SILENT

Chapter 1.
 

September 12th. 1997

Michael walked down the street towards his home, lost in his own thoughts. He thought about a dream he had had last night; in his dream he had kissed his best friend Tony with great passion. He felt somewhat dirty just thinking about it, it wasn`t normal to want another boy like that, especially your own friend. However, he had thought about Tony for quite a long time; he had wondered how it would feel to kiss him, to touch his naked skin. But how could he ever unveil the truth to anyone? How could he tell his best friend, whom he had known since birth, that he loved him, more than just a friend? It was extremely difficult to hide his true feelings from others.

“Hey Mike, wait up!” A sudden call from behind interrupted his thoughts. Michael turned to the voice.

“Tony!...Why?…I mean what?...” Michael stammered with surprise in his voice.

“Luckily I caught you... I tried shouting so many times, but you didn't hear and...” Tony explained while catching his breath.

“So, what is it that you wanted?” Michael asked looking at his friend with a warm smile.

“Well, Tom's birthday party, I assume that you remember?”

“Birthday party? Don't tell me that it was today?”

“Are you telling me that you have forgotten all about it?” Tony looked amused.

“Um...Well…it's just...there's just been so much going on...that I...” Michael tried to explain.

“Honestly Michael, you have known Tom for five years! And we have been talking about this party for ages. What could be so big that it has seized your thoughts so truly?”

“Um...just things, you know...” Michael replied feeling uncomfortable.

“Hmm...Is it about some girl?” Tony asked grinning.

“Well...something like that...”

“So, tell me! Who is it? It's Jenny, isn't it?...please Michael.” Tony sounded impatient.

“I tell you some other time, alright Tony?” Michael was hoping that Tony would let it go already.

“Well okay then, but you better tell me that later... Anyway, it starts at 7pm”

“What starts?”

“The party, you fool,” Tony laughed.

“Oh, yes...the party...” Michael smiled.

“I just go home to change and then I'll come to your house, we’ll go there together, alright?”

“Yeah, see you then Tony.” Tony turned around and left. Michael looked after him longingly. Tony seemed to get him more confused each time they met. Michael sighed before he continued to walk towards his home. He couldn't go on like this, he had to pull himself together, and stop thinking about Tony that way, because he…would never be his to have.



*************************************************************

Tony sat on Michael's bed drinking beer. He looked at his friend who was looking for some nice shirt to wear from his wardrobe. He looked at the naked upper body, the way the muscles moved under the soft and perfect olive toned skin. Michael's skin always looked slightly tanned. Tony had recently started to notice even more how perfect his best friend looked, how beautiful he was.

Michael was the most beautiful man he had ever seen, and thinking about it was exceedingly confusing. Tony tried to calm him self down. He knew that he wasn't the only straight man who had noticed Michael's looks to be strangely captivating.

Michael moved in front of the mirror to look at himself and he pulled a black tank top on.

“Jenny won't be able to keep her hands to herself when she sees you,” Tony laughed. Michael looked at his friend through the mirror and grinned.

“Does Jenny want me?” he asked, raising one eyebrow and looking very sexy by doing that.

“Michael, everybody wants you,” Tony replied in an amused tone, knowing just how much Michael loved to hear compliments.

Tony lowered his gaze looking down on his friend's handsome figure. ‘Oh my God...even his arse looks perfect,’ Tony noticed and became even more confused. ‘Oh my, he looks delicious...’

He couldn’t stop looking at him. He felt a sudden urge to touch his arse, to squeeze it hard.

‘Oh fuck...Am I really this drunk that I’m looking at my friend’s...my male friend’s arse?!...Come on Tony, get a hold of yourself!’ Tony thought silently, feeling mortified. ‘Jenny's large breasts, her beautiful, plump breasts...mmm...’ Tony tried desperately to distract himself unsuccessfully.

Michael squeezed some gel into the palm of his hand and rubbed his hands together, then he ran his fingers through his hair. Even a single thing like that looked sexy to Tony.

Michael remembered that he had promised himself, to not think about Tony as anything but being what he was to him, his friend, but when he noticed the odd look that his friend was giving him, he decided to have a little harmless fun with Tony's expense.

“You too Tony?” Michael asked with a cunning smile.

“What?...Me too what?” Tony asked before realizing what Michael had meant.

“No! I mean, I'm not gay or anything!” Tony screamed.

“Then why are you looking at my butt so…fascinated?” Michael asked grinning. Tony’s confused expression was worthy of seeing.

“No I wasn't!” Tony yelled in his defence.

“Yes, you were. I saw you! You looked at my arse really long,” Michael laughed, it was so much fun to tease Tony.

“No!” Tony tried again.

”Yes you were! You want me! You want my arse!” Michael enjoyed seeing his friend blushing.

“No I don't, shut up!”

“Uh, you want me really bad, you want to fuck me senseless,” Michael continued, teasing Tony. He knew that it would be wise to shut up before Tony would get so mad that might even hit him. Tony was known to be quick-tempered, but he had never harmed him. Come to think of it, the only times Tony had actually hit someone, were times when he was defending Michael. Michael had got himself in to trouble countless of times, especially at times when he couldn’t keep his mouth shut, when it would have been wise, just like now.

”Shut up Michael, or I'll...” Tony shouted face as red as a tomato.

“Uh...Tony is mad. Well, why don't you come and shut me up then!” Michael turned his face to meet his friend and grinned.

“Bloody hell Michael! You can be so annoying at times!” Tony sighed.

Michael turned back to face the mirror. “But you like me anyway?”

“But I like you anyway,” Tony repeated.

“And you want me because of it,” Michael pointed out, knowing that he probably was crossing the line.

“And I wan...” Tony started, but stopped before ending his sentence. He looked at Michael with an angry expression on his face.

“No I don't! Not in that way!”

Michael looked at him, then at himself through the mirror and smiled. ‘I really should stop already. I'm asking for trouble if I continue. Oh, but this is just way too much fun!’ he thought.

“Yes you do,” he said then with a self-confident voice, still looking at the mirror. At that point Tony rose quickly from the bed and walked towards him looking threatening.

“I warned you!” he hissed.

For a brief moment Michael thought that Tony would actually hit him, but never could he have foreseen what was really coming. Tony seized him with force, turned him to face himself and then kissed him with passion. Michael felt Tony's hands on his arse. When Michael came to the realization of what was happening, he responded to the kiss with the same force. He had dreamed of this moment for so long.

Tony hardly realized what he was doing, he was kissing his friend, his male-friend, and he was kissing him back! ‘Oh God, I'm kissing another guy!’ Tony thought with panic striking.

He immediately pushed Michael off him and took few groping steps back.

“Oh fuck...fuck...I didn't...but you're so...oh fuck...!” Tony spluttered and left the room quickly. Michael looked after his friend in shock. ‘What just happened? Tony kissed me...He really kissed me!’ Michael thought to himself breathing fast, feeling confused, enthusiastic and happy all at the same time. Only then, he realised how fast Tony had left the room, he knew they had to talk, he knew he had to tell Tony everything he was feeling for him.

*************************************************************

Michael arrived to Tom's party by himself, hoping that he would find Tony there. Instead met Jenny at the hallway.

“Hello Michael, I was hoping that you would come,” she smiled.

“Hey Jenny,” Michael replied taking his coat off and hanging it up in the coat rack. Jenny took his hand and led him to the living room.

“Come, let's get you something to drink,” Jenny said with a warm smile on her face.

Other boys looked with envy, how the prettiest girl in their school leaned so close to Michael. No one could have blamed her, as Michael was the most gorgeous guy in school. His grandmother was Spanish and he had inherited the most flattering features from her. He had olive tanned skin, chocolate brown eyes and dark brown hair. He was 180cm tall and he had a beautiful, slim muscular figure. Every boy in school was jealous for his looks and every girl wanted him.

Michael took the glass that Jenny was offering to him.

“Listen Jen, is Tony here?” Michael asked finally.

“Yes, he's outside…I think. Funny, I thought that you two would arrive here together,” Jenny replied, slightly bending her head to the side.

“Well, I think I'll go to talk with him,” Michael said looking through the window.

“Well, as long as you hurry back. I would love to talk with you as well,” Jenny smiled. Michael smiled at her back quickly before leaving to the backyard.

He found Tony sitting at the porch. Michael sat beside him, trying to catch with Tony’s eyes.

“Tony?” Michael spoke softly. Tony lifted his head up and took a gulp from his beer.

“What is it?” Tony asked with an indifferent voice.

“You left so sudden, don't you think that we should talk?” Michael asked while examining his friend's face.

“About what?”

“You know…I didn't just imagine what happened,” Michael replied, but Tony kept silent. Michael sighed, collecting all his courage to say what he had thought about for such a long time.

“Tony, that kiss... You don't know how long I have dreamed about it...I...I love you...You know?...I really love you, I mean, that I'm in love with you...” Michael related and took a tender hold on Tony's hand.

Tony looked at him in confusion and pulled his hand free.

“You what!” Tony cried out, looking at him with contradictory feelings.

“That kiss, was a mistake, do you understand!” Tony shouted. ‘That kiss was the best that I've ever had,’ his mind tried to tell him, but he ignored it.

“You kissed me Tony! And I know what I felt, you wanted me, you enjoyed that kiss just as much as I did!” Michael shouted back at him, disappointed of Tony's reaction.

“Honestly Michael, it's sickening, I'm not gay and I don't want you, not in that way!” Tony screamed and stood up. He looked once more at his friend, that beautiful face, into those beautiful eyes and saw the disappointment in them. ‘I would love to kiss those lips again and...’ He quickly shook his head trying to get rid of those thoughts. He didn't want to feel what he felt, it just wasn't right. Or was it?

Chapter 2.

Michael slept uneasy the whole night trough. He felt restless and was tossing and turning as he was trying to fall asleep. He was beginning to regret more and more the fact that he had told Tony the truth. ‘It was so stupid of me!’ He thought while going down the stairs towars the kitchen. His mother was already awake and was making breakfast.

“Good morning love, did you have a nice time yesterday?” his mom asked.

“Mmm...it was okay,” Michael answered with a tired voice as he leaned towards the table with his head resting against his arms.

His dad also came to the kitchen and sat on the seat opposite from his. He was scanning through the morning paper.

“Well, you seem to have partied long last night from the looks of you,” his father laughed and lighted his pipe. His mother poured them each a cup of tea.

“You shouldn’t smoke that while we are eating dear, how many times I have to tell you about that?” his mom said with a sharp look towards her husband.

“Isn’t man allowed to do as he pleases in his own home? Oh well alright then, I’ll smoke this later. It’s sometimes best to please the womenfolk, don’t you agree son?” his father said and looked at him.

“Yes, quite right...” Michael answered lazily and spun his spoon in his tea-cup.

“Is something bothering you dear? You look so thoughtful. Is it about some girl?” his mother asked smiling.

“Oh, indeed Michael, when are you going to introduce us to your girlfriend?” his father then asked, lifting his gaze from the paper he was reading.

"There is no girl! For God’s sake, can`t I have a bloody breakfast without these bloody cross-examinations!” he snapped.

“We didn’t mean anything by it dear, we are just curious. You don’t talk to us like you used to do,” his mother answered with a confused voice. Michael stood up from the table.

“Aren’t you going to eat anything?” his mother asked as he was walking away from the kitchen.

“I’m not hungry,” Michael said with a dull voice.

“Do you think everything is alright with Michael?”

“Leave the boy be Evelyn, he’s a teenager with razing hormones, that is all,” Michael heard his parents talk.

*************’

Monday morning arrived. Michael was scared thinking of what would happen. Would everyone know? He had to face Tony and all the others. He didn’t have a good feeling about it. He came to school, later than usual and could sense right away that everyone was looking at him, differently than before. Other students were whispering as he walked by.

Then he saw Tony, he was standing by the lockers with all their friends. They started to walk in his direction and Michael could feel his heart starting to beat faster and faster. He thought he saw insecurity and guilt in Tony’s eyes while they looked at one another for a brief moment. Tom poked him as he walked past him.

“Watch were you’re walking you fag!” Tom shouted and looked at him with mockery in his eyes, others laughed slightly, even Tony. Michael looked after them with disappointment. Could many years of friendship be forgotten so easily? He and Tony had known each other all their life and now, Tony acted like they had never known each other at all.

Michael went to his locker to get his books. He heard footsteps coming from behind.

“Hey Michael,” a soft voice called. He turned around to face the person. “Is it…true, what everyone is talking?” Jenny asked in a confused tone.

“What are they saying then?" Michael asked, although he had a pretty good idea.

“They say that you are...that you...That you are gay?” Jenny was finally able to say.

Michael stood quietly for a moment, looking at all the other students in the hallway. Jenny’s friends who stood just a little farther away from them, looking at their direction and whispering to themselves. For a moment he thought about denying everything, maybe it would be easier, to live a lie but on the other hand, now that the truth had finally come out, perhaps it would be best to go along with it.

“Yes, it is true,” Michael admitted. Jenny’s face showed her disappointment, as all of her hopes and dreams had just died.

“Well, I guess it’s true then what they all say...all the best men are either taken or...” Jenny spoke quietly.

“Look, Jen...I would really appreciate if we could still be friends despite it.” Michael looked at the girl hope burning in his eyes.

“Friends? Yes of course Michael,” Jenny answered thoughtfully. “Well, I better go so that I won’t be late from my classes,” she said, turning to face her friends and leaving him alone.

He felt that the day would never end. He had wanted to leave home early but then, decided to stay and take it all. There were constant remarks made in his direction and some shoved him when he walked by. There were few who looked at him with sympathy and few who might have wanted to come to him and offer their friendship, but none of them were brave enough. He was left depressed and alone.

****************

He came home and went straight to his room. He lay on his bed for a long time. He had never felt so alone. His thoughts were interrupted by the knocking on his door.

