no longer a welcomed quest in our home; I do not care to hear from you ever again.” Sam hissed and left Caleb standing there, not looking back. He had had enough of this place and the people in it.

“Tony, I'm leaving, will you come with or stay here?” Sam asked once he had reached the hungrily kissing couple. Tony raised his head towards him, seeming a bit out of breath.

“Uh, now? Already?” He managed to ask. Mark leaned in to whisper something to his ear. Tony smiled, close his eyes for a moment. “Uh I, I think I'll go to Mark's place for the night.” Sam smiled.

“Alright, now be good you two.” Sam grinned, managing to forget about his conversation with Caleb for a moment. Mark and Tony muttered something for a reply before returning in to their competition of who could eat the other one faster, or that was how it seemed to the outsiders.


Sam walked along the street, hoping to catch a taxi as soon as possible. He didn't remember the last time that he had felt as sour as he did now. Why hadn't Michael told him about what Caleb had done? Had he been too afraid of his reaction? Sam wondered and at the same time he was mad for himself for not being there when Michael would have needed him. He couldn't watch over Michael all the time, and he couldn't protect him from the world, no matter how much he would like to protect him. Caleb sure wasn't the first, nor would he be the last, to harass his fiancé in a sexual manner. Sam sighed. Why did life have to be so hard for them?



Finally he managed to get a taxi; he sat on the back seat. His cell began to ring almost instantly after the car had started.

“Hello.” He answered with tired voice.

“Hello Sam, how you've been?” Sam sighed when hearing Jean's voice.

“Jean, what do you want? I warned you the last time.” Sam asked firmly.

“Maybe I already have what I came for? Maybe I have Michael, are you sorry now that you left them alone?” Jean voice mocked him.

“You're lying.” Sam said and wasn't able to hide the fright from his voice.

“I haven't decided yet what to do, maybe I just strangle your friend, that red haired bitch and after that, mm... I might as well enjoy my pretty whore, my love that you stole from me... Have a nice evening Sam.” Jean laughed and hung up on him. Sam trembled, tears clouded his vision.


“Drive faster!” He ordered the driver with hoarse voice, fear growing inside him. What if Jean hadn't lied? What if he truly had them? If he killed Kitty? Raped and killed Michael? Sam started to feel ill, he couldn't take it, it couldn't happen. The driver glanced at him through the rear-view mirror.

“Sir, is everything alright? Are you feeling ill? He asked.

“Drive faster, please, this is important!” Sam repeated and looked at the man with pleading eyes. The man didn't say another word and did as he wished; the traffic was non-existent at that time of the night


Sam tried to call their home number; the line was constantly busy. He tried calling both Kitty's and Michael's cell phones, but either of them didn't answer. He paid the driver hastily once they had reached their destination. He practically ran to the door, the house was dark; his hands shook as he opened the door.

He ran upstairs.

“Michael! Kitty!” He called and once he reached the bedroom door, he opened it roughly. Michael and Kitty looked at him with sleepy eyes; the lamp on the nightstand was on.

“Sam, why are you making so much noise? Has something happened?” Michael asked, sitting up. Sam looked at them with relief, he walked over to the bed and sat next to them, he pulled his boyfriend and his friend into a hug, giving up to his tears.

“Why the hell aren't you answering your phones?!” Sam bawled

Michael wrapped his arms around him with worry; Kitty stroked Sam's back gently.

“I must have left mine downstairs, what's happened love?” Michael asked as Sam buried his head against his chest.

“And I have mine silenced during nights.” Kitty told him.

“Well from now on you'll keep them with you constantly!” Sam insisted. Kitty rose from the bed, when Sam's hold on her loosened. She sensed that this was something that Michael could comfort him better than she could. Once Kitty had stood up, Sam pulled Michael even closer. Michael looked at Kitty

“I'll be in the guestroom if you need me.” Kitty whispered and Michael tried to give her a smile.

“Good night Kitty.” He whispered to her, holding his upset boyfriend in his arms. He had never before seen Sam like that. Kitty closed the door after her softly; she worried for her friend, but knew that she'd hear the whole story in the morning.


”Sam...” Michael spoke his name with quiet voice. Sam lifted his head up and touched his cheek. He pressed his lips against his and asked for entrance with his tongue which Michael instantly gave him. The kiss was filled with need, mixed with love and the fear of loosing each other too soon. Michael lay down, pulling Sam on top of him.

“I feared that I'd find you dead, both of you...” Sam whispered.

“Why?” Michael asked looking into his blue eyes.

“Jean called me and he said... oh it doesn't matter what he said... If I were to loose you Michael, I... I wouldn't be able to live without you, not anymore. You're my life, you're my heart and my soul, and you’re everything and anything that matters. I can't loose you...” Sam whispered and kissed his lips.

“You're not going to loose me, not yet. I'm like a cat with nine lives, so I might have spent quite a few already, but I'm sure I have few left.” Michael laughed quietly. “Do not worry; I am not going anywhere, not if I can help it.” Michael whispered and pulled Sam closer. The weight of his body felt secure on top of him and Michael hungered to feel him. He wrapped his legs around Sam's waist, they kissed, the kiss growing into a hungrier one. Sam rocked his hips against his and Michael could feel his hardness against his own.

“I want you...” Sam breathed out, looking into his eyes. “Need you...” Sam rocked his hips more firmly against him, Michael moaned.

“And I you, take me Sam, I'm yours.”



****************’


Michael was the first one to wake up. He rose up from the bed and smiled as he looked at Sam's sleeping form. He wrapped a sheet around him and sneaked out of the room as quietly as he could. He had been too tired to go to the shower last night after their love making as Sam had done. Sam had wanted to wash the sent of the musty club away so that it wouldn’t disturb his sleeping. Michael wouldn't have mind really.

He washed himself carefully, dried himself up with a towel and after boiling himself a cup of tea he returned into the bedroom. He glanced at Sam, who was still sleeping, looking really peaceful. He knew that he should tell Sam about the call that Jean had given him, but he didn't want to tell that just yet. Sam had been so upset last night and if and when he would tell him, it would only confirm the fact that their fear was very real indeed. Michael sighed and prayed for a miracle that would grant them an easier life.

Sam woke up to the sound of bird singing, the air in the room was fresh, a cool wind from the open window swept over his face. He opened his eyes and smiled when looking at his fiancé, who stood in front of the window staring out into their garden. He had only a thin, white sheet covering his body, leaving his back naked, hanging loosely over his buttocks, looking like it could fall down at any moment. The room was bathing in the bright light of the spring morning.

Sam kept looking at his lover, staying silent, not wanting to break the moment. Michael looked so beautiful and he wanted to store the image of him firmly in his mind. He remembered the previous night and of how scared he had been when he had thought that he would find both Kitty and Michael dead. The mere thought of it almost made him cry again. It was funny of how dependent you could become on someone; it was amazing how much you could love someone. Michael had become his life, so essential a part of it, that if he was taken from him, Sam wouldn't know how to continue his life anymore, how to find the strength to go on.

“Good morning love.” Sam said finally and Michael turned around slowly, smiled at him.

“Morning.”

”Come here.” Sam asked reaching out to him. Michael placed his tea cup down; he let the sheet fall down once he reached the bedside. Sam pulled him close and kissed his lips. Michael touched his unshaven cheek, which felt slightly rough; he pressed his lips against it.

“I'm sorry about last night; I must have scared you crying like some baby.”

“There's no need to apologize, how many times have I cried against you?” Michael smiled. Sam smiled back and then he turned more serious. He looked into his eyes.

“Caleb was harassing you yesterday, why didn't you tell me?” Michael looked at him with surprise, then with embarrassment.

“When did you find out?”

“He told me.” Sam answered.

“I'm sorry, I just... I feel like I cause nothing but worry for you, I didn't want to complicate things between you and your friends. Nothing bad happened.”

“It wasn't your fault and Caleb is not my friend, if he was, then he wouldn't have touched you.” Sam said pulling him even closer. “We promised to tell each other everything.” Sam reminded him. Michael nodded his head and wrapped his arms around him.


“Kitty asked me, when you and I would get married.” Michael whispered.

“What did you tell her?” Sam smiled.

“I told her that we haven't discussed about it yet. So what do you think Sam?”

“Well I didn't just propose to you out of fun you know.” Sam grinned. “I want you and I want our relationship to be official.” Sam kissed him palm.

“And I want you; want you in an official way, all the ways possible.” Michael grinned and placed his leg between Sam's legs. He smiled feeling his morning erection against his leg. “Someone is awake,” He whispered, snuggling against Sam.

“mmmmmm...Darn, I have to go visit the bathroom...I think I’ll use the cold water too.” Sam sighed and nipped his bottom lip. “But hold that thought dear, I'll come back soon.” Sam whispered, gave him a kiss on the cheek and stood up. Michael turned on his back and looked at him seductively.

“I'll be waiting...” He whispered with a flirting manner. Oh how much Sam wanted him; he cursed the call of nature. He hurried into the bathroom so that he could return to Michael as soon as possible.

Chapter 52.

A boy leaned against the wall, his hands covering his ears. He sang very quietly, whispering the words of a song that he remembered from long time ago, a song that his late grandmother had once sang to him. He swayed his body back and forth.

“You fucking whore! I've had enough!” A man yelled, a woman screamed. The boy heard a thumb, more screaming, he couldn't hear the words properly, nor did he care to hear them.

Small steps rumbled across the wooden floor and the boy looked up.

“I'm scared Jean.” A small girl with long raven black hair and a white night gown, whispered to her brother. The boy opened up his arms and the small girl rushed into his embrace.

“Don't worry Nicole, I'll protect you.” The boy promised.


The shouting and screaming continued on and this was nothing new. It was beginning to be more and more frequent. Their father would drink too much and then begin to shout at his wife. More often than enough the woman would end up with bruises because of it. Their father was a bitter man, an alcoholic, incapable of loving his family in a normal way. His children would also get their share of his anger from time to time.


As parents, they both had failed. The mother couldn't love her children in a way that a mother should. Children were a burden to her, shackles that bound her to her wretched man and she missed her long passed beauty and youth. She felt empty inside her, it was true, that she cheated on her husband, that poor excuse of a man, who kept beating her up. Someday she knew that she would leave, she had known it from the day that her youngest one had born, when things had taken a turn for the worse.

The boy held the crying girl against his chest. He was only nine years old and already he was more of an adult to his five year old sister, than their own parents were. But the boy loved his sister, life was hard, but at least they had each others. Laurent, their older brother had run away six months earlier. The 15-year old boy hadn't been able to take the family hell any longer and so he had ran. Later Jean had found out more reason to why their brother had left, abandoning them completely.

“Take care of Nicole, I trust you Jean.” Laurent had said to him that night, before he had left. The boy had cried after his older brother. Laurent had been his rock for so long, and the boy hadn't known if he would ever hear from his brother again.

That weekend, after Laurent had left, his father had walked into his bedroom at night, waking him up. The man had had a revolting smell of booze all over him, he had sat on his bed side and the boy had looked at his father in confusion.

“Jean, my darling little boy, do you know how much I love you?” the man had asked and Jean had nodded his head insecurely, he hadn’t known. “Let me show you just how much I love you.” The man had breathed out and placed his hand on something hard in his pants. The boy had wept in confusion and fear as the man, which was his father, had touched him in places that no one else had touched ever before; the man’s breathing had become harsh. Inside the boy knew that a father should not touch his child in a way that his dad did.


In school, nothing had been better. The boy had barely any friends. Everyone looked at him in a funny way, they teased him because he was 'different' and the boy hated each of them; he hated the jocks, he hated the most popular boys and the most popular girls. His only true friend had been his sister, his darling Nicole.


Time went on; Jean was ten when his mother finally left them.

“Be a good boy Jean, and take care of your sister.” The woman had whispered to her half sleeping scion. Jean remembered how the door had slammed shut after her. Just as Laurent, his mother had never returned and this left the young boy alone to take his fathers love, the only form of 'love' that the man could give.

Love hurt; that was what his father had taught him.



6-year Nicole got seriously ill. The heart of the young girl had apparently always been a weak one and eventually the pneumonia had taken her with it. Jean blamed himself for his sister’s death. If he hadn't gone out that one rainy September night, Nicole wouldn't have gone out looking for him. Nicole wouldn't have left outside bare foot, dressed only in a thin night gown. His beloved sister had passed away and left him alone, just as the rest of the family. Only six months after Nicole's death, his father drank for the last time. “Alcohol poisoning." He had heard them say. The boy had cried for his daddy; for the man that had 'loved' him

And so, 11-year old Jean was sent to live with his aunt and her family. To those who asked; he would always answer that he had been born in Paris, for he wanted to forget about his past, he wanted to forget about the family from which each member had eventually abandoned him, from which no one had loved him enough to stay. His real birth place, the home of his earlier childhood; a small village in mid France, was always left forgotten when he told about himself. Later, only two of his friends knew his real past; Patrick, who he had met soon after his move to Paris and Erick, the man who had tried to help him, the man who once had tried to love him.


At the age of 24, Jean moved to United States and met Sebastian; a 20-year old American. Sebastian had been a gifted music student; playing the violin. Jean had heard him playing once and fell in love with the music and the beautiful boy playing it. To his amaze Sebastian had noticed him as well and he too had felt for Jean, who at the time had studied arts.

The couple had been happy, they had lived together and they had loved. Their happiness had lasted for two years and then all had been broken. That one hot summer day of 1995, when Jean had arrived home earlier than usually, he had found his darling Sebastian in bed with another man. Sebastian had moaned in ecstasy as he had been riding on the lap of a stranger and Jean had looked at the scene with shock, unable to move. His heart had been broken and still, after all those years, he could remember Sebastian's shocked _expression as he had seen his boyfriend witnessing his unfaithfulness.


Sebastian had begged for his forgiveness and sworn that he would do anything, but Jean had thrown his ex-lover out of his apartment. That night he had walked into a bar, thinking that he would drink his head full and forget or at least try and to forget. Sullen thoughts had filled his mind; all those, who he had ever loved, cheated and stabbed him in his back, or then they just left him.


That night he had met Richard Matthews and that night he had become acquainted with a new side of himself, a side that had waited to rise to surface for many years. Ricky introduced the meaning of true power to him and having the taste of it once; Jean had known that he needed more of it. Sebastian had been the first one, who had had the questionable honour to meet with the new side of him. After telling the story of Sebastian and him to Ricky, the man had lured him to action.

“Are you going to let him get away with it, just like that? That slut cheated on you, show him who's the boss. Avenge his unfaithfulness.” Ricky had spoken and Jean had swallowed the hook.

He invited Sebastian to his place and the younger man had arrived, hoping that Jean would forgive him. They had had a splendid supper; they had drunk some wine and Sebastian had begun to believe that Jean would indeed forgive him.


Jean had lured him into the bedroom and asked that Sebastian would undress himself. The young man had granted him the wish. “Lay down, on your back.” Jean had told him and again; Sebastian had done just as he had wished. Jean had taken out the handcuffs. “Do you trust me?” Jean had asked with a smile on his lips.

“I trust you.” Sebastian had smiled back and he had let Jean to shackle him. Jean had bounded his mouth with a scarf and Sebastian had let him do that without a fight.

“Your screaming might wake up the neighbours, and we don't want that, now do we?” Jean had told him and smiled in a way that had made cold shivers ran down on Sebastian's back. Then Jean had bounded a leather chains on his knee bends, robes attached to them had been bound tightly onto the bed posts as well, leaving poor Sebastian's legs open and his cherry ready for use. The young man had looked at him without the ability to talk or move properly. Jean had leaned in closer.

“My love, maybe you shouldn't trust a man that you have just cheated on.” Jean had whispered and seen Sebastian's eyes widening from the sudden fear. Jean had only continued smiling to him

The door to the bedroom had opened and Jean had looked at Ricky with growing lust and need. Sebastian; now realizing the trap that he had walked straight into, had tried to move, tried to shout for help, but failing. Ricky and Jean had kissed, undressed each others and all Sebastian had been able to do; was to watch in fear of what would follow; both men had suddenly turned and stared at him, started kissing his bare skin and eventually both men had raped him brutally. Jean had become drunk with power; he had been drunk of Ricky.

Ricky had introduced him to a darkness that still held him. For one and a half years he had become predisposed to a world where everything was allowed to achieve your own pleasure. It had changed him, there was no return. Moment by moment that world had eaten him up to the darker side, where there was little hope of escaping.


Then something had happened; Ricky stopped calling him, he had travelled, gone to England for a business trip, or so the man had told him; he had been gone for a month and with him, Ricky had brought a new toy; a beautiful toy that he had wanted to play a different kind of game with and to this game; Jean hadn't been allowed to join.


For three and a half years Jean had thought of nothing but revenge and finally he had returned to New York. When he had seen Ricky's new toy, the boy's beauty had dazzled him. He remembered clearly how the boy had danced, his movements so graceful; so alluring. And when the boy had noticed him, when he had looked at him, Jean had known that he would not get any peace before he would have had him. What would have been the better revenge, than to take that beautiful toy away from his former teacher and to play with it by himself? What Jean hadn't guessed; was that he would fall in love.

The first time that he had made love with Michael; the boy had wept. Jean remembered how it had felt like to lay on top of him, how it had felt like to touch him, to hold him. He remembered the funny feeling inside of him, like something old had been awaken in him. Michael had been everything that he had once dreamed of, he had been the angel; all that presented good and he had needed him. No one had needed Jean in that way for so many years, no one had believed in him like Michael had.


Yes, Jean had loved him. Yes, there was a man in him that would never have hurt the angel he beheld, but the demons in his life and in Michael's life made him see a side that was not real. Something had changed. Other men noticed his love the same way that he did, they wanted him and Michael had flirted. Jean had watched this game. 'Whore... Show that whore who's the boss; do not let him get away with it...' The voice in his head had begun to whisper more and more often. And with terror he had waited for the moment when he would find his loved one, in a bed with another man; just as he had found Sebastian.

Michael had been excited when he had gotten the job in the restaurant, Jean hadn't shared his joy. “You only want to spend as little time with me as you can, you want to meet with new people, new lovers." Jean had accused him.

“It's not true. I wish you could trust me Jean.” Michael had answered. “I thought you'd be happy for me.”Michael had added with quiet voice. When Jean had seen the disappointment on his face, he had captured him in his arms.

“I am happy for you. I am sorry for what I said. I trust you, but I do not trust other men with you.”

“I would never cheat on you Jean, I hope you know that?” they had kissed.


Sometimes, during his days off, Jean had come and visited Michael's work place. He had sat in a table next to the window and followed closely his lovers working

“Jean, why are you always here? Do we not see each others often enough at home?” Michael had once asked him, sounding a bit agitated.

“You're flirting with customers, I do not like it.” Jean had told him, Michael had sighed deeply.

“I am a waiter; my job is to smile and to be polite to the customers; that is what you see, nothing else.”

”You should smile less; there's plenty of ways to smile and you? You flirt. I saw that one woman giving you some kind of note, what was it?”

“It was her phone number, I took it out of politeness, and I’ll throw it away though. What is it that you fear? That I turn straight and start calling after her?” Michael had asked him sounding annoyed.

“There are other men who are also giving their numbers to you, how can I know what you're doing to them? There must be some men who...”

"I really can not do this anymore Jean; I have to get back to work.” Michael had told him and left him sitting there on his own, There was more than one pair of eyes following Michael; Jean had felt the jealousy boiling inside him.


Then Sam had stepped into Michael's life and soon enough everything had began to change and break down little by little. Jean remembered how Michael had smiled when talking to Sam on the phone, the dreamy look in his eyes when ever he had been in Sam’s company. Late at night, when they had laid in bed together Jean had often wondered; would Michael think about him or would he be thinking about Samuel?

More and more often, Michael would refuse to have sex and more often then not; Jean would need all the willpower that he could get to respect that wish. Deep inside him; Jean had felt the darkness to raise it's ugly head. 'He cheats and then he leaves you, just like the others. Show that whore who's the boss!'

Sam visited them more often and Michael was always the happiest near him. Jean had looked at them from afar; Sam would say something to Michael and he would always look at him straight in the eyes, interested, a smile playing on his lips, Michael's beautiful laughter, the way that they had acted with one another. The way that Sam looked at Michael; the way his gaze always concentrated on his lips when Michael talked. Jean had seen it long before the words had been spoken, long before that night. The jealousy had nearly driven him mad and eventually it had.


And now the memories were haunting him, they were haunting his dreams as well as his thoughts, no moment of peace. Obsession; Michael was his obsession. He couldn't think of anything else, he couldn't want anyone else.

“I love you Jean... I want to be close to you, but you never let me... I want to know you truly, but you never speak... I love you Jean, talk to me.” His voice, the constant whispers in his head, the memories, and the painful memories; “Jean you're scaring me...hurting me... Jean, please, stop...” Michael is crying.


Michael sneaks up into the bedroom in the morning. “I made you some breakfast.” He lowers the platter down, on his lap, snuggles closer. “I love you Jean.” Jean kisses the younger one, the breakfast is left forgotten on the floor, Michael moans, Jean undresses him; his body is perfect and Jean never grows tired of it. He loves the noises that Michael makes when you push into him with strength. He loves to hold the younger, lighter man beneath him firmly. He loved the sounds that he made, loves them still. When Michael met Sam, he stopped telling him that he loved him


Jean falls into a deep sleep, and sees the dream that he has seen for many nights. In his dream Michael sits on a bed, in a middle of a room.

“I waited for you" He says and holds out his hands.

Jean rips his clothes off and takes him with force. Michael moans under him, his body becoming one with his. “I love you Jean.” Michael whispers and Jean kisses him. He worships his body, the way that his neck arches back in ecstasy.

“Will you be mine?” Jean asks.

“Yes, only yours.” Michael whispers and Jean rams into him with more strength. Michael screams and surrenders into his arms. And when Jean finally awakes, his boxers are wet from semen and he can hardly wait the day that his dream is true. “Soon Cherie, soon...” He whispers and smiles to the darkness.

Chapter 53.

4.11.2004

”Happy easter my dear!” Mrs. Grey pulled her son into a warm hug and kissed his cheek. After she had released her hold, she turned her focus on his fiencé.
“Michael, darling, so nice to see you.” She hugged and kissed his cheek as well. “Have you been well?” She asked looking at him closely.
“I've been fine Mrs. Grey and you?” Michael smiled
“Do not be so formal dear, I wish you would call me by my first name by now, you are family after all.” The woman smiled.
“Forgive me Ella. I'll do better next time.”
“There, that sounds better.” She pinched Michael's cheek motherly. Michael looked at Sam's amused face in confusion.

“Have you been eaten enough dear, you're still looking so thin?” Ella asked looking at his figure, her hands on both of his sides. “I can even feel your ribs through. Sam, are you feeding him enough? You should take better care of your boyfriend.” Ella scolded her son.

“Um. I think that you’re suppose to feel the ribs, but not see them...” Michael pointed out carefully before Sam had time to answer. Sam was holding in a laughter. Ella looked at Michael thoughtfully.

“You should still eat more, you're thinner than you were last summer.” The woman told him.
“Alright mother I see that he eats more, I promise.” Sam's voice was amused when he said it. Michael glanced at him, but didn't say a word.

Sam's father Edward stepped in after his wife.
“I was admiring your garden; spring has come early this year.” The man said with a smile. He hugged his son and then Michael, slapping their backs.
“Are you eating enough boy?” Edward asked and Michael sighed with frustration, but because he didn't want to be rude to Sam's parents, he smiled kindly to the man; after all they only meant good.

“I'm eating enough. I'm just smaller build than Sam, that's all.” He told them and eyed his boyfriend. There wasn't such a big size difference between them, but Sam was slightly taller and more muscular than him. Sam's body had changed from the time that they had first met each others; he had started working out even more, gaining more strength in his upper body. Michael knew that the reason for this change was Sam's worry of him.

Michael too had started working out more, it was true that he had lost weight since his kidnap; almost 7kg and now he wanted his former strength back. He would have to be stronger before Jean would come for him, he just didn't know how he could ever over power the man. Fretfully he had thought about their difference in weight; Jean weighted almost 20kg more than him, and Jean was almost a head taller than him. Michael himself wasn't even that short. One could think that with the height of 180cm, he could beat the most, but for some reason, all the men in his life were taller than him –extremely frustrating, and now they even had the guts to remind him of his small weight. Michael would have wanted to weight more than he did at the moment, but his appetite still hadn't returned to the level it once had been and after the shooting he hadn't been able to work out as hard as he had before. Now most of his exercise were of dancing and horse back riding.

He woke from his thoughts when Sam wrapped his arm over his shoulders.
“Earth calls Micha.” Michael looked up, meeting with Sam's eyes. There was a loving smile on his lips.
“My parents went to the living room already, come.” Michael took the offered hand, returned the smile and followed him into the room.

“Are your parents arriving soon?” Ella asked once they had sat down on the opposite couch. Michael glanced at the clock on the wall.
“They'll be here in a half an hour, I think.” He answered with a smile.
“Would you like a glass of wine?” Sam asked.
“Yes please.” Ella answered for the both of them. Sam stood up and poured some red wine for everyone, he then sat back down next to his lover.

Michael looked at the clock.
“I'm sorry, I'll have to go and check the supper. I'll come back soon.” He said and stood up.


“How is he really doing?” Ella asked once Michael had left the room.
“He's getting better, better by each day.” Sam told her and tasted the wine.
“That's good to hear, is he still seeing that therapist?”
“Yes, it helps him to talk about it to someone outsider.” Sam answered with a quiet voice. Michael hadn't talked about it with him much, and when ever something reminded him of the incident, Michael would fell silent, he would stare into the emptiness with glazed eyes as if disappearing for awhile into some darker place.

Sam didn't know if would he be able to just listen quietly as his lover would tell him more about those horrid days of his kidnapping, he didn't know would he be able to find the right words to bring him comfort. It was painful even for himself to remember those days in October, when he remembered the worry, remembered seeing Michael laying unconscious on the hospital bed , when he remembered those two police officers and what Michael had told them. The trial; Richard Matthews and his black eyes, the man had smiled to him, while giving his own testimony and Sam had felt sick; the devil had finally gotten a face.


Sam wondered if they should just sit down together and talk about it truthfully. But it just seemed that their worries would never come to an end. Jean was still out there complicating their life’s. And Sam didn't want to think about what was to come, not too much anyway. He was scared. It was easier to live day by day, it was easier to act as though everything would be fine, live like all the others, talk about work, talk about family and friends, laugh together with them.


But still; the fear was always on their minds; they could loose each others at any moment and at the same time they were haunted by what had happened in October, the unspoken things. At times it felt so heavy that Sam wasn't sure of how long they would last under that burden. Maybe they should just lay all their fears on the table and face them. Speak out loud. Sam sighed and stared at the wine glass in his hand. Why did everything have to be so hard for them?

“Samuel, darling, is everything alright?” His mother asked with worry. Sam looked at her, smiled. He decided to forget about his worries for that night at least. He just wanted so badly that everything would turn out alright, that Jean would just disappear, die, or at least be caught and send to jail. He hoped that all of them would just stay there for the rest of their life's.
“Yes, I just got lost in my own thoughts. Everything is alright.” Sam told her and forced a smile.

*******

20 minutes later Evelyn and Henry arrived. They had met only once before with Sam's parents, when Michael had been in the hospital. The time had been totally wrong for them to get to know each others better; they had all been too sick with worry. Tonight was different.

Evelyn smiled nervously when meeting Ella's eyes. Unlike the first time that they had met, Evelyn was now very much aware of how rich Samuel's parents were. She took a deep, calming breath, fixed the hem of her dress and walked closer with her husband on her side.

Henry looked at his wife with a smile, noticing how nervous she felt. Evelyn had changed her clothes about twenty times before they had finally left the house and she had spend almost two hours doing her hair and makeup. Henry would never learn to get that. If someone would ask him, he would say that his wife needed no make-up. Still, at the age of 45, Evelyn was stunningly beautiful woman, looking much younger than her true age


Evelyn reached out her hand to greet Ella, but instead of a handshake, Ella hugged her,
“I've been waiting to meet with you again.” Ella smiled. “In happier circumstances than last time.” The woman whispered after, when she saw Michael stepping into the room. Henry and Edward shook each others hands, Henry then greeted Ella the same way and Edward kissed Evelyn's palm with a polite compliment of her beauty.

Michael sat next to Sam and followed quietly to the conversation that their parents were having. Ella and his mother were admiring each others hair and dresses.
“You look so beautiful Evelyn. Have you done your hair yourself?”
“Yes.” Evelyn smiled and moved a lock of hair behind her ear.
“Oh you are so skilled...” Ella admired and his mother blushed at this.

Their fathers were having a conversation about the weather. Michael looked at Sam.
“Does this feel at all strange to you?” He asked with a whisper. Sam laughed seeing the look on his face.
“Strange? How so?”
”Well, our fathers are talking about the weather and our mothers... Well, just look at them.” Sam turned his eyes on the two women, who were still complimenting each others look. Evelyn was slowly staring to get over from her nervous state, but Ella's eager complimenting still seemed to make her somewhat embarrassed. Sam smiled. Maybe he should ask his mother to take it down a little.


”Sam will you come and help me set the table? If you think that I'm going to do everything by myself then you're wrong.” Michael said standing up, he grinned seeing Sam's expression.
“Well I didn't think that you would, the only reason that I stayed away from the kitchen earlier, was because I didn't want to spoil the supper by doing something stupid.” Sam explained when following him into the kitchen. Michael chuckled.

“Well luckily you can handle the dishes...” Michael smiled and handed the plates for him. “I'm a chef, not the one to set the table.” He added. Sam sighed, smiled and took the plates from his hands. He gave a quick kiss on Michael's cheek.
“What was that for?” Michael asked with a smile.

“For being you.” He told him and smiled back.


Later that evening, they sat in front of the dinner table, finishing their supper.
“This was really delicious, Sam was right; you are a great cook.” Ella complimented. Michael smiled. Others were thanking him as well.
“Thank you. I'm glad you like.”
“Where have you learned to cook like this? From your mother?” Ella asked looking at Evelyn.
“I think that my son's gift comes from my mother rather than me.” Evelyn told her.
“My mother is just being too modest, she is a great cook.” Michael told them, looking at his mother and smiling to her. He stood up from the table and this time he didn't even have to ask Sam's help.

“Good boy, you're learning.” Michael teased once they came into the kitchen.
“Do I get a some kind of a price now?” Sam grinned.
“We'll see how the evening goes. There's a tray, the desert is in the fridge. You can go on and serve them.”
“You're so bossy...” Sam joked, kissed his neck and then did as he had wished.

They sat back in front of the table.
“Do you like to hunt Henry?“ Edward asked tasting his brandy.
“It's been awhile since I've last gone out haunting. I think it was back in Ireland, when I was a young man.” Henry told him.
“How about foxhaunting, ever tried?” Edward asked with curiosity. Henry glanced quickly towards his wife an son knowing what they thought of foxhunting, he then looked back at Edward.
“No, never tried that.” He told him.
“Well then, we will have to fix that now don't we? You and your wife are welcomed to join us some weekend at summer. We'll invite a bigger group, take horses and head out to hunting. If I have understood correctly, you've grown up in a horse ranch? So I'm sure you can ride a horse?”
“Yes I can.”
“And you Evelyn?” Edward looked at the woman.
“I can ride, but I'm not sure if I want to join.” She told him carefully.
“Michael, Sam, you'll join us too won't you?” Sam was about to answer, but Michael was faster.

“No thank you, I have no wish to join in the slaughter of a poor innocent creature.” Michael told him quickly, not caring if he sounded rude or not. Sam nudged his side and looked at him in a disapproving manner.
“Well you can go Sam, if you wish. I just think that foxhunting is terribly gruel and should be forbidden all together. I will not just sit here and pretend that I approve of it, just so that I could please others.” Michael told them calmly and tasted his wine. He looked at his parents; who were begging him with their eyes to stay quiet. Edward laughed.

”Foxhunting is an age old British tradition, it would be a shame to forbid it completely like they are planning on doing.” The man was looking at him.
“I know, but even though something is a tradition, it doesn't mean that it's a good one, all traditions simply aren't good ones. Hunting is acceptable as long as one hunts for food, but foxhunting; it's only purpose is to entertain people by the hurt of one helpless animal. I am sorry Mr. Grey, I'm not saying this to offend anyone, I'm just telling my own opinion. How would you feel if you had a herd of dogs chasing after you, just waiting to tear you into pieces? A pretty painful death I'd say.” Michael continued.


“I think you've had enough of wine dear.” Sam said and tried to move the wine glass away from his fiancé, but Michael stopped him.
“I have not drank more than the others have.” Michael said, looking at Sam and lifting the glass up to his lips. Edward was already opening his mouth when Sam suddenly stood up.
“Right, well, why don't we move to sit in the living room?”
“Yes, why don't we.” Henry and Evelyn replied as if speaking with the same mouth and stood up as well.
“I can help Michael with the dishes, you can go.” Evelyn suggested.

After everyone else had left them, Evelyn looked at her son for a long time. Michael didn't say a word, just piled up the dishes looking tense. Evelyn took some dished in her hands and walked into the kitchen after Michael.
“You should be more careful with that mouth of yours dear.” She told him quietly. Michael rinsed the dishes and placed them into the dishwasher. He glanced at his mother.
“Why?”
“Well, they're the parents of your fiancé and they are...”
“They are what mother? Rich? What difference does it make? You should know me well enough by now; I was just telling my own opinion of the subject. Why should I lie to them, by telling them that I think it's okay when I really don't think that it is? And you mother, I know you agree with me about it.
“But the way you said it... you should have been more polite about it.” Evelyn spoke firmly, Michael turned to look at her, Evelyn sighed, touched his cheek. “I know my son, I know that you speak your mind just like my mother did. There is so much of Isabella in you... But my darling, my sweet Michael; there are times though, when you should just keep your thoughts to yourself. Think of Samuel, they are his parents, show some respect for them.”
“I do respect them, but I'm still not going to stay silent of what I'm thinking. Do not ask me to do it, for I can not. I've done it long enough, I've stayed silent for long enough. Mother... you must understand.” Evelyn hugged her son tightly.
“I do, I understand.”

**********

“Dad, I'm sorry, Michael didn't mean to sound so rude, he just, well... perhaps he just drank too much wine.” Sam told his father quietly.
“I'm sorry too for my son, his mouth seems to run away with him sometimes. He meant no harm, I can assure you.” Henry said then, making Sam feel slightly embarrassed, for he hadn't meant for Henry to hear his apology.
Edward, for the surprise of both of them, started to laugh.
“Oh, there is really no need t apologize. I must say Sam, finally you've made a good choice, I like him. Finally someone to speak their mind." Edward said, looking at his sons surprised face. “I only think that it's a good sign, he feels comfortable enough with you and with us, not to feel the need to pretend... Not all have to like foxhunting and I promise that I'll never bother your boyfriend with it again. Keep a hold of him Sam, with him, you never get bored, I'm sure of it.” Edward smiled to his son.
“I must agree Samuel, he is just lovely.” Ella confirmed and Henry couldn't help but to smile when hearing his son being complimented. Soon enough, Sam was also smiling with pride.

“Where will you spend the night?” Michael asked his mother when they were leaving.
“We'll go to a hotel, your father has booked a suite for us. We plan to go dancing.” Evelyn said, giggling like a school girl.
“Have fun then.” Michael whispered, hugged her and kissed her cheek.
“We will, see you next week darling.”
“Okay.” Michael hugged his dad as well. And after saying their goodbyes to the others Evelyn and Henry left. The car for Edward and Ella arrived soon after. Sam accompanied them to outside, watching as their car pulled off from the driveway.

He walked upstairs and into the bedroom where he found his fiancé. Michael looked angry when their eyes met, he pulled the bedspread off, with more drama than necessary.
“Well, this was an interesting night.” Sam said, looking at him, undressing his shirt. He placed the shirt back into the wardrobe, took his watch of and placed it on the table.
“Indeed it was.” Michael snorted.

“Why are you snapping at me for? I'm the one who should be angry, you could have been more friendly to my father.” Sam told him, when in reality it really didn't bother him anymore, all that did bother him; was Michael's attitude. The other acted as though he would have done something really afful.
“I just told him my opinion and you...you immediately start saying: 'Oh my, my, Michael must have drank too much, I must apologize for his behavior, when his so dumb that he can't do it himself.” Michael snapped throwing some extra pillows from the bed. Sam sighed.

”We're not really fighting about this, are we?” Sam asked, Michael looked at him angrily, tapping the pillows with such a fury that Sam almost felt sorry for them.
“So apparently the answer is yes? Alright. I don't think that it was at all proper to start argue in the dinner table like that. Fox hunting happens to be something that my father greatly enjoys doing and I think that it's not always necessary to speak your own opinion about things in such manner. You could have politely refused like your mother did.” Sam said and took off his jeans.
“And you Sam? You think that foxhunting is okay then? Have you been with them in such a trips?” Michael asked seeming a bit upset.

“What the hell does it matter even if I have been? It was the environment that I grew up in and yes, when I was younger I was with them. It doesn't mean that I like it, it means that I wanted to spend time with my relatives and friends. And what kind of animal activist have you suddenly become?” Sam's voice tightened, he shook his jeans and then folded them, placing them into the wardrobe as well.
“Well, I'm terribly sorry Samuel, for feeling for those poor animals, but I've been that fox and I know how it feels like when a heard of bigger beings want to rip you to pieces. And let me assure you, it is everything but fun!” Michael snapped, he took his pillow and blanket from the bed and headed towards the door. “I am not sleeping next to you this night, I'll go to one of the guestrooms.” He said, but stopped once he had reached the door, he looked at Sam and then walked closer to him. “No, why should I sleep in another room? You can go else where.” Michael said then and shove the pillow and the blanket in Sam's arms. He then walked back over to the bed and sat on the edge of it. “Good night.” He said. Sam sighed and without a word, he left the room.


Sam seek out a room for himself and made the bed. “This is what you get from taking a mix of Spanish and Irish as your mate.” He sighed to himself as he laid down. He stared at the ceiling wondering why on earth had he gotten along in such a childish fight. On the other hand, just as his father had told him, this was, in some weird way, a sign that Michael was getting better. Michael was feeling save enough with him, that he could argue with him. He thought months back, thought about October and how scared and jumpy Michael had been when he had been released home from the hospital and now that same young man had just minutes back yelled at him, insisted that he should sleep in another room over a stupid little fight that they had had; a fight about...foxes? Sam couldn't help but to smile; yes, Michael was indeed starting to get better.


Sam close his eyes, turned to lay on his side and turned around again. He laid on his back, listened to the steady clicking of the clock, it only seemed to get louder; what an annoying sound. He turned around again, took the other pillow and squeezed it against his chest. He sighed, opened his eyes and stared at the wall in front of him; Great, he thought, he couldn't fall a sleep, he couldn't get sleep without Michael next to him.


Michael whirled around in the bed, he had never really understood how big it was until now, it really was large. He close his eyes and the silence in the room felt almost pressing. And he felt a lot colder than usually. He moved to the center of the bed; something was missing. He turned to lay on his back and stared at the ceiling. Listening the quietness that suddenly broke, he was almost sure that he heard something from downstairs. His heart was beading wildly, he looked at Sam's side of the bed feeling regretful that he had driven him away from the bed that they usually shared.

Another strange sound. Michael sat up, wrapped a thin coverlet on him and padded across the floor to the door. The door creaked as he opened it and he thought that he should remind Sam to oil the hinges. He looked at the dark corridor, listened quietly. Finally he dared to move away from the doorway. He tried to see in the dark, he hated dark. Little by little his eyes adjusted and he began to see more clearly. He moved quietly, looking at all the different doors. He wondered which room Sam had chosen and at the same time wondered why on earth did they have such a big house, they would never need all of the rooms in it.
“Sam...” He called finally and understood that he would have to use more voice. “Sam?” He called again, moving forward.

One of the doors opened. Sam leaned against the doorway, folded his arms against his chest and smiled with a questioning eyebrow. Michael walked closer to him.

“I can't sleep without you.” Michael whispered. “Will you forgive me for being silly?” He asked then. Sam still smiled, reached out his hand for him, which Michael took. He pulled him close and they kissed.
“I think that we were both silly and I couldn't sleep without you either.” Sam whispered, backing away into the room and pulling Michael gently from his hand to follow him. “Come on fox boy.” Sam grinned and slapped his bottom gently, Michael smiled. They laid together on the bed and kissed again.

“That might have been the most silliest fight that we have ever had.” Sam sighed, stroking Michael's hair.
“Yes, it was.” Michael admitted giving him a soft kiss on his lips.
“Somehow I got the feeling that we weren't really fighting over foxes just now.” Sam whispered after staying quiet for awhile. They turned to lay so that Sam's chest was against Michael's back, Sam kissed his neck and felt how Michael was drawing lazy circles on his palm with his fingers.
“I...” He started, but didn't know how to continue.
“Jean, you're afraid of him.” Sam said quietly and saw Michael nodding his head slowly.
“I am scared and I've been stressed out because of this situation and I... I take it out on you, because you're close. I know that it isn't right.” Michael whispered, Sam pulled him even closer to himself.
“People do that, take it out to a person that is the closest. I understand that, don't worry. You can yell at me all you like and I still know that you don't love me any less than before, quite the opposite... I'm scared too you know.” Sam whispered.
“Do you mind if we talk about this later Sam?...I'm tired.” Michael asked gazing into the darkness.

“Alright.” Sam kissed his shoulder, Michael still held his hand.
“I love you.” He whispered, closing his eyes.
“And I you.” Sam whispered back and laid his head on the pillow, close to Michael. They would talk later.


Chapter 54.

”Lisa called, she's leaving to Greece next week with her husband, and she asked if we could take care of Joshua while they’re gone. The person who was suppose to take him, canceled just now... So, what do you think?” Sam asked once he had gotten off the phone. Michael, who sat on the couch reading, looked up to him and smiled.
“Why not. Joshua is a nice kid, I think we can manage a week with him.” He said.
“Yes, I hope so. Well, it would be nice to spend more time with my nephew… I'll call her back and tell it's okay ” Sam smiled back, in reality he was a bit scared of how he would be able to take care of a four year old. Day's spend with Joshua, had passed by alright, but then there had been his parents near if needed. But then he remembered, how great Michael was with Joshua, so he thought that they would manage just fine.


*

“Uncle, uncle, where is my room?” The little blond boy asked enthusiastically when rushing in.
“Joshua Oliver Hammond, do you remember what we discussed about at home?” Lisa asked from her son.
“Must behave good?” He suggested.
“That’s right.” Lisa answered. “And were you behaving nicely just now?” She asked, the boy bend his head to the side and swayed his little body back and forth.
“No mother.”

”I'm sorry uncle.” He muttered, Sam ruffled his hair and smiled.
“It's okay little fellow.” He said with gentle voice.
“Where's uncle Michael?” The boy asked then, looking around.
“He's still sleeping, what if you go and wake his lazy ass up.” Sam grinned.
“At this hour?! Yes, I'll go and wake him up!” Joshua shrieked enthusiastically and rushed towards the stairs. Sam laughed and then looked at his sister.
“Would you like a cup of tea?”
“I can't stay long, but I always have the time for one cup of tea.” Lisa smiled and followed her brother into the kitchen.

Lisa looked at the time, it was almost one in the afternoon.
“How can he be sleeping at this hour?” She asked with a smile. Their whole family had always been morning persons, they had never been able to understand the joy of sleeping late in the afternoon, only time when they slept late was when they were sick. Sam turned to look at her and smiled.
“Well, I guess he's taking back the sleeping debt that he has... Although, I have heard, that he has always loved seeping late and because of that was often in the danger of missing the first classes of school.” Sam grinned.

********************

“Uncle Michael wake up, wake up Micha.” Michael opened his eyes lazily when feeling someone shaking his arm andcalling his name. He glanced at his side and saw Joshua.
“Good morning little one.” He muttered.
“Good morning?! It's noon already, you're such a sleepy head!” The boy laughed.
“I guess I am.” Michael smiled.
“Father said that gentlemen don't sleep late.” The boy told him. Michael yawned, keeping his palm over his mouth.
“I guess I'm not a gentleman then.” He grinned.
“You are, but you must wake up earlier... Get up, I'll show you my new toys!" The boy jumped off from the bed. “Come on, come on!” Michael slowly stood up.

“Can I dress my jeans on first?” He asked with a laughter, when the boy had already taken his hand and started pulling him towards the door.
“Oh okay... but hurry!”


***********

”Joshua hasn't talked about anything beside coming here this whole week. He seems to be totally in love with Michael; Michael this and Michael that.” Lisa laughed. “Well it's no wonder, he always has the energy to play with him, he's good with children.”
“Should I feel jealous perhaps?” Sam grinned. He looked at his boyfriend and his nephew, who were playing with toy cars on the living room floor. Michael looked up to him, grinned and shook his head with a soft laughter as Joshua spoke out loud while playing.

”You can play with these.” Joshua told Michael and gave him few cars and a mini soldier. “That one could go over there and then this would come from here and they would crash.” Joshua made a crashing sound and lift the toy car up into the air. “Now we need to take them to the garage, to get them fixed.” Joshua explained.
“Who is going to fix them?”
“He is, he's the repairman and there's the garage.” Joshua pointed at the soldier in Michael's hand and then at the box, in which his toys had been.
“Oh, okay.” Michael smiled.

“Joshua pumpkin, mum is leaving now, will you come and give me a hug?” Lisa asked, stepping further into the living room. The boy stood up and walked over to her. Lisa knelled down and hugged him, Joshua kissed her cheek. “You'll be a good boy now, listen to your uncle and Michael.” She said.
“I will. Bye mum.”
”I love you.”
“I love you too mum.”
“I'll see you in a week.”

“Have a nice holiday Lisa, don't take too much sun!” Michael said and winked at her.
“Thank you, and no I won't.” She smiled and then hugged her brother. “Take good care of my little one.” She whispered.
“Of course we will, have a nice trip.” Sam smiled. And then she was gone.

***************

Michael was making some evening snack in the kitchen, when Sam walked into the room.
“Where's Joshua?” Michael asked with a smile.
“Watching cartoons in the living room.” Sam smiled back. “So, what are we having?”
“Just tea, some cucumber sandwiches and pudding. You are not terribly hungry, are you?” Michael asked.
“Nope, the supper was quite filling.” Sam tapped on his stomach.
“Should we eat here or in the dining room?”
“Lets eat here, I'll go and get Josh.” Sam kissed his cheek quickly.


The evening snack went by with happy chatting, Joshua was telling them about his favorite toys and why he thought that spiderman was better than Batman.

When they had finished eating, Sam went and put the cartoon back on that Joshua had been watching earlier. He then returned into the kitchen to help Michael to clean up.
“I think it's wonderful to see how you act with him, you’re good with children.” Sam said as Michael placed the dishes into the dishwasher.
“It's easy to get along with Josh, he's been brought up well.” Michael smiled. “He looks just like you, I'm sure that boy is going to brake some hearts when he gets older.” He continued then, closing the dishwasher and putting it on.
“Am I a heart breaker?” Sam grinned and pressed his boyfriend gently against the counter.
“Yes, I believe you've broken many hearts before me.” Michael grinned back.
“Well I don't know about that... I believe that you're a greater heart breaker than I am." Sam sighed and kissed his lips, when he met with Michael's eyes he noticed that his expression had changed. “What is it?”
“Oh nothing... nothing.” Michael said, smiled and reached his lips with his own. Sam brought his hand behind his neck to deepen the kiss, Michael wrapped his arms around him. Sam moaned almost forgetting the time and place.

“What are you doing?” They heard a small voice asking from behind them. Sam pulled away from Michael quickly and looked at his nephew with red cheeks. Curious blue eyes were looking back at him.
“I gave a kiss to Michael.” Sam answered as Michael was blushing behind him.
“Oh, okay, and what happens next?” The boy asked hugging the teddy bear in his arms, the curious expression staying on his face. Michael almost burst out laughing, he had to turn his face away from the boy. Sam also had difficulties keeping a straight face. He smiled.
“What happens next is; that you are going to bed young man.” Sam answered and took the boy in his arms.
“Well, who will read me a bedtime story then?” Joshua asked.
“I can, after you've brushed your teeth's.” Michael said after he had managed to pull himself together. They exchanged amused looks with Sam, as he was walking towards the bathroom with the boy.


“So, what story would you like me to read then?” Michael asked with a smile and sat down on a chair beside the bed. The boy fixed the cover around himself and seemed to be thinking.
“Um, um... Ugly Duckling!” He told then.
“That was one of my favorite stories, when I was young.” Michael said as he was glancing through the book to find the right story.
“Oh it was?” The boy asked. Michael met his eyes and smiled softly.
“Yes... so, lets get started with the story then...”


When he had finished the fairytale, the boy didn't look any more tired than what he had been when it started.
“You should go to sleep now.” He told him.
“Just one more story, some of your favorites?” The boy asked so sweetly, that he couldn't refuse him.
“Alright,hm... What about a story of a wolf and a squirrel?” Michael grinned.
”I've never heard of a story like that.”
“That's because it's not written yet.” Michael told him and leaned backwards on the chair, he hoped that he could tell the story as good as his mother had.
“It was late fall, darkness all around and it had been raining for days. This night, at the deep forest of the north, was different from the others, a mother wolf, the leader of the herd, was about to give birth. Two cubs were born. The first born's fur was black as the night, a silver arrow on his forehead, the name for this cub was; Relámpago oscuro, but they would simply call him Oscuro.”
“What does that mean?”
“It's Spanish. Relámpago means lightning and Oscuro means dark.” Michael told him smiling. “Now, the other cubs fur was silver as the moon and on his forehead there was a white star,and this cub was named; Luz de la luna, which basically means the light of the moon, in short he would be called Luz...” Michael continued telling the story the best way that he could remember it and Joshua listened with interest.

“This story is long and it's getting late, I'll continue it tomorrow if you wish.” Michael said finally and stood up. He tucked the boy in better and received a kiss on his cheek.
“Good night Micha, you're cute.” Joshua said and Michael laughed softly.
“Good night Josh, you're quite cute yourself.” He whispered, kissed his forehead and walked across the room. He turned the lights off and close the door after him.


”I started telling him the wolf story. It seemed impossible to get him to fall sleep.” Michael sighed with a tired smile on his lips as he walked into their bedroom. Sam smiled and placed the book, that he had been reading, down from his hands.
“Do you want to take a bath?” Sam asked.
“A bath? Together?” Michael asked and took his over-shirt off.
“Yes of course together. I want to wash your back, you look like you could need something to relax you.” Sam grinned.
“Alright.” Michael smiled and let his boyfriend to lead him the way to the bathroom.

“You've already made the bath.” Michael noted.
“While you were reading the story.” Sam answered, walking in front of him.
“Mmm... a bubble bath...” Michael grinned. Sam lifted his t-shirt up and Michael helped him by raising his arms. Sam threw the piece of clothing somewhere onto the floor and kissed him. His hands were opening his belt and the buttons of his jeans as the kiss continued on.

“I thought that we came in here, just to take a bath.” Michael breathed out as Sam was tugging his jeans and boxers down to his ankles. Michael stepped out of them, kicking them out of the way.

“Who said that bathing should be dull.” Sam grinned as he knelled down in front of him.
“Bathing is never dull, not with you...” Michael whispered as he felt Sam's hot breathing on his groin, he close his eyes. Sam was licking on his balls, took them into his mouth completely. Michael bit down on his lower lip, trying to stay as quiet as he could. His cock stood hard, throbbing, needing attention. Michael sighed with frustration as Sam's lips and hands touched everywhere but where he needed to be touched the most. So close and yet so far. He felt his breathing, the lick of his tongue; the first touch on his length. Then again he lost the touch. Carefully Michael brought his hand to touch Sam's hair, taking some inside his palm but careful not to hurt him.
“Sam please...” He moaned, looking down. Sam looked up, grinning wickedly.

“What? What do you want?” He asked, although he knew perfectly well what it was. Another frustrated sigh from Michael's lips. “Tell me what it is you want love.” Sam urged, looking into his eyes. He caressed the silky skin of his inner thighs.

“Isn't it quite obvious what I want?” Michael asked bringing his hips closer.

“Yes, but I want you to say it.” Sam told him, bringing his hands on his buttocks, squeezing and massaging.

“Mmh...I want... I want you to take it in your mouth.” Michael said finally. Sam grinned wildly, brought his lips closer and finally gave him what he had longed for. Sam took him as deep into his throat as he could take him, he then spat on his hand and helped with it the movements of his lips. Michael bend his neck back in pleasure, he moaned as quietly as he could. Sam looked at him. Kept stroking him with his hand and spat on the other. He took him into his mouth again and brought his hand between Michael's buttocks, carefully pushing one finger inside him. He knew he had found what he had been looking for when Michael let out a surprised sigh, moving his hips closer to get a better contact. Sam felt his own cock throbbing with need and want, nothing was as stimulating as to bring pleasure to Michael, to hear it from his voice, to see it from his face.


Michael gave him the warning, that he would be coming soon. Sam continued working, felt Michael's muscles contracting around his finger and soon enough he tasted him in his mouth. Sam swallowed all that he could and licked away what he had been able to get. Michael tried to calm down his breathing, his forehead was glimmering from sweat. Sam stood up and kissed him, Michael responded to the kiss, tasting himself on his lovers lips. The kiss heated up.


When Sam had undressed his own clothes they sat into the bathtub together. Michael's back was leaning against his chest. His head resting against his shoulder. He close his eyes and smiled, feeling content and save. Sam took the sponge and started washing his chest with it.

“You give a good head Sam.” Michael whispered, a smile playing on his lips. Sam smiled with satisfaction.

“I do?” He asked and Michael nodded his head.
“You're the best.” Michael said and turned his head to kiss him. “I can return the favor?” Michael asked looking at him with curiosity.
“If you like...” Sam answered carefully. Michael turned around kissed him, moved his hand down on his wet chest, making small circles around his nipples. He kissed them, took them between his lips one by one. Sam moaned into the kiss as he felt Michael's hand moving lower until it disappeared under the surface of the water. Soon he felt a grasp around his cock, it had been hard ever since he had given a blow job to Michael.
“You must have wanted me pretty badly?” He asked cunningly, not moving his hand.
“Michael please...” Sam asked looking into his eyes. Michael grinned again, kissed him and started moving his hand agonizingly slow.

“More...” Sam moaned.
“More what? Faster?” Michael grinned.
”Mmh...faster...” Sam sighed. Michael did what was asked, caressing his balls at the same time, kissing his neck, his shoulders, his chest.
“You're good at this, you're good in everything...” Sam sighed. Michael smiled and started stroking him even more faster. Soon he felt Sam's organ to start pulsating in his hands and Sam's head threw back, he moaned as he came.

Michael kissed his neck while waiting for the last drop to come out.
“Felt good...” Sam whispered.
“I thought so...” Michael grinned, he turned around again, resting his head on his shoulder.

“Will you wash my back now?” He asked then.
“Yes, of course.” Sam took the sponge and Michael leaned forward, his knees close to his chest arms around his legs. He rested his head on his knees. There was a moment of silence, the even sound of the water splashing, when Sam washed his back slowly with sponge.

“Are you ready to tell me about this scar?” Sam asked and touched it lightly. Michael sighed, maybe it was time for them to talk.
“Ricky carved his initials on my skin.” He started quietly and felt as Sam was a bit shaken by his words. But as he said nothing, Michael continued. “I felt ashamed, I thought that I could never take it if you would see it, I was afraid that you might despise me because of that, I know it's silly, but that's what I thought back then. My biggest fear Sam, is to hear those words from your lips that I've heard from so many men already.” Michael took a deep breath, his eyes were glimmering with tears. “I feared that you would think that I truly am a whore...Which is silly because that is what I was and there's no way of getting past that.” Sam pulled him close again, his arms wrapped around him.

“I have never though that about you, and nothing will ever make me think that way.” Sam whispered. “Michael, my love, don't you know what I think? You've told me everything. I've seen you laying there on that hospital bed unconscious, I've heard their testimonies in court... I've heard people who thought that you were his nephew... Never once have I thought about what you just said you feared... You are the best, most sexiest lover I've ever had and at the same time, you are my best friend. The one I can tell everything, trust everything.” Sam whispered. Michael smiled with relief and close his eyes.

”The initials are gone now...” Sam whispered next.
“I was at Tony's place on new years eve. I asked him to change the scar and he did it.” Michael told him, Sam was silent for a moment.

“It still feels hard for me to think how much you suffered... The thought of them,touching you...” Sam's voice tightened, his breathing stiffened. Michael placed his hand on his thigh to calm him down. “I'll never forget his eyes, that day in the court room, when you weren't there, that bastard looked straight into my eyes and smiled, I wanted to tear his face off. His behavior... with no remorse. That memory makes my blood boil. I hope with all my heart that he has gotten a taste of his own medicine in jail, that they all have...” Sam took a deep breath, rage still inside. “One of those men was the same age that I am.” He said biting his teeth's together. Michael felt tears in his eyes as the horrid memories came back to him.

“When I was young, before... before all went wrong for me, I never thought... I could never imagine that... The pain, it was horrid, I almost couldn't take it Sam, but I...” Sam took his hand in his and squeezed it. “But I remembered every good thing, I remembered you, how happy you've made me... How much I love you, and I love you so much more than I ever thought possible...and so I took the pain, I survived it; I survived because I wanted you, I wanted this, to be in your arms like this and....” Michael turned to look at him. “And I am here, I'm here now.” And carefully they kissed and lovingly they held each others, not wanting to let go ever again.

That night they both cried, talked some more, becoming more and more close. Sam couldn't help but to think of how many ways those men had touched Michael, taken their pleasure in his pain and Jean had been there. Jean had watched it to happen and he had taken part in it. Sam remembered very clearly the relationship between Jean and Michael, he had watched it close. He remembered how possessive Jean had been. He had hated the man then and he hated him even more now. There had never been any love involved, no one who had ever loved someone could hurt them in the way that Jean had hurt Michael.

How could Jean have watched the gang rape from the side? How could he have taken part in torturing his ex-lover, the man he claimed to love? Sam could not and would not ever understand that. Jean had been with Michael for two years and still should do something so horrid after all that time. It most certainly was not love; it was nothing more than a sick obsession. And the worst thing was, that the man was still out there; still a threat. Sam held on to Michael even more tightly, almost fearing to let go. Sam knew that he couldn’t continue life without him, he just couldn't, he wouldn't know how.

Chapter 55.

Their days with Joshua were happy and full of laughter. They felt like a family, a real family. Silly games that made them laugh; hide and seek. Michael sat in the middle of the floor hiding under a blanket, laughing, Joshua came to look, at first not realizing which only made them laugh more. Then he was found and Joshua hide behind an armchair. Then it was Sam's turn; he hid beside the fireplace, a blanket on. Joshua look for him, while Kitty and Michael were both trying their best not to laugh. Laughter sprung, this was Joshua's favorite game, their all favorite game. And Sam could have watched his lover forever; the smile on his face; lighting up his eyes. His laughter; the most beautiful sound in all the world, music to his ears. These small moments he knew he would cherish forever. They were happy.

*************

4.23

Sam had left for work that day and Michael was alone with Joshua. It had taken some convincing to Sam that he would be alright alone in daytime, that nothing bad would happen. But still, Sam kept calling him from work as often as he could; Michael only thought it was sweet, it felt nice that Sam cared so.

Joshua watched cartoons in the living room while Michael was cleaning the kitchen after their cooking. They had made some pizza's and it had left the kitchen floor and table filled with flours. Michael smiled, he liked spending time with Joshua. He liked the family feeling. He smiled as he cleaned, smiled as he heard the voice of the tv, smiled as he answered the phone and told Sam for the fifth time that he and Joshua were both fine. He felt so calm, content and happy. It was possible to be happy, it was possible to live with scars. It was possible to love and give yourself completely even after all the horror of the past; it was possible.


“Uncle, uncle!” Joshua ran to greet Sam in the hall when he came home. Sam grasped the boy in his arms.
“What's up buddy?”
“I made you some pizza, a wiener pizza.” Joshua told him with a giggle.
“A wiener pizza?” Sam wondered.
“Yes, a wiener pizza.” Came Michael's voice, Sam looked at him, answered to his smile with his own and lowered Joshua down from his lap. They greeted with a kiss.
“I missed you.” Sam whispered close to his ear.
“I missed you too.” Michael smiled, looking deep into his eyes.


They sat in front of the table and Sam looked at the odd looking piece of pizza on his plate; it really was a pizza with piece of wieners, not pepperoni, not sausages, but wieners... He looked at the expecting face of his nephew.
“Mmm... Looks delicious.” He lied, took a deep breath and tasted it.

The pizza tasted somewhat interesting, which was a nice way of saying it, but as he didn't want to make Joshua disappointed, he smiled and told it was delicious. He ate the whole piece.
“I think you deserve a reward for that.” Michael whispered.
“Hm... I wonder what my reward is going to be...” Sam grinned.
“You'll see.” Michael grinned back and continued eating.

*******************

Later Sam had gone into his working room to continue his work. Michael took Joshua to bed and like every other night the boy agreed on going to sleep only after he would hear the story about the wolf and the squirrel.
“It's getting late, we'll continue tomorrow.” Michael promised and wrapped the blanket better on the boy.
“I want Dino... I can't sleep without Dino.” Joshua told him, meaning the dinosaur toy he always slept with. Michael went to get it and then placed it beside the boy. As he was turning to leave the room, the boy's voice stopped him.

“The wiener pizza tasted quite bad.” Joshua muttered. Michael turned his head and laughed softly.
“Was it?”
“Yes, I think that uncle Sam was really brave when he ate the whole piece, I hid mine in a napkin. Was I bad?”
“Sam is a brave man. You were a little bad, you should have told me that you didn't like it, I would have given you something else. Are you hungry now?”
“No, because I was bad again and took another pizza in secret. Are you mad at me now uncle Michael?” Michael couldn't help but to smile.
“No, I'm not mad. But next time; tell us and ask us if you’d like something else.” He answered.
“Alright. Are you going to tell uncle what I did?”
“Shouldn't I tell him?”
“Well, you can tell him, but ask him not to be too mad at me.”
“Sam won't be mad Josh, I promise. Go to sleep now.” The boy snuggled under the blanket, his head resting on the pillow.
“Good night Micha.”
“Good night.” Michael turned the lights off, shaking his head with a smile as he close the door.


He walked into the kitchen to boil some tea and the returned upstairs carrying a tray; towards Sam's office.
“You've worked all day, don't you think it's time for you to rest?” He asked stepping further into the room. Sam moved his eyes from his computer screen to him and smiled.

“Just one moment, I want to finish this.” He answered. Michael placed the tray on the table.
“Well, I brought you some tea and cookies.” He said giving him the cup which Sam took with gratitude.
“Thank you love.” He said, tasted it and placed the cup on the table.

“What are you doing?” Michael bowed down to look at the screen. Sam tapped on his lap
“Sit.” He urged.
“Like a dog he treats me.” Michael joked, and sat down with a smile on his lips. Sam wrapped his arm around his waist.
“I'm working on a year plan, like what kind of events I could arrange at the gym, how to keep up customer relationships and stuff like that, plus I was looking at the inventory.” Sam told him, the Word-window went down and was placed with an Excel-window.