“Yes?” he asked. His mother came in walked over to his bed and sat beside him.

“Is everything alright dear? You seem so depressed,” she asked and stroked his hair gently. Michael rose to sit.

“I don’t know.... Well not quite,” Michael answered quietly. His mom looked at him with worry.

“Has something happened then?” Michael thought for a moment, should he tell his mom the truth? But he knew that they would find out anyway.

“I told Tony that I love him,” he said. His mother looked confused.

“What do you mean? You don’t mean that?”

“Yes. I’m in love with Tony. I’m gay,” Michael said staring at his feet. His mother gasped for air.

“No, that cannot be true,” she spoke. Michael looked at her with disappointment. He got up from his bed and walked over by the window.

“If you also think that I`m disgusting then please leave,” Michael said and stared outside, tears had begun to form in his eyes.

“Michael, I`m not saying that, it’s just...Well that just must be some phase that you are going through. I’m sure that when you meet the right girl and...”

“No mum! This is who I am! This is what I have always been, and I`m sorry if you cannot accept it.” Michael had turned around to face his mother.

“This is huge news to be heard so suddenly...I...I just cannot believe that...Michael come to your senses!...What will your father say...” His mother struggled not knowing exactly what to say.

“Come to my senses? What will father say? Is that what is important here?” Michael shouted. His mother got up from the bed.

“Michael, please calm down, and don’t shout at me...I’m just trying to...”

“Leave it mum. If you don’t have anything better to say, then leave! I want to be left alone!” Michael screamed. His mother shook her head not knowing what else to do, left and closed the door after her.

His father also found out about it soon. They sat in the living room when his father started to tell about a rumor that he had heard. He was really skeptic about it and swore that who ever had spread so groundless and ridiculous accusations about his son, would be put in responsibility. Then he looked at his wife, whose expression told a lot and his son, who didn’t look as shocked about the rumor as he was. He took a moment in silence holding his pipe in his hand and putting the pieces together.

“So it is true what they say?” he asked and looked at his son with small hope burning that he would still say that it would just be a disgusting lie.

”Well yes, it is true,” Michael confirmed with quiet voice. His father rose from his seat.

“No, no, no! Not my son!” he yelled in despair and anger. Michael stood up and looked at him with fear.

“It is dirty and sinful!” his dad said with strict voice. "You will go somewhere to get treatment, to see a psychologist; they will get you back to normal again.”

“You cannot be serious dad! What year are you living in?! I’m not sick!” Michael was getting irritated.

“I will never accept it! You are not my son, if you continue to be like that,” his father shouted.

“Whatever you wish father, but I can’t change myself to please you!” Michael squeezed his hands in to a fist, his dad looked like he was about to hit him. “Go on, hit me then, that is what you want to do, isn’t it?!” Michael dared him. At that moment his mother started to cry.

“Please stop, don’t shout anymore please!” his mother prayed.

“Now look what you have done.” His dad looked at him in anger. “Go to your room, I can’t stand the sight of you,” he added and then went to comfort his wife.

Chapter 3.

He had chosen the place beforehand; he knew that he could get in even though he was under-aged. He came to the city by bus and walked toward the place feeling enthusiastic although slightly nervous. He could hear the music from a far distance; he put his head high and shoulders back, trying to look as confident as he could.

He could feel the other men looking at him, at his young, beautiful figure. It felt slightly odd, so many men focusing on him, looking at him with pure lust. He went to the bar and ordered himself a drink and for a while he just stood there, looking around the place starting to get used to the looks he was receiving. He looked good and he knew it. Finally he moved to sit in front of a free table.

He noticed a man from the other side of the bar, who kept on looking at his direction and smiling at him every time their eyes met. The man stood up and approached him. He was older, tall, muscular man, with brown hair and dark eyes.

“Hey, is this seat taken?” The man asked as he had gotten close.

Michael smiled. "No, it’s free".

“My name is Ricky, what’s yours?” he asked.

“I’m Michael,” he replied. They talked for awhile. Ricky told he was from New York and was on a business trip in England.

“How old are you by the way?” the man asked.

“I`m 25,” Michael lied in a fear that the man would loose his interest if he would hear his true age. Ricky raised his eyebrow. “Are you really? I would have guessed that you are twenty.”

Michael laughed, looked straight into the man’s eyes and whispered, “I’m really just 17-years-old, is that bad?”

The man smiled at him. “No, not at all, I like younger men”

Michael laughed again. “Good,” he said, with slight flirt in his voice.

“Have you ever been in a place like this before?” Ricky asked.

“Nope, this is the first time.”

Ricky moved his hand to his thigh and at first Michael jerked from the sudden touch. He felt slightly confused as he looked at the hand on his thigh and then at the man who kept smiling at him.

“Just relax,” the man said still keeping his eyes on his. Michael smiled, trying to do just as the man had told him. He put his own hand behind Ricky’s lower back and moved it up slowly. Their lips soon met with a passionate kiss.

Michael felt slight triumph when he noticed how much the older man wanted him. He wanted to test more of his charming power, to forget about Tony and all the others.

“I have to go,” he whispered between the kisses. Ricky looked at him.

“Please, don’t go yet. Let me buy you another drink,” he pleaded and Michael smiled at him without promising a thing. When Ricky had reached the bar-counter, Michael looked at him and stood up, making sure the man noticed his leaving. He smiled at him with a hint as he stepped outside in the cold autumn weather. Ricky had looked at him the whole time with interest and he had a surprised smile on his face.

Michael walked slowly down the street and waited for the man to follow him.

“Hello handsome, where are you going?” he heard a drunken voice asking somewhere near him. He turned his head to the voice and looked at the ugly, middle-aged British man who leaned his back against the side of his car.

“That’s not your business to know,” he answered with a rude tone in his voice.

“Come with me, I have a big place and something else that is big,” the man laughed and gripped his own groin. Michael felt ill.

“No, indeed I will not,” he said sharply, not hiding his disgust. He continued walking forward but the man kept following him.

“Will you come, if I give you these?” yhe man asked stopping him. He had a large amount of cash in his left hand.

“Look, there is nothing that you could offer me, I would never go anywhere with you.” Michael answered in a deep disgust. How could that horrid man even suggest anything like that to him?

“Why not?” yhe stupid and ugly man asked.

“Because you are so damn ugly and disgusting!” Michael snapped.

“You stupid arrogant whore!” the man screamed, and almost laid his hands on him. Michael looked at him with fear. He thought that the man would hit him.

Ricky came to the scene just in time. He grasped the other man from his shirt collar.

“You leave this boy alone and never come near him again! Is this understood?” he threatened him and the other man nodded his head slightly.

“Yes...I...I understand. Just take it easy,” he stammered.

“Good," Ricky said and released his grasp, the man quickly left from the spot.

“My hero,” Michael smiled looking at him. Ricky pulled him closer and kissed him.
“I want to see you again,” he said.

“And you shall,” Michael said still smiling. He couldn’t believe his luck. He had found a perfect, handsome, older man and he could get him to worship the ground beneath him. He was sure that he could.

*****************

It was very late when he finally came back home. His mother was sitting in the kitchen; she stroked her teacup with her fingers.

“Where have you been?” She asked looking up to her son.

“Outside,” he answered and took a juice can from the fridge.

“Outside where?”

“It’s not your business,” Michael snapped.

”Yes it is! I’m still your mother and I want to know where my child is at night!” his mother said with anger in her voice. She had gotten up from her seat.

“Alright, I was in a bar. You know the kind in which only men go to,” Michael answered knowing that it would upset her.

“Michael...Do you think that we don’t try? We try very hard to adjust in this situation,” she said and looked at him with serious _expression on her face.

“Oh, this situation? Well you’re doing a brilliant job at it. Especially dad’s adjustment has been excellent.” Michael was being sarcastic.

Evelyn looked at his son feeling helpless and tired. She tried the best she could. She tried making things better between her husband and her son and at the same time to accept the fact that she would never see her son getting married or having children. However, the cleft between them seemed to be getting wider and wider. She sighed deeply, not really knowing what to do or say. “Try seeing this from our point of view, it’s not easy for us.”

Michael shook his head. “And you think that this is easy for me?” His mum really didn’t seem to get it

Chapter 4.


Michael had had enough, the next day he packed some of his things and moved to his grandmothers house. His grandmother was waiting for him at the porch, when his taxi drove to the driveway. Michael payed to the driver and hurried to give her a hug. “Oh, my dear child, so nice to see you,” she said and gave him a warm smile.

“Thank you for having me,” Michael whispered.

“Well, come on then, let’s go in.”

She boiled a cup of tea for both of them and they sat in the living room.

“So things turned bad at home?” she asked, tasting her tea.

“I just can't stand being there, I can't stand the way they look at me, the way they all look at me... It is as if they wouldn't see me being myself anymore. I mean, I can`t even go to play football anymore, because everyone would practically have themselves a heart attack, if I even dared to step my foot into the locker room, as if I would want to sleep with every male in sight,” Michael laughed darkly.

“I know that things may seem difficult for now, but believe me, your parents love you and sooner or later they will learn to accept you just as you are. Just like everyone else, well, maybe not everyone, but some, you just need to give them some time,” his grandmother said and gave him an encouraging smile.

“It's a bit funny, that you and my mom should be so different, that you of all people accept me,” Michael said and the old woman smiled at him.

“I have lived a long life. I have seen a lot, so many different persons...I have grown bored of all the prejudice existing in this world. Difference in peoples is only a richness...I don't think you know what kind of a wild child I was back in my own youth, I did lots of things that was considered bad in those days,” she laughed softly. “But then I met your grandfather, a handsome Englishman who stole my heart straight away. He wasn't a Catholic like my family and they couldn't stand the idea of us getting married. In the end it is best to follow your own heart and not care what the others might think of it. We only live once,” his grandmother said looking longingly at her late husband’s picture on the bureau.

“You must miss him a lot,” Michael said looking also at the picture.

“Yes, I miss him every day. Although it has been years since his death, I have never stopped missing him. He truly was the love of my life.”

”I remember him being tall, very tall. I remember how he smiled, and that I sometimes went fishing with him,” Michael said smiling to the memory of his grandfather. He had died when he was only 6 years old.

“He loved you. He said that you reminded him of me, that there were so much common between us. You always made him laugh like no other.”

“Well then, let’s talk abut you, how’s your love life?” his grandmother asked.

“Um...well, I did meet someone interesting last night... Oh god! It feels so weird talking to you about this,” Michael laughed.

“Well, you need to talk to someone, and I would love to hear. How old is this man?”

“Well… I think that you’re not going to like this. He’s 40,” Michael said nipping his bottom lip slightly. His grandmother looked thoughtful.

“That is a big age difference. He’s old enough to be your father. What does he do for living? Where is he from? And are you going to see him again?” she asked.

“He’s here in some business trip, he’s from New York. We agreed that we would meet today,” Michael answered.

“Oh, he’s an American. Do you know what he does for a living?”

“No, not yet.”

“Michael dear, I advice you to be careful. You’re still so young and…well, just look at yourself; you are a good looking, beautiful boy, you shouldn’t settle for the first one to come along.”

“Who says that I’m settling for anyone?” Michael laughed.

A few hours later Michael was getting ready for his date with Ricky. He was coming to pick him up and they would be heading somewhere for coffee. The old woman was looking at her grandson. “Promise that you’ll come back early and that you’ll be careful.” She spoke with slight worry in her voice.

“I won’t be late and I’ll be careful, I promise,” Michael said smiling to her and gave her a small kiss on her cheek. She went to the kitchen and looked out through the window. She saw the man standing there, next to his car. Michael came to him; they kissed and soon drove away.

*

Michael came back home a few hours later. He found his grandmother sitting in front of the TV. Michael sat on the couch next to her. ”Did you have a nice time?” she asked looking at him.

“Yes, I have never met someone so interesting. He’s handsome and he’s rich, and...” Michael explained and sighed happily.

“I hope that you do realize that money and good looks are not the only things that matter,” she spoke then.

“Well, of course I do, but they never hurt, now do they?” Michael laughed.

“He has a big apartment in New York, he has travelled a lot, seen the world... Can you imagine what it would be like? To be able to go anywhere you please, not having to worry about the money... If I were rich, I would travel to Spain. I’m dying to see the country where you came from, where my roots come from.” Michael lay back on the couch and dreamed. “And you know something else? Ricky said that I could go with him, that I could work at his company. Something small at first, but anyways I could live with him,” Michael sounded eager, he had risen to sit.

The old woman looked at his grandson with worry. “Michael, you have just met with this man. Are you really considering leaving?” she asked.

“Well...Why not? You have to take chances in life and I can always come back if it doesn’t work out with him.”

“I know that I sound dull for saying this, but you are so young. You should finish your school here, please don’t rush into anything. I beg you to consider this properly,” she asked him.

“I know that I’m still young and all that, but why wait? I mean one should live in this moment and take all the possibilities offered. As you said we only live once,” Michael sighed.

“I do see a lot of myself in you, my younger self. I can not keep you from doing what you want; I can only ask you to think this through before you do anything that you might grow to regret later.” She kept her eyes on him waiting for him to answer.

“Alright, I promise. I will think this through properly, because you asked me.” Michael smiled gently, rose from his seat and walked over to her. He placed a small kiss on her forehead. “Good night, we can talk more in the morning.”

“Good night dear.”

*****************

His grandmother was eager to see the man that his grandson was so fond with. Michael had talked to Ricky and persuaded him in seeing her. At first the man had not liked the idea, but as he had seen the disappointment in the boy’s face, he had finally agreed.

The man arrived with large bundle of roses. “Good evening Mrs. Harris, these are for you,” the man said with a polite smile.

“Thank you, these are very beautiful,” The old woman smiled him back and took the roses.

“Ricky Matthews, nice to meet you.”

“Isabella Harris, nice to meet you too.” They shook hands together.