“Looks boring.” Michael commented and Sam close the excel-window.
“Work often is.” Sam answered, took his tea-cup and drank some more, Michael snuggled closer to him.
“May I look what you've written here?” He asked.
“Be my guest.” Sam answered and Michael leaned in closer to the computer screen so that his butt met with Sam's crotch even better. Sam felt his cock starting to take notice at this contact. He swallowed, moved his hand under Michael's shirt, stroking gently at the smooth and warm skin. Michael didn't say anything, he just kept reading, but at the same time he moved his hips again, causing friction. He moved back, his back resting against his chest. He took support from Sam's thigh, moved his hand on his inner thigh and gave it a slight squeeze. He grinned at the computer screen when hearing Sam's moan and feeling his hardness against his buttocks. He started moving his hips slowly in his lap, rubbing his butt against him.
“Looks interesting.” He whispered with husky voice and moaned quietly.

“Michael... oh gods... What are you doing?” Sam asked when his fiancé twirled on his lap in an even more heated way. Sam soon realized that the question was totally unnecessary. Michael took his other hand and brought it down on his own grotch. Sam moaned when feeling his hardness.
“Isn't it obvious now?” Michael whispered. “I feel really horny and I feel so naughty when saying it out loud.”
Sam kissed his neck, his fogy mind still trying to take it in that he had heard those words from Michael's lips. Michael turned his head and they kissed, at the same time, Sam was fighting with zipper of Michael's jeans; trying to get it to open, his other hand on his cheek.

Michael moaned when Sam moved his hand under his boxers rubbing his organ. Sam opened his eyes and admired the look on Michael's face. He started shoving Michael's jeans and boxers down, his one arm still around his waist. Michael looked at him through half opened eyes, lips parting, Sam looked back at him.
”Más rápidamente, mi amor.” Michael whispered, knowing how much Sam loved when he spoke Spanish at moments like these. Sam, who understood some words, did as he wished and quickened his movements.
“Deseo... mi querido... adentro...” Michael moaned. Sam kissed him with more passion.
“In here?” Michael nodded.
“Lock the door.” Michael asked, standing up. Sam walked towards the door quickly and when he turned around he stopped for a moment and watched how Michael undressed the rest of his clothes. Michael smiled to him, looking at him as he moved towards him unbuttoning his shirt. Sam moved the tray and his laptop from the table and pulled Michael close to himself. He kissed him, his naked body wrapping around his own still clothed body. Sam lifted Michael up onto the desk after shoving the papers down from it.

“I've always wanted to do that.” He grinned, Michael grinned back. He lowered down to lay on his back and pulled Sam into a kiss, taking off his shirt. Sam drew back slightly, looking at him more closely, he touched his cheek, moved it down on his neck, his chest, his stomach. Michael felt his heart beat quicken under such intensive look. The lighting in the room was bright and Sam could see him, all of him. It was a long time since he had allowed Sam to look at him this closely, he hadn't been this brave since October.
“Are you frightened my love? There's no need to be scared. I love your body, I want to look at it.” Sam whispered.
“I’m not scared, I want you.” Michael whispered back. Sam sat down on the chair, pulling him even closer to the edge of the table, he then took his organ into his mouth. Sam kept his eyes open,
looking at his lovers quivering body on the table, listening to the moans he made, looking at the expression on his face; the pleasure he felt. It truly was the most sexiest and most beautiful thing he had ever seen.Sam Spat on his hand and started preparing his lover. He soon realized that he had no lubrication.


“Look from the top drawer.” Michael whispered opening his eyes. Sam did as he suggested and was surprised to find the lube there. He looked at his lovers face and grinned.
“You planned this, didn't you?”
“Maybe, it's good to be prepared.” Michael grinned back. Sam stood up, opening his pants and squeezed some lube on his palm. He rubbed it on Michael's opening and then on his cock, which was hard as a rock even though he hadn't even touched it. Michael opened his legs more so he could now stand between them. Slowly Sam started thrusting in, Michael close his eyes, a frown on his face, moaning as he felt Sam entering. Once Sam was in he leaned in to kiss his lips to which Michael answered.
“Move.” Michael asked finally and Sam was more than happy to act upon his wish. The room was filled with quiet but intense moaning. They kissed, Sam took a hold of Michael's cock and started stroking it as he made love to him. Sweat glimmered on their naked body's, mixed with others and the air around them kept getting hotter.
“Sam...” Michael moaned, his cock was throbbing, the muscles around Sam’s squeezed him almost painfully and Sam felt the warm, thick fluid on his hand, bringing him to his own orgasm, which he felt on his whole body, from the beginning of his toes. He licked his fingers clean, loving the taste of his lover.
“I love you.” Sam whispered and kissed his forehead.
“Te amo.” He replied. They smiled to one another and feeling satisfied and restful, they kissed again.

*******************

Daniel drove down on the narrow alley and parked his car. He sighed, taking a moment to think about what he was about to do. His conscience was blaming him, urging him to turn back before it would be too late, telling him that he should just head back home before he would have deceived so many; his boyfriend, Sam, Michael and all their love ones. Daniel shook his head, forcing the quilt away.

Once more he checked the address that he had writen down on a piece of paper. It was the right place. ‘What on earth am I doing?’ He asked himself, when stepping into the lobby of the apartment building. The building looked as nasty inside as it did out. The keeper of the dorm or hotel or what ever it was, looked at him from his booth, smoking a cigarette, but didn't ask or say a word as he started climbing up the stairs. His heart was beating fast. A drunken man, sitting on the floor of the corridor, was following him with his eyes and Daniel swallowed, suddenly becoming more and more insecure of what he was about to do. Thinking of Sam, he forced himself to move on. Apartment 7B; he stopped, took a deep breath and knocked on the door. He heard the lock opening and the door creaked as it opened slightly. He saw no one, carefully he opened the door completely.
“Hello, anyone in here?”
“Close the door and come in.” The familiar French voice told him.

He walked further into the sitting room and saw the man sitting on a sofa, a glass of whiskey in his hand. On an armchair next to him, sat a man in his mid thirty's, lean face, unfriendly look, piercing eyes.
“You had the courage to show up, I must say I am a little surprised, though pleased.” The man, with whom he had spoken earlier, said and smiled at him. He searched his pocket for cigars and offered him one. Daniel shook his head. The man raised his shoulders, took one between his lips and lighted it. He inhaled the smoke and blew out; making smoke rings.

“So, you have decided then?” He asked.
“I... I just want to know what you're planning on doing to him? I won't do this if your intention is to hurt him.” Daniel started, his voice trembled slightly, the man laughed dryly.
“Oh, my young friend, I have no plans on hurting him, I can assure you that. And do you really care of his fate?” The man asked, looking at him closely.
“I am not a bad person.” Daniel answered and sensed the amusement on both men's faces.
”No, of course not, You just love, right?”
“Yes.”
“My friend, you'll only do a favor to everyone by working with us. You'll do good for the man you love, moving the wrong love and offering better for his place; yourself... Michael is not good for Samuel. Michael is a confused young man and I know the faults of my beloved; he is overly proud and money hungry. But what is one to do, when one still loves?” The man spoke. Daniel glanced at the other man who kept staring at him, looking almost hungrily at his body, it made him shiver.
“You hurt him the last time?” Daniel had the courage to ask.
“I hurt him? Is that what he is telling? So my love is a liar as well, I'm sad to hear it. I helped him, I saved him and he promised to come with me, he told me he loved me, but I was deceived and now I am forced to run from the hands of law with my friend. Michael really is confused, money has blinded him, and he does not love Sam for real. Poor Samuel, he is as blue eyed as I was with him.” Daniel looked at him insecurely, inside he knew that he had walked into a snake-pit, where every word was a trap, means to lure him deeper into the nest of lies, but the greedy part of him wanted to believe every lie if they would only bring Sam to him. So his insecure mind took the lies and convinced them to be true.
“Alright, what do I need to do?”

Chapter 56.

Saturday 1st of May

Michael smiled when opening the door and seeing Jack behind it.
“I’m so glad you made it.” He said, allowing him to step further.
“Wouldn’t have missed this for the world.” Jack grinned.
“Brian didn’t come with you?” Michael asked.
”Oh he had some job thing, but he sent his greetings and this bottle of wine; it’s from the both of us. It’s polite to bring something when visiting.” Jack explained with a smile.
“Thank you.” Michael grinned. He looked at the wine, which he knew was quite expensive and thought that Brian might have chosen it.
“Yeah, Brian was the one that pick the wine, but I was with him, and told him that it looked quite pretty indeed, I’m sure it will serve its purpose.” Jack laughed reading Michael thoughts.
“Well, I’m sure we get to test it tonight.” Michael laughed back.
“Let me show you the house. Then I’ll introduce you to our friends.”
“Alright.” Jack smiled.
***************
“And here’s our bedroom.” Michael said, letting Jack enter before him. Michael had shown him all the rooms that were worth seeing. Jack looked around himself, stepped close to the bed and touched the bedcover.
“Wow, is all I can say. This house, your fiancé, you’ve certainly come a long way from where we came from.” Jack looked at his friend and grinned, but soon his grin faded seeing Michael’s uneasy expression.
“But you’ve paid a high price to get here, and you deserve this and you deserve a man like Sam.” He smiled getting a careful smile back.
“Truly a long way; before I visited these kind of houses as the brief entertainment for rich men and now I’m loved, in a healthy relationship and adoring by Sam; I own half of all of this. I still find it hard to believe at times.” Michael looked around himself, seeming as if some long ago memory would have taken him over. “It feels like all this could disappear so easily, that it could only last a moment.” He muttered in his thoughts. Jack looked at him with worry; Michael met with his eyes and smiled to him trying to ease his worry for him. “I’m fine Jack, I am.” He assured knowing that he had been about to ask that.
“Come, let’s go out and join the others. It’s such a lovely weather and there are few people that I’m dying to introduce to you. Jack looked at him with curiosity, smiling back to him.
“Alright.”
*************
Sam was talking with Daniel; he turned his head to the backdoor when seeing Jack and Michael stepping outside. He smiled.
“Please excuse me.” He said to Daniel without even looking at him and walked across the yard towards his boyfriend and his friend. Michael smiled at him from afar, in a way that still made that funny feeling in the bottom of his stomach, his eyes brighten and his mood lift off. Sam smiled like a school boy on a first day of summer
Jack looked at Michael and then at the blond man approaching, they seemed to have eyes only for each others. The fear of future that he had sensed on Michael only moments earlier, seemed now, after seeing his fiancé disappear to the thin air and they both seemed as happy and carefree as any who had just fallen in love and who got those same feelings in return.
Jack, although happy with Brian, couldn’t say that the man woke anything as strong in him as these two obviously felt for each others. Jack knew that he could never feel something remotely the same, because he could never let anyone get that close to himself. Well, it wasn’t exactly true, Michael had made it very close indeed, perhaps too close and loosing him had been painful. In any case, he had learned to not trust to anyone and to love in the way that these two did, you had to trust, you had to tell those dark and painful things, and you had to admit them to yourself. Jack wasn’t sure if he could do that, he wasn’t sure if he could reopen those doors that had already been closed. Some memories, felt better kept locked in the dark cellar of ones mind.

Jack smiled when the two men kissed each others lightly and turned his face to look at the direction where Sam had come from. His eyes were immediately fixed onto the young man, about his age, who in return looked at the couple standing next to him, having a weird look in his eyes. ‘Jealous? But of which one?’ Jack wondered to himself, but woke from his thoughts when Sam asked him something.
“Sorry?”
“Would you like something to drink? We have both beer and wine.”
“I’m more into beer myself, but wine is fine too. What ever is fine really.” Jack grinned.
“I get you a beer then. What about you sweetheart, what would you like?”
“I think I’d like a beer too, thank you love.” Michael smiled.
**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**^**
Tony arrived a bit later together with Mark. Michael looked at his best friend with curiosity; Tony hadn’t spoken much on the phone about the night at the club. And now, even though the two man arrived together, they walked in different directions. Mark went over to Daniel and Tony walked over to them.
**
Tony looked at Jack from head to toe as he approached. Jack was quite thin, same height as Michael. He had high cheek bones, delicate face structure, looking younger than his 26 years. Jack had tight jeans, that were of baby blue color and nicely fitting white button up shirt with beige strikes, the shirt had few buttons on the top undone, showing his chest a little. The man was handsome and nicely dressed; he had a curious and flirting smile on his lips. Some how Tony had expected Jack to look somehow different, but what? More like a prostitute perhaps? What on earth had he imagined a male prostitute to look like? Tony wondered, looked at his best friend and immediately was ashamed of his thoughts. Good looking young men, who’s company, closer company; many men would be ready to pay for.
“Hello, I’m Tony McDonnell.” Tony offered his hand to greet him, which the other one took.
“Jack Linse, please to meet with your acutance.” The man had a slight southern accent in his voice. Tony couldn’t help but to smile, Jack certainly didn’t meet with the stereotype image that he had had of the southern rednecks and Jack certainly didn’t meet the image with his life style either.

*************
“Alright Tony, I want to hear it all, all the dirty details. What happened between you and Mark?” Michael asked when they came into the kitchen to get new drinks for themselves. Sam and Jack had stayed outside to chat. Tony opened the beer can and looked around himself carefully, then fixed his eyes on his friend.
“Well, things happened…” Tony started, tasted his beer and then wondered what to say next. Michael waited patiently, leaning against the counter. “…I was pretty drunk, well not too much so that I couldn’t… well, you know?” He smiled. “And god I was horny, I mean it was like forever since my last time and Mark is pretty handsome, you know… The night was, um, intense. It was quite odd at first, but as I said I was drunk and I soon got over the weirdness I felt at first. And If you ask, if I enjoyed myself, Then yes, very much so.” Tony looked at Michael who held his gaze.
“And then the morning came.” Tony sighed looking at the ceiling. “Well, first I had a very improper dream, where my grandmother was chasing me on the hills of Scotland, dressed in a bikini! Now there’s a traumatizing sight I tell you… and she was waiving a tea pan in her hand; have some tea Tony! Just one more cup! And then you came and you were… oh gods… you were dressed as a Zorro, the same kind of costume that you had on years ago in that one costume party, but in my dream you were a grown up like now, you rode a horse and saved me from that crazy bikini woman. And as we rode, you told me that you needed to show me something…” Tony laughed, shaking his head. “And then suddenly, I was at this magnificent castle; I was the king of Scotland, Mark was feeding me grapes and you and Kitty were giving me this sexy dance with very little clothes on… I think Freud might have a word or two to say about my dream… Well, anyway, so I woke up, thinking; Tony, you do know that you have some serious issues? I had terrible hang over, my head was aching. I open my eyes and I lay there naked, next to another man, and his hairy arm is wrapped around me… and my dream lingering in my head, uh; I had some sort of panic attack. I went home before he woke up…” Tony looked at Michael and then the bottle in his hand and took a long sip.
”But today you and he came together?” Michael asked.
“Yes. Mark called me later, asked if he was so horrible that I had to run away. I told him, that I was sorry and told him truthfully that I thought the night was amazing… You know, I did fuck him.” Tony grinned, before he continued. “Then I told him that I just freaked out by the whole thing, the first time with a man and all. He said he understood. Well, we’ve been seeing each others for couple of times; today we had a cup of coffee before we got here…” Tony paused.
“And now?”
“I told him, that I don’t see any real relationship forming out of this. I just can’t see myself with him, as his boyfriend, It’d be too weird.” Tony admitted.
“Because he’s a man?” Michael asked.
“Yes, that’s partly it…” He was forced to answer. “But it wasn’t the main reason… The main reason is that I wasn’t feeling for him the way one is suppose to feel to start serious relationship. The sex might have been great, but you need more to have a relationship. And then the biggest reason; my thoughts and my heart are with someone else.” Tony said quietly, looking at him. “But I can not have him and before I learn how to let go of him completely, let go of those dreams, it is better for me to stay by myself.” He sighed, looking at the beer bottle, this time taking a bigger gulp of it. “I’ve already drank few before I got here.” Tony felt the urge to start explaining. “Refusing someone is never easy.” He smiled just a little and felt brave enough to meet with Michael’s eyes again.
“Tony…” Michael said quietly and placed his hand on his strong arm.
“…I.” He wasn’t sure what to say. Tony smiled, took his hand and gave it a light squeeze; he then moved it gently away.
“You don’t need to say anything, you’ve already said it. I will get over this, don’t worry Mickey… Alright, so, what if you and I would return outside?” Michael smiled back at him.
“Alright.”
**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^^**^^**^^
Daniel followed Michael and Sam with his eyes, especially Michael. He had been feeling nervous and agitated for a long time and he would need to calm himself down. The man had told him to get the information needed soon; he would need to get it tonight. He had buried all the guilt he had felt, he had chosen to believe the man, he wanted to believe him, it just made it easier that way.
Finally he saw Michael going inside alone, he had waited for it. He told Julius, who stood beside him, that he would return to him soon.
***************
”My glass is empty, came to get more.” Daniel smiled when stepping into the kitchen; Michael turned to look at him and smiled back.
“If you want some wine, you have to wait a minute when I go and get some more from the cellar.”
“Can I come with you? I haven’t seen your cellar yet.” Daniel asked.
“Well, you can, if you like.” Michael answered and walked towards the hall. He opened the door and held it open for Daniel, who walked in after him. The old stairs creaked as they walked down.
“I must be weird, but I love the smell of a cellar.” Daniel said from behind him, Michael glanced back.
“I know other’s who say the same, I on the other hand, don’t care much of it.” He said feeling the coldness on his neck. He always felt a little uneasy having to go down there, the smell of the cellar brought back the horrid memories that he rather would forget. He forced himself to face the fears and go down to see that the monsters weren’t here, that they were only in his horrid memories.
The sun light coming from the small window revealed the par tickles of dust dancing in the air. Michael walked over to the wine shelf and wiped off some dust from it. He reminded himself, that he would have to come down there to clean it completely in one of these days. He could also take a look at the stuff that the previous owners had left there. He took a bottle of red wine in his hands, looked at it, but soon placed it back down with a smile. They would open it on the day that they would register their relationship with Sam; the wine was little more older and more valuable than the others they had.

Daniel let his gaze wonder in the cellar, the cold, grey concrete walls, the stone floor. He looked at the window, high in the rooftop, just under the window, stood an old desk. A grown man could easily fit through the window, reach his feet’s onto the table and get down from there… The cellar door, could be lock from the outside as well from in the inside. Daniel glanced at Michael, he had opened the door using a key, which meant, that they kept the door locked, which meant that the window…

”Would you be kind and take these, I don’t think I have enough hands.” Michael laughed, interrupting his thoughts. He handed him two bottles of white wine and took the two red wines for himself to carry.
“I think we get by with these, at least for awhile.” Michael said with a smile and headed towards the stairs, Daniel following him close behind.

”What kind of security system you have here?” Daniel asked when they had reached back upstairs. Michael looked at him with a slight surprise and placed the bottles onto the floor before taking the key from his pocket and locking the door. “The reason I’m asking is because I’m moving in with Julius next week and we have talked about getting some kind of security system as there’s been lots of braking ins in his neighborhood.” Daniel explained.
“Oh well, then it’s certainly wise. I must admit that I feel a lot more safe having it… So, first we have the security box, or what ever you like to call it, next to our front door. You have a code that you dial in it when you return home. You can decide the time you have to dial it, we have 30seconds. If that doesn’t happen, there’s an alarm that goes straight to the security officers and they call the number that we have given them to ensure what the situation is. If we don’t answer or if we answer and tell them that it is not a false alarm they send the security officers here. This is the way it normally works, we have to have a slightly more complicated system.” Michael explained as they walked towards the kitchen.

”How so? I’m sorry if I’m too curious.” Daniel placed the bottles on the kitchen table and Michael placed the ones he had brought down with them. He started to open one.
“Well, what I told you just now, works when we’re not at home, but as the situation is what it is we need to have security when we’re at home as well. Most of our windows have sensors that give an alarm if someone tries to break in through them, on the front-and on the backdoor we also have these kind of sensors. Also, we have few wireless alarm buttons, which will give the call straight to police. So if one doesn’t get to the phone, there is another way to get help. But there’s a danger that one doesn’t get to them either.” Michael finished, feeling slightly odd, Daniel seemed to be a bit more interested than he should be. For a moment he thought that next Daniel would ask the exact place of the alarm buttons, but he sure as hell wouldn’t tell him that. They might have agreed truce with Daniel, but it didn’t mean that he would trust the man blindly. He clearly remembered the fight that they had had just one month ago. Daniel noticed the doubt in his eyes.
“The modern day technique sure is awesome. It’s good that it helps you so much, I’m sure no one will be able to get in even though they would try.” Daniel smiled.
“Well, I sure would hope so.” Michael smiled back with insecurity.

**********************
Jack had over heard their conversation, he had watched Daniel, watched the look on his face, the sound of his voice… Jack doubted, he felt unease, he didn’t trust the man at all, but didn’t even know what was going on between these two. Nothing however was sincere in Daniel, when he was with Michael, he was sure of that.
Jack stepped into the room.” I was starting to wonder what was taking you so long, me and few other man; you’re wanted stuff Michael.” Jack winked at him and placed the empty bottle on the counter.
“Did Sam send you after me?” Michael asked with amusement.

*
”Well, your fiancé was starting to miss your presence quite much, but I sent myself.” Jack smiled and turned his eyes to Daniel. “And who might you be? I don’t believe we have met. Jack Linse is my name, an old friend of Michael’s.” Jack reached his hand for him and noticed the weird look that the man gave him. Daniel shook his hand.
“Daniel Simon, Samuel’s old friend.” Jack glanced at Michael quickly and then back at Daniel.
“Please to meet you Dan, Sam’s friend.” He said, Michael gave him a new beer which he gladly took. “Well if you insist on me drinking, then I certainly will!” He laughed. Daniel rolled his eyes.
“Please excuse me, I go and find my boyfriend.” He said then and left.
“I have a feeling that this Daniel guy didn’t much care of my presence.” Jack grinned looking at his friend. “It’s a funny thing, I can charm the most, and maybe I’m beginning to loose my touch? Age is beginning to weight on me; I’m 26 already, just think of that! I was sure I’d be lying in my grave at this age, but here I am; in this fine house, surrounded by gorgeous men and my all time favorite is standing before me! If I died now, I’d die with a smile on my lips.” Michael couldn’t help but to laugh at this.
“Oh Jack…You’re one piece of work.”

“Don’t trust that Daniel, you’ll be making a mistake if you do.” Jack said then.
“You think so?” Michael asked, although he had already started to agree with him. Jack nodded his head.
“He and Sam, has there been something else between them than just…?”
“Yes, a sexual relationship, they have dated… Daniel has loved Sam, but Sam…”
“Sam didn’t feel the same way about him?”
“Yes.”
”And now they are friends, Daniel sees how deeply Sam loves you… Maybe he still loves your boyfriend? I wonder how that would affect on his thoughts about you.”
“Well just a month ago I was a gang banged slut, a whore and… well god knows what else…” Michael told him. “But he did apologize, he was drunk, I was too.”
“Oh he apologized did he? Well I’ll be damn, that certainly changes everything.” Jack pointed out sarcastically
“I know what you think Jack and you’re right; I did feel a bit strange being down in the cellar with him… But what harm could Daniel make?” Michael asked.
“What harm could Ricky make? or Joe, or Jean?” Jack reminded him. “Did anyone see it in them?” Michael was silent for a moment.
“Daniel is not like them, he’s not violent, nor is he a rapist… My god Jack, did you look at him? Did you not speak with him? He is shorter than I am, terribly skinny and at times, oh gods, at times he does speak with a voice that sounds like a woman’s” Michael shook his head and Jack laughed.
“He may not be a rapist or give a threat in violence, but if I were you, I’d still be careful. There are many forms of threat, jealousy makes dangerous out of many men. And besides, a person’s height has nothing to do with anything. Some short men can be quite vision, trust me, I would know.” Jack said, grinning slightly.
“Yes, you are right.” Michael sighed. “Gods, at times the silliest frogs jump out of my mouth. I should really learn to keep my mouth shut already.”
“You and your frogs.” Jack grinned back at him gently, ruffling his hair. Michael grinned back.
************
Daniel walked to the hall and looked at the keys on the key rack. Searching for the key that he had seen Michael hanging on it, he smiled when he saw that there were two. He took the other and slips it into his pocket. He would call the man later in the evening and arrange meeting with him, his heart was once again beating wild. Insecurity flashed through his mind and once again he had to force himself into believing that he did nothing wrong, not in the end.
He returned into the garden, sat beside his own boyfriend and looked at Sam, who stood little farther away. He was eating that perfect body with his eyes. Sam had always been handsome, but now he was even more so; strong, masculine and at the same time beautiful. Daniel remembered how it had felt like to make love to Sam, to be his own. This all could be his, it could be theirs, he just had to get rid of that annoying brunet first… Julius was kissing his neck; Daniel smiled, feeling happier than he had felt in a long time.
********************
Michael laid on the bed, on his back, eyes close. Sam undressed him slowly, kissing the revealed skin. Michael sighed.
“So, now that you’ve seen more of Jack, what did you like him?” Michael asked without opening his eyes.
“I liked him, he’s odd, but odd in a good way … But can we not speak of Jack right now or anyone else for that matter, anyone outside this bed.” Sam muttered and kissed his chest. Michael smiled.
“Alright.” He felt as Sam started opening his jeans. Tongue was playing with the tip of his penis; Michael ran his fingers through Sam’s hair, moaning as he felt Sam’s lips around his shaft.
“Oh god, more Sam,” Michael asked. Sam smiled looking up to him; he nipped the smooth skin of his inner thighs gently with his teeth’s, light kisses. Michael trembled from the pleasure he felt. Once again Sam took him into his mouth, but stopped way too soon. Michael sighed in frustration and watched as Sam rose from the bed and got the lube. He returned, getting on top of him, one leg each side of his hips. He smiled as he opened the lube, taking some on his palm and on his finger carefully oiling himself from inside. Michael looked at the concentrated _expression that Sam had, watched how he massaged the lube on his penis shivering from pleasure.
“In this mood today are you…” Michael grinned watching and waiting eagerly as Sam started guiding him inside.
“Complaints?” Sam grinned back.
”No, none.” Michael whispered and moaned as Sam took him in deeper within himself.
“Am I crushing you?” Sam breathed out, smile playing on his lips.
“No, but if you don’t move soon then I’ll explode.” Michael smiled, bringing his hand to touch Sam’s cheek, who kissed his palm. Slowly Sam began to move and leaned in to kiss him.
“I love taking you inside me, I wouldn’t let anyone else, I never have let anyone else…” Sam whispered to him, Michael looked at him with surprise.
“You mean, ah…” The pleasure that moved through his body was getting stronger.
“Shh…” Sam whispered and silenced him with kisses. their sweaty body’s wrapped in each others and no word was said in the last moment of their love making.

Sam lied next to him, his whole body glimmering from sweat.
“Sex really is the best work out there is.” He laughed quietly. Michael turned to look at him, wiped the moist hair from his forehead and smiled.
“You mean to tell me that your first time this way around was with me?” He asked. Sam kissed his palm and nodded. ”Why didn’t you tell me? You should have told me…”
“I thought back then, that if I were to tell you, you wouldn’t have done it, out of fear of hurting me. I was right, wasn’t I? To think that.” Michael nodded.
“Especially when you’re the first that I’ve been this way.” Michael grinned. ”But why didn’t you tell me later? …Oh this does explain so many things, like why you were walking so funny after that and…”Michael tried not to giggle. Sam grinned at him.
“Well, it felt kind of stupid saying it after, all of a sudden, up until now… But I think we handled pretty darn good; our first time… and I like letting things to go on their own weight.” Sam whispered, they kissed and laid next to each others, enjoying the relaxed feeling that they had.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**
5.5.2004
Michael spent the day in town with his mother, shopping for new clothes and having lunch with her, finally they took a taxi to the apartment. Henry was visiting his old friends in Ireland and Evelyn would spend the night in their house, keeping company to her son as Sam was helping Daniel to move. It had rained since Sunday and the weather was very gloomy. They sat in front of the TV, watching Evelyn’s favorite TV show. .Michael hadn’t seen before, but gladly set with her while trying to relax. He had been feeling odd all day long.
He looked at the clock, it was nearly half past seven, and the rain was whipping on the window glass even harder. He hoped that Sam would be home already, he felt nervous, insanely nervous. His mother seemed to caught up on his nervousness as she kept glancing at him worriedly from time to time. Maybe he just felt weird knowing that Sam was with Daniel? But nothing would happen, Julius would be there too and… He felt stupid, he had nothing to worry about, non what so ever.
Finally he stood up and tried to remember where he had left his cell phone at. He was always loosing it, and he wanted to buy a bigger model. His current phone was just too small for his taste, it didn’t even look like a phone anymore, and it looked more like a toy. It really was so small that one could practically loose it in the pocket. Well maybe he was exaggerating a little, Sam would have said so. Then he remembered leaving it in the kitchen and went to get it. He chose Sam’s number.

“Hello love.” Sam’s gentle voice answered. ”Everything alright?”
“Yes, everything is alright here. I was just wondering, when you coming home?”
“You miss me already?” Sam teased.
“What if I do?” Michael grinned.
“I’ll leave as soon as possible, I promise to be home before ten.”
“Good…” Michael was quiet for a second. ”Sam?” He asked then.
“Yes?”
“I love you.” Somehow it felt important to say.
“I love you too Michael, I’ll see you at home.”
“See you.”

He ended the call and put his cell phone in his jeans pocket. He felt like having some wine, maybe that would relax him? He would have to go to the cellar again.
“Mom! I’ll go downstairs to get some wine, which would you rather have; red or white?” he called for his mother.
“Either is fine with me.” She called back.

Opening the door, Michael was surprised when finding that it was already open. He was sure that he had locked it the last time that he had been there. Maybe Sam had left it open by mistake? Michael frowned in deep thought, stepped on the first step and listened; quietness, the rain seemed to have calmed down a bit. He walked down the stairs and wrapped his arms around himself feeing the sudden coldness. He took one bottle in his hands and was about to return back upstairs when he heard and felt something breaking underneath his shoe. He looked down; broken glass, he looked up and just then, a strong blow of a wind blew past his face. The window was broken, it was hanging open. There were pieces of glass were lying on the floor, under the broken window. Michael took a deep shocking breath, his body frozen in place.

His mother’s high, fearful scream woke him, ringing in his ears; the wine bottle in his hands fell onto the floor and broke. His heart seemed to stop; someone was inside the house.

Chapter 57.

Evelyn watched her favorite tv-show and got into a more comfortable position on the couch and laughed quietly to the joke presented in it. Suddenly she saw a glimpse of a shadow moving past the doorway.
“Michael?” She called. There was no answer. She heard a thud from the kitchen and sat up. She listened, holding back a breath, taking the voice down from the tv. The floor squeaked somewhere, the beat of her heart increased. She stood up, carefully looking around herself, the room was only dimly lighted by the tv and the fire in the fireplace. “Michael?” Her voice was weak and frightened now.

She walked closer to the doorway. 'Do not be silly Evelyn, there's no one here. No one outsider.' She tried to tell herself.

Suddenly she heard a noise from behind her and turned around quickly. As she saw what had caused the noise; she screamed in fright. In the doorway to the dining room, stood a man, a tall man, whose dark beard was un-shaved. The man had a cruel and curious smile on his lips.

“Bonsoir madame.” He greeted her with cold, calm voice. Evelyn’s heart was beading more wildly than ever before, she crawled, tried to get away and accidentally dashed against the bookshelf, a porcelain vase dropped down onto the floor in front of her feet’s and broke in several pieces. Evelyn tried to get to the hall, tears of fear in her eyes and the only thing that she could think of, was that she needed to save her son. She looked behind her to see if the man would follow and screamed in fear as she suddenly collided with another person. She looked up into the face of the other man.

With a grin the man looked back at her. She staggered backwards before the hands would get her, but the man was far too fast for her. The strong hand took a hold of her arm pulling her close.

Michael heard his mother screaming again and ignoring the fear he felt, he ran upstairs. There was no time to think, he just needed to get to her, to save her from what ever it was that had caused her to scream. He ran towards the living room.

“Michael no! Run!” He heard her screaming with desperate voice, but choose not to listen. Getting into the room he saw her and he saw him; Patrick, holding his mother tightly in front of him. The man sneered as he saw him.

“Let her go!” He screamed seeing his mothers distress, the fury got over his fear. He took few steps closer. Evelyn tried to free herself, but it was in vail.
“Michael watch out!” She called suddenly and before he had the time to react he was already laying on the floor under the man. He tried to get up, but failed.

“Chéri... finally, did you miss me?” Michael looked at the mans face above him. He let out a disgusted breath of astonishment. Jean had indeed changed; dark, un-shaved beard covering the half of his face, dark circles around his eyes, the hair, which had always before been cut neatly, was now over grown. Jean’s grey eyes held almost insane look in them, thin lips smirking down at him. He struggled free from under him, looked at him with fearful eyes, not able to hide his shock for Jean's changed appearance.
“It's been a long time mon amour.” The man laughed as he looked at him hungrily, insanely. Michael tried to get closer to the coffee table, under witch one alarm button was hidden. He was already so close and for a moment he thought that he'd make it, but Jean was faster and shoved him roughly so that he fell down against the table, causing it to fell with him on it's side. A glass bowl with fruits broke, apples and oranges rolled on the floor.

Evelyn struggled fiercely against the man who held her captive, seeing her child fighting against the other monster. She screamed, bite his hand as it tried to smother her cries. She kicked him hard. Finally, somehow, after a long struggling she got free, She jumped on the back of the other man, the man who had just been about to attack her son for the second time.
“Michael run! Ger out of here!” She screamed. The man cot a hold of her, forced her against his strong chest ans looked at her with a sick smile.

“Please calm down Mrs. Wills.” He smiled still as he spoke and she felt something cold pressing down on her temple, she stood still, opening her eyes wide, she couldn't help but to tremble. “Michael, I do not wish to harm you. or your beloved mother, but that is what I'll do if you leave me with no other choice.” He spoke calmly, still looking at the woman in front of him.

Michael, who had just managed to stand up and had been about to attack him, saw the gun that he held on her temple. “Come here so I can see you.” He urged him. Michael met with her eyes; the look of sorrow and fear. He would have liked nothing more than to hug her, tell her something to ease her mind in this desperate situation, but what could he say?

He stood in front of him and the man smiled with triumph. “Please sit down madame.” Jean pointed at the couch, releasing his hold on her. The mother and the son exchanged looks with one another, Michael nodded his head to her, urged her without words to follow the orders that the man gave to them. Jean still held the gun in his hands.

Jean looked at Michael, who stood so close to him now. Closing the distance between them, he smiled and looked at Evelyn.
“I can see where your son has inherited his beauty.” He spoke and pulled the unwilling body close to himself. He touched his face, caressed his lips with his thump. Michael couldn't help but to tremble as Jeans hand traveled down on his neck, lower, to his back, lower.
“You have no right to touch my son, keep your dirty hands away from him!” Evelyn hissed and was about to stand up when the man already had his gun pointing at Michael, so she held her breath and sat back down. He laughed dryly.
“I can also see where he got his mouth.” He said pulling Michael fully against himself, Jean kissed his neck looking at the mother at the same time, amused of the anger that flashed in her eyes. “You do not like me touching your son like this?” He asked. Evelyn bit her teeth's together.
“No, I do not.” She spoke firmly. “And neither does my son.” She added. Jean smiled and moved his hand down on Michael's chest on his flat stomach, down on his crotch.
“Then you certainly won't like me touching him like this.” Michael jerked from the bold touch and let out a surprised cry.

Jean laughed. Evelyn cried out in rage. “You bastard!” Unable to control herself, she jumped towards him, the other stopped her. She felt his breath on her neck, his hold was tighter than before. Evelyn cried helplessly, forced to look as one of her sons rapist touched him in that intimate way, a way that was never suppose to happen again.
“A mothers love is so touching.” Jean smiled at her, tightening his hold on Michael who had began to tremble even more. He wiped the tears from his eyes, kissed his cheek. “Mrs. Wills, my dear mother in law, I was hoping that my first visit would go better that this, but I can see that both of you are far too agitated now.” He loosened his hold on Michael and told his friend to release the woman. Michael didn't hesitate, he went to her and wrapped his arms around her, Evelyn squeezed him back, afraid to let him go. As the gun was pointing at them, it would have been crazy to try and escape. “Sit down.” Jean told them.

Michael whispered calming words to his mothers ear as they knelled down. For a moment he thought, that Jean really would shoot them, that the man had only come to kill. He wiped the tears away from her eyes and they looked one another frightened, not knowing what to expect. “Everything is alright, everything is alright, don't be scared mother.” Michael kept telling her both in English and in Spanish. Just trying to calm her as well as himself.

With a sneer on his face Jean looked at them, moved in the room, looking around. “Nice little home you have here.” He sneered. Stood in front of the bookshelf and took a picture from it, a picture of Sam and Michael together. He looked at it with anger. Throwing the picture down, braking the glass that had covered it. Michael looked up to him in fright. “I'm disappointed in you cherie.” Jean spoke harshly, his cold eyes digging into him. He walked closer, looking at the mother and the son, anger still clear in his intensive gaze.

“Jean, we should go already.” Patrick told his friend in France, glancing at the clock nervously. What if Sam would come home too early? He wondered. Jean lift his hand up to him and smiled, not taking his eyes of off Michael, who in return looked back insecurely.
“Soon Patrick.” He said and knelled onto the floor slowly. He saw the gold that glimmered on Michael's ring finger. He frowned and took a hold of his wrist, he took it into a closer look. “What's this?” He asked strictly and looked straight into the eyes of the young man. Michael moaned as the hold only tightened, he heard his mothers crying behind him. Patrick grasped her for the second time, not allowing her to go to her sons help. He did not want her to make Jean angrier than he already was.

Michael cried helplessly and he couldn't make himself to stop trembling. He did not want it to happen, and yet he knew that it would. He glanced at the clock; 7.50pm, only twenty minutes ago he had been on the phone with Sam and now he was there; on the floor, knelled in front of Jean in their living room as the man held his wrist tightly, examining the ring. Technique had failed them, it could not help them now.

Jean took the ring off and read Sam's and Michael's names and the date of the engagement that had been engraved inside it. He threw the ring on the floor with anger and slapped him on the cheek.

“You got engaged! Engaged with him! You cheated on me, you fucking failed me!” Michael couldn't bring himself to say anything, he was too shocked to speak, too frightened. He didn't even know what to say, because he feared to make him even more mad. He was ashamed of his tears, ashamed of his fear, but could not beat them. Suddenly Jean seemed to soften to him, he brought his hand up and stroked gently at the cheek that he just slapped,. “Shh chéri, don't cry.” He smiled and pulled him close to his body, now stroking his hair. “I'll take you away mon amour, away from him, for he does not deserve you... We'll be together again.” Michael struggled free.

”No...” He breathed out, Jean pulled him back, his back against his chest.

“Shh...” Jean whispered, taking out a sprayer with a needle. “Shh cherie...” He whispered again as Michael began to struggle even harder. The needle sank down on the flesh of his neck and Michael's eyes grew large from the surprise of it, he looked at his mother, who in return had stopped struggling for a moment and now looked back at him helplessly and in shock. He breathed in and out, everything seemed to slow down, quietness. He blinked his eyes, desperately trying to fight against the medicine that made his body grow tired, that made his limps uncooperative to him. But he could not over take it, his muscles relaxed, his struggling deceased, his eyelids started to shut. He still tried to fight it, fighting a battle that he could not win. His mother was crying, calling his name and begging the men to let them go. His mouth felt dry, he winced, eyelids falling shut and the unconsciousness claimed him while the mother watched helplessly from the side.

*********************

Sam felt restless, he had felt so from the moment he had finished the call with Michael. He looked at the clock; 7:45pm. They had been arranging the furniture all day and he began to grow tires, finally everything was getting ready. Sam sighed.
“I think I should head back home.” He said then, Daniel looked at him.
“You can't go yet, eat something first, I'll make us all some coffee.” He smiled, didn't take no for an answer walked into the kitchen humming to himself. Sam wiped the sweat from his forehead and once again checked the time.
“You seem nervous, is everything alright?” Julius asked eying him with worry. Sam smiled at the man, the more he had talked with him, the more he liked him.
“I'm just tired and would like nothing more than to climb into bed next to my fiancé.” Sam grinned.
“How do I get the feeling that it is not sleep that you're in the need of.” The man laughed.
“Can you blame me?” Sam smiled.
“No, I suppose I can't. When you're young and in love, you have the energy.” Julius winked. Daniel returned into the room and caught his eye, he smiled to his younger lover.
“Well, I do believe that I take the same plan today thought.” Sam smiled back at him.

It was half past eight when Sam was finally able to leave. Daniel accompanied him to the car.
“Thanks for helping us.” He said as they arrived to the parking lot.
“You're welcome.” Sam smiled and opened the car door. Daniel looked at him, wanting to say something, but didn't know what he could say.”
“Tell Michael that I said hi.” He said then and tried to smile, knowing that Sam wouldn't find him at home once he would arrive there. He could only hope that the men had left like agreed by now. If something were to happen to Sam, he could never live with himself.
“I will... And good luck to your new home Dan, Julius is a nice guy, I like him.” Sam said and Daniel felt twitching on the corners of his lips as he tried to smile back. He could only hope that the quilt would fade fast and that he would never get caught of what he did. He had wrapped his arms around himself.
“Thank you, I like him naturally myself too.” His voice was hoarse, he needed to be a good actor, better than ever before.
“I'll call you, bye!” Sam said as he sat in the car. He close the door and started the engine. Daniel waved to him for goodbye. He felt sick all of a sudden, he would have to forget the quilt so he could live. He stood still, looking as Sam's car finally disappeared from his view. He returned back inside to Julius; he would just force himself to forget.


*********

The moment Sam stepped into the house, he knew something was wrong. It was deadly quiet. 'This can't be happening, not again.' He told himself as he walked across the hall.
“Michael? Evelyn?” He called, and thought he heard a quiet moan from the living room; he rushed in. He gasped in horror as he saw the state that the room was in; The vase broken on the floor, the coffee table fallen over to it's side, fruit bole broken like the vase, fruits laying on the floor. A picture frame, inside of which was the engagement picture of him and Michael, was also broken. He close his eyes, opened them and would have liked to scream out loud when everything was still the same.

He heard the moan again, turned his head to the voice and saw Evelyn laying on the floor, next to the couch. “Evelyn!” Sam rushed to her and knelled down to her, touched her gently. She began to come to. She lift her head up slowly. “Sam?” Evelyn asked with a weak voice.
“I'm here.”
“Michael... they took my child.” Her voice broke, she was sobbing, she took a hold of the hem of Sam's shirt. She looked into the eyes of her son's lover. “They took him! I couldn't do anything! They took him!” The woman kept repeating over and over again and Sam noticed himself shaking.

“Jean?” His voice asked weakly and Evelyn nodded her head crying even more heavily. Sam's hands were trembling as he took his phone. He tried to breath, his head was aching, he close his eyes and told himself to breath. He hardly heard himself speaking as he called the police, he hardly heard anything around him, everything was like it was happening on a film. At that moment he could hardly think and still, somehow, he had managed to tell the police everything that they needed to know. He shook his head, refused to think. He moved in the house; to the bathroom, took the antiseptic cleansers and returned to Evelyn to clean the head wound. The woman cried, was in shock. How many valuable minutes had been lost already? The thought crossed his mind and his chest ached. He tried to keep himself together, there was no time to break down, he had to be strong now, strong for Michael. He would bring him back home or die trying. He had to be strong.

The police were there in less than ten minutes.

************


Michael began to come to, he moaned, his head ached. He brought his hand up to his temple, moved on the soft laying ground. Slowly he opened his eyes, it hurt to open them, he blinked repeatedly and rose to sit, massaging his temples as the pain only grew. He carefully looked around himself. The room was dimly lighted. The bed on which he sat on, was wide enough for two to sleep in. Michael shivered.

On the right side of the bed was a dark writing desk and a window that had been boarded shut. On the opposite side of the room was an old armchair, which would have definitely needed new covers, and on it's other side was a full length mirror and on the other side a shelf full of books. Opposite from the bed end, was an old wardrobe, which wooden surface was scratched by time. There were two doors in the room; the other was about 13 feet's away and the other between the bed and the wardrobe.

Michael trembled, the pain eased down a bit and he could now make more clear conclusions, his heart was beading, his palms sweating. He remembered the last moments at home and looked at the doors in front of him; would they lead to freedom? Would they be open? Where were Jean and Patrick? Would he dare to move? He swallowed hard, it felt like something would have gotten stuck in his throat, something that refused to go down. He tried desperately to calm down, he had to think clearly, think coldly, escape at the first given chance.

His thoughts were interrupted as the door furthest to him opened and Jean walked in, smiled to him, but the smile was cold.
“Morning chéri.” He said, Michael followed him with his eyes as the man walked across the room. Jean sat down on the armchair and looked at him. Michael didn't even dare to move, he hardly dared to breath.Jean leaned back and lighted up a cigarette, the man's eyes never left him. He just smiled and blew out some smoke.

Michael was almost like paralyzed, the smoky air felt heavy, his eyes filled with tears. Jean acted calm, amused even, he continued blowing the smoke towards him knowing how he hated it. A quick glace towards the door and then at him. Jean took out the gun and wiped the steal with his sleeve; showing who held the power.
“Slept well English?” Jean asked and smiled. The change in the man still surprised him, he didn't dare to answer, he didn't know what to answer, for once he managed to hold back his tongue. It wasn't wise to make the man angrier than he already was.

Jean's grey eyes measured his body with growing lust, Michael shivered, felt like a prey who looked itto the eyes of it’s predator. Both were calculating each others, the situation. He needed to stay alert and look back. Jean was only waiting for the right moment to jump on him; literally. Michael would have wanted to move, but was too scared to do so. A movement might start something that he didn't want to start. His voice got caught in his throat, his mouth felt dry and his heart beaded tensely, loud, it felt like Jean could hear it too.

Jean had been drinking, Michael knew it, he could see it, he saw it in the man's eyes and in his being, drunken Jean had no sympathy for him. Jean, at the same time seemed to both hate him and in an odd way; love him. Michael guessed that Jean had gotten even worse, that even when Jean was sober, he would have more difficulty to fight the darker side of him. The anger, twisted love and lust had been mixed together. Michael knew of his attentions and trembled even more

Finally Jean put down the smoke and stood up. He laughed as Michael instantly backed away from him.
“Surely you're not afraid of me Michael?” Jean asked as he stepped closer. Michael's back hit the wall and he knew that he was trapped, he couldn't stop from trembling, he couldn't hide his weakness, the wounds of the past were still fresh, traumas party un healable.

Jean sat on the bed, touched his face, Michael moved. Jean forced his hand on his crotch and started rubbing his organ through his jeans, Michael tried to move his hand away.
“Don't.” He asked and turned his eyes away. Jean was quiet for a moment.

“Don't?!” He roared then and stood up. “Dammit, you will not deny me!” He screamed, Michael startled and looked at him. “I own you Michael, you are mine! Mine! You do not refuse yourself from me!” Jean hissed, came closer and grasped his throat, forcing him up with him. Michael looked into his eyes, tears running down on his cheeks, the hold on his throat grew stronger and he found it difficult to breath. Jean's face close to his own.

“We met exactly three years ago, you were with him, just a whore; a toy for the rich men to play with. I saved you from that, I gave you life, a chance, I bought you for me.” Jean whispered all the while looking into his eyes. He loosened the hold on his neck and took his face between his hands. “What a beautiful treasure you were to me...I protected you cherié, I protected you from the men who wanted you, I protected you from Ricky and what did you do? You failed me, cheated on me. You wanted him because he's rich, that is what you have always been after; money. Did I stop loving you? No, god help me, but I do love you. You break my heart Michael. I saved your life for the second time and you send cops after me, returning to him...” Jean let go of his hold, and Michael backed away from him. He shook his head. 'He's crazy, crazy, lost his mind.' Michael thought as the fear inside him crew. “Did you not realize?! I love you, I own you, you're mine and no one else's! My whore, my lover, you have no right to deny me!” Jean slapped him across the face and pushed him to sit on the bed. Jean kicked his legs apart and stood in between them. He looked down at the younger man.

”Ask me.” Jean said, now with more calmer voice. Michael looked at him, the room around him, searching for answers. He didn't know what to do. “Ask me.” Jean said again.
“Jean... please...” Michael started, Jean touched his chin, urging him to look up.
“Please what?” Jean asked. Michael tried to think hard, his mind felt blank, he licked his dry lips.
“I never wanted to break your heart.” He whispered then, hoping that Jean would calm down and forget about what he wanted. Jean was quiet, a look in his eyes that Michael couldn't read. “I-I didn't want to hurt you Jean, I...” He continued, close his eyes for a moment. Jean was still quiet, when suddenly there was a knock on the door.

“What?!” Jean snapped. Patrick opened the door and looked inside. He looked at Michael who sat on the bed and then at his friend who stood in front of him.
“Would you come here for a sec, there's a call for you.” Patrick told him.
“Alright.” Jean spoke as he still kept his eyes on Michael. ”I'll be back with you on this.” He said and left the room. Michael heard the door lock behind them.

Michael pulled his knees against his chest, wrapping his arms around himself. He cried, felt scared, knew that he was in the hands of a madman and that anything could happen. Two different sides of Jean were having a continuing battle, which side would win? His fate relayed on it. He couldn't calm down or think straight, at that moment he was paralyzed by the blind fear. He would have given anything to get back to Sam, in his arms; in his save place.

Chapter 58.

Smoky air, chatter and laughter of cheery people, the music was playing. A middle aged couple got up to dance, friends laughed around them.

Henry drank his beer glass empty, placed it down and looked at his friend.
“You’re treating the next, isn’t that right Seamus?” He grinned.
“Aye, so I believe I’ve promised.” The man admitted, heard the door of the pub open and turned his gaze towards the young man that had entered.

“Liam!” He called and waved his hand to him. ”The poor devil owes me some money, he may correct the situation by buying us few pints.” Seamus whispered as the man approached them. Henry laughed, took his pipe and lighted it.
“Good evening, thought I’d find you here Seamus. Running from your wife again?” Liam asked with a smile.
“One can not stand the married life without a drink or two, you know that lad. The wife nags, whether I drink or not, so why not drink then?” Seamus laughed. “Henry, you must remember young Mr. O’Grilly? He worked at your fathers stables once.” He continued. Henry looked up to the young man who smiled insecurely when meeting with his eyes.
“Aye, I remember Liam, nice to see you after a long time.” He greeted him.
“Like wise, Mr. Wills.” He answered.
“Get us new pints then lad and sit down with us.” Seamus said. “You still owe me some money and I might forget about the sum if you get me drunk enough this evening.” He laughed.
“Then I better get them straight away.” Liam grinned.

Liam sat down after placing the pints before them.
“Are you staying here for long?” He asked and looked at Henry.
“Only few days, but I’ll come back here with my wife in June to spend few weeks.”Henry told him, smoking his pipe. “Hows life treated you then?”

“Got chained down, the poor devil, how long has it lasted? Six months?” Seamus laughed cheerfully. Liam shook his head smiling.
“I got married, a child on the way.” He told Henry.
“Well, isn’t that great, congratulations.” Henry smiled back.
“My condolences I’d say.” Seamus laughed again. Henry had gotten used to the strange humour of his friend.
“A marriage is a fine thing, do not make the mistake of listening to Seamus here lad.” Henry said, looking at his friend.
“Aye, if one has a wife like yours, want to trade?” Seamus grinned, Henry shook his head a grin on his lips.

“How’s your family?” Liam asked and tasted his beer.
“My family is fine. My son returned home before Christmas and now he lives in London with his fiancé. Evelyn is with them now.”
“Oh, Michael is engaged?” Liam asked. “Um, with a man?” He asked then, with the courage that the alcohol had given him.
“Aye, with a man and a rich man no less, ain’t that right Henry?” Seamus said. Henry smiled.
”Well, lets just say that they get along quite nicely when it comes to wealth and well, I think those two are also quite smitten with each others, with or without the money.”
“Well, even when that son of yours was little, one could see that with that look; he would get far, one doesn’t give something that beautiful to a poor mans spouse, right Henry?” He slapped his back and Henry felt gratitude of the open minded thinking of his friend.
“Right you are.” He said and couldn’t help but to think if Michael’s looks was more like a curse than a pleasing in Michael’s point of view.

Liam took another sip of his pint. “I’m straight and I have a girlfriend so; keep your hands off!” He remembered said, pissed off 16-year old screaming at him late one night, forever ago. He remembered the kisses in the dimly lighted stable and the fear of getting caught, he remembered the warm, young body pressed against his own. The boy had teased; leads on, but doesn’t understand to give! He had told his friend one time, in his frustration, though making this friend to think that he was talking about some girl. “Everyone aren’t going to so patient with you as I have been Michael, believe me. Not every man is going to take no for an answer.” He had hissed once when he had been drunk, after he had tried to get the boy in his bed and had once again been turned down. The boy had just gotten mad; more pissed off to him, and sworn that he wouldn’t want anything to do with him ever again. Liam had gotten to see just how head strong the boy good be if he choose so. Indeed, they had not spoken after that, no matter how much he had tried to start a conversation with the beautiful boy. Now the memories had taken him over and Liam was sure, that this night, he would make love to his wife after a long time.

Henry's cell phone started to ring, interrupting their happy chatting.
“Hello gorgeous.” He answered to his wife as the alcohol had warmed him up to more sweeter words. He heard Evelyn's quiet sobbing and the smile died from his lips.
“Come home Henry, Michael is…” The woman cried, her voice broke and Henry’s heart almost stopped as he feared how the sentence that she had started would finish. “Those men… they took him, they came and they took him… Henry, come home.” She begged.
“I’ll come as soon as I can my love.” He told her, finished the call and tried collecting his thoughts.

“What happened?” Seamus asked worriedly, Liam’s attention was also on him. Henry stood up.
“I need a cab, I must leave to the airport straight away.” He said and felt Seamus hand on his shoulder.
“Henry, what on earth has happened?”
“My son… he… My son has been kidnapped.” Henry was able to say as he dialed the taxi company's number on his cell.

He cursed silently as he walked out to wait for the taxi, which he hoped would arrive as soon as possible. His friend followed. Henry felt his palms sweating, he felt hot, he bite his teeth’s together. “What the fuck is taking with that taxi!” He cursed, Seamus tried to calm him down.

Henry could hardly believe what he had just heard, he didn’t want to believe. He wished that he was just having a nightmare and still he knew that he wasn’t. Would their worst real nightmare repeat itself all over again? He felt angry, powerless and sad, he wanted to hit something and scream. He hadn’t been able to protect his family, his only son and his wife. He feared what this would do to Evelyn, what it would do to himself and most importantly; what it would do to their son? Michael had to survive, he simply had to! He hoped he could get home soon to know exactly what the situation was and what could be done to correct it.

*****************

Sam sat in front of the table, a hot cup of tea placed in front of him. His mind felt restless, his head was aching and his chest hurt. He glanced at the clock from time to time, counting the minutes and the hours that had passed and which he hoped that he could somehow stop and wind back. The polices were there, checking the place up and asking questions. Someone tried to comfort the shocked mother, who was crying and yelling, wanting more action and less talking, felt that not enough was being done for her child, nothing would have been enough.

Earlier Sam had yelled too, angry of the fact that the law enforcements hadn’t been able to stop Jean from getting to London. He felt as though maybe they just hadn’t been interested enough to solve the case. He felt frustrated and agitated as he realized that there was nothing more that he could do, except to wait. He wanted to hunt and kill, he wanted action, wanted to save his lover, but didn’t even know where he was at the moment. And everything felt like it was happening too slow; the time passed; something had to be done! Finally after some calming down he had agreed to sit down, a tea cup was given to him and he only felt useless and empty inside.

“The window to the cellar has been broken, the men must have entered that way.” Sam heard someone telling to the older officer. How? Why? Sam wondered. They kept the cellar door locked, it had an alarm in it if someone would break in through it. Sam had checked it before he had left and it had been locked, he was sure it had been. Thoughts and questions were running in his mind as an endless current.
“Ask from every close neighbor; someone must have seen something. That boy must be found!” The inspector insisted and Sam felt slight satisfaction hearing the firmness of his voice. Michael had to be found, or someone would pay dearly.


The inspector, a man in his mid fifty's, sat on the seat opposite from him with a notebook in his hands. Sam’s sad and confused eyes met with his.
“I know this situation must be difficult for you.” He smiled sadly. Sam stared at him, blinked his eyes, the tea cup in his hands, from which he had yet to drink. “The men seem to have gotten in through the cellar, but the door has not been broken. Your… well… The mother of your fiancé says that she saw the men around half eight this evening, when the boy had been down in the cellar.” He explained examining his face. Sam was quiet, trying to take in what was told.
“But I locked the door, I’m sure that I did, I always checked it before I left. Michael was also very careful with it. I don’t understand how…” Sam shook his head.

“The door however has been open… either left so by accident or… well there is the possibility that the men have used a key.” Sam looked up in surprise. “We look into every possibility and I can assure you that we do the best that we can in order to find your fiancé.” Sam nodded his head, tired of the worry, tired of the questions he did not know the answers. It was unbelievable hard to know that his lover was in the hands of his insane ex; the man who had threatened them for months and hurt Michael many times before and now he could do nothing about it, nothing to help the person he loved the most in this whole world

So many times Sam had imagined the meeting with Jean and so many times he had beaten up that bastard and now; Jean had come and he had failed to be there to protect Michael. This wasn’t how it had been supposed to go.
.
The inspector stood up, was already about to leave, but then remembered something and turned back.
“This, I believe, belongs to you. It was found from the living room.” The man said; his voice both sad and gentle. Sam looked up and took the ring that the man placed on his palm. ‘Michael&Sam 01.31.2004’ He read from the inside of it and at that moment; he broke down in tears.


*********

Michael laid on the bed and trembled, swallowing the bitter tears, falling deeper into self pity. Wasn’t it right to feel so?

Suddenly he opened his eyes, staring at the far wall. He breathed in deeply, listening to the sound of the rain, other than that, it was strangely quiet. He turned to lay on his other side and felt something pressing against his thigh. Then he remembered, sat up quickly and searched his pocket; he could have kissed his cell phone. The desired hope woke inside of him, his hands trembled as he thought about calling to Sam and wondering if he had the time or not. Then he heard the approaching steps from behind the door, he had to be quick, this time he would be more wise; he silenced the phone and hid it under the mattress. He moved and tried to calm himself down as he heard how the lock of the door being opened.


****************

Jean stepped in, looked straight at him, a sick smile on his lips. Michael lowered his gaze and waited quietly as he approached. When the man was close enough, he leaned down, face close to his. The repulsing smell of alcohol made Michael startle. He close his eyes, squeezed the sheet inside his fists.

“Look at me you whore.” Jean ordered him, almost spitting on his face. Michael wondered how someone like Jean, someone so badly alcoholic, had been able to cheat the police and them? Or maybe Jean had now celebrated his succesfulness and had drink heavily for it?

Trembling, he opened his eyes and met with the insane look. Jean smiled and all the cells in Michael’s body wanted him to back away from the man who clearly was too close for comfort. He had to force himself to keep the eye contact. He thought about all the love ones at home and forced himself to hold on of the will to survive.

Jean laughed, bemusedly, evilly. He enjoyed seeing the fear from the beautiful brown eyes; it made him feel more powerful; a feeling that he had grown to love. He had all the strings in his hands and Michael was completely under his mercy. He leaned even closer, breathed in the scent of his former lover; so familiar, so pure… He felt the skin with his lips and heard Michael taking a fearful breath. His smile grew.
“You know… I haven’t gotten any since October and the pressure to take you is quite high right now.” Jean whispered close to his ear. He laughed when Michael backed away from him quickly.

Jean climbed on the bed and forced Michael under him, on his back. Michael cried out as Jean sat on his pelvis and held his wrists above his head with a firm one hand grip.
The man panted, hot breathing on his skin, the moist, unwelcome kisses. Michael turned his head, squeezed his eyes shut, felt sick. He tried to free his hands, but didn’t manage to do so. This was not the Jean that he had once cared of, no, this man was the one who had beaten him, who had raped him and who had given him to the hands of greater evil; Ricky. This Jean was the man who had gotten sick by Ricky’s influence. Tears ran down on his cheeks when he felt the hand on his stomach, going lower.

He struggled helplessly as Jean forced his hand under his jeans. The man groped and fondled him, trying to make him harden, but Michael was everything but aroused, he was terrified and his body refused to respond to the touches. Jean cursed, but continued to try.

The lips met with his own and took him into a fierce, violent kiss. The crazy laughter that chilled his heart.

“Not in the mood chéri?” Jean asked finally, Michael met with his eyes.
“No! Of course I am not! What did you expect?!” Michael snapped as he still tried to free himself but kept failing. Jean grinned.
“Maybe it’s the medicine, I know what a horny slut you really are chéri.” He smiled and Michael screamed in fury. Jean only laughed and pulled his hand from his jeans,

He then moved up, and opened his own jeans, pulling out his hard member.
“Look at it,” Jean told him and with detesting Michael did. His breathing was quick, he felt his heart, could hear it. He saw as Jean started to stroke the swollen, reddish organ in front of his eyes.

Jean moaned, not taking his eyes away from him. It didn’t take long before he came; shooting the thick, white fluid on Michael’s neck and chin. Michael grimaced and wanted to escape even more, he felt like throwing up and Jean just laughed. Dipped his finger in the fluid and brought it to Michael’s lips, forcing one finger in.
“Mmm… and just to imagine that this was only the beginning… We two have so much time to play with each others chéri.” He whispered and kissed his cheek. Then he stood up, zipped his jeans back up again. Trembling Michael sat up, he wanted the sperm away from his skin, wiped it with his hands.

“There’s a bathroom on your left and there’s some books there. The door is locked and guarded. You are mine and you will learn to like it, you will learn to beg it from me Michael.” And with that being said Jean left, leaving him alone.

******************

Sam took his cell phone as it started to ring and was surprised when he saw that the call was coming from Michael. With trembling hands he answered.
“Michael? Is that you?” He asked, his heart bounding, he heard sobbing.
“Sam…” Michael’s broken voice whispered.
“Where are you love?” Sam asked with worry.

“I don’t know Sam… I just don’t know, some room… Jean is…” Sam felt tears rising to his eyes. It was breaking his heart to hear the fear in Michael’s voice, hear the tears and the unspoken plea for help. He would have done anything to save him, but did not know what obstacles he needed to climb to do that.

“Are you alright?” The question was silly, but necessary.
“I-I am… For once there was some use of this flea.” Michael tried to laugh quietly, but the laugh was completely dry of joy and died soon. “Jean didn’t notice it, I hid it under the mattress.” He explained.
“Has he… Uh, have they touched you?” Sam had to ask. He heard Michael hesitating.
“I still have my clothes on.” He answered dryly. “Is my mother alright?” He asked then with worry.
“Yes, Evelyn is fine, the police are here… wait I put you in a speaker, so that they can hear you.”