“Do come in, would you like a coup of tea? Or perhaps you prefer coffee?”

“Thank you, tea will be fine,” the man smiled. “You have a very lovely home Mrs. Harris,” Ricky continued with the polite manner.

“Thank you. You may call me Isabella.”

“Michael, would you be so kind as to boil us each a cup of tea?” Isabella asked, smiling gently to her grandson.

“Of course,” Michael replied and went into the kitchen. He felt slightly nervous as he thought about how his grandmother would get along with Ricky. The beginning had started out fine at least.

They sat into the living room together. “Please, tell me Mr. Matthews, forgive me my straight forwardness, but what are your intentions towards my grandson?” she asked.

”You can call me Ricky,” the man corrected with a smile and continued.

“I do understand that you are worried, but I can assure you that I will treat Michael the best I can, I only want the best for him. He’s still young and I do understand that, but I believe that I can offer him a lot. I assume that Michael has told you that I have invited him to stay with me in New York?”

“Yes, he did talk about it,” Isabella said, still feeling slightly insecure about all of it.

“I understand, if it worries you. I haven’t met someone like your grandson in a long time and he truly is a treasure. He would receive a good job from my company and if he would like to, he could always finish his school in the States.”

“What do you do for living then?”

“I’m an owner of a large advertising agency.”

”Tea is ready,” Michael said when coming into the living room. He placed the tray on the living room table and sat beside Ricky. He looked both of them back and forth. “So, how are you two getting along?” he asked smiling.

“We are getting along just fine dear,” she said and took a hold of her tea cup.

They continued chatting. Isabella kept a close eye on the man, who spoke very politely and smiled often enough. There was something in him though, something that bothered her, and she wasn’t really sure what it was. Perhaps it was the way he looked at Michael or perhaps the little too polite manner in his speech and in his act.

The evening went by quickly and Ricky started to make his leave. “Thank you for inviting me Mrs. Harris, I mean Isabella; this was a really pleasant evening. I hope we will meet again soon.”

“Thank you, it was nice to meet you too,” she smiled at him.

“Wait, I’ll accompany you to the door,” Michael said then and they walked to the hall together.

When Michael got back, he looked at his grandmother in an eager and impatient manner. “So what did you think of him?” he asked.

“Well, he was very polite and cultured man...” she began.

“But?” Michael asked noticing that she hesitated.

“But…There was something in that man that bothers me. I’m worried about you. People aren’t always what they seem to be.”

Michael sighed. “Or could this just be that you think that no one is good enough to your grandchild?” he asked smiling tenderly to her.

“Well… I don't know. I guess that could be it,” she smiled back at him.

She was quiet for a moment, but as Michael was leaving, she clutched on to his arm. “But promise me; promise me once more, that you’ll consider this that you’ll think before you leave with him,” she begged him and Michael looked at her surprised of how distressed she sounded.

“Didn't I promise you that already? But if it eases you, then I’ll promise it again,” he said and tried to give her a convincing smile.

“Good,” she said, sounding slightly eased by this.

Chapter 5

It had been an unusually warm and sunny day for that time of the year. Afterwards the beauty of it seemed like a slap on the face, the great irony of life. If only he would have known, if only he would have come home a moment earlier, if only...

Michael sat in the hospital’s waiting room, he leaned forward, hiding his face in his hands. He repeated the moment over and over in his head. The moment that he had come home, called her name, but there was no answer. Then he had seen her, she had lain on the floor, her left arm on her chest, and her face had an expression of agony.

He had hurried to her, checked her pulse, and called her name over and over again. She had tried to say something to him, but the words didn’t come out of her mouth. He had seen the phone next to her on the floor and had reached for it to call an ambulance. Everything seemed like an awful and weird dream in his head.

When they came to the hospital, they had rushed her to the intensive care unit. Michael didn’t even remember how long he had sat there. He prayed silently for her and he hadn’t prayed for a long time. The thought that she might die was just too awful.

Finally his parents came to the hospital, his mother seemed like she could fall into pieces, at any moment. She came to him, tears in her eyes, as she looked at him. "What happened? Is she alright?" she asked with a child like voice.

"She is in intensive care, a heart attack," he managed to say.

Only his dad kept himself steady. He still looked at him like he was a stranger, with despise in his eyes. If everything would have been like before, if they hadn’t found out the truth about him, his mother would sit beside him, she would give him a hug and they would cry together. His father would try to comfort them the best that he could. Perhaps he would place his hand on his shoulder and say something simple, but something that would be right for the situation. But now, they were all like strangers to each other, mourning and fearing in their own space.

When the doctor came in and told them that she had died, it had felt like all the walls had collapsed around him. It felt weird that a person, who he had just talked with that same morning, was now gone forever. Nothing had warned him about what was to come. In his eyes, his grandmother had seemed healthy and lively. How could he have seen that she was hiding her true health? The condition of her weakening heart.

They drove home in silent, all lost in their own thoughts. On the way they stopped to collect Michael’s clothes and things from his grandmother’s house. He felt the lump in his throat as he walked into the house. He tried to keep the tears from falling. He wanted to scream from the agony in his chest but somehow managed to keep himself together. The packing was fast; after all he had only spent two weeks with her.

Before he returned to the car, he went into the living room and walked over to the bureau. He took a hold of the framed picture on top of it. In the picture were his grandparents when they were young, sitting outside of a house, on its steps. They were smiling and looking very happy. His grandmother had been such a beautiful woman. "You're with him now," Michael whispered and managed a weak smile. He placed the picture among the rest of his things and left the house.

**************

Nothing had changed between him and his parents. It felt pressing to be there with them, the atmosphere in the house was so cold. He wanted to leave, to go somewhere, anywhere but to stay there. The agony of loosing his grandmother made him want to rebel even more to the state of things in his home. He had promised to his grandmother that he would think wisely about his leaving with Ricky. And he had thought about it; he had thought that perhaps it would be wiser to stay, than to leave to a foreign country, with a man he hardly even knew. But now, the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to leave with him.

The following weeks felt like he was walking in his sleep. The funeral didn’t seem real; he still had a hard time accepting that she truly was gone. He dated Ricky and tried to go to school like normally. But Ricky started to pressure him with his decision; he would have to return soon to the States. Michael had almost made his mind.

***************

Michael sat in the school’s library. He was reading his history book and making notes to the test that was coming soon, although he doubted that he wouldn’t be there long enough to take the test. Tony was also in the library and all his former friends. Michael had decided not to pay any attention to them and to the whispers that were obviously about him. He could manage on his own and he didn’t need any of them. The others soon left to hurry to their next class. Tony however stopped beside his table.

"Aren’t you coming? You’ll be late," Tony said.

"What is it to you if I’m gong to be late?" Michael asked not lifting his gaze from his book. Tony sat on the seat opposite from his. "I heard that Isabella died, how are you doing?" Tony asked after he had been quiet for a moment.

"Well how do you think I’m doing!?" Michael snapped still not looking at him.

"I’m sorry about it, I really am. I cared for her too, you know," Tony said and sounded sincere.

"Yeah right, that’s why I saw you at the funeral." Michael was being sarcastic.

"I wanted to come, I just...I couldn’t," Tony tried to explain. Michael decided not to say anything to this. They both were silent for a moment "Um...I saw you with some man the other day...who was he?" Tony then asked. Michael lifted his gaze and had satisfied smile on his lips.

"My boyfriend, why?"

"Well…he is so much older that you..." Tony hesitated. Michael didn’t say anything. He tried to look as if he didn’t care at all what Tony was saying when in reality he wanted to hear it all so badly. "Have you two...?" Tony begun not knowing how to ask this question or would he dare to ask it at all. Michael smiled feeling even more satisfied.

"Have we two what?" he asked.

"Well...Have you already...um...well you know…" Tony stammered.

"You want to ask if we have been in bed together. If we have had sex. Am I right?" Michael asked with a self confident voice.

Tony blushed. "Well yes," he admitted.

Michael looked at him and then back to his books. "No, we haven’t," he answered.

"And why not?" Tony sounded strangely happy about this.

"Because...this…it’s not your business!" Michael snapped.

"Because you don’t really want to be with that man!" Tony said. Michael started to get angry.

"What makes you think that you know what I want and what I don’t want!?"

"Because I have known you since birth," Tony said calmly. Michael shook his head.

"You can’t be serious. You’re the one who doesn’t know what you want! You want me more than just as your friend, but you can’t admit it." Michael rose and collected his books into his back-pack.

"Don’t worry Tony, I’m leaving soon. I’m leaving this place."

"Where?" Tony asked with worry.

"Away…away with him. He can give me everything I want and more!"

"With that man? Don’t be stupid Mikey, that’s just damn childish!" Tony grasped his arm as he stood up.

"I know you Michael, you’re not that tough that every one thinks you are...please, don’t go." Tony spluttered his face next to his. But Michael was too proud, too stubborn to listen to his friend who had betrayed his trust. He pulled his arm free from Tony’s grasp and went to the door. "Michael Benjamin Wills, wait! God dammit listen to me!" Tony shouted to him. Michael turned to look at him with an icy, cold stare.

"You come out from your own closet first, before you come and tell me what to do!" Michael said, then turned and left. Tony looked his friend leave.

"I’m afraid that you’ll get hurt. I fear for you when I’m not there to protect you..." he whispered weakly, leaning against the wall. It was the last time they had seen each other.

***************

When he got home he called Ricky. "Hey, does your offer still stand?" Michael asked him.

"Of course, I thought that you would come to the right decision eventually," the man replied with satisfaction.

"Good, so when are we leaving?" Michael asked with a firm voice.

"The plain leaves the day after tomorrow, at nine o’clock in the evening. We have to change flight in Heathrow. I will buy you a ticket and make all the necesary arrangements. It is best that you don’t tell anyone that you’re leaving, I don’t want any trouble," he said.

"Of course I won’t."

"Great. I’ll see you tomorrow and we can talk more about this."

***************

The next evening they met, they went for a coffee and a walk in the park. Ricky told him about their future in New York and made it all sound so great, it relaxed Michael. Ricky told him about getting a residence visa and a working permit and he told him that they were all taken care of. Michael trusted him with this. He was tired as he thought about the moving and what exactly was going to happen, what kind of job would he be doing and where would they live. He was still in a slight haze after his grandmother’s death. It all happened in a moment that the world had momentarily lost its meaning.
***************

Later that night, his mother had seen him through the window coming back home with an older man, who then left. She ran to her son the moment he had come in. "Who was that?" she asked with an irritated voice. Michael sighed and looked at her, feeling tired.

"He is my boyfriend, so what?" he said still looking at his mother.

"For God’s sake Michael, he is old enough to be your father," she screamed.

"I can date whom ever I want!" Micheal yelled back. His father came to the hallway.

"Don’t you raise your voice to your mother!"

“You’ll never see that man again," his mother told him.

"You can’t control me!"

"As long as you live under our roof, you’ll do as we tell you to do." His father said the familiar threat. Michael held back the rage he felt boiling inside him. ‘Just calm down, tomorrow I’ll be gone,’ he told himself.

***************

The next day he packed his things as his parents thought that he was going to school. He looked at his room, feeling slightly sad. He remembered all the good and happy moments of his childhood, when everything had been different. He looked at the picture that had been taken two years earlier. In the picture he sat in the garden with his mother and father and Isabella. He knew he would miss them greatly. In spite all the difficulties between them, he still loved them. Perhaps someday, when he would have been gone for long, they would realize that him being gay really didn’t count to whom he was inside. Maybe then, he would come back home. But now, everything was still so difficult, it felt easier to just leave rather than stay.



Michael took a pen and wrote a note to his parents. "Dear mom and dad, I’m sorry for leaving like this, but I think that it’s for the best. It has been difficult for all of us especially now that grandmother is gone. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I know we will meet again someday and it will all be better then. I love you!

-Michael-"

He placed the note to his table where his parents would find it the next day, when they would start to wonder where he was.

He threw his bags from his window to the ground below. He came downstairs to the living room where his parents were watching the TV. His mother seemed to stare at it, but not really looking. Michael guessed that she was also a little bit confused about the death of her mother. Michael looked at them for a while, trying to store everything about them in his memory. "I’ll go out for a while and perhaps I’ll stop by to see one of my friends," he said then.

"Alright, have fun dear," his mother said sounding a little absent-minded, she didn’t look at him just continued stare at the TV with empty eyes. His father didn’t even say a word.

"Good bye," he whispered and turned to leave.

***************

Ricky was waiting him in the taxi outside. Michael hopped in and kissed Ricky to say hello to him. He noticed how the taxi driver gave an odd look to them but didn’t really care. He wouldn’t hide the way he was anymore.

Ricky couldn’t draw his eyes away from the boy. He was so beautiful, so incredible sexy. Oh, how he wanted him. But he would wait like he already had, wait until they would arrive to his home in New York, there the boy would truly be his. The mere thought of it aroused him greatly...

Chapter 6.


It was almost midnight in New York when the plane got to the airport. Michael hardly had any sleep during the flight and now he truly felt tired. He followed Ricky who walked with fast steps before him and he had to hurry himself to keep up with the man, he was afraid that he would get lost from him.

Ricky hardly spoke a thing on the taxi ride and they hadn’t sat next to each other in the plane. Michael looked at him quickly wondering if should he try and start a conversation with him but then decided against it. Ricky probably was just as tired as he was. He looked at the scenery through the car window. New York really was a big city. He felt slightly nervous now that he was truly here. It was now all so real. Once again he looked at the man quickly. ‘I don’t really even know him, what will I do if he throws me out of his place? Where will I go?’ he asked himself silently and then tried to relax himself. ‘He won’t throw me out. He won’t.’

Finally they arrived to their destination. They came in front of a big apartment building. Ricky payed to the driver and they went inside. His apartment was on the top of the building.