Evelyn rushed closer, the inspector sat down, few of the police listened close.
“Michael, are you alright?” The mother asked fearfully.
“I’m fine mother, but I can not speak for long; they might hear…”
“Michael, this is inspector Walsh, can you tell us where you are?”
“I’m not sure, I’m in a bedroom, which has a boarded window and I hear the rain, but I can’t hear any traffic.” Michael explained his voice trembling.
“Don’t worry Michael, we try to track your call and try to get to you, just try to remain calm. We will get you out of there.” The man tried to comfort the scared young man on the other end of the line.

Sam couldn’t take it anymore and grasped the phone.
“When we get you out of there love, I’ll take you as my official partner, I don’t care how or where, but we’ll do it, right?” Sam squeezed the phone tighter in his hands. “You must come home to me, we’ll travel to Ireland or to Spain at summer, there we’ll be each others completely. Right?”
“Yes Sam.” Michael cried. ”I love you… tell them…wait… I have to go.” And then the call ended, just that suddenly.
Sam called his name for a couple of times, although he did understand that he couldn’t reach him anymore. He threw his phone away in frustration; he wanted to murder Jean!

Chapter 59.

Michael screamed when the hand contacted with his cheek; his skin was burning, he couldn’t see clearly through his tears. He hardly had the time to realize what had happened, when the man took a handful of his hair inside his palm and forced his head to bend back.
“What the fuck is this; did you call someone?” Patrick asked keeping the phone in his other hand. The man was furious, cold, angry eyes staring into his own. “Fucking answer to me!” Patrick pulled his hair more roughly, his scalp hurt.

Michael frowned, looked back through his tears.
“What if I did?” He hissed, smiled with defiance, with pain. Another slap across his face, light enough to not leave a bruise, but strong enough to cause some pain. Michael felt dizzy.
“Jean!” Patrick called, still staring into his eyes and smiled with satisfaction as he saw the fear settle in them.

The other man stepped into the room. Patrick didn’t release his hold on Michal’s hair but glanced at his friend.
“This whore of yours has called home.” Patrick said, showing the phone to him. Jean took it and checked the call information quickly, he then looked at his ex.

“Sam… Why am I not surprised? I try and I try and every time you keep disappointing me.” Jean said as he turned the power off from the cell phone.
“Had this stayed on, they might have found out where we are.” He continued shaking his head. Michael swallowed some tears down; the change to get out had been so close


Patrick finally let go of is hair and stepped back. Jean stepped closer, touched his cheek, wiped the tears away. “Naughty boy, so naughty.” He blamed him, sounding almost like he was scolding a child and smiled. “How should I punish you?” Jean wondered out loud and Michael couldn’t meet with his eyes anymore. He concentrated to look at the spot on the carpet. Jean caressed his hair and his neck, it was quiet for a moment, only the endless rain on the roof.


“What do you think Patrick, how should we punish him?” Jean asked without looking at his friend. Patrick wondered, looked at the young man who sat defeated on the bed and cried quietly. Then he looked at his friend, who was still stroking Michael’s hair in a gentle way; a way that didn’t go at all with the asked question.

A small part of him felt pity towards the young man, because so fragile and young he looked at the moment and other part felt something completely different; a sadistic pleasure to see Michael suffer. Michael was a whore, he reminded himself and one could do what one pleased to a whore; it made sense to him, and most importantly, Michael was the reason to his current predicament. Without Michael he wouldn’t be running from cops now, no, he would be home in Paris, spending comfortable life.

Patrick never once saw the true reason, the true blame. He was blind to the mistakes of his friend just like was blind to his own mistakes; it was easier to blame the innocent.

“Perhaps I think about it until tomorrow chéri.” Jean said before Patrick had the time to make his own succession. “In the mean time accept this; you’re here now, and you are mine.” Jean kissed him and left the room with his friend.

Michael looked at the tray that had food on it, the tray that was the reason of why Patrick had first come into the room. He laid down on the bed knowing that he couldn’t force a single bite down.

************

Henry sat next to his wife and held her in his arms. Evelyn cried without comfort, tired of screaming and for not being able to sleep enough. Just moments earlier the woman had cried from the top of her lungs, beating his chest with her hands and insisted that he would bring her son back to her.

Finally he had been able to calm her down. “Mi hijo…” She sobbed quietly and found new strength for her tears, she squeezed his shirt inside her fists and buried her head against his shoulder. “Am I bad mother?” She asked with a whisper.

“How come? Of course you’re not sweetheart, of course not. You’re an amazing mother.” He assured and stroked her long open hair.
“Then why…?” She cried. ”I couldn’t protect them, I failed. First Angelia and now Michael.”
“My love, nothing that you would have done or what anyone would have done, would have helped Angelia to survive. And as for Michael; you’ve been good and loving mother. We raised an intelligent, warm hearted son and in that part we did more than well. There’s just some things that parents can’t affect on, no matter how much we would like.” He whispered and planted a kiss on her forehead.

Evelyn was trembling, her head ached.
“I’m scared… He’s my child… They have no right to touch my child like that…” She lift her head up and grasped Henry’s shirt collar with two hands. “Henry… Stop them; you must stop them from hurting my baby!” Her voice grew stronger and there was a fire in her eyes. The man took her face between his hands.
“I would do anything, anything at all to stop it from happening. I would give my life for you and Michael, I’d suffer any amount of pain for you two, I just don’t know how.” He assured and she broke under her pain to another wave of tears, she screamed, cried and trembled.” Henry held her fragile body closer to his and felt the tears rising to his eyes. He cradled her, held her like she would have been the only good still left in the world and swore that he wouldn’t rest until he would see justice happening.

**^^**^^**^^**

Sam held the tea cup between his hands, stood on the veranda and stared at the rain with plank expression. Kitty stood in front of the window and watched her friend through the glass. “I worry for him.” She said, without turning. Tony walked behind her and looked outside as well. Sam hadn’t talked much the whole day, he mostly just stared at the emptiness with sorrowful eyes. Tony understood the man, as he felt the same powerless feeling inside and did not like to feel so at all.

Tony wrapped his arm around her and she rested her head on his shoulder. “why did this have to happen? Michael doesn’t deserve this, he’s suffered enough, he’s suffered too much…” She wept, Tony pulled her close, not sure what to say. He felt the pain inside, the pain in his chest and in his heart as he thought about his friend.

”Michael will survive, he has before.” He said finally, really wanting to believe in it. He stroked her hair, held her close and comforted. His mind filled with the memories of his friend, the happy child whose laughter had always been carefree and catching. The energy inside him, they plays that Michael had come up with, the dreams that he had spoken of.... No one knew Michael the way that he did, Tony believed. He had been close since his birth, he had grown up with him, shared experiences. He couldn’t live with the thought that he might loose him again.

Sam stepped out into the rain, away from the shelter that the roof had provided. He felt the cold rain drops on his face, on his hair and on his clothes. He stood there silent, gazing up towards the sky. He felt so powerless. He wanted to hear Michael’s voice, his laughter, feel his arms around him, the breathing on his neck. “I love the rain.” He would whisper from behind him and his moist lips would caress his skin softly.

Sam close his eyes, the heavy feeling inside wouldn’t leave him alone. ‘What if he dies?’ His mind asked and his mind began to feed him with images of the funeral and the dead body of his most beloved, trying to prepare him to the possible, but Sam wasn’t ready for it; not now, would never be and so he quickly buried the images and the thoughts. “You're not going to loose me, not yet. I'm like a cat with nine lives, so I might have spent quite a few already, but I'm sure I have few left.” Michael had whispered to him that one night.
“Do not worry; I am not going anywhere, not if I can help it.” He had promised after and those were the words that Sam found the comfort that he needed.

“Sam?” He heard a voice from behind him and turned. “Come inside before you get sick.” Kitty asked. “Michael wants to come back to a healthy lover, he will need your strength.” She reminded him. Sam nodded slowly and followed her inside, his eyes still filled with grief.


When he got inside, he heard his phone ringing and jumped with the hope that it might be Michael.

“Hi Sam, this is Erick. Is Michael somewhere close? I’ve been trying to reach him all day, but it appears that his phone is closed.” Erick's voice asked cheerfully and Sam could hear Paul’s laughter from the background. “Stop it Paul, I’m on the phone for goodness sake.” Erick scolded his partner with an amused tone of voice. “I’m sorry Sam, Paul seems to have a sudden little boy act going on.” Sam listened quietly.
“Sam? Are you there?”
“Yes…”
”May I talk with Michael? I spoke with him earlier about us coming for a visit there… I arranged some time off from work and…” The man was quiet for a moment. “Michael did talk with you about this?” He asked and Sam remembered that Michael had mentioned about it last week.
“Michael isn’t here.” Sam told him.
“Well, when will he arrive? I can call back later.” Erick asked with a bit confused tone.
“I don’t know Erick, maybe you should ask that from that fucked up friend of yours!” Sam snapped.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about Jean, that fucking piece of slime, that French fucker! Your perverted friend!” Sam yelled at him, all though deep inside; he knew he couldn’t blame Erick from anything, but at that moment the man seemed to be the best target for his agonising anger.
“What’s happened? He hasn't…?” Erick asked with shock.
“Michael is missing, kidnapped from our own home, under his mothers eyes!” Sam was breathing tensely, he lift his other hand up to his temple as his headache grew. Erick was quiet for a moment
“Sam, oh my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know, I truly didn’t know that…” The man stuttered.

“No, I’m sorry Erick, it’s not your fault, of course it isn’t. I’m sorry, I did not mean to shout at you, I’m just… Well I’m worried and quite pissed off frankly.”
“Of course, I understand… I’m sure everything will be fine though, Jean doesn’t mean him harm, he just…” Erick started without thinking.
“Doesn’t mean him harm?! No harm! Isn’t rape and assault harming?! What are you thinking, that Michael wants it? Well he certainly does not! And that fuck brain friend of yours…” Sam tried to calm his breathing. “Jean has finally got him right where he wants him after all these months, and what the fuck do you think is happening over there at this moment? Jean has done it many times before and he most likely tries to do it again and Michael…” Sam’s voice broke. “…He… It’s harming in my opinion!” He felt tears on his cheeks, when he realized that what he had just said, would most likely be happening in reality.
“Sam, calm down… Of course, I choose my words wrong, I… I don’t know what to say.”
“What could you say? Nothing will change what’s happened.” Sam said with tired voice. “I talk to you later Erick, if that’s alright, I’ll call you as soon as I hear something new.”
“Alright, have strength Sam and you’ll get him home, I’m sure of it.”
“I certainly hope so.”


**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**

Sleep had cured his mind momentarily from the hold of alcohol, leaving him with a nerve wrecking headache. Jean took couple of pills and drank some watter. He sat down in front of the kitchen table, holding a coffee cup and staring at the door to the bedroom where Michael was. Maybe he should have been more gentle last night? He wondered to himself, but on the other hand he had to tread him harshly so that Michale would understand and when he would… Well sooner or later Michael would learn to accept the situation, he just had to wait.

Sighing Jean started to gather up some breakfast on a tray.

Michael laid on the bed and stared at the far wall with plank expression on his face, when Jean stepped into the room. Jean noticed that the last nights dinner was left untouched on the table.

“Why have you not eaten?” He asked, placing the breakfast down on the stool next to the bed.
“I’m not hungry.” Michael answered quietly, without looking at him. Jean sat down on the edge of the bed and lift his hand to touch his cheek making him flinch.
“You should eat chéri.” Jean said and stroke his skin gently. Michael watched him fearfully. “What would you like for dinner?” The man asked moving his hand in his hair.
“I want to go home.” Michael answered and watched Jean’s reaction. The man acted though he hadn’t heard him.
“Some Tex Mex food perhaps? Or Chinese?…Or no, non of that… I’m going to make you some French delicacy.” Jean smiled. “You like lamb, right chéri?” Michael stared at the man, but did not answer. “Good, I’ll prepare that then.”

Jean stood up. “Eat your breakfast, otherwise, I won’t be happy.” Jean leaned to touch him again. “You want to keep me happy, right?” He smiled and finally Michael nodded, just to get rid of him. “Good…I’ll go now, to take care of some things, at night we can finally enjoy more from each others.” Jean let his lips caress his skin and Michael squeezed his eyes shut. He really didn’t find the; 'enjoy from each others’ with Jean appealing. The mere thought of it made him feel sick. “You can read some books while I’m gone, I know how you like to read; I got them just for you mon amour.” And after he had taken the untouched dinner of the previous night with him, Jean left leaving him alone once again.


**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**

The evening came too quickly for Michael. Jean had arranged the room so that in the center of it; stood a small dining table, with somewhat romantic setting for two. And there they sat; a scared young man and his former, obsessed lover.

Jean poured some red wine for the both of them and smiled as he looked at him. Michael stared at the plate in front of him; lamb, salad and oven potato with herb sauce. There was few candles on the table; Michael didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry.

Jean had even cleaned up a bit; his black hair was quite short and his beard had been trimmed down as well. He could almost recognize the man that he had at one time cared much for and at the same time he could see the desperation of how much Jean tried to resume something long ago lost between them.

“Well, taste it; I want to know what you like?” Jean’s voice was gentle, excited. Michael looked at him, sorrow filling his heart. Jean brought the wine glass on his lips and drank, his smile never faded. Slowly Michael took some food with his fork and ate, the meat was tender and skilfully spiced.
“This is good Jean.” He told him quietly and saw his face lighting up.
“I’m glad you like it.” Jean said, with the gentle voice of former Jean. “Taste the wine, I wonder if you still remember?” And Michael did, recognising that it was the same wine, that they had used to drink together; their wine, Jean had called it then. And as he remembered some of those nights; nights when Jean had been able to drink with reason and nights when they had been wrapped in each others arms on the couch, laughing, talking, whispering secrets in each others ears; good moments, his mind was filled with even greater sorrow.

‘Why Jean? Who are you really?’ He wanted to ask, but stayed silent. Jean’s complete changes of mind and mood were hard and confusing to live with. Michael feared for the moment when Jean would loose it again, the moment when the monster would wake.
“This is the same wine we used to drink together.” He answered.
“Our wine.” Jean smiled.

They ate in silent and Michael felt Jean’s eyes on his skin.
“I know that you’re unhappy now, but it will soon change. I’ll make you happy, you’ll learn to like it here.” Jean assured. Michael looked at him and placed his fork down. He could never be happy here with Jean, without freedom. He missed Sam, he missed home and the security of it.
“How could I be happy if I’m not free Jean? I’m asking you; please, let me go home.” He begged. Jean’s expression darkened.
“You are home.” He answered and for a moment Michael was quiet, until he shook his head
“My home is where my family is, not here…” He told him. Jean tasted his wine and Michael looked at him carefully.

“Time for the desert, don’t you think?” Jean said finally, smiling. Michael looked at him with confusion. “Undress.” Jean leaned backwards on his chair, drinking the wine.

“What?” Michael asked, though he knew that he had heard him right.
“Take your clothes off.” Jean said calmly, the smile staying on his lips. Michael stared at him.
“I’m not going to take my clothes off.” He said and stood up.
“Why not?” Jean asked with curiosity. Michael backed away, looking at the room surrounding him and then at Jean, who really did seem to be waiting for an answer.
“Because I don’t want to.”
“Why don’t you?” Jean asked, and Michael couldn’t believe that he was really asking that.
“Because I.. I don’t want that you…” Michael started to answer, hesitated. Jean lighted up a smoke.
That I what?” Jean asked and blew out a smoke ring.

“I don’t want to have sex with you.” Michael said finally. Jean frowned, seemed to be thinking about his answer.
“So you don’t want to have sex with me… Why is that? Why don’t you want sex?” He asked then, took the ashtray and shrugged the ash from the cigarette in it. Michael didn’t know what he should do, this seemed to be some odd game that the man had come up with, game which rules he didn’t know.
“I just don’t want it.”
“There has to be a better reason than that and I want to hear it.” Michael saw something flashing in Jean’s eyes and knew that the monster had woken. He backed up slowly and wished that he would know the rules of this game and the right answer; was there even any?
“It should be enough of an answer.” He said desperately, his mouth felt dry.
“But it’s not, I want a better one.” His eyes were glimmering; the insane glimmering. “So, you don’t want sex because?”

“Because… because I know it would hurt.”
“Would it? Does it always?”
“N-No…” The whole situation was starting to go over his understanding, where had the gentle Jean disappeared all of a sudden? The one he had spoken with only moments earlier.
“But it would hurt now?” He asked. Michael really didn’t know what to do, he searched for answers from the surrounding room, but found non.
“I don’t know.”
“When Samuel fucks you really hard; does it hurt? Do you scream from pain or pleasure?” Michael startled.
“Sam would never hurt me.”
“Wouldn’t he?” Does Sam have a big cock? Describe it for me.”
“No!”
“No? It’s so small that you don’t want to bring shame on him?”
“You’re crazy.” Michael took note. Jean laughed.
”Maybe… Maybe I am, and I want you to undress.” Michael shook his head.

“I’m engaged to Sam, my body is non but his!” Michael finally screamed and Jean’s anger grew.
“Undress now, or shall I ask Patrick to join us in this room and together we tear those clothes off from you and take you. Is that what you want?” Michael looked at Jean knowing that the man had won. He lift his shaking arms and started to unbutton his shirt. “There, that’s a good boy.” Jean smiled with satisfaction.
 

Chapter 60.

It had been such a long time, Jean tough to himself as he watched how his ex slowly undressed himself. When Michael was opening his belt; tears were already running freely on his cheeks. This slightly bothered Jean, but he chose to let it by, to ignore his tears.
“Go and sit on the bed.” Jean ordered when Michael was dressed only to his boxers. The young man did what was asked of him. Jean got up and started undressing himself.

Michael close his eyes, trembling. He felt like that 17-year old boy again, boy, who had been forced to sell his body and only few of the men that Ricky had chosen, had actually cared about what he had felt.
“Open your eyes, look at me.” Jean told him. Sighing fearfully Michael obeyed. The man was completely nude by now, stroking himself. Eyes firmly on him, it was by instinct that Michael tried to move away as he approached. Jean, however, stopped him, laid him down and climbed on top.

”Shh… Chéri, save your tears.” The voice was gentle again, hand stroked his hair, wiped the tears away from his eyes. Michael trembled, couldn’t stop his tears. Jean kissed his face gently; his forehead, cheeks, chin and his lips. “You’re so beautiful chéri.” He whispered, kissed his neck and moved lower.

In panic, Michael tried to get away from under him, Jean grasped his wrist and held them down. “Relax Michael… Just relax, it’s okay, calm down.” Jean’s voice was soothing.
“Please…” Michael asked.
“Please what?”
”Let me go, I don’t want this.”
“Yes you do, I know you do.” Jean whispered moving his other hand on his chest, down to his stomach and up again, smile playing on his lips. “Like a piece of art…” He whispered and leaned to kiss his other nipple, licking it, nippling it, looking how it became erect.
Finally he got tired of Michael constant struggling.
“I have to tie you down.” He said then and took few silk scarfs, which he used to tie Michael’s wrists to the bed posts.
“There, now, where were we?”

Jean had dreamed of this moment for so long and now it was finally here and he had to enjoy it properly, without any rush.
He did hear Michael’s crying, heard as he took deep shaky breaths as he continued exploring his body with his hands. Jean laid on top of him, licking his stomach, moving lower and looked up to Michael’s face. He got up slightly, kissed his unwilling lips and once again stroked his hair. He moved up and brought his organ to his lips.
“Suck.” He whispered, Michael turned his face to the side. “Suck.” Jean told him again and finally Michael took him into his mouth. Jean moaned, moving his hips, in and out. He felt his peak coming closer and he didn’t want to cum yet, so he stopped. Kissing and licking he moved down on Michael's body and started undressing the last piece of clothing that he had left.

“Jean no.” The man did not listen, he knew he could make Michael enjoy this, he was determined. He took Michael’s limp organ into his mouth, sucking and licking, kissing his testicles, lifting his legs up and licked his hole, then he continued on sucking his organ. He smiled wit satisfaction as he felt it slowly harden.

Michael cursed as he felt how his body started to response to Jean’s caressing, as he realized with horror that it felt good, much too good. He didn’t want to enjoy this, he felt like he would betray Sam if he would enjoy.
“Stop, stop…” He asked, but Jean continued, sucking on his hardening member and at times licking his hole, pushing his tongue in. His face buried against his crotch, strong arms keeping his legs apart. Why did he have to do this? Why did he have to make him like what was being done? Michael cried, moaned in pleasure. He cursed himself and prayed in his mind that Sam would forgive him for this.

He felt Jean’s finger pushing inside and started to become more nervous. He wriggled helplessly in the strong hold. Jean was still sucking. Other finger joined the first. “Jean, please stop.” Michael asked.
“Don’t worry I won’t.“ He grinned, stood up to his knees, still holding his legs up, he massaged their cock’s together. “Doesn’t it feel good?” He asked, took some lube on his palm and continued the massaging. Michael moaned, knowing that he couldn’t fight him for long. His body was completely surrendered to the pleasure that his mind didn’t want.

Jean’s moans deepened, his cock was throbbing, he moved his hips against Michael intensively and finally, with a shout, he came. Drops of sweat glimmered on his forehead, he tried to calm his breathing and lowered Michael’s feet's down. He felt incredible satisfied when he noticed that he wasn’t the only one to cum. He dipped his finger into the semen and brought it into his mouth. “You taste so good mon amour.” He whispered and laid down. He kissed his moist forehead and lips. “That felt so good, lets just rest awhile and then another round, right chéri?” Michael cried quietly, Jean laid his head on his chest and fell asleep.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

Daniel sat down on the couch and stared at the tv screen; a picture of Michael and then of the two French men. The woman gave a number to which anyone with some information of the case could call.
“This is just so sad.” Daniel startled slightly, he turned his face to look behind him where Julius stood. Julius was looking at the screen for a moment and then looked back at him, the man smiled gently, lovingly and at the same time sadly. “God, I can only imagine what Sam is going through, I don’t know what I’d do if you…” A hand reached out to touch his cheek, Daniel couldn't keep the eye contact for long. He lowered his gaze to the floor.
“I-, I think I’ll go and see how’s Sam doing.” Daniel said finally and stood up. Julius touched his arm as he was passing.
“Hey, are you alright?” He asked with worry. Daniel glanced at him quickly, tried to smile and nodded his head. “This really seems to bother you? I think it’s great that you can be friends with Sam, that you support him in this hard time.” Julius kissed his cheek. “Remember to drive carefully sweetheart and give Sam my greetings.” Daniel felt his insides turning, why did Julius have to be so good to him? It only made him feel worse. He wasn’t sure what he had gotten himself into, how big case this really was. It was even on the news now!

“I’ll see you later.” He whispered, a quick kiss on his lovers lips before he left.


**^^**^^^**^^**^^**

Sam cursed and threw his phone on the bed.
“What is it?” Kitty asked with worry as she stepped in.
“It’s on the news now, is it?” He asked with tired voice. Kitty nodded.
“Well, just guess how many calls I’ve already gotten? Fucking fagot, cock sucker, your boyfriend is a whore and so on and so forth, would you like to hear more?” He snapped. “I believe that many of these callers are my own customers. Like this wouldn’t be hard enough as it is.” Kitty walked over to him and hugged him.
“People can be jerks.” She sighed. “They’re just ignorant and stupid. They don’t know how things really are; we do.” She stroked Sam’s cheek gently. “You’re not alone.” She whispered smiling sadly. Sam nodded.
“Thank you Kit.”

“I believe it will take some time for this dust to settle. When I get Michael back, I’m going to take him away. I was thinking about renting some peaceful quiet place in Ireland.” Sam told her.
“It might be a good idea.” Kitty said quietly dreading other possibilities, which she couldn’t voice out loud. “Daniel, came to see you, he’s downstairs waiting.” She said then.
“Alright.” Sam sighed.

Daniel stood in front of the window, gazing out when Sam stepped in. He turned when he heard the approaching steps.
“Hey, how are you doing?” He asked, stepped closer.
“I’ve been better.” Sam sighed and sat down on the couch.
“What if I make us some tea? Lets sit down and talk.” Sam nodded and squeezed Michael’s engagement ring inside his fist, the ring that he carried on his neck, just above his heart. He stared out; the grey sky, the endless rain, almost like the nature would be mourning with him.

Daniel gave the tea cup to him, placed the tea tray down to the table and sat down on the opposite armchair.
“They talked about it in the news.” Daniel started with quiet voice.
“I bet they did…. I haven’t really watched, but they have tried to call from the papers.” Daniel nipped on his lower lip in a nervous manner and tasted his tea, his hands were trembling slightly.
“Have the cops gotten any new leads?” Daniel asked next, Sam looked at him and shook his head.
“The old lady from next door had seen a dark vehicle parked near our house several nights and she had seen someone sitting inside. But because the said old lady has somewhat poor eyesight, she couldn’t tell anything better… Just as fucking good clues as they had the last time.” Sam groaned.

“You haven’t slept much, have you?” Daniel asked, Sam shook his head.
“Have you been eating?” Another shook of the head.
“Kitty tries her best, but… well, I don’t have much of an appetite right now.” Sam told him. He looked at the edge of the fireplace quietly. He felt cold, he missed, longed with pain. Daniel stood up insecurely, walking closer. Sam was fighting against his tears, his body was trembling.
“Sam…” Daniel spoke softly.
“Don’t,” Sam whispered, trying to get a hold of himself, he didn’t want to show how weak he felt, not now. Daniel sat down and touched his shoulder, Sam shrink back.
“It’s just me, only me.” Daniel whispered, Sam looked at him. “Hey, let me comfort you.” Daniel asked massaging his arm.
“I can’t stand to think what’s happening there right now. I can’t stand to think what that man is doing to him.” Sam whispered. Daniel wrapped his arms around him and smiled and he felt Sam answering to his embrace.
“I know, I understand… I’m sure he’s alright.” Daniel comforted.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

Kitty opened the front door and smiled to Jack.
“Hey, come in.” She said and stepped aside.
“Anything new?” Jack asked.
“No, not really.” Kitty sighed. Jack placed his coat into the coat rack.
“How is Sam?” He asked.
“well, to be honest, he’s pretty miserable, he’s quite torn because of this. He’s in the living room with Daniel now.” Jack nodded.
“I’ll go and see him, if that’s alright?”
“Yes, of course.”

Jack walked towards the living room, using the entrance from the dining room. He stopped once he reached the doorway and looked in. Sam and Daniel sat on the couch talking quietly. Daniel hugged the man, smiled and comforted him. Jack frowned, he listened to the conversation remaining silent himself. He did not trust Daniel one bit and if anything, his worry only grew, Finally, he stepped further in and cleared his throat. Both turned to look at him.
“Hi Jack,” Sam greeted with tired voice.
“Hey.” Jack said back looking firmly at Daniel, making him move in a nervous manner. ‘Something is going on, I know it and I’m going to find out.’ Jack seemed to be telling him without actually saying it. Daniel stood up.
“I have to go, talk with you later Sam, call me if you need anything.” He said.
“Thanks Dan, I’ll see you.” Was Sam’s reply.
“See you.”

Jack waited after Daniel had left before sitting down.
“How have you been doing?” He asked. Sam leaned backwards, sighing.
“I’m not sure really… I don’t know what to feel, what to do… I-, I just don’t know.”
Jack nodded softly.
“You know this better than I do Jack… how…?” Sam tried to collect his thoughts, resting his arms on his knees. “Jean… um… fuck… What I’m trying to ask here is…”
“Can he go through what he has again and survive it?” Jack asked, it was Sam’s turn to nod.

“When I first met with Michael, I must admit that there were times that I doubted if he could make it, times when I found him in the bathroom holding a knife, ready to cut his wrists open and he was so out of it that he hardly even heard me. But somehow you can adjust and you can survive when you make up your mind to do so. You know?” Sam nodded insecurely.
“And in the end Michael did adjust, he survived because he wanted to survive.” Jack smiled weakly. “Sometimes he seems so fragile, doesn't he? Like if you would hold him too tightly he might break. You feel like you need to protect him and then he comes and surprises you; protecting you, saving you instead, giving you the strength you though you needed to give to him.” Jack looked at Sam with curiosity and Sam remembered the day when he had first met with Michael. He would have never guessed back then, the darkness that lied in the past of the angelic young man.

“What I’m trying to say, is that there are many forms of strength and mentally Michael is one of the strongest people I know. I have every fate that with the right treatment he will get past this as well, or at least he’ll learn to deal with it. Though, I do believe that his thrust in people and his trust to this world begins to be quite lost. I mean really lost and for quite a long time. When the time comes, the question is; can you handle it?” Sam had a puzzled expression.
“It would be easier for you to be with someone free of the ghost of the past, someone like Daniel perhaps?” Jack continued while observing his reaction.
“I love Michael, I want him back and only him.” Sam snapped and stood up.
“It will be hard.” Jack said calmly.
“I know that, I can handle that, I can handle anything at all as long as I get him back! It is his death, loosing him, that I couldn’t take.” Jack nodded.
“Then, perhaps you should return your ex back into the reality.”
“What do you mean?”
“That man loves you and I think that there’s something fishy going on here.” Jack said.
“You’re not trying to imply that Daniel would have something to do with this?” Jack looked into his eyes. “It’s absurd.” Sam breathed out. ”Daniel wouldn’t do anything like that, he couldn’t.”

“Well, if you believe so, then perhaps you’re right.” Jack said and stood up. “At one time, I believed that Jean was a nice man, incapable to hurt Michael.” He said quietly after. “I have to go. I hope I’ll hear some news soon.”

Sam was left alone into the room, wondering about what Jack had said, about Daniel and Michael. “He couldn’t, there’s no way…” He whispered to himself.

**^^**^^**^^**

His arms were aching, the skin of his wrists burning. The man kissed his chest, caressing his body with his hands. “I love you.” Jean whispered and rose slightly, supporting himself with him his hands, looking at his face for a long time. Michael turned his face to the side, opening and closing his tired eyes, he felt the hot breathing on his skin. “I can’t get enough from you.” Jean whispered. “Do you love me Michael?” He asked, Michael sighed with frustration, his head was aching. “Tell me.” Jean insisted, guided his face with a hold on his chin to look at him.
“You’ve tied me up in this fucking bed and you ask me if I love you?!” He shouted with hoarse voice, breathing tensely. Jean smiled.
“Chéri,“ he stroke his cheek gently.
“Come even one inch closer and I’ll bite your nose off!” Michael hissed. Jean laughed.
“Will you really?” He grinned and moved his hands down on his body and caressed his penis. Michael wriggled, he was beginning to get really tired of this game. This time he really did try to bite the man when he leaned down closer to his face.
“Let me go you fuckhead!” Michael screamed. They looked in each others eyes; cold stare in the grey ones, a disturbing smile. Michael trembled as Jean started to untie his wrists. He tried to collect all his strength to just one coal; to beat Jean.

When he had gotten his hands free, he brought the right one to his face, pushing him away, helping with his left hand. He lift his knee up to kick Jean, but the man grasped his throat; squeezed. When it became harder for him to breath, Michael moved his hand on Jean’s hand, trying to get him to loosen his hold.
“Stop fighting.” Jean said calmly. ”Stop it.” Jean repeated and when Michael finally listened, he loosened his hold on his neck, leaving him gasping for breath.

Jean took a hold of his thighs, trying to get his legs to part, Michael struggled, his muscles tense, wrapping his leg on top of the other, doing everything he could to keep them together. Jean cursed and tried to turn him onto his stomach. Kicking, struggling, they were both running out of breath.

Jean took a hold of his wrists, forced them against the bed and locked him between his knees. He tried to catch his breath, looking into the face of Michael and finally he smiled.
“I am going to make love to you.”
“Make love?? You’re trying to rape me and it’s far from making love!” Michael cried out starting to struggle again.
“I can wait, but sooner or later you get tired and I’m going to win.” Michael screamed in frustration, enraged.

They stayed that way, looking at each others, waiting for the next move. Slowly Jean brought his knee between Michael closed thighs. He pressed down with force and smiled when he heard the other moaning in pain, brown eyes filled with tears. Michael gasped for breath, Jean was using so much strength that finally he gave in for the pain. When Jean had gotten his thighs to part he forced himself between them and laid down. A victorious smile on his face. “I got you.” He whispered and slowly began to move his body against his. The man’s organ was hard and throbbing. Michael tried to move still, get from under him, but Jean seemed to know his every move from before hand. His wrists were taken like before; into a one hand hold and Jean started to caress his already lubed hole, he pushed few fingers in, stretching and feeling. Finally taking his hand away, raising his hips up higher, Michael felt the mans organ coming against his entrance and slowly the man moved himself inside. He cried out, moaned and cried.

”Oh my god…” Jean moaned once inside of him completely, he lied still for a moment, kissed Michael’s cheek and trembling lips.
He then began to move slowly, rising up to his knees, holding on to his hips tightly and started fucking him. The bed creaked, the man moaned. Michael hit his head few times to the edge of the bed, finally taking a hold of it and just tried to take what was happening. Blood tasted in his mouth as he accidentally bite on his tongue. The pain from the start started to ease, becoming more of a uncomfortable feeling than painful. All the same he wanted it to end.

He felt sick to his stomach hearing Jean’s groans of pleasure, the creaking of the bed. Michael squeezed the bed edge; his knuckles white, eyes tightly close. And finally, after what had felt like forever, it was over. The sweaty body of the man on top of his, Jean was breathing hard, out of breath. Hand wiped his hair from his forehead. Michael looked away with glazed eyes, which made the other wake and understand.

”I’m sorry.” Jean whispered. ”I got a little too carried away,” He looked at Michael with worry, but couldn’t reach with his eyes. “Chéri,” he kissed his cheek, caressed his chest, but when he got no reply, he stood up. He searched his clothes and started dressing.
“Are you in pain?” Jean asked, still, no reply. Michael’s eyes were open, but didn’t seem to be looking at anything specific, seeing nothing. His breathing was even, his body trembling slightly. The skin on his neck was slightly bruised, his thighs had even worst bruises, same with his arms. Jean hadn’t realised how brutal he had been until now.

A knock on the door, Patrick stepped in, he grinned as he looked towards the bed and then at his friend.
“Had fun?” He asked, he had heard everything that had happened in there just moments earlier. Only now Michael seemed to come back, he moved painfully and tried to cover his naked body from the other man. “You had a call Jean, you know who, I already talked with him, but if…” Patrick said then, keeping his eyes firmly on Michael.
Jean nodded, he dressed his shirt on and left the room. Patrick glanced after him before moving closer to the bed.
”You look like you would have had the fuck of your life.” The man sneered and lighted a cigarette. Michael tried to get up, he hissed from pain and couldn’t sit up like normally. He pulled the blanket up to cover his body and didn’t look at the man. “Did you enjoy?” Patrick asked with mean voice. Michael shook his head.
“Jean was fine before you came into his life, you’ve ruined his life, both of our life’s.” Patrick hissed. “You messed with his head and that’s why you deserve this.” Michael looked up to him through his tears.
“Ricky…” His voice was hoarse. ”It was Ricky.” His voice didn’t seem to carry, he felt dizzy, nauseated, his headache seemed to be growing.

Patrick heard Jean calling him, once more he looked at Michael before he left. Tired, Michael laid back down and stared at the emptiness. “Why?” He whispered.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

Daniel trembled after finishing the call. The night had already darkened, rain hitting on the car windows. He wiped his face, hearing the loud beat of his own heart. “What have I done?” He asked himself desperately. He had just talked with Patrick, and knew that there was one phone call that he would never be able to forget. Michael’s cries repeating on his mind, over and over again; the sounds of rape.
“Jean’s fucking him, can’t come to the phone right now.” The other man had laughed and had walked closer to the room where it all was happening. Daniel had been able to hear everything going on inside. Nothing would be able to raise the horrible truth from his mind anymore. What he had heard, had been a clear rape. “If you tell someone, we will pull you down with us, you can be sure of that.” The man had hissed, when he had started to hesitate out loud.

Daniel thought of Sam, he thought of Michael and the stupid fight that they had had. Sam’s birthday and what Michael had shouted there. Daniel had thought that it had just been a lie, he hadn’t believed. Something like that just didn’t happen and if it did, one couldn’t pull through so easily. So he had thought; Michael was a liar, Jean was right and Sam had been fooled. But now, he understood, his eyes had been opened and he realized clearly what he had done, what he had gotten himself into. Lord how stupid he had been!

With shaking hands he started the car, wanting to forget, wanting to get out of the net which he himself had created.

When he arrived home, Julius was already waiting with ready made dinner. The man talked as they ate, but Daniel couldn’t concentrate, , he was hardly able to force a single bite down. Julius noticed that something was wrong, he was worried and when the man later on leaded him into the bedroom, kissed him gently and asked him to tell what was wrong, Daniel broke down. Julius hugged him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. Daniel squeezed him closer to himself.
“I can’t tell.” He whispered.
“Why not? Of course you can. I love you and you can tell me anything at all.” Daniel looked at him with confusion. The man hadn’t said it before.
“You love me?” He asked.
“Of course I do, we’re living together, are we not?” Julius smiled. At that moment Daniel felt more stupid than ever before.
“Hold me.” He asked. “I fear that soon you’ll start hating me, if you only knew what I’ve done, you would…” He whispered. Julius was quiet for a long time.
“Daniel, I could never hate you.” He said then. Daniel close his eyes, wanting to hold on to Julius forever and forget what he had heard. But could he ever live with all the quilt?

Chapter 61.

”Michael…” Jean whispered. He felt extremely frustrated as he looked into glassed eyes of the young man, eyes that refused to look back at him. Jean took a moist towel which he used to wipe Michael’s forehead.
“Please say something mon amour.” He asked, but Michael still remained silent.
“Are you hurt?” He asked then, looking at the red marks on his neck, the bruises on his arms, knowing that he’d find more if he were to lower the blanket from him. Jean decided to do just that; he brought his hand up and started to move the coverlet. Michael gasped, took the blanket, pulling it back up. Their eyes met, brown ones filled with fear and intense hatred, fevered stare.

“Do not touch me!” He hissed.
“I just want to see if I caused you some harm.” Jean spoke calmly.
“Oh so now you care?! You just want to touch me again and I won’t have it! No more Jean, no more!”
“I just want to make sure that you’re okay.” Jean insisted and pulled the blanked down more forcefully.
“No! I said no!” Michael screamed, escaping to the far end to the bed, as far as he could.

“You’re not well and I want to help you.”
“You want to help? I do not need the help of a sick rapist.” Michael hissed, looking at him through his tears. Jean’s head started aching.
“Just let me help you.” Jean tried to remain calm. Michael looked at him, hesitating. “You’re ill, maybe a bit feverish, just let me help.”
“Yeah right…” Michal muttered. ”First, you try to strangle me, then you rape me and now you’re concerned about my health; not bloody likely.”
Jean snarled and stood up from the chair that he had been sitting on. He walked back and forth in the room, stopping and looking at the young, dark haired man on the bed, who looked back at him with suspicion.

“You haven’t eaten yet, eat now.” Jean ordered gesturing to the food on the table. Michael clenched his teeth's and turned his face away.
“I’d rather starve.” Jean heard him saying and was really starting to lose his patience. He stepped closer to the bed, grasped a fistful of Michael’s hair and started pulling him closer. Michael cried out in agony, Jean brought some bread close to his mouth.
“Eat!” He yelled; Michael only gritted his teeth’s harder. His jaw tense, he turned his head away as much as he could. “You fucking eat, when I’m telling you to eat!” Jean squeezed his cheeks, forcing his mouth to open and made him eat the bread. Michael swallowed the food down with tears in his eyes.

“I hate you Jean, I truly hate you!!” He hissed. Jean took the tray, a cold, tired smile on his lips.
“Where did all the love go, chéri?” The man asked with amusement.
“Fuck you!” Michael screamed throwing a book at him, a book that had been lying on the bed’s side. Jean stopped as the book hit him on the back. He took a deep breath.
“Do try to act your age.” He said then and left the room, locking the door. He really needed a drink.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

Jean had to admit; his great plan hadn’t been so great after all. Making Michael fall for him again, or even making him accept him, had proven to be hard. The way that he had been treading Michael in the last couple of days didn’t actually help, and the fact he had forced himself on him certainly hadn’t helped either, his better self reminded him.

He took a drink straight from the bottle. Patrick went on about the news; they were searching Michael, really searching and the other man feared that it would be only a matter of time before they were caught. Jean’s head was really aching, he wasn’t ready to go to the jail any more than what Patrick was. He didn’t deserve to go to prison, he had worked way too hard to get where he currently was, with Michael. He also didn’t deserve Michael’s rage, nor his immature behavior.



“What the fuck is he doing?” Patrick groaned annoyed, when he heard several thuds on the bedroom door.
“Sounds like books.” Jean answered tiredly. Nothing he ever did was enough? He had arranged a rather nice room, brought those goddamn books in, but was it enough? No, of course it wasn’t. Then the screaming started, screaming that sounded like: ‘Let me out you fuckheads!’

Jean would prefer the frightened act than this annoying raging, which did nothing to ease his headache.
“Dammit Jean, if you don't shut him up soon, I swear to God that I’m going to do it myself!” Patrick snapped. “Besides, I should get something from all this trouble.” He reminded with a tone of voice that sounded like: ‘You know what I would want.’ And Jean did know. “You had your fun, where is mine? If I go to jail, then I sure as hell won’t be going there without a good reason.”
Jean understood this as well, but it didn’t fit in his plans.
“Quiet now, I’m trying to think.” He growled.

”It’s the only option… It must be done.” He muttered to himself and took another sip from the bottle that he loved. Patrick stared at him from a distance, wondering what he was talking about.
“Sam… We just have to get Sam away from his mind, show him, tell him how things are…Medicine…Drug him? No… yes…Yes, it must be done, it’s the only way.”
Jean was talking to himself and Patrick saw it fit to stay quiet. Everything was that whore’s fault, Patrick thought, Jean had been fine before him, well not completely fine… Patrick remembered dimly how Jean had raged about an American swine and British boy toy, who had ruined everything… But that had been normal, well more normal than this at least.


*****************

Daniel drove down the dark forest road and finally parked in front of an old wooden house. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was going to do, what he should do, but he wanted to see the true situation before he decided to act.
The man stared at him with question in his eyes, a bottle of whiskey in his hands.
“What do you want?” He asked with rude voice.
“May I come in?” He asked.
“Did anyone follow you?” Jean asked with suspicion, looking at the yard.
“No one followed, I came alone.” Daniel answered, trying to keep his voice even.
“Well, alright then.” A lazy grin, a gesture of a hand; the man let him in.

“Whisky?” He offered.
“No thank you, I’m driving.” Daniel answered, suddenly feeling nervous under his amused stare. The look in his eyes was strange. “Where is he?” Daniel asked next, after taking his coat off. The man rolled his eyes. “He’s sulking in the bedroom…” he grinned. “Driving me nuts.” He laughed after.

“Why did you come?” He asked then.
“I… Is he alright?” The man looked at him for a long time, amused grin still quivering on his lips.
“You want to know if he’s alright?” He asked. “Alright, I’ll show you.” He said and stepped towards the bedroom.
“No, wait, I…” Daniel tried, but it was too late, the man had already opened up the door and stepped in. Daniel heard Michael’s cry.

The man returned soon, dragging a half naked, dark haired man after him by the arm. Michael fell on his knees in front of Daniel.
“Chéri, your friend here wants to see if you’re alright.” Jean smiled behind him. Michael raised his gaze, brown eyes sparkling with tears, his lips were slightly torn, his cheek a little reddish, a prominent cut visible on his cheekbone. They looked at each other with shock; one of the betrayed and the other of the accomplice being caught.

“You!” Michael screamed standing up clumsily. ”You bastard!” He yelled and was about to attack Daniel, who immediately backed away. Jean grasped Michael and pulled him close.
“Chéri, it’s not nice to attack our guests.” Jean smiled holding him in front of him, kissing his neck. Michael stared at Daniel through his tears, seeming to be ready to rip his head off if he only could. He struggled in Jean’s hold.
”I’m sorry my dear friend, mon amour is in a bad mood today, it seems.” He dragged Michael into the living room, took a few pills and forced them down Michael’s throat. He held Michael tightly, until his struggling finaly eased.

Michael blinked his eyes, feeling suddenly tired. It was somewhat difficult for him to focus his gaze. He rested on Jean’s lap and looked at Daniel.
“There, you can see that Michael is perfectly alright.” Jean smiled and stroked gently the dark locks of the young man. Daniel couldn’t find words, he was still shocked after seeing all the bruises on Michael’s body.

Michael had seen him now and nothing could get him out of this situation.

”Chéri, I think it’s best that you’ll go and rest now.” Jean’s voice was much gentler now. He rose, pulling Michael up with him and led him into the bedroom

He returned to Daniel.
“Why did you do that? We had agreed that he wouldn’t know about me being a part of this.” Daniel snapped.
“A change of plans.” Jean smiled, lighting up a cigarette. He blew out some smoke and looked at the young man with amusement. “What now?’ Are you wondering what you should do? Michael knows about you now and trust me, he will tell it if he gets free, so you’re pretty much screwed… That's why you came here, wasn’t it? To play a hero? Who knows… Well, it’s too late now anyways.” Jean smiled feeling quite satisfied with himself. Daniel was quiet; he closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. He didn’t know what to do.

“Tell him that Sam doesn’t need him anymore and let me take care of him, this way you get to live your life in peace, you will never have to hear from us again.” Slowly, resigning, Daniel nodded his head.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

”Daniel, please, you have to help me…” Michael's voice was weak, his eyes still couldn’t focus, his forehead was glimmering with cold sweat, he looked much paler than normally. Daniel looked at him with uncertainty. “How is Sam? Is he alright? Please tell me…. I promise, if you help me now, I won’t tell a soul, Daniel, not a soul.” He begged.

“I’ve talked to Sam.” Daniel started. “He…” Daniel swallowed, shook his head and brought his chin up. ”He understands that life could never be normal with you. There would always be something… He’s tired, they… they all are.”

”What are you talking about?” Michael asked with confusion. “Sam loves me, he…”
“He could only see it clearly now. Now that he’s with me.” Daniel paused a little. “I make him happy. With me, he doesn’t have to be scared of the ghost of the past.” Michael tried to understand what Daniel was telling him, his thoughts however, were foggy, confused; a part of him realised that it must have been the pills that Jean had given him and a part of him started forgetting.

“You’re lying…” He muttered. ”You’re lying… Sam loves me.” He said trying to keep his eyes open. “He loves me, I know this. Sam told me, I talked with him..” he lifted his hand up to his forehead trying to collect his thoughts, trying to understand what was happening and what had happened. Everything was so foggy, so confusing… “He loves me.” He whispered now talking more to himself.

What day was it? He wondered. Sam had told him that he wanted to make their relationship official, told him that they would do it once he would get back home … It had happened, hadn’t it? It couldn’t have been just a dream… Sam had held him, kissed him, they had made love… bathroom, Sam’s office… Sam had told him that he had been the first who… He lifted his gaze up and saw the figure walking away.

”Wait...” He asked, kneeling on the floor, but the door closed, leaving him in the darkness. He brought his hands up and cried. It had to be a lie, it had to, or maybe it was the truth?
What day was this? How long had he been in this place?

The door opened
“Oh chéri.” Jean said with gentle voice, walking over to him and kneeling on the floor. Michael tried to push him off as Jean hugged him, but finally, feeling tired, he gave in and started crying. Why did he feel so odd? So weak?

“I tried to tell him that he shouldn’t tell you this yet, but perhaps this is for the best, perhaps it’s better that you know the truth now… Sam doesn’t love you, he can’t love a whore. I’ve tried to tell you this, many men couldn’t, but I can. We’re made for each other, chéri, you must see that.” Jean spoke gently.
“You’re lying, lying!”
“You know that I’m not… Sam cannot love a slut like you, he wants someone like… well someone like Daniel. All his friends can see it, they never liked you. They all thought that you were better off here with me chéri, that’s why you're here…” Jean continued, stroking his hair. Michael trembled, he didn’t understand.

”It’s not true, it’s not…” he muttered but started to doubt himself. Perhaps Jean was right after all. What had he given to him? He knew something wasn’t right, but couldn’t grasp it. He couldn’t understand.


**^^**^^**^^**^^**

Michael wasn’t at all sure about the days anymore. He was constantly feeling somehow dizzy and Jean would continue on talking. Jean would tell him, that he loved him, making sure that he’d understand who had really saved him. Ricky would have killed him, Jean had said. Ricky had told him the plan; Michael would have been tortured to death, slowly, painfully, taken so many times until his body simply wouldn’t have been able to take the pain any longer and would have given up. And all that would have been filmed, and that was what Jean had saved him from. His life, Jean said, belonged to the saviour; to him. Michael should feel grateful.

And then Jean talked about the United States. What did Michael think would have happened if Jean hadn’t come? How did he think he would have been able to escape without Jean? –There wouldn’t have been any other way out, Jean reminded. No other man would have been crazy enough to go against Ricky, not smart enough, not man enough, but Jean had been. If Michael hadn’t started fooling around with Sam, then Ricky would never have found him again and even at this very moment, they could have been living in Paris, in their apartment, completely happy and normal life.

Michael had broken his heart, Jean repeated. Jean had seen him flirting, laughing and luring other men, but it was part of his nature, because deep down, he was the whore Ricky had created him to be and only Jean could save him from it. Sam had most definitely had enough of all the drama that he had caused.

Sam was sick and tired of the way that other men looked at him, how women looked at him, how everyone looked. How he was lusted after and how he himself added the water into the mill by acting the way he did. In the end, everything that happened, had been brought to him by himself.

“Think hard about your life and you’ll understand.” Jean had urged him. None of it was something that would normally happen, so he must have been the reason. Sam was happier without him, it was the truth, no one needed the burden that he was carrying. Jean, however, loved him, more than anyone and he was ready to accept all his faults. He needed discipline, he needed to be treated harshly and in the end, Jean knew that he enjoyed it, that he needed it.

Michael felt overwhelmingly dizzy with everything; he cried alone in the darkness of the room that they kept him in. Jean’s words repeated themselves in his mind, mixing with what Daniel had told him. A part of him knew that he wasn’t himself, knew that Jean was constantly giving him something that messed up with his reasoning, his thoughts and his sense of reality, but as the time went by, he slowly started to believe Jean, the man’s words started to make sense.

He blamed himself; it was he himself that had caused all of this. Jean had sank down to the rock bottom for him, Jean did what he did because he had broken the man’s heart. And Sam would be much happier, if he didn’t exist. Sam, like many others, had never really loved him for himself, but his beauty, the sex and now Sam’s eyes had opened. With that, he had also brought his family into danger, his own mother, even Kitty, Tony, Sam, everyone…Everyone.

Michael felt like he didn’t deserve Sam, or any of them. He had been a burden, he caused only worry, from early childhood; only worry. And Jean… He deserved Jean. No, he did not love the man, but felt as though he really didn’t deserve love either. He had caused Jean to fall, they deserved each other. Life with Sam had been like a beautiful dream, but lasted only for a short time and now Sam was better off without him.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

Jean sat on the armchair, Michael on the bed; drowned deep in his wildly running thoughts. A part of him still wanted to keep on believing, a part still doubted, holding on desperately onto the memories of what it had been like with Sam, what it had felt like to be held by him, wondering if the love and all the sweet words had really been a lie after all. It felt crushing to think that it really was the case.

But then, the other day, Jean had shown him. He had felt so confused when the man had taken him outside, his hands tied behind his back, a jacket on his shoulders a hood on his head, hiding his face. Jean had ordered him to keep his face down and even then he had felt so dizzy, tired and weak, foggy even. He hadn’t fought back on this. They had driven for some time but he didn’t know how long, couldn’t quite grasp it in his odd state of mind. And during the drive Jean kept on assuring him that soon he would see with his own eyes what he had been trying to tell him for ages.

Evening, sunset. They had parked the car near a park where Michael remembered being once before with Sam. Then they had seen them; Daniel and Sam, standing beside a pond closely to one another. It had been too dim for Michael to see clearly the face of his most beloved, but he knew Sam well enough and could tell from afar that it was him. His heart had felt like bursting and more than anything he would have liked to rush into the familiar and safe embrace, but he wasn't able to escape, not in the state that he was in, not under the threats that he got.

When Daniel hugged Sam, a part of him expected that the hug would be one sided so that Jean would see how wrong he was. When Sam hugged him back he told himself that it was only a friend’s hug. But when they stayed that way for long time and when he saw a smile appear on Daniel’s face and the way Sam held his body closer to him and when Daniel pressed his lips onto Sam’s and they kissed, he was forced to turn his eyes away and admit the truth; Sam loved him no longer, if he ever truly even had. Nothing was more painful than admitting it, nothing.

He cried, Jean comforted and finally the tears made him numb. Nothing mattered anymore, that was how he felt.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

”I had two siblings.” Jean started and Michael stirred from his thoughts, shifting his tired gaze to the man. “Laurent, my older brother, he ran from home at the age of 15, I have not heard a word from him since.” Jean lit up a cigarette, inhaling deeply and blowing the smoke out. “My mother abandoned us, when I was 10.” Jean humphed. “And my father…”he took a pause, blowing some smoke out again, this time more nervously. Michael noticed his hands were trembling.

“Tell me Michael, your father… did he ever touch you? Did he admire your looks and whisper how beautiful you were at nights?” Jean looked at him and Michael felt his skin crawling.
“No, my father never touched me, not in that way.” He felt sick just thinking about it.
“My father…” Jean started as if tasting the words in his mouth. ”My father loved me.” He laughed dryly, quietly. Michael looked at him with a new kind of pity, with new kind of eyes. “Oh yes how he loved me.” Jean laughed still and took a sip from the bottle of wine in his hands. Michael looked at him sadly, with shock, their eyes met. Jean leaned forward, his arms resting on his knees, he continued smoking.
“Nicole, darling Nicole, she was only 5-years old when she died.” Jean continued. “And my beloved father.” Another ironic laughter. “He died when I was 11, only then did I move to Paris, Michael.” The man looked at him for a long time and took another sip.

Michael rose slowly and sank down to his knees in front of Jean, he placed his hand on top of the hand that held the bottle and slowly guided it to the floor. Jean looked into his eyes in confusion, with question, perhaps with a little bit of hope.

”I’m sorry Jean…” Michael whispered quietly and lowered his eyes; there was silence for a moment. Jean took his hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing the skin softly, moving it on his cheek. Jean closed his eyes, breathing in the scent that he loved more than anything.

”Do you see now, chéri? Do you understand now?” Jean asked with a whisper. Michael closed his eyes, a few tears falling down on his cheeks, glimmering on his skin for a moment before drying and slowly he nodded his head.

Jean rose, still holding his hand and with a silent plea he urged him to stand up with him. Jean led him towards the bed and, as if in a dream, Michael followed. Grey eyes looked up at him as the man sat on the edge of the bed, pulling him between his legs. Michael watched numbly how the hands opened the buttons of his shirt and he did not resist, he did not say a word. The piece of clothing falling softly onto the floor with the help of Jean’s hands. Lips on his chest, on his nipples, down on the stomach. Fingers moving on his spine, up and down, so softly. Michael breathed with his lips parting, looking down at the black haired man, almost bringing his hand to touch him, before pulling back. He wasn’t sure why he allowed this but on the other hand he didn’t know why he shouldn’t. It would happen anyway and he deserved Jean. Sam was a history, a beautiful dream, a beautiful fairytale. This was what he deserved. He stared at the wall in front of him with tear-filled eyes, Jean was pulling off his jeans, tasting his skin with hungry lips.

He stood naked in front of him, listening to his moans, saw how Jean opened his own pants, taking his hard cock out, massaging it with his hand as the fingers of the other hand touched Michael inside. Michael closed his eyes, lowered his hand on Jean’s shoulder and just kept it there. He didn’t fight, didn’t resist. When Jean wanted him to sit on his lap, he obeyed and when the man quided his cock inside him, he let it happen. Jean was what he deserved, he kept reminding himself; as the man rocked him on his lap and finaly turned him over to lie on the bed, so that he could set a quicker pace.

He lifted his pelvis up when Jean asked, changed his position when the man so wished and let it happen. Jean hadn’t changed much as a lover since the last time that they had been together. As a lover, Jean had been selfish and he still was. Over and over again Michael kept reminding himself: this was what he deserved. He felt empty and foggy the whole time it happened and even after.

When they were lying side by side and when Jean kissed him, feeling satisfied and happy, Michael remained silent, he let it happen.

”I love you Michael.” Jean whispered and smiled, wiping the moist hair from his forehead. Michael turned his face and stared at the wall quietly. “I’m so happy that you’re mine again.” Jean whispered again, and kissed his cheek. He let it happen.

Chapter 62.

The last light of the sun painted the sky with purple. Sam looked at the scenery quietly; the pond, surrounding trees and flowers. The park bench on which he and Michael had sat on one night in early spring: warming each others hands. Michael had rested his head on his shoulder. They had planned the up coming summer, future trips, future years; day dreamed. Michael had wanted to forget the past that night, wanted to be like any other couple that night; everyday plans, everyday worries.

He often felt jealous to other people; didn’t they know how valuable it was to be able to live a peaceful, everyday life? How valuable it was to live in peace with your partner? When you got the chance to get annoyed with their odd habits, when the only thing you had to complain about, was the unwashed dishes or the unwashed laundry. Those things didn’t really matter, what mattered was that you got to be together, what mattered was that you got to be happy.

He sensed the presence of another by his side and turned to look.
“Why did you ask me to come here?” He asked.
“Because I thought you might need some company, that it would do you some good to get out of the house for awhile.” Daniel replied. Sam nodded his head tiredly, his eyes were glimmering from tears, he was trembling, wrapping his arms around himself.

Daniel glanced around, farther towards the parking lot and then back at Samuel.
“Sam…” He whispered, touching his shoulder and making him meet with his eyes. “Everything will turnout okay.” He assured and wrapped his arms around the blond man. Slowly Sam answered to the hug that he hadn’t even realised that he needed.
“I don’t know how to move on if I loose him.” He whispered, Daniel squeezed him tightly and Sam squeezed him back. They held each others for a long time, until Daniel moved, looking into his eyes and pressings lips on his; kissing him, holding him. Sam blinked his eyes, feeling confused, until finally he drew back from him. He looked at Daniel.

“What are you doing?” He asked.
“I just want to make you feel better Sam.” Daniel answered.
“I love Michael.” Sam started. ”I am engaged to him. If you want to make me feel better, then offer your friendship and nothing else.”
“Of course Sam, I’m sorry.”
“I want to go back home.” Sam said then and left towards the car.

**^^**^^^**^^**^^**

Michael blinked his eyes, Jean held him; two small tablets in his hands that the man offered closer, forcing them in his mouth and finally down from his throat. The man offered some water, which Michael drank down without a fight.
“Happy birthday chéri,” Jean whispered with a smile, stroking his cheek, laying him back down on the bed. Michael stared at him, not really seeing. ‘Birthday?’ His mind repeated in confusion. “24, still so young.” Jean kissed his forehead, took his left hand in his and slipped a golden engagement ring on his ring finger. “Here’s my gift to you Michael; now everyone can see to whom you really belong to,” Jean said and kissed his palm. Michael breathed heavily, his eyes were glimmering as he looked at his hand in disbelieve and then at Jean. It didn’t feel right, it wasn’t right, something inside of him tried to fight against it, but his mind was much too fogy to be able to work right.

The man laid on top of him, squeezing, breathing in his scent, moving slowly. Moist kisses, the breathing on his skin, the clothes were taken of without a rush, naked skin touched the other.

The man penetrated him, whispering his love, worshiping his beauty, kissing, holding, wiping the silent tears from his face and finally giving in to his own pleasure.

Michael felt himself empty, emptier than ever before. The pain in his chest that did not yield. His heart was broken, he could not will himself to forget. Foggy memories, happier times. He felt as though he would crush under Jean’s love, part of him knew that the mans love would kill him in the end if he would stay, but he felt much too weak. Sam loved him no longer, so why should anything matter anymore? No one would be able to love him, none but Jean.

Later that night they sat on the porch, Jean holding Michael in his arms in front of him, the sun was setting. Michael stared at the scenery, listened to the surrounding noises.
“Beautiful.” Jean whispered, caressing his skin with his lips. ”But not nearly as beautiful as you are.” Michael trembled.
“All I can say, is that I love you today, tomorrow and forever, you and no other,” He heard Sam’s voice inside his mind and longed. ‘It was not a lie…’ The voice inside him whispered. ‘Why would Sam love you? Daniel is better…Whore, disgusting whore, dirty, pathetic,” Other voice whispered after.

“Nothing is better than to be together with you like this,” Jean whispered, his fingers moving on his collarbone. “Why are you crying?” Jean asked with confusion. Michael trembled, unable to answer, he looked at their surroundings in desperation; so peaceful, so beautiful and still he felt like he could break down, fall apart, he wasn’t sure how long he’d be able to continue.

Jean embraced him more warmly, comforted with whispers and finally took him back inside. They sat in the living room, on the couch, in front of the tv. Had someone looked inside, they would have seen an ordinary looking couple in love with each others ,but sometimes you can not see clearly through a glass, some times the glass distorts things.

Jean was happy then, Michael more miserable than before and he felt like he was falling even deeper, he was tired, couldn’t think straight, he was confused. He glanced towards the other man, who sat on an armchair looking back at him and grinning, lust, he recognized the sick, twisted lust. Michael turned his eyes quickly back to the tv screen, looking at it without really seeing.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

There was buzzing sound in his head, his skin felt hot. He took his glass, filling it up with more wine and drank. But the drinking did not end the thirst, nothing did. Nothing brought him the long desired oblivion, nothing removed the pain of longing. He left his friends in the living room, he wanted to be alone for awhile, just a little while.

He climbed upstairs, walked into the bedroom and close the door after him. He leaned against the door, looking around; Michael’s t-shirt on his side of the bed, his jeans folded neatly on the chair in front of the desk, photographs, life. Michael’s touch in the room, the work of his hands. They should have been celebrating Michael’s 24th birthday, laying in each others arms, and not like this… It had been over a month and it was Michael’s birthday. Sam had wanted, he had wished, that he would have been able to make it better than the last, now he couldn’t.
“I didn`t know where to go and I thought that if...” He remembered the image of the broken young man in front of him, standing in the hall, wet clothes dropping down water onto the floor, cry filled eyes, swollen lips.
”Mi corazón es tuyo.“ A whisper in a dim room. Sam drank some more, walked towards the bed and laid down on his back, he stared at the ceiling.

The door opened, but Sam didn’t even bother to look up, it wouldn’t be the person who he longed to see the most, so what did it matter?

Daniel close the door behind him softly and looked at Sam quietly. Sam seemed so miserable and he wanted to do something to make him feel better. Daniel had seen nightmares many nights, almost every night. In these nightmares Michael begged for his help, the body of the dark haired man was covered with bruises, his wrists sliced open and he begged for his help, crying in despair.
“You’re evil, you’re like them.” He always said in the end.

Daniel felt sudden chills on his back. He often woke to his own screams and Julius pulled him in his arms and comforted. The quilt did not ease and he wondered would it ever ease. He however, did not found enough strength, nor did he find himself a man enough to confess the crime that he had committed. He wanted to forget, wanted to wash his hands and continue his life. Daniel knew that he wouldn’t be able to survive if he would be thrown in jail.

Confused and lost; he cared for Julius, but loved Sam, he wanted Sam. Daniel missed the years already lost, time when life had so much more care free; time that Sam had become to represent. Daniel wanted to continue believing blindly, that it would be possible for him to someday forget what he had done, that all of them would forget. Deep down he knew how impossible that was.