Ricky opened the door and let Michael in before him. The place was much bigger than he could have ever imagined. Michael stood in the hallway his bags still in his hands and looked around the place in awe. The man truly hadn’t lied when he had told him that he was rich.

Ricky took his bags and carried them into the bedroom. “Well, are going to stand there all night?” he asked with a rude voice. Michael awoke from his thoughts and followed Ricky into the room. “I have to make few work calls, but you better get some sleep now, you’ll need your strength for tomorrow,” the man smirked and squeezed his butt. Michael smiled at him and nodded his head, he was glad to get some sleep. Ricky left and closed the door after him.

Michael looked around the room. There was a big bed on the other side of the room, the largest bed he had ever seen. He looked at the paintings on the wall, the bookshelf, the small sofa, and the computer table. It was a big and luxurious looking room. He went over by the window and looked outside; even the view was magnificent.

He then went to the bathroom to brush his teeth, then came back to the bedroom and took off his jeans and his over shirt and went to the bed to get the sleep he needed. He heard Ricky’s voice coming from the next room but didn’t hear what he was saying. His thoughts returned to his home and his parents. He wondered how they had responded to his leaving or had they even noticed it just yet? It was early morning back home in England. Finally sleep took over him.

***************

The next morning he woke up finding himself still alone in the bed. He wondered if the man had slept at all. He got up and came into the kitchen where he found Ricky, drinking his morning coffee. “Good morning,” he said stretching his arms and yawning.

Ricky looked at the boy closely. He would have wanted to rip off the few clothes that covered the boy’s body and take him right there and then; he felt the eagerness in his crotch as he thought about this. But he managed to will himself down, now wasn’t the time. “I have to go to work, I’ll see you tonight and then we are going to have some fun,” Ricky said and walked over to the boy. He kissed his sweet lips.

“You won’t be long, will you?” the boy asked and Ricky gave him a smile. Oh, there truly was such sweet innocence in the boy that would soon be lost. Would he be long? When there was such a treat waiting for him back home?

“We’ll see. Stay here all day; I don’t want you to go wander about anywhere on your own, when you don’t know this city just yet. Don’t answer the phone or open the door if anyone should come by. I have the keys with me.”

“Can I call home?” Michael asked just out of politeness, he didn’t think that the man would refuse.

“And what would you tell them? That you are here with me? They are just happy that you left. So don’t call them,” Ricky told him and left before Michael could say anything to this.

The place seemed very strange after Ricky had left. He walked through it, studying every shelf, every painting and every object that he could find. There were only a few photographs. In one of them, he saw an old woman and an old man sitting on a sofa with a teenage boy in between them. Behind the sofa stood a man and a woman, who were about thirty from the looks of them. The boy on the sofa was obviously Ricky, so he was the youngest child. His parents looked very old in the picture.

Michael came to one door that was locked. ‘What are you hiding in here?’ he wondered and looked at the door for a moment. He then went into the bathroom, which was very large and had a luxurious bathtub in it. He had never seen something like this in real life only in TV. He decided to take a bath in it before eating his breakfast.

The bath felt so relaxing, just what he needed. He had felt so stressed out for so many days, and the moving into a foreign country with a person he had known for such a short time, didn’t exactly make him feel any better. He couldn’t stop thinking about his parents and his former friends and those last weeks with his grandmother. He thought about everything that Isabella had told him, he thought about how worried she had been for him. The thought that she would be with his grandfather now gave him some comfort if there truly was a heaven of some sort, if there truly was a God.

Michael could feel all the muscles in his body starting to relax from the warm, soothing water around him. For a moment he could forget all his worries and concentrate to the good feelings he was having.

He got up from the bathtub and grabbed a towel. After drying himself up he placed the towel around his waist and went back into the bedroom to get dressed. He came in front of the mirror and let his towel drop on to the floor. He looked at his naked body for a while. He knew that it would probably happen tonight, that he would loose his virginity. He felt slightly nervous.

He had been waiting for it to happen for so long. Sure there had been thousands of opportunities with girls, but he had never even tried to go all the way with them. There were times that he had cuddled with a girl in bed. It had been kissing and slight touching under clothes.

One time with Jenny, the girl had placed his hand on her breast. It had felt so odd and he hadn’t been really sure what the girl had wanted him to do. But apparently she had liked what ever he was doing because the next thing he had known was that Jenny had guided his hand inside her panties. He had almost started to laugh, it had felt so weird and he had to pull himself up from the bed. “I don’t think that we should do this,” he had said then and Jenny had looked so disappointed.

“Why not?” The girl asked. Obviously no other had ever turned her down before.

“Because I don’t want to rush things, you know...I really do like you, but rushing things only ruins everything.”

“Oh, you`re so sweet Michael. Of course I understand. You are the sweetest guy I know and the most gorgeous one...Come here, we can just kiss, you’re right about the rest.”

He wondered why he was so scared now. Ricky was a handsome man and surely he had experience in these things. The man would know what to do, it would be alright. Maybe he had just dreamed for it to happen with Tony for such a long time, that now that it was about to happen with someone else, it scared him. What if he would be totally rotten in bed? And Ricky would never want to see him again? What if he would do something totally stupid, or... Michael looked at his insecure face through the mirror and laughed. ‘Don’t be childish Michael, it will be alright,’ he told himself.

Michael turned and went to get some clothes from his bag. He emptied the inside of it onto the bed and carefully picked up the clothes that he was going to wear for the day. Black boxers, dark grey jeans and black t-shirt with red dragon in front of it. He placed his photographs back to his bag, they would be safe there. He folded the rest of his clothes neatly and placed them in to the wardrobe.

The rest of the day went by slowly. He thought about calling home more and more. He had picked the phone up many times, but then placed it back. Finally he knew that he wouldn’t be able to rest until he had called them.

The phone rang only few times before his mother answered. She sounded both tired and nervous. “Michael? Is that you?” she asked when he had been quiet for a while.

”Hello mom,” he said then.

“Where are you? We have been worried sick...”

“It’s alright mom, I’m fine. I’m in the States.”

“In America!? What, how? Are you with that man?” she asked in worry. Michael heard the front door opening and Ricky came in.

“I have to go...I’ll talk to you later,” Michael said quickly and hung up the phone.

Ricky seemed to be mad at him. “You called your home even though I told you not to,” he said and came closer.

“Yes, I don’t want them to worry about me. I thought that...” Michael began looking into the man’s eyes.

Ricky came closer to the boy and smiled at him gently. He pulled the boy closer to him, placed his hand behind his neck and kissed him. He soon tightened his hold on the boy’s neck and bent his head back. He held the boys hands behind his back.

“You thought what? Well perhaps you should stop thinking all together? From now on, you’ll do as I tell you to do and there will be no buts,” Ricky yelled and pushed the boy on to the floor. Michael looked at him with fear in his eyes. He didn’t understand what was happening. He got up from the floor and backed up when Ricky approached him.

“Look, if this is about money, or something, I’ll pay for that call,” Michael said trying to keep his voice from shaking.

“Indeed you will, like you will pay for everything else that I’m giving you. But I’m not talking about money... no, I’m talking about other ways that you can pay for me...”

Michael didn’t know what to think, he saw the look in the man’s eyes and he didn’t like it. Ricky pressed his back against the wall and moved his hand down from his neck to his chest. Michael felt his heart racing fast as he felt the hands on his body.

“You are a little cock teaser, aren’t you?” Ricky whispered with a hoarse voice and Michael trembled. “How many times, in the past month have you roused me up and then ran when it was time for the real action?” Ricky kissed his neck. Michael couldn’t think of anything to say. Suddenly he was scared of the man. Why was he talking to him like this? It didn’t feel right. Ricky noticed his fear and smirked. They were silent for a while.

“Take off your clothes!” Ricky commanded. He sat on the couch and pulled the boy in front of him. Michael hesitated. “Now!” Ricky told him and sounded demanding. Michael pulled off his t-shirt and moved to open his belt and the buttons of his jeans. His hands were shaking from fear. Ricky fondled himself as he looked the boy. His upper body was smooth, hairless and just utterly perfect, like a piece of art, a sexy art, Ricky thought. He moaned from pleasure just looking at the perfect, half naked boy in front of him. He wanted him so badly; he wanted to see the rest, all of him.

Michael continued taking his shoes and socks off and then his jeans. He hesitated with the boxers. He looked at Ricky and noticed his clear heated state. Ricky noticed where he was looking and rose from the couch. “I think you want this,” Ricky said and placed his hand on his hardening member. “Well, soon you’re going to get it,” he spoke then.

Ricky grasped the boys arm and led him into the bedroom. He shoved Michel on the bed and took two handcuffs from the nightstand, which he used to lock the boy’s hands on to the bedpost. Michael didn’t like it one bit. He didn’t trust the man; he didn’t want it to be like this.

“Please, I want to use my hands, I...I want to be able touch you...” he pleaded.

“Well, I want to do this my way, so... Now, I just need one more thing,” Ricky told him and left the room.

He soon came back with a video-camera and placed it near the bed.

“What is that for?” Michael asked not trying to hide the fear in his voice anymore.

“I’m going to film this of course. The first time is something that should be recorded,” Ricky told him and pressed the record button of the camera.

“I don’t want that...” Michel tried but the man just smiled at him as he came to the bed with him. He pulled the boxers off from the boy’s legs and fondled his genitals.

“You’re so hot, did you know that? Well of course you do, don’t you?” Ricky spoke and then started to undress himself.

He removed his shirt and then opened his belt and his trousers, pulling his hard cock out. He leaned close to the boy’s face.

“Suck it; take it in your mouth!” Michael wasn’t able to stop himself from shaking. He was unsure would he be able to do it right. He encouraged himself and took the man’s member into his mouth; he moved his lips on its length and could feel how it was getting even harder. He started to gag as Ricky shoved himself deeper in his throat. It started to feel too big in his mouth, he found it hard to breathe, and he felt the tears in his eyes.

Ricky took his cock out of his mouth and squeezed his buttocks tightly, making the boy moan from the pain of his grasp. The thought that he would soon take the boys innocence, his virginity, stired him up even more. He would be the first to take him and he would surely enjoy it.

“Wait, I’m not sure if I’m ready...I’m scared...” Michael whispered as he came to the realization of what was about to happen. Ricky smirked.

“What did you think that was going to happen? Sorry dear, but I’m going to take you now. Haven’t I been waiting for long enough?” he said and spat on his hand. He pushed his finger inside the boy’s opening, moving it in and out of him. He soon added a second finger and a third.

The look on the boys face was bewitching. Ricky could see that he was in pain and he smiled with satisfaction. The boy would soon be screaming under him. He felt his own cock demanding the pleasure that could be found once inside the boy’s body.

Michael soon felt how the man was beginning to enter him with his cock and cried from the pain. The man had a hard time getting himself all the way in him. “Relax boy!” the man shouted, but Michael was anything but relaxed, and couldn’t see how he could ever get himself to relax in a situation like this.


After trying for awhile the man sighed with frustration and stood up. He took the lube from the nightstand and rubbed it on to his cock and inside Michael’s opening. He then returned to his task of getting inside the boy. He kept on pushing and finally he succeeded in his task. He gave the boy only a second to get used to this new feeling before he started to thrust inside him. Michael screamed from the pain that seemed to tear him up. “Please stop! This hurts! Please stop...please...” he cried in agony and was gasping for air. He had always knew that the first time would hurt, but not this much, never this much...

Ricky enjoyed himself even more when he heard the pain in Michael’s voice, when he saw the tears falling down on that beautiful face and those beautiful eyes that were pleading him to stop hurting him. “You’re so hot...so tight...” Michael closed his eyes. It felt so bad, he had asked him to stop and he didn’t, why didn’t he stop this? Michael tried to think of something else, he tried to imagine that he was with Tony and that everything was gentle and that it would feel good and...

”Open your eyes. Look at me!” Ricky commanded not letting him have the chance of escaping in his own dreams. Michael looked into the eyes of the man who did this to him. Ricky’s eyes were so dark, almost black and he wanted to look away but couldn’t. Finally the man came inside him with a shout of pleasure. Michael felt thankful that it was over now.

Ricky rose from the bed and looked at him. Michael was waiting him to release his hands, but he didn’t.

“You’ll stay here; I may want more of you soon,” Ricky said and grinned evilly. Michael was in shock after hearing this.

“Let me go now!” he screamed. Ricky looked at him in anger and slapped his face.

“I will do just as I want to do and you will accept this without a question."

“You fucking bastard! I want you to free me right now!” Michael was all too mixed up from the pain and fury not to care of the man’s threats.

Ricky looked at the boy for a moment, wondering should he slap him once more, but then decided against it. “You are a wild one, aren’t you? Well, by all means scream as much as you like, you’ll soon learn that it is of no use. No one will hear you my dear,” he laughed and left the room, closing the door after him.

Michael was in panic, he tried to free himself, only causing more pain on his arms and wrists. He screamed, he was in pain and he was scared. Finally he gave in, Ricky had been right; it was all in vain. No one was coming to help.

Chapter 7.


He didn’t know how long he lay on the bed. It felt like forever. The curtains were closed and the room stayed dark. He was in pain.

Finally the door opened and the bright light hit the room. He saw Ricky was coming closer to him. The man sat on the bed beside him, smiling wickedly to him, and placed his rough hand on the boy`s naked body.


“Bastard,” Michael hissed. Ricky raised his eyebrow and only smirked to him. Michael wanted to wipe that look off his face.

Ricky moved his hand on his penis and caressed it gently.

“I don’t want you to touch me!” Michael screamed, trying to ignore that his touch actually felt quite good and that his cock started to harden from it. He cursed his own body that was about to betray him.

“Really? I think that you want me to continue,” Ricky laughed. Michael tried to look at him as firmly as he could.


“You fucking bastard...” His voice didn’t sound as powerful as he hoped.