“Sam?” Daniel whispered as he neared the bed, the older man did not respond, so quietly he sat on the bed edge. Sam’s eyes were closed, Daniel touched his shoulder lightly.
“I know that it’s terribly worn out for me to say this; but with time it will get easier, the grief you feel, will get easier. Sam opened his eyes, but looked away. Unable to resist himself, Daniel leaned on top of him and kissed him.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**

“Hey, I think I’ll go and see how Sam is doing, he’s been drinking quite heavily tonight, hasn’t he?” Tony said to the woman sitting next to him. Kitty looked up.
“This day brings his mood down; Michael’s birthday. Maybe it really is for the best that you go to him.” They smiled to one another, Tony placed his hand on her shoulder before he stood up.

He knocked on the door before he opened it softly. “Sam, are you-?” He was cut off by the scene in front of him; Sam laid on the bed, Daniel on top of him and they were kissing. Daniel looked up in fright, Sam’s hand on his shoulder.
“Oh so this is how deep your love is Sam? A month and you’re seeking comfort from your ex?” Tony asked with despise, squeezing his hands into fists. Sam looked at Tony and then at Daniel in confusion.
“Tony-“ He started, bringing his hand up to his forehead; his head was aching.
“What ever you’re about so say; safe it. Michael trusted you Sam, he loves you and this is what you do? Michael is suffering out there and you saw it fit to fool around with your ex. You disgust me, you both disgust me!” He yelled and left the room, banging the door. He marched downstairs, took his coat, ignoring Kitty’s questions and worry, he left.

Tony was furious of what he had seen. His beloved friend had been betrayed and it was something that Tony just couldn’t forgive. Everything that he had ever done, people that he had ever met; only Michael woke this fire in him, the strong emotions. Nothing was simple when it came to Michael.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

Jean had left them on their own, to get more supplies. Michael was boiling himself a cup of tea in the kitchen when Patrick stepped in. Michael looked at him warily.
“Alone at last.” Patrick smiled, squeezing his crotch, rubbing himself. He stepped closer, Michael backed away. “Come here, I have something for you.” Patrick grinned, closing the distance between them, grasping him forcefully he threw him against the table on his back. The man started tearing off his shirt. Michael screamed, struggling fiercely; Patrick slammed his face hard.
“This is what you’re here for you whore, so shut up and take it!”

In that moment he understood, saw his life as it would have been already lived; this was what it would going to be like. Jean would leave and then Patrick would take advantage of the situation. Endless suffering. He would be nothing more than toy for these men, and sooner or later he would be broken so badly that no one would be able to fix him back together. He had escaped from it once, twice, he could not, would not submit to it any longer. Tired of being the victim.

Struggling, Patrick was ripping his clothes, a click of the belt, rustle of fabric, a slap on the face. Michael used his nails, scratching him, kicking, fighting; No more, he was done, no more.

The struggling was short, but it felt so much longer. In panic Michael grasped the nearest object that he could find; a glass vase. He struck it against the man’s face, following the animal instinct that urged him to get away. The man cried out, the vase broke onto the floor, blood… The man held his hand over his face and cursed, between his fingers a dark red fluid dropped. Michael looked at the sight in shock, until he realised his chance and ran, ran as fast as he could, towards the door. He flew it open, ran, did not look back.

Into the safety of the forest, ran, almost tripping on the stones, the branches scratched him, blood tasted in his mouth, his breathing was tense. Finally he fell down on his knees crying, he brought his hands on his face and cried. He looked up towards the sky; he had no idea where he was, where he should go. It felt tempting to just give up.


Michael laid down on the ground, pain in his heart. Alone, so alone. He turned on his back, staring at the sky, listening to the voices of the nature. He looked at the ring on his finger, grasped it and pulled it out, throwing it away. He felt as though he couldn’t move on muscle. Sam didn’t love him anymore, where would he go? Why should he continue?
“Give me a reason…” He whispered, his body trembling from coldness. He did not know how long he laid there. ‘Get up, get up now…’ A voice inside of his mind whispered. ‘One more time, get up and try again, you must get up.’ He pulled himself into a sitting position, willed the tears away, tried to will the pain away. He stood up with shaking legs, continued, not knowing where, just thinking that he needed to continue. He could not give up now, it was not the time to give up, it had been such a long journey, just few more miles. Even the roughest journey must have an end, he thought and so he walked, willed his abused body to continue. It had to end sometime, it just had to. Finally he reached the road.

Few cars passed him by, but none of them stopped. His shirt was torn, his jeans missed two top buttons. His face carried the bruises of hits he had gotten from Patrick. The weather was chill, rainy, he shivered from coldness, none of them stopped. He continued, not knowing where.

Michael didn’t know how long he had walked, finally he reached a gas station with cafeteria. People stared at him, but none of them asked anything, or offered help. He stepped in, walking almost as if in a dream. He asked to use the phone, surprised of how harsh his own voice sounded. The man looked at him with wide eyes, clearly wondering what had happened to him, but finally gave him the phone without questions. He was already about to choose Sam’s number, but then changed his mind after remembering, and with tears in his eyes he chose the first person to come to his mind.

***^^**^^**^^**^^**

Tony sat on the couch watching some tv, but without being able to really concentrate on the series that he usually followed with keen interest. Lost in his own thoughts, he was startled when his phone rang.
“McDonnel.”
”Tony… Can you come to pick me up?” Michael’s weak voice asked. Tony’s heart beat turned faster.
“Michael…Where are you?” It was quiet for a moment and Tony heard Michael asking the address from someone. He soon repeated it to him, Tony wrote it down quickly.
”Alright, stay there, I come as quickly as I can.”

The gas station where Michael was, was located in Hertfordshire.

Tony parked his car and walked in with hurried steps. He looked around and finally spotted Michael sitting in front of a corner table, as far from the others as he could.

“Michael.” Tony called. Michael brought his head up to face him, his eyes were filled with tears and such sadness. Tony stopped in front of the table, looking at him with worry and at the same time he felt so relieved that he had been found and that he was… Well, he could have been better.

Michael stood up and hugged him.
“Thank God you’re alright,” Tony breathed out as he held him.
“I couldn’t stay there Tony, I couldn’t take it anymore. I tried, but I couldn’t, I ran…” Michael muttered. “I couldn’t take it.” Tony stroked his hair gently.
“Are you alright?” Tony asked, Michael shook his head against his chest.

“Come now, lets go then.” Tony whispered and led his friend out, towards his car. He opened the passenger side door letting Michael in, before he circled the car to the drivers side.

They sat in silent at first. Tony glanced at him with worry, wanting to ask several questions, but holding himself down; there would be time for questions later.
“Lets drive to the hospital first, we will also have to call your parents that you’re alright.” Tony told him. Michael merely nodded his head, staring out from the window.

**^^**^^**^^**^^

Michael laid on the hard, cold examination bed, staring at the ceiling as the woman examined his body, pressing, investigating; inquiring if he felt pain. He either shook his head or nodded.
The woman tried asking him some questions about his kidnap, but only got some ambiguous answers back.
“Alright, I’m going to take a blood test from you and then we’re ready.” The woman spoke with gentle, soothing voice

“You can tress your clothes back on, I’ll come right back.” The woman said then with a smile.

Tony waited outside the room when she stepped out and close the door softly after her.
“How is he?” Tony asked.
“He seems a bit disoriented. I will get more answers once I’ve ran the blood test on him, but I do think that it’s likely that he’s been drugged with something.” She answered looking at him. “I think it’s best for him to stay at the hospital, until we find out whether or not he’s been drugged, it’s important to keep a close eye on him. The police are on their way here, I’m not sure if they manage to get some answers out of him yet,” She sighed and continued. “Your fiancé has been through a lot lately and he will need a lot of rest and support.” Tony felt the color of red creeping on his skin, she thought that he was Michael’s fiancé? Should he correct her mistake? He wondered, but then decided against it.
“Of course, I’ll take good care of him. May I go in now?” She nodded her head.
“We can soon move him into a private room to rest, has his parents been noted?”
“Yes, I just called them, they’re on their way”.
” Good, I’ll return to you soon, you can keep company to him.”

Tony stepped in after she was gone. Michael sat on a chair near the desk and stared outside.
“Hey,” Tony said softly, Michael looked up.
“Can we go now?” He asked.
“They think that it’s better that you’ll stay here for few days.” Tony told him, Michael shook his head.
“I don’t want to stay, I want to go. Take me away Tony, to your place?” He asked.
“The police are on their way here, you’ve been through a lot, this is the best place for you to be right now.”
“I don’t want to stay here Tony!” Michael shouted. Tony sighed, knelt down in front of him and took his hand in his, Michael's lower lip was trembling, is eyes glimmered.
“I know you don't want to, but it’s only for few days, you get to go home after that. Your parents are on their way here too and… And I assume that they’ve called to Samuel. You'll see them soon.”
“Sam doesn’t care, he’s better off without me… I can’t face him right now, I don’t want to face anyone. Take me away Tony, please, I want to go with you.” Michael begged, Tony looked at him in confusion.
“You're just a little confused about everything, it’s understandable, but…”
Michael stood up.
“No Tony! I want to go! Why are you being like this? I do not want to stay, don’t you get it? I want to make up my own mind, I’m tired of hospitals and I’m tired of cops! You're my friend, I thought you were and even you want to keep me locked up here.”
“Michael…” Tony said quietly, Michael looked at him, trembling, crying. Tony stepped closer and hugged him.
“It’s okay,”
“Take me away Tony, please, I’m begging you; take me with you.” Brown eyes looked into his, Tony touched his hair gently, the look in Michael’s eyes melted all his reasoning.
“Alright, I’ll take you with me.” He consented.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

Evelyn rushed to the reception counter.
“I got a call that my son has been brought here. His name is Michael Harris.” She said, the woman typed something on the computer, looking for information.
“Yes, Michael Benjamin Harris?” Evelyn nodded her head and smiled with relief.
“Just one moment madam,” The woman behind the counter said and took the phone. Evelyn turned to look at her husband and the fiancé of her son.
“He’s here.” She told them and both of the smiled with anticipation. Sam played nervously with the ring that hung on his neck. He couldn’t wait to slip the ring back onto the finger that it belonged to. He could only wish that Michael would be alright after everything that he had been forced to go through.

Chapter 63.

”Mr. and Mrs. Wills, we’re sorry, but it seems there has been some misunderstanding, your son has left the hospital.” The doctor explained.
“Misunderstanding? How can it be possible?!” Evelyn shrieked.
”He… I’m not sure, I only left him for a while alone with his fiancé and when I came back he…”
“His fiancé? I am Michael’s fiancé!” Sam snapped at her. The woman opened her mouth in surprise, unsure what to answer.
“I am sorry, I understood that he…”
“Tony McDonnell is Michael’s best friend and he’s the one who called us here. I find it hard to believe that they would have left without a word.” Evelyn said, glanced at Sam and then back again at the doctor.
“What kind of hospital is this? Can’t you take better care of your patients?” Sam grunted, feeling nervous and agitated about not knowing where Michael was. Surely Michael wouldn’t just leave like that? Surely he would have waited for him and his parents? And where the hell was Tony? The whole thing didn’t make any sense.

“Sir, I am really sorry, of course we will make every effort in order to reach them. I didn’t expect that they would leave like that.”
“How was our son when he was brought here?” Henry asked in return.

”He seemed a bit confused, upset. Evidence of sexual abuse. I suspect that he could have been kept drugged, but I have to run his blood test in order to tell it for sure. We try to reach them, it would be better to keep your son under watch for couple of days, the police has yet to talk with him as well.”
Henri nodded his head faintly.

”I’ll go out to try and reach Tony’s cell-” Evelyn said and rushed towards the entrance.


**^^**^^**^^**^^**

Tony let Michael enter the apartment before him.
“My brother and his wife are on a vacation in Thailand.” He told him and closed the door after them. Michael stood in the middle of the hall looking around, not saying a word. Tony took his coat off, looking at his friend quietly. “Michael…” his voice was almost a whisper, quietly he walked behind him and touched his shoulder. Michael startled slightly, turned his head to the side, but did not meet with his eyes. “I don’t know what I’m doing.” Tony admitted. “I should have… You should be in the hospital. I think I just broke some law by bringing you here.”

Michael turned so that their eyes met.
“I asked for this, you broke nothing Tony.” He whispered.

Tony’s cell began to ring
“It’s your mother.” He sighed and prepared himself to hear some shouting. “Hello.”
“Michael’s with me.” Tony said trying to stay calm, Michael watched him. “I understand but…” Michael reached out to take the phone.
“Hi mom.” His voice was tired.

“I- I’m fine.” His voice was trembling and he was forced to swallow some tears. “Don’t blame Tony for this, I asked him… I’m sorry, I can’t talk right now… I’ll see you later, I promise.” He hung up the phone and gave it back to Tony.
“Would you like to take a bath?” Tony asked and Michael gave him a faint nod.
“Wait in the living room while I fix it for you.”

Michael lay down on the couch, trembling, tears falling down on his cheeks. Tony returned, looked at him with worry and knelled before him. He touched his cheek gently.
“Oh Mikey…” He whispered quietly.
“I shouldn’t have left him, what did I do Tony? Oh dear God what did I do??” Michael asked as sudden panic swept over him.
“What are you talking about?”
“Jean, oh God… He’s going to be so mad at me for leaving and I’ve already hurt him enough!” Michael sat up, hiding his face in his hands. Not exactly sure what to do, Tony moved to sit beside him and pulled him full against his chest, offering him his comfort.
“You did the right thing by running away. I’m so relieved that you did. I don’t know what Jean did to you, or what he made you believe, but you couldn’t have stayed there. That man is insane, he kidnapped you Michael. Kidnapped, you understand that?” Tony stroked his hair, Michael stayed quiet in his embrace.

“Come, I think your bath is ready.” Tony said finally and led him into the bathroom.

**^^**

Tony turned on the TV and sat down to wait. He flicked through some channels, feeling slightly nervous about everything, had he done the right thing? He had just felt that Michael had suffered enough of other people controlling him, by not being able to choose for himself. So how could he have refused him of this request? And maybe, maybe he could convince Michael of returning to the hospital the next day? He wondered, also trying to think of reasons for why Michael hadn’t called Sam instead? Though there wasn’t a single part in him, to complain about the matter, for once Michael choose him first, just like he would have years back.

Michael returned after being in the bath for almost an hour. Dressed in a white, big bathrobe, wearing slippers, Michael walked in to the door way. Wrapping his arms around himself. He looked so sad ans so lost that it nearly broke Tony’s heart.
“Sam is with Daniel.” He said so quietly, that Tony barely heard him. Michael’s lower lip was trembling, he played with the belt of his bathrobe.

Tony stood up and walked to him, their eyes met.
“It’s true, isn’t it?” Michael asked. Tony parted his lips, not sure what to answer.
“Michael, I-” He sighed. “I saw them kissing.” He admitted finally. Michael nodded slowly, drawing a deep breath, his gaze was unfocused. He brought his hand over his mouth, squeezed his eyes shot, trembling. Tony stepped closer, touching his shoulder and finally he hugged him. Michael felt as though he was breaking, he cried, trembling even more.
“I’m sorry Michael, you deserve so much better than this.”
“Please save me, I can’t pull back up on my own, I can’t.”
“You don’t have to, I would never let you fall, never.” Tony promised.

He took Michael into the bedroom and stayed by his side until he fell asleep. If Michael really was drugged somehow, then maybe sleep was the best medicine for him? Tony wondered while boiling himself a cup of tea. He wasn’t sure if he had done the right thing when telling about the kiss Sam and Daniel had shared. How had Michael guessed that there was something between those two? He wondered. He checked his cell phone, which he had silenced; Sam had tried calling several times, few calls from Jack. After thinking about it for a while he decided to call back to Jack, he could talk to him; he was still too angry to talk to Sam.

The conversation with Jack was short. Tony told him that Michael was alright, he also told him where they were and asked him not to tell it to Sam. He told Jack what he had seen in the bedroom; of the kiss between Daniel and Sam. Jack had been silent, but finally said that he understood.

It was already late, Tony walked into the bedroom to check upon Michael. He sat on the edge of the bed, touching his face gently. Michael startled awake, opening his eyes he looked at him, calming down instantly when realising that it was Tony that had touched him.
“I’m sorry, I did not mean to wake you up.” Tony whispered. “Go on, you can continue your sleep.” Tony added and was already about to stand up. Michael took his hand,
“I wouldn’t want to be alone, couldn’t you hold my hand like you did when we were children?” Michael asked, looking at him.
Tony lay down next to him on his side and took his hand in his. They looked into each others eyes and Tony felt his heart beat quicken. He looked at their joined hands, not wanting to let go and at the same time fearing to hold on.

Michael closed his eyes.
“I really wish that we could be children again, I was so happy then, though I hardly remember what it felt like to be so completely happy.” He whispered; Tony listened to him.
“I remember, being sick once, I was 7 maybe 8 and mother stayed home with me. I lay on the couch in front of the TV, mother tucked me in, brought me some tea and sandwiches, some candy later. You came by to see me after school, you brought me that black radioactive car of yours that I loved to play with. I think I might have been jealous of it and then you said that I could have it because I was sick and you hoped that it would make me feel better.” There was a faint smile on his lips as he spoke. “It’s one of the happiest memories I have, I don’t remember how sick I was, just that I felt happy… funny, isn’t it?” Michael sighed deeply and finally opened his eyes. Tony smiled sadly to him, brought his hand on his cheek; a gentle caress.
“I wish I would have something that could make you feel as happy as you felt then. I’d pay anything for such thing.”
“I am not worthy of your friendship Tony.” Michael whispered, looking away from him.
“Don’t say such silly things Michael. You are worth a lot more than I or anyone can ever give to you. One of these days I’ll make you remember,” Tony whispered. With tears in his eyes Michael snuggled closer to his warmth.

”Hold me.” He asked. Insecurely Tony wrapped his arm around him. His heart was beating madly in his chest, he hardly dared to move. Michael’s familiar scent filling his nostrils, the warmth of his body, body that was covered only by the easily disposable bathrobe. When Michael moved even closer, his body more firmly against his, Tony felt the state of arousal rising. It was wrong, the whole situation was wrong, but this was the man who he had loved all his live, perhaps not realising it at first, fighting with forbidden thoughts and feelings. He had lost him, the love of his life, before he had had the chance to accept these feelings and now… Michael was so close, clinging onto him, needing him.

Tony swallowed, breathing trough his mouth. He tried to think of something that would make his erection disappear. Michael moved, brought his head up, their eyes meeting. Tony wasn’t sure which of them had made the first move, but their lips brushed against each others; a slow, gentle kiss, one of searching. Tony was trembling, he wanted to touch Michael so much and at the same time it scared him, not knowing where it would lead to if he did. He lay on top of Michael, his hands on both side of his face, looking at him, almost as if asking for a permission. Michael opened his bathrobe revealing his chest to him, he opened his legs, letting Tony settle himself between his thighs. Tony moved his hand on Michael’s warm olive skin. He was so warm, Tony thought and just as beautiful as he had remembered, but he had never before gotten this close.

He wasn’t sure what he was doing, wasn’t sure if Michael knew what he was doing. He knew that he shouldn’t, knew that he should stop, but it was beginning to get harder for him to pull away now, he couldn’t pull away now. The time that had separated them seemed to vanish. He kissed Michael’s full lips and felt him respond to the kiss. He wanted to tell him how beautiful he was, but knew that it was not what Michael needed to hear, so he stayed silent and worshiped the beauty under him with silent kisses, with tender touches. The body that was so familiar and at the same time so new to him. A body he had often dreamed of touching and only now got to do so. It really was true, this really was happening, it was not just a sweet dream, Tony thought. He looked into the chocolate eyes, warm and kind, so gentle and sad eyes. He loved him, the deep love he felt just then, warmed his entire soul. It was the most powerful feeling he had ever experienced. A new kiss filled with want, fear and lost chances.

Slowly Michael helped him to undress, running his hands on his body with such gentle curiosity, his eyes seeing everything. They rose to sit, Michael moved on his lap, both without any clothes. It felt exciting and at the same time safe to be so, natural to be so close. They did not speak, words were unnecessary between them now. They saw what they needed from the eyes, felt it from the touches of each other’s hands and if they were to speak out loud maybe it would have woken them to what was now and what would be tomorrow? In that moment, time had no meaning, it didn’t exist it was just them, two grown up friends.

Michael reached towards the nightstand, searched until he found. Still no words as he took the condom and wrapped it on Tony’s erect organ. He caressed it, lovingly, gently. He lubed him and himself, lay down. No words.

Tony’s body on his, slowly, ever so slowly Tony moved inside him. Michael gasped, Tony kissed him, looked into his eyes and knew that he had drowned. He knew then that his heart would break, that this wasn’t going to be forever, like he hoped it could be.

He moved, making love to his friend. Only now did the words, make love, make true sense to him. So close, he couldn’t get any closer. He didn’t want the moment to end, but end it had to. There wouldn’t be a second time, he idly thought as he kept moving, wasn’t sure how he knew it but he knew it just the same.

Later they lay in each others arms. Tony held Michael until he fell asleep.
“I love you Mikey.” He whispered quietly and kissed his forehead. How could he ever love another?

Chapter 64.

Michael sat on the window sill, staring out to the mist and the rain, drawing his knees close to his chest. Down on the street, people were hurrying for work, life continued on; just like it always did. He touched the glass, letting his hand fall down on it slowly, wondering how cold the glass felt under his fingers. He close his eyes and listened to the stillness of the room, Tony’s breathing, the soft rain hitting on the glass. His heart felt pained, he felt cold.

Tony stretched his arms and yawned deeply when he woke. He looked around, until his eyes found what they seek.

Tony looked at his friend quietly.
”Michael.” He called finally, the other turned his eyes on him, smiling faintly.
“Good morning.” He said, they looked at each others .
“How are you feeling?” Tony asked. Silence that lasted for a moment. Michael looked down at his hands, then back outside. His lips parted as to reply, but he couldn’t find the right answer straight away.
“I don’t know.” He answered truthful. Tony sat up on the bed and sighed, he rested his head against his arms.
“I’m sorry Mike, about last night… I shouldn’t have…” He started. Michael turned, looking at him.
“You did nothing wrong Tony, I-… What happened last night was something… it was, it was just as I once dreamed that it would be. Don’t apologise for that. For that moment, I managed to forget about everything and I was that teen again; who was hopelessly in love with you once.”
“Once.” Tony repeated slowly and smiled sadly at him. Michael lowered his gaze.

“You’re thinking about Samuel.” Tony took note then. Michael was quiet for a while.
“I can’t forget Tony… A part of me refuses to believe that he would have…” Michael bit his bottom nip. “I’m sorry. Do you see it now? I’m no use to anything, but bringing grief to those who I love and who love me back.”
“It’s not true.” Tony replied, Michael looked at him.
“I’m not even sure what’s true anymore… Everything is somehow so fuzzy in my head. Maybe I should hear it from his lips so that I could believe it and that I could let go.”

It was then that the door bell rang. Tony was startled, they looked at each others in surprise.
“Are you waiting for someone?” Michael asked.
“No,” Tony replied, stood up and got dressed in his boxers and t-shirt. He glanced once more at his friend before leaving to see who was at the door, door that was now being knocked on fiercely.

Tony looked at the blond haired man in confusion.
“Where is he?” Sam asked as he stepped in. Tony had no time to answer.
“Michael!” Sam called, searching the rooms that he passed, until he finally reached to the bedroom. Jack had called him that morning and told everything that he knew.

Michael looked at him with surprise. Tony stepped in after Sam.
“What gives you the right to charge in here like this?” Tony snapped. Sam glanced at him and the at the room; Tony’s clothes on the floor, the sheets that laid mixed, Michael that had only a white bathrobe on and who looked both surprised and embraced at the same time.

“I came to fetch my fiancé home.” Sam said calmly, trying to hide the tensity inside him.
“Fiancé whom you cheated on while he was being kidnapped?!” Tony did not manage the same as Sam. The blond man shot an angry glare at him and then he looked more softly at Michael who still hadn’t gotten a word from his mouth.
“Is that what Tony told you? Do you believe it?” His voice revealed the disappointment that he felt, their eyes met. Michael’s eyes were glimmering with tears and uncertainty.
“I saw it Sam; I saw you and Daniel when you kissed, you laid together on the bed and-!” Tony shouted, Sam sighed before interrupting him.
“You saw what you wanted to see, had you bothered to listen, bothered to look, you would have seen, that I was pushing Daniel away from me, not closer. That kiss was completely one sided!” He said through gritted teeth’s: Michael was surprised by his words, he lowered his gaze before turning it back towards him.

“Come home.” Sam asked with much more softer voice. Michael glanced towards Tony, who leaned against the wall, arms wrapped around himself. Tony nodded, trying to smile, unable to hide his sorrow completely. ‘Go on.’ He mouthed the words without sound. Michael rose, dizzy with his head, unsure. “I brought you some clean clothes from home, I thought, that you might need them.” Sam said and handed him the bag that he carried with him.

“I’ll go and change.” Michael spoke quietly. Sam touched his arm tenderly and was about to say something, but in the end he let the subject go.
“I’ll wait.” He said instead.

Sam looked at Tony once Michael had left the room, pure anger and despise in his eyes.
”I thought that we were friends Tony.” He said, Tony glanced at him.
”I was, but you hurt my friend. Michael will always come first to me.” He replied. Sam close his eyes to control his anger.
”I’ve been nothing but faithful to Michael, whether you believe it or not, you on the other hand…” Sam looked at the other man and then a the bed with meaningful stare. ”I have to wonder about your friendship.” He said then. No more words were changed between them.

Michael returned into the room.

”Shall we go?” Sam asked. Once more Michael glanced at Tony, who stood silently on his foot, a frown on his face. Their eyes met and Tony’s expression softened.
”I’ll talk to you later Mikey.” He said, Michael nodded his head and with confusing thoughts, he followed Sam outside. Were they really heading home? Would there be one, or was everything already ruined?


**^^**^^**^^**^^**

Silence. There was so much to say, that it was hard to know where to start.
Sam drove, staring at the road and at times he glanced at Michael, who in return stared at his hands quietly. Had they ever been as quiet as they were now? Sam felt tears in his eyes, he looked at Michael again; his left cheek was of purple color and he could see the sucking marks on his neck and chin.
”Why didn’t you call me?” Sam asked finally. Michael looked at him sadly.
”I-, I didn’t know… I did not want to disturb you.” His voice trembled. Sam frowned with worry.
”What on earth are you talking about?” Sam asked.
”You owe nothing to me Sam. I am grateful of everything you’ve done for me. I understand and there for; you don’t need to worry, I ask for nothing, you’re free.” Sam slowed down, finally parking the car on the side of the road and collected his thoughts. He bit his teeth’s together.

”I owe you nothing? You don’t ask for anything? I’m free?” He repeated, slightly upset. ”Michael,” he breathed out and looked at the other. Michael trembled. ”I do not wish to be free, not from you.” Michael looked at him in confusion. ”I love you, what do I need to do to prove it to you?!” Sam looked at him firmly.
”You shouldn’t Sam, you deserve so much better than me.” Michael looked at him back. A deep sigh from Sam’s lips.

”No Michael. It’s you that I love. Have I not stood by your side? Have I not shown my love enough? Tell me what I need to do? What have I left to tell you? Do you want me to go to the center of London and shout my love for you to every one that will listen? Do you want me to sing? Stand on my head? Run naked and sing? You know that I can’t sing, so it would be a hell of a lot for me to do, but one word from you and I’ll do it.” Michael looked at his serious face and after a moment of silence, he laughed, couldn’t help but to laugh, but the laughter died soon and turned into tears. Sam pulled him in his arms, felt as Michael wrapped his arms around him and heard his desperate sobbing. ”I love you, I love you, I love you.” Sam whispered stroking his hair.
”I thought that… Jean said… I saw…” He stuttered.
”What did you see? What did he say?”
”I didn’t want to believe it… But Daniel, he said that you were happy, that no one would want me back and Jean… Jean told me, he showed me.” Sam felt agonising pain in his chest.

”What does Daniel have to do with this? You mean that fight that…?” Their eyes met. Michael drew himself back and leaned against the car seat.
”I saw him.” He said quietly.
”Saw him where?” Michael close his eyes and took a deep breath.
”He came to see me, us.” He squeezed his eyes close even more tightly trying to remember. ”I was angry. I didn’t understand at first and Jean…” He opened his eyes and glanced outside.”Everything was so confusing, it was as if I would have seen a dream from which I couldn’t wake up from, nothing worked… I prayed for his help, maybe it really was only a dream? Jean said that everything was true, they both said that… I didn’t want to believe… And then I saw you, Jean showed me, in the park, that park, you kissed. It broke my heart.” Michael didn’t dare to look at him. Sam felt himself trembling from the sudden rage that filled him.
”You were there?… More than two weeks ago.” He squeezed his hands into a fists. ”I should have listened to Jack. Why didn’t I listen to him!”

”It’s not Daniel that I want Michael, what ever it is that they have told you, the truth however is completely different.” Sam told him. ”Look at me Micha, love, look at me.” Michael turned his eyes. ”I love you, you and no other.” Michael cried,
”How can you still love me after everything that I am and what I’ve done?” He trembled. ”I let him took me, I was so tired of fighting, for awhile I was this pathetic creature without a will of my own and Jean…” He almost laughed, but only almost. He looked up and then at his ring finger. ”He gave me his ring, a golden engagement ring; a mockery of love, his twisted love. I threw it away and still I feel like I would have done the worst crime, I hear his voice in my mind, voice that says that we’re meant for each others, that only he can love the whore that I am… When you hear it often enough, you start to believe it.” He sighed.

”Finally I just couldn’t stay.” He touched the bruise on his face lightly. ”Patrick did this when Jean was away and he tried…” He glanced at Sam in away that told him everything. ” I don’t know how badly I wounded him… It bothers me, beside everything else and… I called to Tony… Sam, even if you could forgive me for everything else, can you ever forgive me for that?” Sam was quiet only for a small moment, then he looked at him.
”I just lived a month in the fear of not being able to see you ever again, that I could never touch you again.” He reached forward and touched his hand, until he close it inside his own.
”I’ve had a lot of time to think. I’m 27-years old and during these two years that I’ve known you I’ve lived and felt more than during those 25 years that I knew nothing about you… Alright, the two of us have had a hell of a journey, and at times it feels so… so hard to walk it, it’s often hard to walk, but those good moments that I’ve shared with you, make up for everything that feels difficult. If I can hold your hand, I can walk it through. I choose you, not because it would be easy, but because I love you. I’d be lying if I said that your friendship with Tony didn’t bother me at all, or what happened or didn't happen between you two. I have a feeling about it, maybe I’m right?”

Michael lowered his gaze and finally nodded.
”I’m sorry Sam, you're so good to me and I keep disappointing you.”
”If you tell me that you love Tony, if you say you’ll choose him, then I’ll let you go. I want first and for most that you’ll be happy Michael. You make that choice, you must make that choice. You don’t know how hard it is for me to speak like this, but you must choose. It will not end my love for you, even if you were to choose him, I’d still be your friend, I’d love you from afar, but not too far. I don’t think that I could cut all connection to you, because you’ve become such an essential part of my life that I hardly remember the time when I didn’t know you… There, I’ve spoken, the rest is in your hands.” Michael had tears in his eyes as he reached towards him and once again wrapped his arms around him.
“I love you Sam, I choose you, I always choose you. You have my heart, remember?” Michael whispered. They held each others for the longest times. Sam let Michael cry in his embrace, he had been through a lot and though Sam knew what had happened between Tony and Michael, he did not find the strength in his heart to judge him. It was not important now, maybe would return to haunt him later, but now he could not be nothing but grateful of the chance to hold Michael in his arms, of the fact that he was alive. Everything else felt meaningless. Tony; he would worry about him later. It was more important to end things with Jean and Daniel, it was not over yet.