Ricky watched with amusement, how the boy was trying to fight his own aroused state with no success. He bent down and took the hardening cock into his mouth. Michael moaned from the pleasure. He wasn’t able to keep quiet even though he tried.

“Stop...” he mumbled quietly. ’Fuck…’ he thought to himself when he felt how the man started to move his lips up and down on his length. The pleasure that his body was feeling kept on growing. ’I can’t let him do this. I can’t, not after what he did to me...no, no, think of something else Michael...think.... Fuck! Oh, my god...’

Michael gasped for air as the man kept on sucking him. He knew he couldn’t resist this much longer. The muscles in his body tightened and his breathing increased. Ricky lifted his head up and kept fondling him with his hand. Soon Michael came on his belly and on Ricky’s hand. He stared at the ceiling and tried to calm his breathing. ’ ’Fuck!’ he cursed silently.

He soon realized Ricky’s face was above his own. Ricky was smiling with triumph and he leaned in and kissed him with force. He then sat up and looked at him.

“I hate you,” Michael whispered.

“I don’t think that you do...not just yet,” Ricky laughed and Michael knew that he was going to hate his laugh.

“Time to wash up,” Ricky said finally. He took the keys from his pocket and released Michael’s hands. He pulled the boy up and dragged him into the bathroom. He shoved him under the shover and opened up the water tab.

“You fucking idiot!” Michael screamed; he was furious of the way that the man was treating him.

Ricky’s _expression changed. “I put up with your insults for a while, but now it’s enough!” Ricky yelled at him and took a hold of Michael’s throat.

“Your attitude is going to change, is that clear?” Ricky asked and hardened his grip. Michael felt the tears in his eyes.

“Y-yes...” he heard himself admitting with a weak voice.

Michael stood under the shower feeling upset. He didn’t want to be with Ricky. He couldn’t understand why the man had changed so sudden. Why was he treating him like this? And did he really think that he was just going to take it all? No! It would never happen. Michael thought angrily. He would speak his mind to Ricky and leave. Where? He didn’t really know. He would think of something. But he didn’t have any money with him, only £15, but it was of no use in here.

“Dammit!” he cursed out loud. He had no idea what to do. Perhaps he could stay and talk to Ricky, tell him that he would indeed be leaving if the treatment didn’t change. Michael smiled feeling slightly more confident. Yes, he would do just that.

Finally he came out of the bathroom and was about go to into the bedroom, to get dressed when Ricky called his name. He came into the living room and saw Ricky, who sat there with two other men. The men stopped their chatting immediately as they saw him. They looked at him from head to toe in a manner that Michael didn’t like. One of them was black, maybe in his thirties. He was a very muscular and tall man. As for the other man, he was almost bald, overweight and Michael guessed that he was the same age as Ricky.

They looked with interest, at his almost naked body, his wet hair and the drops of water that still glimmered on his chest.

“Come closer. This is Alex, my associate…” Ricky said pointing to the black man. “…and George.” Michael looked at them both again and they were still looking at him and drinking some wine. Michael didn’t like this; he didn’t like this one bit. The way that they were looking at him was the same way that Ricky had looked at him.

“I’ll come back soon, I just need to go and get dressed,” Michael said quickly.

“No, I want you to come to me right now, dear,” Ricky said from the other side of the room. ‘This is not good, this is not good,’ Michael pondered about this situation. His instinct told him to run and run far. Maybe he could just lock himself inside the bedroom and refuse to come out? No, that would not do, the door could only be locked from the outside.

“What’s taking you so long? I asked you to come to me,” Ricky said with firm voice. Michael took a deep, calming breath and walked over to Ricky. He noticed that his body was shaking slightly and he could feel their eyes on his back. His heart was racing against his chest.

Ricky pulled him onto his lap.

“Here, drink some wine. Relax yourself.” Ricky offered the wine-glass to him.

“You were right Ricky, he does look good. I think that this one is the best looking you have ever had. Hell, he’s even better looking that I’ve ever had or seen,” Alex said and the older man agreed with him. Michael looked at them feeling more alarmed.

“I’ll go now to change,” he said and tried to get up, but Ricky was holding him firmly.

“Just drink some wine and don’t worry,” Ricky told him and lifted the glass up to his lips. Michael tasted the wine carefully, but Ricky made him empty the glass.

“Is he a Latino?” Alex asked.

“He’s English, but he’s a part of Spanish,” Ricky replied.

“How old did you say he was?” George asked.

“He’s 17.”

“17...that’s a good age...”

This bothered Michael, it was weird. They didn’t ask these things from him, they asked Ricky. It made him feel like he was some kind of animal, or something similar. He felt Ricky’s hand moving under his towel where he squeezed his ass and cock. Michael winced.

“Wouldn’t you want to fuck him? Young tight ass... Wouldn’t you want taste his lips? Make him suck you off?” Ricky asked and this scared Michael. He tried to move, but couldn’t.

“Yes, indeed. I haven’t had someone so young in ages,” George answered; his hand was rubbing his cock through his trousers.

Michael felt really odd. His head was spinning, it felt like he would have been really drunk, but he only had one glass of wine. He could see that the men were truly aroused by now; he could also feel Ricky’s erection against his arse. He moved to his feet, and this time Ricky didn’t try to stop him. His legs almost gave up under him and Michael couldn’t understand what was wrong. He tried to clear his mind. ’You have to go Michael; you have to get out of here now. Move... God dammit, move!’ the voice in his head told him, but his body didn’t seem to cooperate. Everything was to blured.

“Lets see what’s here then...” Alex said and ripped his towel off. “Looks very good indeed.” Michael struggled himself free and staggered into the kitchen, he didn’t even know where he was going anymore. He took support from the table. He felt desperate. They followed him. Alex came up from behind him

“The boy, wants it here...good...” he said and pushed him against the table, on to his stomach.

“We’re going to fuck you now, all of us. You do want it, dont you? You little slut.” Michael had hard time to even realize what they told him and what was happening. He did feel the fingers going inside him, but he didn’t feel them as much as he thought he would. George gripped his hair and forced his cock into his mouth.

It all felt like he was in a dream, in a nightmare. He couldn’t control his own body. He knew what they were doing to him, that they were raping him, but the feeling, it just didn’t seem real. He could hardly feel anything, it was all a blur, it all just happened. At some point he passed out completely.

He woke up, bound on the bed. They had washed his body and his mind felt clear now. They had gagged his mouth with a scarf, he felt the pain in his body and he felt ill. He looked around himself and found Alex, who was sitting on a stool.

“So, you woke up. Finally. Now we can have more fun beautiful,” The man spoke and then Ricky also came into the room. He didn’t say anything, just smiled in an evil manner. He had the video camera in his hands and he sat on the chair that Alex had just freed.

“Now, stay still, I’m going to release your hands,” Alex told him and Michael nodded his head carefully. When he had released him from the bedpost, he soon locked his hands behind his back and lifted him onto his lap. “Look straight at the camera,” Alex ordered him, holding him on tightly. “You want some cock? You want it inside you so bad. Don’t you?” Alex kept on and squeezed Michael so hard, that he felt the tears coming down of his face. Never in a million years could he have guessed that things could turn so bad for him. “Don’t you?! Now nod your head nicely.” Michael did what he was told and saw how pleased Ricky looked. “You are a little boy whore, aren’t you? You need a good fuck. You need to get it in your ass and you need it in your mouth.” Michael cried but managed to nod his head. There was no way that he could fight them, he was at loss.

“Good boy. Now you’re going to suck your Master’s cock,” Alex said and forced Michael on his knees in front of Ricky. He took the scarf from his mouth and took the camera from the other man. Ricky rammed his cock into his mouth and Michael cried even harder. He thought that he might choke and gag. It didn’t take long for Ricky to come. He pulled his cock out of his mouth and came all over his face. Michael felt so dirty and hurt.

Ricky took the camera from Alex. The powerful, black man lifted him up from the floor and pushed him onto the bed, on his tummy. He rubbed Ricky’s come on his opening and thrust inside of him. It felt horrible; he was already in huge pain from the other times. Michael screamed. But Alex soon placed his hand on his mouth to keep him from screaming. The man bit his neck and breathed in his ear. It seemed to take forever. Michael was praying for it to stop, he tried to flee inside his own world, a secret place, where there would be no pain.

Finally the man came inside of him. “Fuck that was good. I may want to use your slut again sometime,” Alex told Ricky when he had gotten up.

”Well by all means do, but the next time you’ll have to pay for using him,” Ricky laughed and they stepped outside leaving him alone in the bed.

Michael cried; he could feel that he was bleeding now and he was so scared. He wanted to go home. He wanted the shelter of his mother. He wanted to feel her arms around him and hear her tell him that it would be alright. He cursed his own stupidity of leaving with this horrid man.

Chapter 8.

The next day came and he was still in pain. Michael didn’t know what to do. He felt so helpless and he had gathered all his things together in a panic. He had to get out, but he still didn’t know where or how. Anything would be better that to stay with Ricky, he thought.

When Ricky had left that morning, he had locked the bedroom door. Michael felt anxious. He had tried to open the door, but with no success. He had screamed for help, but everything seemed useless. As soon as the door would open, he would take all his things and leave. He didn’t really care where, but he just had to get out.

Michael came over by to the window, to take a look outside. He looked at the people on the street, who were walking in a hurry in the cold, late autumn weather. It was raining and the wind was blowing heavily. Cars drove by splashing the water on some misfortune people. Life continued on, like it always did. And he was there; held captive in that luxurious apartment, wishing that he could be like the people down there, in that cold weather, making his way through the wet streets. And the only things that he would have to worry would the coldness and hurry to a place, that he really didn’t even have that much of a hurry to go to. He sighed, feeling tired. He shivered from the cold. He felt so weak, he felt like he would faint soon. He didn’t remember the last time that he had felt so weak, as he did now.

Michael walked over to the bed and lay there on his side. He wrapped himself deep under the covers. His eyelids felt so heavy, he was so tired. He tried to keep himself from falling asleep, he wanted to be ready as soon as the door would open, but as the time went by and no one came, he slowly fell asleep.

He woke up when he heard to door open. He got up, as fast as he could. He felt really odd. He saw Ricky, but he looked really inaccurate to his vision, as did the whole room. He felt sick, his throat hurt more than ever before and he still felt like he could faint at any moment. He shook his head trying to ignore this and concentrate on leaving; he fumbled up from the bed.

“I’m going away,” he spluttered as he tried to walk past him. Ricky laughed.

“You’re going away? Where?” he asked with an amused tone.

“Away from you, you pervert,” Michael managed to say. He would have screamed, but his throat was too sore for screaming.

He walked over to the door and had take support from the doorway. “You’re not going anywhere!” Ricky screamed, took his bag and tossed it on the floor. He pulled him close to himself. Michael was too weak to fight back. His legs didn’t seem to carry him and he managed only a small, desperate moan as he was being pressed against the man’s body.

“You’re burning up,” Ricky said with surprise in his voice. He felt the skin behind the boy’s neck and was really surprised at how hot it was. He looked at the boy, who would have fallen to the floor if he hadn’t held on to him so tightly. The boy’s face was tired and pale; he could hardly keep his eyes open.


Ricky lifted the smaller body up into his arms and carried him onto the bed. He could see now that his clothes were slightly moist from the cold sweat and he started to undress him. Michael realised what the man was doing, but he was just too weak to protest. Would the man rape him again? He couldn’t take it, not when he was feeling like this.

Soon Michael lay there naked and totally helpless. Ricky stopped to look at him, admiring the boy’s body once more. He didn’t remember seeing anything so perfect in all his life. The boy was so beautiful, so sexy, even in a high fever. Ricky swallowed hard and covered up the boy’s body with the covers. He then rang to his reliable family doctor.

A worried looking Mexican male doctor sat beside the bed and pressed his fingers on the sides of his neck. The man took the thermometer from his armpit. “102, 2 F” The man said and shook his head. He looked at the boy who was only half-conscious. He had examined the boy thoroughly and knew what had been done to him earlier. He would be all right as long as he could have the time to heal in peace. The man sighed, he had seen too much of this. He wished that he could help the boy more and wash his hands of all of this, but it was impossible. He was dependent on Mr. Matthews; the man could easily ruin his life and the life of his family, if he should tell anyone what he had seen.

Michael looked into the man’s warm and worried eyes. He knew that he was Mexican, the way he looked and the way he talked had revealed him. “Señor por favor, ayudame por favour,” he pleated the man with a weak voice. He held on to the man’s arm. The man looked at him with surprise. Soon his _expression turned sad. This boy who lay on the bed was the same age as his own son. And there he was, praying for his help with his native tongue, the help that he was too scared to give. He had his own family to protect.

“Yo estoy avergonzado...yo estoy avergonzado, que no puedo,” he replied quickly and scared. Michael loosened his grip of the man’s arm with disappointment. At that same moment the door opened and Ricky came in.

“Well, what is it? Will he be alright?” Ricky asked.

“Well from the symptoms, I think that he has influenza, he has a very high fever. He needs to get plenty of rest...” The doctor looked at Ricky closely and continued.

“There is also some small tearing in his anus. So you shouldn’t...” The doctor hesitated. “...You shouldn’t use him for a while, just let him heal...I’ll give you some ointment that you should use on him, to help him heal quicker.”

“Okay, thank you Anthony and remember; not a word about this to anyone,” Ricky said firmly.

“Yes, of course, I remember.”

Michael wriggled on the bed, his whole body was sweating and the sheets clutched on his skin. He felt the hand on his head, a gentle hand that was stoking his hair and he saw his mother who sat by his side and looked at him with worry and love in her eyes.

“Mom...” he whispered and turned over to his other side. Michael opened his eyes and looked at Ricky with fear. The man lay beside him, his hand in his hair and he had a concentrated, thoughtful _expression on his face.

“You remind me of someone I used to know...” the man spoke and Michael couldn’t say a word, he was too surprised of this gentle touch that he was receiving from the same man that had hurt him so badly. Frankly, this scared him; maybe the man would soon hurt him again?

“You are so beautiful, just like he was,” Ricky continued on and Michael started to tremble. “So much in common...The boy in school that everybody wants to have, including other boys in secret...The boy who turns everyone’s head when he walks into a room and makes them all wish that he would exchange even one word with them. That they would see the same look in his eyes, what can be seen in theirs, when they look at him. You are that boy and so was he...” Ricky’s voice sounded really odd. “I just know that you were in lots of people’s mind, when they jerked off at nights. Those who looked at you in secret, when you walked by, or changed clothes in the locker room. So innocent, so unaware of these looks that you were getting.” Ricky moved his hand on his face and slowly to his lips. He grazed his bottom lip with his thump. Michael closed his eyes; he suddenly remembered something that had happened two weeks before.

********************************************************************************

It was Friday afternoon. Michael sat on the floor of the school’s toilet, where he had spent the last hour and tried to calm himself. The tears burned in his eyes, his grandmother’s death still too fresh in his mind. He just hadn’t been able to go to the class. He had been afraid that he would have crumpled there, where everyone would have seen if someone would have asked him something…if he would have had to answer. He knew that if he should cry in front of them it would lead to even more devilish comments than there already were.

Finally he stood up. He came in front of the mirror and washed his face with the water. He was thankful that his face didn’t show how upset he had been just an hour ago. He heard how the door opened and people came in. “Well, well, well...who have we here… our favourite fag,” Tom’s voice said with mockery. Michael lifted his gaze up and saw Mark and Sean standing near Tom. Michael sighted bluntly and took some paper to dry his face. “Aren’t you going to say hello? He has really bad manners, don’t you agree guys?” Tom said and came closer to him. Michael shot a murderous glance to Tom.

“At least my manners are better than yours will ever be,” Michael said and tried to walk past them. Tom gripped him and pushed him against the nearest wall.

“Does this turn you on, Mikey? Do you want us to fuck you?” Tom asked, his face only inches away from his. Michael tried to flee from him, but soon Mark and Sean came to assist Tom at holding him in place.

“No I would not, Tom! God, you are so disgusting. I wouldn’t fuck any of you, even if you pleaded me to,” Michael hissed and tried to free himself again. Tom looked at him with anger and so did Sean and Mark.

“Always so proud, always better that the rest of us, is that it? What do you think guys, should we teach this horny slut a lesson or two?” Tom asked keeping his eyes firmly on him. Michael looked back at him.

“Good idea Tom, I think that we should,” Sean said and Mark nodded his head after him.

“Fuck you!” Michael screamed.

“No, I think that we would rather fuck you instead,” Tom grinned. Michael kicked his knee and was able to get free. Sean however was fast and pushed him against the wall again.

“Let go of me!” Michael screamed. Sean’s hold on him was tight.

“I don’t think that I will. I think you like this...I have seen how you have flirted with me,” Sean whispered to his ear.

At that moment the door opened and Tony came in. “What the fuck is going on here!?” Tony asked with surprise, looking at his best friend, who was pressed against the wall and the odd looks that were on his other friend’s faces. Sean loosened his grip on Michael and looked back at Tony. Michael took his backpack on the floor and ran out of the toilet, not even once did he look at Tony. He ran the whole way to his home.

********************************************************************************

Michael opened his eyes and looked at Ricky. He tried to think where he was getting at with his words and who was it that he reminded him of? “Your temperature is dropping,” Ricky said and stood up from the bed. He lifted Michael on his arms. Michael was surprised of how strong the man was. He was carrying him like he didn’t weigh a thing. They came into the bathroom and Ricky laid him into the warm water in the bathtub. Ricky washed his body all over and Michael couldn’t help but tremble. He was afraid that Ricky might drown him. Ricky didn’t care for him; he just wanted to own him. Michael knew this already but he was still too sick to defend himself.

Michael wished that he could be at home, that this was just a bad dream, but it wasn’t. He wished that he would have been in his own bed resting. His mother would bring him tea and toast with honey. Tony would come over and he would try to cheer him up by telling him funny jokes and stories. He missed his old life. The way that things once were, but he knew that those times were lost forever.

It took him a week to recover from the flu. He felt triumph when he could feel his strength return. Soon he could go and flee from this awful nightmare. Ricky had once again locked him inside the bedroom and his clothes were put back into the wardrobe and now he was packing them once again. He still didn’t know what he would do once he got outside. Where could he get some money and a place to stay? It worried him, but he didn’t want to stay with Ricky. The man was perverse and crazy.

Ricky came home earlier than usual. He opened the bedroom door and looked at the boy who was packing his things together in a hurry.

“What’s this?” Ricky asked.

“I’m leaving. I would have left earlier if I hadn’t been sick,” Michael said trying to keep his voice from trembling.

“Are you now? And may I ask what your plans are? Where are you going to go?” Ricky asked calmly coming closer to him.

“I don’t know, anywhere is better than to stay here! I can find a job and study,” Michael answered with an agitated voice.

Ricky laughed. “And what are you going to study? Where do you plan to get a job?”

Michael looked at him with anger. “I can study to be a chef; I can study what ever I want. I’m sure that I will get a job working as a waiter or a model. This doesn’t even concern you!” Michael screamed and returned to his packing.

Ricky came even closer. “You’ll stay here. I have a pretty interesting material concerning you. Something that might get spread and something that I’m sure that many would understand or accept,” Ricky spoke and Michael froze. He knew what Ricky meant, he remembered the video camera. He gazed into the emptiness. He felt desperate and alone, all was lost. He felt the tears forming in his eyes. He wanted to disappear.

Ricky came behind him and placed his hands on his shoulders, kissing his neck. “You are mine now, I own you and if you try to flee from me I can assure you, that I would make your live a living hell... I know lots of people, who would do favours for me. If you manage to run from me, then someone will always find you. Do you understand me?” Ricky whispered.

“My parents are looking for me, they will find me,” Michael stammered.

“Do you think that they care? They are just happy to get rid of you. They are ashamed of you... No one will save you, or find you; I have made sure of that.” Michael trembled and he was crying. He felt so lost.

“Do you always get what you want?” he asked still crying.

“Always,” Ricky replied and kissed his neck once again.

Chapter 9.

He had been in New York for one month. He hated every second of it. One month that had never seemed to pass by so slowly. He wondered how he would survive of all the months to follow. How many there would be ahead? Maybe there would even be years? Michael thought. He started to cry. How could one survive years in this hell?

Michael shivered and sat onto the wide windowsill. It was now his favourite spot to spend the day. He looked outside and saw all the people down there. It gave him some kind of weird comfort, to know that the world was still there. That the life for the rest of the world hadn’t changed. It was out of reach for him for now, but perhaps, someday, he could get himself free and the world would be waiting. He placed his hand on the cold glass and let it slide down. He still hoped that this would be just a nightmare and soon, someone would wake him up from it.

He had been locked inside the house this whole month. It was part of his training, or so Ricky had said. His spirit was still too tough. He would have to yield into Ricky’s will. Ricky had to be sure that he wouldn’t try anything stupid, that he wouldn’t try to run. Michael was slowly giving up and accepting that this misery was now indeed his life. There was no escape from it, for now anyway. Some small part of him, however, still kept up the hope that there would still be a day… that there would still be a way to free himself.

He looked down and hoped that someone would notice him; he hoped for a saviour and felt himself slightly stupid for dreaming about it. “A prince on a white horse...” he said out loud and laughed at himself. “I don’t think there are any princes in New York. I hate New York! I hate Americans! I do...Well I guess I don’t hate all of them. I just haven’t met any nice Americans just yet.... Oh god, I’m going crazy! I’m talking to myself. It’s only been a month; you can’t go crazy just yet. Hold on and dream of freedom... There is no life if there is no freedom. I’m asleep now. Yes, that’s it, in a sleep and waiting to wake up.” He smiled just a little. He knew that he was just talking to himself because there really wasn’t anyone else to talk to. There was just Ricky. When he was home anyway. And frankly he preferred his own good company to him. It was much nicer to talk with himself that with that monster.

He hated to be near him. Hated his touch on his body. He hated the nights when the man took him to the bed. When he undressed him and kissed his body all over. When he kissed his lips… When he pressed him underneath his bigger body. When he would feel that cock thrusting inside him. It always hurt and he always cried.

He heard the door open, but didn’t even turn to look. He knew who it was.

“Go wash yourself and change your clothes. We’re leaving to Boston as soon as you’re ready,” Ricky told him.

Michael rose from the windowsill and looked at him and asked, “Boston? Why?”

“You’ll find out, when we get there,” Ricky smirked.

Michael nodded and walked to the bathroom. He was going out from the apartment. First time in a whole month. He smiled feeling happy for a brief moment, and then it hit him. Fear… ‘Why is he taking you to Boston? You know that it can’t be anything good...’ he thought while showering.

He returned to the bedroom.

“Here, put these on,” Ricky said and gave him some new clothes. Michael looked at the clothes. A black shirt with buttons all the way down, tight, blue grey jeans of the latest fashion and tight, black boxers with red on the sides. Michael lowered his towel and began dressing himself. Ricky sat on the bed watching him, like he always did. He didn’t like it, but he was getting used to it.

“Okay, I’m ready....” Michael said when he had been that way for some while and when Ricky hadn’t said or done anything.

Ricky rose up and smiled.

“You look so hot,” he whispered and Michael shivered. “Just one small thing...” he said then and opened few buttons of his shirt. “... Now, that’s better.”

They came to the car and Ricky still refused to tell him why they were going to Boston. Michael sat in silent and looked at the scenery as they drove by. He tried to enjoy the beauty. He wanted to enjoy this brief moment. He tried to imagine that he was going on a holiday with his friends and that they all had fun. This was hard though, as he felt how Ricky placed his hand on his thigh and squeezed it at times.

It was Saturday and the clock was little after 4pm, when they finally drove to the yard of the big, White House. There was pure white snow on the ground, making it all look so sweet and innocent. Michael had a feeling as though that nothing was innocent once inside the house.

They came in and were greeted by a tall man who was about Ricky’s age. The man had brown hair and blue eyes. The man looked at him with that lustful way that he knew all too well by now. Michael felt ill.

“He looks good...very good...” the man smirked, keeping his eyes on him.

“Didn’t I tell you so?” Ricky grinned, standing behind Michael. Michael looked at them both, feeling scared. Then he looked at the door behind them and wondered if he could just run away from the place as far as he could.

“Well I better take the boy upstairs,” the man said and walked over to the stairs. The man stopped and looked back at him.

“Follow him,” Ricky ordered and Michael did just that after hesitating for awhile.

The man opened a door to one bedroom and kept the door open for him.

“Go inside,” He told him. Michael looked at him quickly; he knew that there was no point in fighting this now. He went inside, sighed deeply and heard the door behind him being closed and locked.

“Wow, you look stunning,” a sudden voice said. Michael turned to look towards the voice. On the bed of the large room, lay a boy, about his age. He had biscuit coloured hair and hazel eyes. Michael looked at him with surprise and the boy rose to sit.

“You must hear that all the time. I’m not good at meeting people for the first time. Let’s start over... Hey, I’m Jack.” Michael smiled to him, still feeling a little confused. He walked over to him and offered his hand for a handshake, which the other one took.

“I’m Michael. Nice to meet you?” Michael laughed slightly. This was really odd. He thought.

Jack looked at him and bent his head to the side.

“You talk like you're British, but you don’t look like one,” he spoke. Michael grinned.

“Well, I am British. What are we suppose to look like?” Jack looked at him for a moment.

“More ugly. Not like this divine, most breathtaking male on the place of the earth, with the most beautiful eyes. I mean are you even human?” Jack asked and Michael couldn’t help but to laugh.

“Are you drunk?” he asked.

“No, I’m just being me. But seriously, are you real and are you really British?”

“Yes I’m real. Just so you know British people are not ugly! You should go there sometime and you would see that I’m right. And the truth to be told, I’m only a half British, I’m one quarter of Spanish and one quarter of Irish,” Michael told him. Jack smiled to him.

“Sit down,” Jack said, tapping the spot next to him on bed.

Michael sat on the offered spot.

“Well you’re right, you're absolutely right. I love British, and I love Spanish and I just love Irish. I’ll go to England as soon as I have the free time in my schedule,” Jack said and then laughed to the irony of it. That would certainly be the day. If only he would have the chance to travel to anywhere.

"Where are you from?” Michael asked.

“Oh, I’m from Texas. How old are you?” Jack asked.

“I’m 17...and you?”

“I’m 19. Are you scared about tonight?” Michael looked at him with surprise; he had forgotten all of his questions and fears for why he was here.

“What? I mean…Um... What is going to happen tonight? Why are we here?” he asked, his voice trembling slightly.

“You don’t know?” It was Jack’s turn to be surprised.

“Ricky wouldn’t tell me,” Michael said quietly. His heart was racing with fear. `This is not good, this is not good...` his mind kept telling him. Jack stayed quiet for a while, before he began to speak.

“We are here, because there’s a ‘party’ this evening, we are here because we are whores. Their whores,” Jack said calmly.

Michael rose from the bed; he looked at the locked door and the window behind them. He wanted to go outside; he had to get away from there.

“What?!” he asked, panic raising in his mind. Maybe he should have known everything that Ricky had done and said, the video camera, those two men, that night.

“Calm down, I really thought that you knew,” Jack said softly.

“Maybe I should have guessed...but still...Whores!” he screamed.

Jack took a hand rolled cigarette from his pocket and lighted it and took a few puffs from it.

“Take this, it relaxes you,” Jack said and offered the weed to him. Michael took it looking little insecure.

"I have never smoked weed before,” He confessed. Jack grinned and raised his eyebrow.

“You are British and you never smoked pot before?” he asked.