”Well then, lets go home, when we get there, we will call to your parents and the cops.” Sam said and smiled tenderly, Michael nodded.
“Thank you Sam,” he whispered then. Sam took of his necklace, took the ring in his other hand and Michael’s left hand in his other. “Your hand looks naked without this.” Sam whispered as he slipped the ring on.
“It felt naked.” Michael whispered and leaned to press his lips gently on his. A brief kiss.
Sam started the car and they continued towards home, holding each others hands when ever possible.

Sam let Michael enter first into the quiet house. They kissed in the hall and undressed their coats.
“Maybe you should go and rest, You look so tired.” Sam suggested.
“I feel tired, I just… I don’t want to be alone… I’m afraid. Can we go and spend the night at my parents, or yours?” Michael asked, staying close, holding his arm. He looked fearfully around the house from where he had been kidnapped from.
“Of course, I just make a few calls, pack some clothes, we can leave after that.” Sam promised. “Everything is alright my love, I will not leave you alone, not anymore.” He assured, but it did not ease Michael’s restlessness, the unnerving feeling that said it was mistake to come back to the house. He followed Sam, not daring to let go of him. He wanted to ask Sam if they could just leave everything behind and leave immediately, but he did not want to seem so weak.

They entered to the kitchen. Sam urged him to sit down, offered him a glass of water, smiled, stroked his hair. Michael followed his movements. Sam took the phone, was about to dial the number, when he stopped abruptly.
“It’s mute” He said. “Wait, I’ll just get my cell, I think I left it in my pocket.” Micheal looked after him little nervously, but before Sam had gotten out of the room, a dark figure emerged to the doorway.
“Sam.” The man said, as he loaded his gun, pointing at him with it. “What if you would just back up.” Jean’s voice was cold, his gaze was cold. Sam brought his hands up slightly in defending position and backed up slowly. The water glass broke on the floor as Michael in his fright dropped it; He saw Patrick enter through the other doorway. His face was torn by the glass that he had hit him with and his eyes held pure hate in them. He struggled up and hurried to Sam’s side.

“You ran Michael.” Jean accused. “Did I not give you my all? Why did you ran? Because my friend got little carried away? I’ve already scolded him, but you shouldn’t have run from me.”

“Jean,” Michael breathed out.
“Maybe the only way, is to get rid of the only obstacle standing in my way to get you, perhaps I should have done it right at the beginning.” The gun pointed towards Sam’s chest. Michael quickly pulled him back sheltering him with his own body.
“Leave Sam out of this Jean!”
“If there was no Sam, you'd still be mine.” Jean said. Michael shook his head.
“If you touch him, if you harm him in anyway, you’ll only get my anger, I’d hate you forever, even if you were to take my body, you would never have my mind, I would not speak one word for you, I’d be like dead even though I would breath, nothing that you would do would have no affect on me. You’re angry at me, take it out on me, because I was the one to cause it, not Sam. I’m the one to betray you, I seduced Sam. Let him go and have me. But only if you let him go.” Michael breathed tensely. Sam tried to say something, but he did not listen. His bravery sprung from love; stronger that the fear to die.
“Alright chéri,” Jean smiled, the gun was pointing now at him. He grasped Michael’s arm forcefully and pulled close. “We’ll go upstairs.”

“Jean you fucking shit, let him go! Michael; do not sacrifice yourself for me.” Sam screamed.
“Patrick, stay with Samuel while I’m gone” Jean said, turned to look at them and grinned. “Have fun.”
 

Chapter 65.

Sam moved nervously looking at the older man, who stared right back at him; his eyes held something… Something that Sam surely didn’t like. His heart was beating madly, a soft humming sound in his ears. The man loaded his gun, lowering his gaze only for one small moment to the gun that he was holding. Smirk played on Patrick’s lips and Sam knew that he couldn’t hide his fear. He glanced nervously towards the entrance that Jean had used when he had dragged Michael with him and as he stood there, threatened and in danger he was more worried for the fate of his beloved than his own fate.

He woke from his frightened thoughts when he heard Patrick taking a step closer, he turned to look at him. The man was smiling, or… no, it wasn’t a smile, only something that disturbingly resembled a smile. He heard Michael’s scream and turned instantly to the voice. Tears filled his eyes as he thought of Michael, his pain, his suffering and he was forced to hear it, forced to acknowledge it without the ability to help him.

He wanted to run upstairs, he wanted… The cold steel caressed his cheek, Sam felt the urge to step back, a sick feeling in the bottom of his stomach. Patrick stood in front of him, eye level to him. Had there been no gun, Sam was pretty sure he could overpower the man, but no matter what his own strength was compared to him; it was useless in front of the loaded piece of weapon.

”You don’t look half bad Sam.” Patrick broke the silence between them, smiling with that odd way of his. Sam swallowed, it was like something got caught in his throat and refused to go down. “As a matter of fact, I’ve always found you rather…” The gun moved down on his neck, on his chest, the man got the upper button of his shirt to break. “…pleasing to the eyes.” Sam reacted by grasping the arm that hold the gun and Patrick answered as quickly; the gun pointed against his chest, on his heart.

”The gun is loaded and ready, I wouldn’t try anything stupid Sam.” Patrick hissed and smiled with satisfaction as Sam loosened his hold. “Good. See; I knew you weren’t stupid Samuel.”

Sam looked away, Patrick grasped his chin, forcing him to look at him.
“Look what that whore of yours did to my face!” Patrick shouted, eyes glistening with anger, and Sam did look, biting his teeth’s together.
“I’m proud of him. You deserve worse, you both do.” Sam spat at him. Patrick slapped his face hard, Sam stumbled backwards slightly, but managed to keep himself quiet. He straightened up, brought his chin up. I’m not afraid; was what the look in his eyes told the man. Maybe you should. Patrick thought, narrowing his eyes.

“Undress.” He said finally and looked at him with amused cruelty. Sam shook his head and tried to laugh to show how stupid it was for the man to even think that he’d do it.

Patrick was quiet for awhile, and glanced towards the staircase.
“Do you know how long it has been since my last time?” He asked.
“Do you think I care?” Sam snarled.
”You still don’t understand, do you?” Patrick smiled. Sam glanced at him nervously.
“Your beloved is upstairs with my friend. Jean is pretty mad and can’t resist his temptation. Most likely…” Patrick took a small pause, bending his neck. “Jean has him on the bed, fucks him for one last time and… You can either do what I tell you to do, play nicely or I can end your life and take my pleasure from him after Jean… So how will it be Sam? Will you undress for me or not?”

Sam stood there silently, it was hard to believe that this really was happening, and he could see no other choice. He gritted his teeth, drawing a deep breath. It could not end this way, could it?

He brought his arms up, pulling his shirt over his head and threw it onto the floor. He shivered from cold, turned his eyes towards the man who couldn't hide his satisfaction and who looked at his naked upper body with lust. His fingers on his lips, forcing their way in the warmth of his mouth.

Sam felt sick, he felt dizzy, his head was aching. He couldn’t go through with it, there was no way, it was too horrible to even think about it. Cold shivers ran down his skin as he thought about what was to follow, as he felt his breathing on his skin, the cold steel, listening to the heavy breathing, lust filled sounds. It was sick, just sick, there was no other word for it.

He prayed for Michael to be alright.



**^^**^^**^^**^^**

The man pushed him into the room forcefully, so forcefully that Michael lost his balance and fell right in front of the bed on his knees, a pained cry escaped from his lips.

Jean closed and locked the door behind them. He then looked at the young man; still kneeling on the floor, his hands against the surface of it.

Slowly Michael turned his face; brown eyes filled with tears, looking back at the grey ones.

“What can I do Michael?” Jean asked walking before him.

Michael’s head was throbbing, his breathing shook and he feared; feared for Sam. He didn’t care much of how pitiful he would sound or how he would look as he squeezed Jean’s pants inside his fists, as he laid his forehead against his legs, before he finally looked up to Jean again.
“Jean… Please let Sam go, it’s the only thing I ask, please.” Jean looked at him gritting his teeth, the cold look remaining in his eyes. “I’ll do anything Jean, anything you ask; I’ll do it. Both of you… Ask Patrick here, I’ll give everything I can for the both of you, I won’t fight anymore, please Jean, let me do that? If only you let Sam go… Do anything you want to do with me, just… please let Sam free.”

Michael was crying, Jean watched him silently, without revealing what he was feeling. Finally he stepped back, sat down on the bed and looked at him. Michael listened, looking desperately towards the door and feared for what was happening downstairs to Sam.

“Jean…” His miserable voice whispered. ”Sam couldn’t take it… Please, he doesn’t deserve that. Take me. I am a whore, I deserve your anger, not Sam, please let him go, please.” And quietly Michael looked as the mask of cold in Jean’s eyes grumbled. Gathering up his courage Michael approached him, staying on his knees in front of Jean.
“Where is the man I once knew?” He asked laying his hands on the knees of the man. “Jean; where are you?”
“That man was broken, you broke him.” Jean answered. Michael squeezed his eyes shut, desperation sweeping past him, he himself didn’t matter at that moment, only Sam did. He sighed with frustration and finally guided the gun that Jean was holding to point under his own chin.
“Then end this Jean! End it! Kill me, just shoot! That is why you came, isn’t it?!” He shouted, anger, desperation and sorrow in his eyes. A tear from Michael’s eyes fell upon Jean’s hand. The man shivered when feeling it, the desperation in Michael's voice and on his features, the tension of his words made the last of his mask disappear, leaving a broken man, with heart full of sorrow behind. He lowered the gun and took Michael’s face between his hands, leaned forward so that their foreheads were touching. Jean’s shoulders sank, he was trembling and Michael stayed in his hold fearing to move, feeling the wetness of Jean’s tears on his skin.

”Do you love him this much?” Jean asked quietly. “So much as to sacrifice yourself for him?” Michael closed his eyes.
“Yes, I do.” He answered with equally quiet voice.

Silence, Jean moved his hands on Michael's hair, his neck and his face, wanting to hold him, not letting go and still he knew it was over, he knew that the time was running out.
“Michael…” Jean sighed, repeating his name over and over again the name that had become to mean so much to him. “I love you, I love you.” He urged the young man to rise up on his lap, and finally laid him down on the bed under him. He kissed Michael’s skin; his forehead, his cheeks. “You are so beautiful, too beautiful… too good.” Jean was whispering. “How could I let you go?” Michael swallowed, there wasn’t much time, not enough to waste.

“Jean, let Sam go…” He whispered, taking Jean’s face between his trembling hands and he forced himself to look at him, to kiss his lips lightly. “Let Sam go and you can have everything I have to offer. My body; you may have it completely, but just let Sam go.”
Jean laid his forehead down on his.
“Your body chéri,” Jean smiled sadly and Michael saw him; the man that had meant so much to him once, new tears rose to his eyes, when Jean took is hand and kissed his skin smoothly. “Your body I do love, but…” He breathed out, looking deep into his eyes. “But I never truly had your heart, nor will I ever have it, will I?” Jean’s eyes squeezed shut, Michael didn’t know what to expect.


“I can’t let you go Michael, I can’t let you go to him, I can’t live with the thought that you are lying in his arms. It drives me crazy, torments and blackens my mind like a cancer. I cannot let you go, I can’t never let you go mon amour. I’m hurting you, I do not want to hurt you, but as long as I’m near you I’m always going to hurt you. Because my want… My want for you is much too strong for me to handle it.” Michael trembled under him, he did not want to die.

**^^**^^**^^**

When Patrick started to open his pants, Sam drew back in fear; the mere thought that the man would take him in a way that he had only let Michael take before, was too much to take and he made a desperate move to avoid what was about to happen. He failed, his temple was struck with the gun and in one quick moment Sam found himself on the floor, the man’s hand on his throat, the gun pointed against the side of his head.

Rough hand forced its way under his pants to feel his organs in such a way that brought tears in his eyes. Sam moaned in pain, moaned from the humiliation of the horrid experience.
“You like this…” The smug voice sneered above him.
“You’re sick Patrick!” Sam spat, hating how weak he felt himself. If he couldn’t even save himself, how could he ever safe Michael?

In an hour, maybe even earlier, they both could be dead and the thought chilled his heart; it couldn’t end like this, they couldn’t end like this.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**



Daniel was trembling. “They’ve found Michael, he’s alive! I’m going to go and fetch him home from the hospital” Sam had told him on the phone just the day before and Daniel had been horrified, scared out of his mind. This was it, the beginning of an end for him.

And then Sam called him, told that Michael had left the hospital with Tony. Daniel had felt slightly relieved; if only he would stay away, if only the ground would just swallow Michael, make him vanish without a trace. Sam had promised to call him later, but no such call was ever made and it left him sleepless, haunted with the dark scenarios of what the future would hold for him. It was only the matter of time before everyone find out. There had to be something to make it right.

Julius, he would lose Julius, he would lose Sam, everyone would surely hate him, even his parents. Finally he couldn’t stand it anymore; maybe he could explain himself? Find Michael, find Sam; beg for forgiveness? Explain somehow.

Jail? Would he end up there? The mere thought made him throw up everything that he had eaten that day.

“Are you alright?” Julius asked him concerned, watching him as he knelt on the bathroom floor. With shaky legs Daniel got up and tried to smile.
“Just something bad I ate…” He lied and walked over to the sink to wash his mouth.

“Something is bothering you, I wish you would tell me what it is already.” Julius insisted.
“Nothing is wrong, I’ve just been feeling a bit stressed out; work stuff, you know how it can get.” He lied. “I’m sure it gets better soon,” he assured. Julius wasn’t that convinced, he had never seen Daniel like this before, so pale, so shaky.

“I have a few things to take care of.” Daniel said then almost walking past him, but then he stopped and touched the older man’s arm, kissed his cheek softly. “I know that sometimes you doubt, but I do love you.”
Julius looked at him with surprise.
“I love you too, Daniel, you know that.”

And Julius watched as Daniel took his jacket and left with a softly spoken bye and see you later. The door closed after him.

*******

Daniel parked his car in front of the quiet looking house, but Sam’s car was there, so it meant that he was home? Gathering up some courage, taking in a deep breath, he got out of his car. He tried to think of what to say, to find the right words. If Michael was there, what would happen then? He walked to the door, looking around; so quiet, no lights on, nothing that he could see at least.
He rang the doorbell, waited. He thought he heard a noise from inside the house, he listened, rang the doorbell again, but when no one came to answer and when he was sure that he had in fact heard something that was caused by people, he reached out for the key that he had taken secretly from Sam, he had never actually thought about using it, but now, sensing that something might be wrong he took it.

“Sam?” He called when he entered, his voice sounding weak, almost disappearing altogether. Then he heard it, a thud, a shout, fighting. Sam’s voice… And Sam was in trouble!

With his heart beating madly, Daniel rushed towards the kitchen to find the man, who had been the first to steal his heart, laying on the floor with no shirt on, his pants undone and with him; fighting, was one of those men, one of those French. He gasped in shock and it all happened so fast, realising his mistake until it was too late, realising that Sam had all the time shouted for him to get out, to get help, urged him not to enter the room, but he hadn’t heard, not until now; when the gun was already pointed at him, when it was fired.

Tears filled his eyes, the sound and the immediate pain. He fell on his knees, gasping for breath, it all happened so fast. Sam used the situation to knock Patrick off of him, to snatch the gun away, beating the man with it until he fell onto the floor unconscious.

Daniel brought his hands on his stomach, winced when feeling the warm, sticky liquid. He cried out pitifully, dizzy, he felt dizzy, he was falling back.
“Daniel? Daniel?” Sam was calling his name. “Stay awake.” He looked around, Sam held a cellphone on his ear, calling for help, calling the cops.

“I don’t want to go to jail,” Daniel muttered. Sam knelt down, anger, sorrow, worry passing through his eyes.
“Why did you… Daniel, why? You’re so stupid. Why did you have to be so stupid!” Sam was crying when he said it, crying when he touched his face.
“Forgive me Sam, forgive me.”

Sam looked at him, closing his eyes, not sure what to do. There was no time for this, there was no time to stay at Daniel’s side when Michael was still upstairs with Jean. And Daniel was part of this madness.
“I’m dying, Sam... will I die?” Daniel cried. “I’m sorry.” His voice so pitiful, so weak and Sam couldn’t help but feel sorry for him even when he felt anger with his actions, but he had cared for Daniel, at one time Daniel had been important to him and now he was hurt, severely hurt. But at the same time, partly because of Daniel’s doing, Michael might be hurt as well.

“Michael might very well die because of what you did.” He spat at him then, “they’ll come to help you soon, stay awake.” Sam said and stood up, it was a choice, choice he had to make and a choice that in the end was easy; Michael mattered more to him than anything or anyone else.

Sam rushed upstairs.
“Michael?” he called, hearing the approaching sirens from the street; the help would soon reach them.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

It had been the ringing of the doorbell that stopped Jean, that made him sit up on the bed. Daniel’s voice calling for Sam. Michael had heard Sam’s shouting, sighed with what was a relief to hear him alive. But then there was the gun fire; almost stopping Michael’s heart completely. “Sam,” he had whispered tears welling in his eyes. But it had been Daniel’s cry of pain, not Sam’s, and they both knew what had happened then.

Jean walked nervously to the door to check that it was properly locked. Running steps of the stairs, Sam’s voice calling for Michael, the approaching sirens; the hands of the law.

Jean looked at Michael; still sitting on the bed, his eyes on him and Jean knew, it was over, he would not leave this room alive, he would not get to live his dream with his beloved. How had it come to this?

“Michael?” Sam was banging on the door. Michael looked at Jean, wondering what the man would do.
“Sam, I’m alright.” He called back with the weak voice, watching Jean, who held the gun tightly. “Jean has a gun,” He reminded then, closing his eyes.

“Jean please,” Michael pleaded then, opening his eyes and looking at the man. Jean trotted in the room back and forth, nervous, fighting with himself, fighting with what to do. “Please Jean, please let me go.” Michael begged, crying.

“This is the police,” They heard then. “Please step out of the room whit your hands the way we can see them.”

Jean wiped his face, his breathing tense.
“We can still solve this Mr. Parouxe, just let the young man go.”

Jean sighed, he walked over to where Michael sat, laid him down, lay on top of him kissing him like there was no tomorrow and this time it was true. Drinking in the last taste, holding him tightly, holding on to their last moment. “I love you Michael, I’m sorry…” He whispered.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

The time had never gone by so slowly every second was of pure agony to Sam. He could not lose him, if he would lose Michael, he would loose everything; how could he live another day if he would not be in the world?

It was crazy, the whole situation was mad, they had urged him back; said he could do more harm than good by forcing himself into the room. So Sam had nothing to do but to wait downstairs and watch as they tried to save Daniel’s life and Daniel, with his last strength, asked for him and as Sam finally knelt down by his side, Daniel begged him. “Forgive me, I’m so sorry, so sorry… Jul… tell him… Jul… I love Jul…” Sam’s lips were trembling, and with torn emotions he watched as his former lover got paler and paler, as it got clearer that he could not be saved. But Sam couldn’t find the words; I forgive you, he couldn’t find the strength to comfort, not when there was too much fear for Michael in him, too much to fully understand that this was the last time that Daniel would speak, the last chance to forgive and let him go in peace.

Finally he couldn’t take it and stood up, refusing to accept that Daniel was dying for real. He turned his back on him.
“Michael… I’m sorry. T-tell him…” Sam closed his eyes tightly and walked away to keep himself from hearing. Daniel died before they even got him into the ambulance.

It wasn’t true, all of this just had to be a bad dream, he told himself. And then; a gun shot from upstairs broke it all, a gun shot that broke his world, his heart, his everything. And Sam rushed back upstairs, ignoring everything else.

It was Michael who opened the door before anyone had had the time to break in. Pale and trembling, tears in his eyes and without a word he threw himself in Samuel’s arms and cried heavily, holding on in fear of letting go. They had both made it. They were alive.

**^^**^^**^^**^^**

They could not stay in the house, they would never go back there again; the house held too much pain now, after everything. That night, they wanted to be by themselves, feeling too weary, too shocked to speak to anyone else, for no one could understand it, no matter how much they would try.

A long sorrowful night followed the long agonising day. They lay side by side on the bed of a hotel room, holding onto each others tightly, quiet, there seemed to be no words for that moment.

“Jean’s dead.” Michael said for the first time out loud and he close his eyes as tears forced themselves in his eyes. In his heart he mourned and he wept. The man that had at one time meant so much to him, was gone. The man who had saved him from his half life in New York, would soon be laid in a cold grave, deep in the cold ground.

Jean sighed, he walked over to where Michael sat, laid him down, lay on top of him kissing him like there was no tomorrow and this time it was true. Drinking in the last taste, holding him tightly, holding on to their last moment. “I love you Michael, I’m sorry…” He whispered.

Jean sat up again and took the gun, Michael looked at him with fear.
“Jean please don’t.” He begged and it was with sorrow that Jean looked back at him, with sorrow when he touched his face.
“There’s only one way to end this cherí, and we both know it. I am tired of fighting against the devil inside of me, the devil that feeds itself on your tears. I see it now, I understand now what I need to do to let you go. This is the way.” Jean checked the gun one more time to see it was properly loaded.

“Go Michael, leave before I have the chance to change my mind, before the devil takes control of me. This truly is the only way Michael.” And Michael cried when he got up from the bed, as he staggered towards the door and he looked back one last time; Jean had the gun pipe pointed to his temple, one last smile and Michael cried without comfort, different emotions tearing him up inside, remembering so much, remembering everything, the good times, the bad, it had been such a long journey. Part of him wanted to stop Jean and inside he knew that Jean was right; it was the only way to ever be free. He turned, his hand on the door knob.

The gun shot; hard, loud, tearing his ears. Michael closed his eyes, laid his forehead against the door that he had had no time to open. The gun dropped on the floor with a thud.

And he turned his face to see the man dead on the bed, seeing the blood on the sheets. Michael could harly breathe, tears caught up in his throat, his head was throbbing. Jean was dead and he felt everything so strongly, remembered everething; from the moment he had first laid his eyes on Jean, his last words and the ones spoken years ago. But he had to go on, had to find Sam. He would think about it later.


”Jean is dead.” He repeated and Sam held him, not letting go, kissing his forehead, understanding, and when he had cried enough for that day, when the last tears dried on his skin, when he felt odd calmness setting inside him; the last smile that Jean had given him. ‘The only way of setting you free.’ And with calmness and sadness he smiled, after all the tears; still making his eyes puffy and hard to see, Sam’s warmth next to him.
“But now we are free.” He whispered quietly, Sam soft lips on his skin.
“We’re free.”
 

Chapter 66.

Sam stood in front of the mirror, fixing his tie slowly. The weather was gloomy, grey, it was raining quietly. Perfect weather for such a day.

“I don’t understand why we need to go.” He said when Michael stepped into the room. He looked at his lover in the mirror; he was dressed in black suit like him and Sam couldn’t help but admire how handsome he looked. Their eyes met and Sam saw the sorrow in Michael’s, the sorrow always present, more so now than before.

“Because you would regret it later if we didn’t.” Michael answered and walked before him, to fix his tie for him.
“Daniel did wrong to you, you could be...”
“But I am not,” Michael said calmly, again meeting with his eyes.
“They are mourning a man that Daniel never was, don’t you think that they should know what he did?”
“Why?” Michael asked, looking at him closely. “Daniel did wrong, but he paid a higher price than he had deserved. What use is it for his family to know? What good would it give to them? Anger and hate are not the answer Sam, it’s over. Let them mourn him the way they knew him, it’s for the better. It’s easier.”

Michael gave him a tired smile seeing the look that his lover was giving him.
“Daniel made a mistake, it was a big mistake, but I doubt that he knew what he was getting himself into, it was… it’s more than many can understand. Forgive him Sam. Forgive that he didn’t know any better.”

“I can’t understand how you… How can you forgive so easily after everything that happened to you? How do you have so much love left in you?” Sam wondered out loud, his hand reaching to touch his cheek. Michael didn’t reply, he merely smiled in that sad way of his and placed his hand on top of Sam’s.

**^^**^^**^^**^^^**
People were crying, talking quietly, all dressed in black. Daniel’s father stood next to his wife, with his arm around her shoulders. The woman trembled from her tears.
“I’m sorry for your loss, “ Sam whispered as he shook both of their hands. Both of them, lost for words only nodded their heads, trying to offer him some sort of smile.

Julius; the man stood little farther away, looking lost, overwhelmed with his grief. Sam felt his pain, the pain that could have easily been his own. Michael walked towards the man, Sam following closely behind. Michael didn’t hesitate, he hugged the man tightly, the man hugged him back, breaking down in tears. Sam, once again, was amazed by his lover, of how pure his heart was. After everything Michael had been through, he still had such a strong will to survive and forgive. Sam loved him more and more each day.

”I can’t believe that he’s gone, really gone, it doesn’t feel real.” Julius wept. Michael squeezed his hands.
”Daniel loved you, he knew that you loved him.” Sam heard Michael telling him. Julius nodded, his lips trembled.
“Good to see that you’re alright.” Julius said then, trying to smile.
“I’ll survive though it won’t be easy, but with time ...” Michael whispered. Julius nodded again.
”I haven’t slept, his things are everywhere, I can’t move them, I keep expecting him to come home. Every time that I hear steps in the hall, I expect it to be Daniel. I wait, at night I hear voices, I imagine, but at times I hear his voice so clearly that I don’t know if I’m asleep or awake. I fear I’ll lose my mind. ‘See you later,’ he said.” The man looked in Michael’s eyes shaking his head helplessly. “He said; see you later, I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye.” And when the man broke to another wave of tears, Michael hugged him again.
“Daniel knows; he knows what you feel.” He assured. Sam stepped closer and placed his hand on Julius shoulder once Michael had let go.

”I’m sorry Julius, for your loss.” He said; the man looked into his eyes.
“Did he suffer?” He asked wiping the tears from his eyes.

”It happened quite fast. He said… Daniel asked me to tell you that he loved you. Those were his last words, that he loves you.” Again the man nodded.

They walked into the church hall, the white coffin laid at the altar. Seeing it made it more real and even more people had tears in their eyes. Daniel, at the age of 26, had been too young to die. Sam took Michael’s hand in his own and squeezed, earning Michael’s attention. Sam leaned over to kiss his cheek, thankful of the fact that he wasn’t made to face the same sorrow as Julius and still he did grief. He grieved for the young man that Daniel once had been. And he understood that Michael was right, Daniel had paid much higher price than what he would have deserved. Had Daniel even realised what he was getting himself into? It was truly useless to break the image that the ones close to Daniel had of him. Hearing the truth would only make it worse. In his heart, Sam forgave his former lover, by silencing from the truth he gave his forgiveness.

**^^**^^**

Jean was buried in a quiet ceremony in Paris, where his body was transported to, as the request of his remaining relatives. There weren’t many to participate, those closest to him, that couldn’t completely understand how the man that they had thought to know, had been capable to something as horrid as kidnapping and rape. They remembered Jean the way he once had been, the man that once had a chance to be much more. Had it been the alcohol, had it been his childhood or the even greater evil in a man’s body that had changed him? Maybe all of that put together. But whatever it had been, finally Jean got the peace that he had spent his whole life searching.

The flowers were placed on the top of the modest grave. And when the others left, a man that had watched the whole ceremony farther away, standing in the shadows of the tall trees, finally dared to move closer. He looked at the stone, to which Jean’s name had been engraved. Born: 8.3.1969, Died; 6.15.2004. He knelt down, placing the flowers on the grave. Quietly he shook his head, touching the cold stone.

“I should have come earlier little brother,” He murmured. ”I am sorry Jean, for everything.” And after a quiet moment spend in the honor of the last family member he had had, he sighed deeply and stood up. He pushed his hands in his pockets, shoulders down, he turned. If only he had found his brother earlier, if only…


**^^**^^**^^**^^**

The day after Daniel’s funeral, Sam and Michael got married. The ceremony was simple, quiet, just how they both had wanted it. They were together, it was enough. They traveled to Ireland after that, to a quiet, peaceful countryside, where Sam had rented a small house for the summer and long into the fall.
For a long while they were alone together, taking long walks, horse riding. Slowly, supporting each other, listening, talking, later even laughing. But the journey to recovery was a long one and Sam never expected that Michael would someday by some strange miracle simply forget everything bad that he had been through, he knew, that both of them would carry the scars forever. They would get better, the scars would become lighter, but still they would be there.

The nightmares came back strongly at the beginning; Sam often woke to the sound of Michael’s screams. And Sam himself couldn’t escape the nightmares either. Coming to terms with Daniel’s death took him some time, along with everything else; of how close he had been to lose Michael completely and how near death he himself had been.

Michael felt the need to talk about Jean and Sam was ready to listen whatever it was that Michael wanted to tell him. He held Michael in his arms in front of the fire and listened quietly as he told him what he felt and what he was thinking. It was hard at first to understand Michael’s grief for Jean; why would he grief after the man that had hurt him so badly? But the more Michael talked to him, the more he revealed the hidden truths of his past with Ricky, going through everything that had eaten him up inside for so long. He talked about his fears and his wishes and dreams that he had kept, how unreal it had felt to live a life that was like in some other person’s nightmare. There, in the middle of his despair, Jean had walked into his life. Whatever Jean’s intentions had been, Michael couldn’t say that he would regret meeting him, that he would regret moving to a better life with Jean. Next to Ricky, Jean had been the light itself. What were possession and jealousy next to a man who treated you as a slave, denying the chance to decide what was being done to your own body?

Ricky was the dark side of Jean, the evil that Jean had learned and Michael believed, and wanted to hold on to his believe that the true Jean had been a good man. The love Michael had once felt for Jean, had never been even close to what he felt for Sam, Michael told him. He added that he himself couldn’t completely understand or explain what he had felt and what he felt now for Jean. The man had done too much evil and hurt him in a way that he could probably never forgive, but what he could do, was to forgive the man that Jean had been when making the decision to let him go, with the only way that he had thought of.


And carefully, trying, they also talked about Tony and what had happened between them.
“Tony’s been my friend for my whole life Sam, he was my first love and the person that was in my dreams before the time I knew you, the time with Ricky. Tony was the one I hoped to save me. Everything familiar, safe and former, I just wanted to turn back in time where I knew nothing of true pain. I can’t explain it better than that.” And Sam wanted to understand, he wanted to forgive Tony, because he knew he couldn’t deny Michael the right of seeing his friend. Michael deserved the freedom, freedom denied from him for far too long, freedom to make his own decisions. Sam wanted to give Michael everything he possibly could ask him.


**^^**^^**^^**^^**

They walked hand by hand, the sun was setting; painting the sky with gold and purple, the waves hit gently against the rocks. Sam looked at the smile on Michael’s face as he looked towards the sky, closing his eyes as the soft wind blew past them.
Sam pulled Michael close and he held him, they shared a gentle, loving kiss.
“I think we’ll make it, my dear husband, I think I’ll make it.” Michael whispered and Sam closed his eyes, smile on his lips, he nodded his head then, brought his hand on Michael’s face and looked deep into the brown eyes that he had grown to love more than words could ever explain.
“I love you, oh God how much I love you. Always, forever, only you.” Sam whispered his thoughts.
“I love you too Sam, always.”

The bond between them was stronger than ever, stronger than what many could ever share with their partners. And they knew they’d make it together, carrying each other, equally as partners. Michael knew that he had now what he had always dreamt of, Sam was the love he had searched for. And finally he could stop being silent, because Sam would never stop listening.

Surviving was possible, love could be real. Michael knew it now.

 

END

Web published: My Secret Shore

© KOLGRIM 2006 - 2011

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