“No, and I think that it’s safe to say that you really don’t know everything about all the British,” Michael laughed dryly.

“Well, okay, okay but now would be the perfect time to try it,” Jack smiled and Michael tasted it, taking two small puffs from it, he started to couch, he hadn’t even smoked a tobacco before.

“Don’t worry it’s your first time. It will ease from there on...Funny how that same goes for everything...” Jack laughed.

Michael sat back on the bed and gave the cigarette back to Jack. It seemed to have its affect on him already. His head felt so light.

“Doesn’t this bother you at all Jack?” he asked. Jack gave the pot back to him.

“Well... not that much... I guess I’m just so used to this already. I have been on my own since I was twelve. You had to take care of yourself had to get money so you could buy food. So, I started to sell myself,” Jack said and continued. “So I have been a whore for a long time now. Seven years already… yep.”

“Since you were twelve?! Oh, my god...I was still very happy being a child at that age,” Michael looked at him with shock.

“Yeah well, it wasn’t very pleasant, I can tell you that, but at least I got the food that I needed. And now I’m here. Joe is okay, I mean I get everything I need from him. I get food, a roof over my head, drugs. Things could be worse, that’s what I always think. I got all this and all I need to do is have sex with him and with some of his friends. In the end it doesn’t really matter who uses you and who beats you up when it would happen anyway.”

Michael was really upset after hearing this. He felt himself so stupid and he realised just how lucky he had been before in his life. Things may not have been perfect back then, but then again no one had the perfect life. At least he had been able to enjoy his childhood. He had had friends and loving parents. Now all that was lost from him.

“Jack... you... It does matter. Don’t you realise that? You don’t have to live your life like this. You shouldn’t have to live like this. There is so much more that you could do. You could be free of all of this...Don’t let them use you, or beat up you like that. There are people out there who wouldn’t do that,” he spoke.

“Oh, Michael, you’re so sweet. But I’m sorry to tell you that life doesn’t work out that way. And if we are so free to do all that, then why are you here with me? Why are you with Ricky? That man is a nightmare, isn’t he? And I can tell you this; he is someone you should be afraid of. As for me, well... This has been my life as long as I can remember and there’s no one back home to miss me. I don’t have a family. I don’t have friends and yes I’m afraid too and as I said, Joe isn’t that bad, not when we are alone anyway.”

“Oh God, Jack, I had everything. I did well at school, I had so many friends, good parents and then they found out that I was gay and it all just seemed to collapse from under me. My grandmother died, the only person who accepted me, and then I met Ricky and I thought. I really thought that he cared about me. I thought I had everything under control. And now all that, every dream and every change is gone... And what am I now? A whore? His whore!” Michael spoke quickly. He stared at the wall in front of him and started to laugh in hysteric manner. He laughed because he was high. He laughed even though he could have cried.

“Oh God, what would my parents say if they knew. Hey mom guess what? Your only child is a whore now. Isn’t that just great! Yeah, this is what I always wanted to be. A whore!” Michael laughed he lay down on his back on the bed.

Finally he stopped and stared at the ceiling above.

“Are you alright?” Jack asked.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I`m hungry,” Michael spoke.

“There’s some food over at the table,” Jack told him. Michael looked at the direction that Jack showed. He fumbled up from the bed and walked over by the table.

“You should feed your whore well, so that he has the strength enough to work,” Michael snickered. He really was high. He took one banana in his hand and looked at it. Was there any other fruit that looked so perverted? `So this is how it feels like to be high,` he thought to himself. He felt so light, like he could swim in the air. Michael tried to clear his mind. He tried not to laugh, which was hard, because at that moment everything seemed to be so funny, even though it really wasn’t.

Michael ate a few pieces of bread and one apple. The juice of the fruit dripped down his jaw and he wiped it with his palm. He turned to look at Jack, who was grinning at him.

“What?” he asked still laughing.

“Oh, nothing, it’s just so fun to look at you,” Jack smiled.

“Well, okay then... You’re weird, did you know that?” Michael asked smiling to the other boy.

Time went by and Michael started to feel more nervous. He was pacing back and forth the room. Then he stopped in front of the window to look outside. It was so dark already, but the snow on the ground lighted up the sky just a little.

”A week from now and its Christmas,” he said after a long moment of silence. Jack, who lay on the bed, turned around to look at him.

”So it is…” Michael looked so sad, he was once again thinking about his family. He had always loved Christmas. Now there wouldn’t be any joy in it.

”Ricky didn’t tell you about Christmas either, now did he?” Jack asked.

”No, of course not...so what ‘fun’ surprise is waiting for us then?” Michael asked.

"Well actually, a small freedom from this. We get to stay at Joe’s place by ourselves. Ricky is going to visit his family and the same thing with Joe. Yes even Ricky has a family, shocking isn’t it?” Jack laughed. Michael smiled.

”Christmas without Ricky? Wow, that is the best news in ages!” Michael cried out happily.

“Great and happy news indeed.”

Michael sat beside Jack.

“It’s time. Don’t fear, just think about everything else and you’ll be all right,” Jack told him. He took some white powder and poured it on some disc and took a small pipe looking thing, which he placed in his nose. He sniffed the powder, his eyes closed.

“Do you want some?” he asked. Michael looked at him surprised.

“Um...no thanks, I don’t think I will,” he answered.

“Good, this stuff really isn’t good for you,” Jack laughed and put the things away.

Twenty minutes later, the same man who had brought him inside the room came to collect them. Apparently this was Joe; Michael reasoned after seeing how the man touched Jack and talked to him. There were four other men with Ricky once they got to downstairs. All of them were slightly drunk. Michael sat on a chair that was as far away from them as possible.

Joe whispered something to Jack, who nodded his head and moved to the blond man sitting on a sofa. Jack sat on his lap, legs on both of his sides. He kissed the man with passion and then took off his shirt. Michael didn’t know where to look or where to go. He felt the eyes of the others on him. Waiting for him to do something, but he didn’t want to do what Jack did. His palms was sweating; he clenched on the armrests tightly. He wanted run from there, but wasn’t sure if his legs would carry him.

The blond man that Jack was kissing suddenly looked straight at him. He whispered something to Jack and he turned to look at him too. Jack smiled, rose up and started to approach him. Michael felt his heart race. Jack sat on his lap just like he had sat on the other man’s lap. Michael couldn’t say a word as Jack’s lips came nearer to his. It was a feather like kiss at first. Jack leaned forward and pressed his lips tighter on his. Michael felt himself opening his lips and give Jack’s tongue the promise to enter his mouth. He responded to the kiss, enjoying it and forgetting their surroundings for that moment. He wanted to forget he wanted it to be like this forever. He felt Jack’s hands opening his shirt and came back to the reality. He felt fear coming back to him.

He pulled away from the kiss and looked into Jack’s almond shaped eyes. Jack leaned to kiss his neck then his jaw; he moved his lips softly to his ear.

“Don’t fear...” he whispered, so that they wouldn’t hear. “They want you.” Jack kissed the skin beside his ear. “Just close your eyes and imagine that you’re with me. That the whole time it’s just you and me...at the same time, I’ll be thinking of you and in that way we’ll almost be together...” Jack’s soft voice calmed him. He looked in his eyes once more and they kissed each other’s lips hoping that it wouldn’t have to end, that they really could be just by themselves. Jack rose up and pulled him with him. Jack took the shirt all the way off of him. He kissed the skin of his shoulder and just one more kiss on his lips before they were separated from each other. Jack returned to the blond man and gave him an encouraging smile, as he was being led away with Ricky and Joe. `Just close your eyes and think of something else,’ Michael told himself as the door closed after them.

Chapter 10.

Christmas eve came and they were alone with Jack in Joe`s apartment. Michael sat in front of the kitchen table as Jack placed the food on it. “Let`s pretend... Let`s imagine that we are rich and that this our home... that we are lovers,” Jack suggested.

Michael smiled to his new friend. “Okay, that sounds good.”

Jack brought two wine glasses to the table. “I think some wine would put us into the right mood,” he grinned before disappearing into the living room.

“Doesn`t Joe mind if you touch his drinks?” Michael asked when Jack came back with the red wine.

“Joe won’t notice, he has so many of these and besides; it`s Christmas tomorrow, so lets just enjoy tonight and worry about the consequences later...Oh, and could we also forget all about Ricky and Joe for tonight, okay?” Michael nodded his head and watched as Jack filled his glass with wine.

They ate and drank the wine, soon opening another bottle. Michael enjoyed the drunken feeling that he had, he felt so warm and relaxed inside. Wine really did its job. Jack looked at him closely.

“What are you looking at?” Michael asked smiling. Jack leaned backward on his chair.

“I was just thinking... You are just seventeen and well, just look at you; you are so incredibly beautiful already, and so I was just wondering how you might look like in five or ten years from now...” Michael blushed a little, never before would he have blushed because of a comment like this, but now, after what Ricky and some other men had done to him, he felt himself dirty and not worthy to look at.

“I think I look pretty afoul in that point; nothing but a decomposing body in a cold grave.” His thoughts had turned darker with each passing day. It was hard to keep up hope. Jack looked at him in a serious manner.

“Don’t you say that... You are going to live a long live, trust me.” Michael looked away from him.

“Well, I don’t know Jack...If live goes on like this, I...” Michael’s voice was weak and his eyes gazed somewhere into the emptiness.

“Are you thinking about suicide?” Jack asked carefully. Michael looked back at him with shame in his eyes. He nodded his head.

“I never would have even imagined to do something like that, not before when I...Well, now it’s different, there’s so much pain and I can’t...What if this is never going to stop? How many months? How many years? I want to go home...I want to be free and I...” Michael started to cry. Jack rose up and came to him. He kneeled in front of the younger boy and took a gentle hold of his hands.

“Don’t cry sweetheart and don’t you ever give up hope...One day, it will all be better, I promise...You are too pure and too good for this kind of life, but you are strong I can see it in you and I know that you’ll survive...” Jack wiped the tears from his eyes. Michael gave him a weak smile. “Someday you’ll meet someone, who truly deserves you, a man that will give you everything, who will make you smile and forget all of this and he will love you with everything that he is and he will know just how lucky he is to have you,” Jack said and smiled at him.

The kind words of Jack warmed him up and also made him a little a shamed for his tears.

“Thank you...and I’m sorry that I cried...There is so much more bad things happened to you and here you are comforting me and...” Jack placed his finger on his lips to stop him.

“Ssh...It’s okay...There is a big difference in you and me...This is the life I know, I made my choices long ago. I knew what I was doing and I know what I’m doing now. I am a whore, it was a choice I made and it’s okay, but for you it’s different. You didn’t choose this, any of this and this live is not for you, so don’t be ashamed of your tears because I understand.”

They came into the living room and Jack put some music on. He curled up behind Michael on the sofa. They laid in each others arms.

“Tell me about your family? What was your live like before you ended up on the street?” Michael asked, closing his eyes.

“Well...My mom had me when she was only eighteen. She was poor and a prostitute...Like mother, like son,” Jack laughed dryly. “We lived alone. My grandparents didn’t want anything to do with us and the man who got my mother pregnant abandoned her the minute that he found out...She was a good mother, a good woman...she may have been a thief and a prostitute, but for me she was a mother...She loved me, the only person who has ever truly loved me...She tried the best she could to give me a happy childhood.” Jack was quiet for a moment.

“Were you happy?” Michael asked.

“Yes...I remember many Christmases with her; she had saved or stolen some money and she made good food for us and we imagined that we were rich and that we had a lot of servants. My mom would tell me stories of how our lives would be like.” Jack smiled to the memory of her. “She was a good mother, a good woman,” he repeated.

“What happened to her?” Michael asked.

“Her latest boyfriend beat her to death when I was eleven...They placed me with some horrid foster parents and in the end I ran from there and you know the rest.” Jack kissed his neck, enjoying the warmth that was coming from the other boy’s body.

“I’m so sorry Jack, about what happened...You truly have gone through a lot,” Michael whispered; he had tears in his eyes that Jack soon wiped off.

“She is in a better place now...I have so many good memories of her, not many have even that.” Michael turned around to face him. He kissed Jack gently on the lips wanting to do something nice for the older boy. The kiss was just what they both needed; a soft and gentle kiss with no pressure to do anything further. They finally fell asleep still wrapped closely to one another.

**********************


4.24.1998

Michael had been allowed to move somewhat freely outside and in the apartment. One wrong move and this so called freedom would be taken from him, so he tried to be as careful as he could. He tried to please the man, although every time he did so his mind screamed against him, hating the submitting creature that he was becoming.

That Friday afternoon he walked through the apartment feeling bored. He had done his regular morning exercise. ‘Keep your body in shape and your mind stays active,’ he remembered his grandmother’s words. After that he had ate and washed himself. He had been reading a book and watched some television and now, for an hour or so, he had just been bored as hell.

As he was pacing trough the apartment, he finally stopped to the door that was usually kept locked, but now he saw the key in it. He watched the door with surprise and interest. He had wondered for so long what could be found inside and why he wasn’t allowed to go inside and now the opportunity to find out presented itself. He could just turn the key inside the lock and he would finally find out. The temptation was great. ‘Curiosity is what killed the cat,’ he thought, but noticed that his hand still was reaching towards the door. He was sure that he had the time to search the place, before Ricky came home. Michael pushed the door open; it was dark inside and he had to turn on the lights.

He came inside; the black curtains were drawn closed. On the right side of the room were high shelves with videotapes on them. There were so many of those. There was a table against the window, with computer on it; the computer had an internet connection. On the left side of the room was a black sofa and in front of it; a big TV with VCR. Michael also saw the video camera in the far corner and felt himself shiver from the mere sight of it.

Michael came to the shelves. He looked at the videotapes with different names and years on each of them. The oldest one was from 1973 and it had the name Evan on it. Michael guessed what he would probably see on the tapes and felt himself shiver again from revulsion. He also knew that somewhere was the tape with his name on it.

He opened one closet door and saw an expensive looking camera on one of the shelves. Then he saw an old shoebox and opened it up, it was full of photographs wit naked young men and teen-aged boys who didn’t look comfortable in their position. Michael felt slightly ill and wished that he hadn’t seen them. He pushed the box back to the shelf. A part of him wished that he could find the photographs and the tapes of himself and could destroy them, maybe then he could be free?

Then he saw another dusty old box, which had the same name he had seen in one of the tape: Evan. He took the box and went to sit on the couch. He opened the box slowly and saw old pictures on top. He took them out for a closer look. The firs one was black and white picture, where two small boys sat in the garden, he looked behind the picture; Evan and Ricky; July 1965.

In the next picture there was just Evan, it looked like an old school picture and the boy was about ten years old in that one. He had dark brown hair and brown eyes. The boy smiled widely, a perfect smile. The same boy was in all the other pictures too and in some of them he was with Ricky.

The picture that was dated; 6.8.1973, Evan sat on a chair beside a pool, he had only his swimming trunks on. The boy looked straight into the camera and smiled. Michael looked at this picture for along time and then he remembered Ricky’s words. “You remind me of someone I used to know.” He then saw all the similarities with the boy in the photo and himself. There were no more pictures of him after 1973. Michael looked what else was in the box; old school notebooks with the name: Evan Brisley on them and some old letters that were addressed to Ricky. Michael took one of the letters and looked at it briefly before deciding to open it and read what it said. It looked like woman’s handwriting:

12.9.1973

Dear Richard

I have been meaning to write to you for such a long time now, to thank you for the help and support that you and your family have given to us. I think you understand though, my reasons for why it has taken me so long to write this to you. These past few months have been the toughest ones of our lives and I know you share this feeling and hurt with us. The sorrow will probably never leave us, but I have my fate that we’ll learn how live with this.

My first born, my beloved son is gone and I still have a hard time in truly accepting it. I can’t understand his reasons for why he did what he did. Why did a so happy and loving boy become so gloomy, so dark, that he didn’t see any other way out? I know that you must be just as puzzled about this as we are; after all we talked about this in his funeral. My thoughts still don’t run quite clear enough, and there isn’t a moment that passes by, that I wouldn’t ask from God and myself; why?

You were his best friend for so long and you have always helped us. There aren’t words enough to describe how grateful we are to you. You truly are one of the dearest and good hearted young men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.

I’m so tired of this hurt and agony, I just can’t understand. I pray to God that I would someday find out his reasons, and I pray Him for that dear Evan, would now be in a place much better than this one.

We are moving soon. There is just too many memories and too much pain in this house. I have come to the realization that the most painful ones of these memories are all of the good ones. The memories of my son, who will never walk through that door again, even when there is a part of me that still expects him to do so at any minute. I can’t understand why my heart refuses to believe his death. After all, I saw his body, I saw him and I touched that cold skin, there was so much blood...I still have nightmares about that moment and I think I always will.

I’m writing this to you in the kitchen of our old house, I have just finished cleaning poor Evan’s room and packing all of his things together. I took me ages until I could even go there. When I tried before, I always cried so hard I almost couldn’t breath. But now all is ready and we can soon leave this house forever. I’ll send you some pictures that I found of you two together. I also have some of his things that I’ll give to you as a memory of your best friend. You truly were his dearest friend and he loved you so much!

I will invite you and your family for dinner on some evening, when we have everything ready in our new home. I will give you these things there. I hope that we will see you soon! God bless you!

With love: Mrs. Emily Brisley

Michael placed the letter back into the box and looked at the picture of the boy by the pool. Only six months later the boy’s mother writes a letter to Ricky, calling him dear and good hearted, which Michael knew that the man was anything but. But Ricky could easily fool people into believing that. Michael couldn’t help but to wonder if Ricky had anything to do with Evan’s death. `Why he did what he did.` With his possible suicide? He looked at the picture once more. The boy in this picture looked happy, genuinely happy; you could see it in his eyes. Why would he have killed himself?

He placed all the pictures back into the box and brought it back to the closet. He came to the video shelves and took the tape that had Evan’s name on it. His hands were shaking slightly as he put the tape into the VCR and turned the TV on. He was scared of what he would see. He sighed with relieve as an innocent looking home video came into to the view. There wasn’t any voices and the quality of the tape wasn’t very good. There was some kind of party going on beside the pool of the magnificent house. People walked pass the camera, smiled and waved. Then the picture focused on the same boy that had been in the photographs. He was wearing a tight white t-shirt and black shorts. The boy grinned to the camera and made funny faces. A blond haired little girl came up to him and gripped his leg, the girl said something and the boy smiled widely to her, he lifted the girl up in the air and spinet her around. They both laughed. Close up of the boys beautiful face. He placed the girl back onto the ground, took her hand in his and they started to walk toward the table with food on it. The camera focused on the boy’s butt as he walked. Then the boy turned his head to who ever was filming said something and then laughed. ‘This boy is dead, now, has been so for a long time and he didn’t live long after this was filmed,’ Michael thought feeling sad for the boy and the little girl, who stayed near him, smiling. It seemed like he was her older brother.

Ricky came home from work. He placed his briefcase on the floor quietly and walked toward the room he usually kept locked. He saw that the door was slightly open and an evil grin appeared on his face. He opened the door very quietly and looked at the boy whose back was turned to him. Then his eyes fixed to the TV screen, where he saw his friend, his friend who had died so many years ago. It had happened 25-years ago. The memories came back to him;

Evan Brisley had been his best friend since they were seven years old. Ever since Ricky had been a small child, he had been taught to appreciate beauty and that he truly did. The appreciation had grown to be more like lust and was that even more as the years went by. Evan had always been beautiful and Ricky had noticed him in the crowd of others and he had wanted him. He had wanted to be near that beauty and to be his friend.

Evan, who was from a poor family, was very taken from the attention he was receiving from the rich and very popular boy. So they had become friends, very close and good friends. Evan’s father, who had been unemployed for a long time, was now offered a job from Ricky’s fathers company because of this new friendship between their sons. The whole Brisley family had been extremely grateful to their new friends.

As the years went on, Evan’s beauty increased and Ricky noticed that he was looking at his friend in a whole new light; craving and lusting for something more than just the simple friendship. From a child, who had always got everything that he could possible want or need, grow a young man, who didn’t care about anything but himself when it came to the things that he wanted.

The lust for his friend kept on growing with each passing day. And at first the teenager didn’t quite know what was it that he actually wanted from his friend, but soon it became very clear to him. The lust became so powerful that it soon went beyond sense and taught morals. He had been Evan’s friend right until the day he finally decided that it was time to take just what he wanted from him. Evan hadn’t noticed the change in his friend. He was so pure, so innocent and good, everything that Ricky wasn’t. Ricky had been so thrilled when he had thought about this goodness, this angelic beauty, that he would bring down to misery and reality of the hard world.

Ricky remembered the night perfectly. His parents had left him to take care of the house while they went on to a trip. His parents never said no to anything that he had dared to ask, they had spoiled him. So when he said he wanted to stay home, to spend some time by himself they let him do just that.

-Flashback-


6.24.1973


Evan came to spend the night in the manor with Ricky, when Ricky asked him to do so. It had annoyed Ricky beyond words that his best friend had recently started to spend even more time with the “love of my live” as Evan called her. Ricky hated the girl; Lily. He hated how happy and how in love the two of them were, but that would change soon enough.

They swam in the pool and ate outside. As the night grew colder they came back inside. Ricky offered Evan something to drink from the wide selection of his father’s bar, which the other one took happily. The boy had never drunk much, but this time Ricky made sure that he did. He kept on filling his glass up and was very careful with his own drinking. Evan laughed even more as he was getting drunker. They were joking and having fun like they always were, or so Evan thought. He didn’t see what was really going on inside his friend’s mind. Ricky could only think of how beautiful and sexy Evan was that night.

He led his friend up into his bedroom and lifted him onto his bed. He took the shoes and the socks off of his friend as he was still laughing. Evan didn’t have any idea of what was really going on. Ricky then took his own shoes and socks away too and then came next to his friend on the bed.

“Why are we on your bed?” Evan asked with drunken voice, but he had still laughed. Ricky looked into his eyes and smiled.

“Because, you’re tired...” he answered and Evan laughed and he laughed with him. Ricky started to open the zip of Evan’s shirt.

“What are you doing?” Evan asked still amused, but he had stopped laughing.

Ricky then moved to sit on his friend’s hip, locking him in place with his legs. He kissed the skin that was revealed from under his opened shirt.

“Ricky?!” Evan cried out with surprise. Ricky didn’t say anything to this. He started to open the belt and the buttons of his friends jeans.

“Ricky, what are you doing?! I want to get up,” Evan said, sounding more nervous than ever before.

“I’m taking what I have desired from you for along time,” Ricky told him with a husky voice. It was too late to turn back now. Evan squirmed under him as he tore all of his clothes off of him. Ricky took his own shirt off and opened his jeans. He pressed his body against his friend’s so that Evan could feel his erect cock on his naked thigh.

Evan started to cry.

“Ricky, stop this, I want to get up, please...” he pleaded his friend and looked with horror into his almost black eyes. He had never seen Ricky’s eyes look so dark before.

“Oh, I want you so bad Evan, you have no idea...” Ricky said lustfully and forced his lips on his. He licked the tears away that had fallen on Evan’s face.

“Ricky, no...Please...what’s wrong with you?” Evan cried. He tried to flee, but was much weaker now that he was drunk. Ricky flipped him over to his stomach. He heard how Evan prayed for him to stop this, he heard how he cried and it just made him feel even more excited. He had the total power of this situation and it felt intoxicating. He entered inside his friend with very little preparation and Evan cried hard from the agony. Ricky felt some pain too and it made him feel angrier. He began thrusting inside with force, feeling his friend starting to bleed, the blood of his friend made it feel better for him. Then finally he came, and it was the best orgasm he had ever had.

He rolled off of his friend’s body and laid there beside him. Evan still cried weakly, his body trembling, not able to move because of the shock and the pain. Ricky watched how his own seed and Evan’s blood run down on Evan’s thighs. He was only 16-years old and it was his first rape, he had loved the power and wanted more of it. It had been perfect.

The next morning Ricky drove Evan back to his home. Evan stayed quiet for the whole ride; his eyes looked so empty and hurt.

“You know that no one will believe you, if you tell them what happened. It would only bring troubles to your family,” Ricky told him as they arrived in front of Evan’s home. Evan nodded his head in defeat, not wanting to look at his friend ever again. Without saying a word Evan rose and left the car. Ricky watched him going inside before driving away.

Two weeks later, when Evan was home alone, Ricky came to him and he had raped him again on the boy’s own bed. He told him that he would come back when he would want more. Evan cried in despair, but Ricky didn’t care of how hurt he was. He had gotten just what he had wanted.

On July 31. 1973, Evan had called him and asked him to come over.

“The front door is open, come straight into my room,” Evan had said with an empty voice and hung up the phone. Ricky had gone to the house, were no one besides Even had been home. He walked into his friend’s room just like he had told him to do. Evan laid on the bed on his side, his legs dangled over the edge. The wall and his pillow were red from the blood and the gun, that just moments ago had ended his life, hanging loosely in his left hand.

Ricky had looked at the corpse and walked nearer to it. He sat onto the floor, beside Evan’s bed. He had touched the skin that was still slightly warm, but he could feel how the warmth soon began to disappear. “Poor, naive Evan,” he said and then saw the letters on his desk. One was for him, one for Evan’s family and one for his girlfriend Lily. Ricky opened the letter that was for him. “Can you see now what you did to me? My body will not be yours to torture anymore! Rot in hell Ricky!”

Ricky smirked and looked at the corpse of his friend. “You silly, silly boy...I’m still here, you’ll rot there much more quickly than I will.”

-Flash back ends-

Ricky didn’t feel any guilt about what he had done. He hadn’t forced Evan to kill himself, it was his choice and his choice alone. Ricky didn’t really have any conscience, he didn’t believe in hell nor did he believe in heaven or God. He believed in live here and now, after one died, there was nothing. Life was a game, in which he was one of the winners. He understood the game of life perfectly. He lived for himself, for his own pleasure and nothing else mattered to him, but you had to play a role for the others in order to survive in this game.

Finally Ricky had called the cops and to Evan’s parents. He had made his voice sound very panicked and upset. He had made himself cry and shiver very convincingly. He had played the role of a grieving best friend and he had done it excellently. No one had ever found out what had really happened between him and Evan. And Evan had kept it silent even in the moment of his death, even with the last goodbyes to his beloved family.

Ricky wondered would Evan have kept it silent, if he had known that Ricky would stay in the lives of his family and friends. He was still in touch with them; with Linda, his baby sister, who looked up to him now like she had looked up to Evan, and with Lily; Evan’s `true love`. The girl who had cried against his shoulder over the loss of her lover. Lily had never really gotten over it. And Evan’s parents were now already dead like their son.

Ricky looked at his friend on the TV screen; there were times that he did miss him, his best friend. Ricky stepped into the room and walked over to Michael. Michael turned to look at him with fear.

“You broke my rules again, you naughty boy,” Ricky scolded him with a wicked smile on his lips. Michael swallowed hard as Ricky sat beside him onto the couch. The man moved his hand to touch his face.

“Those eyes, so much likeness...so beautiful, so angelic,” Ricky whispered.

“W-what happened to him?” Michael asked before thinking about it.

“To Evan? The stupid boy killed himself when he couldn’t handle a little fun,” Ricky smirked as he saw Michael’s eyes widen in horror.

“Yes, I raped him. I just took what belonged to me, what I wanted.” As he said that, Ricky pulled him closer and pressed him on his back on the couch. He then pressed his own body tightly on his and kissed his lips, it was a violent kiss. Michael felt more horror and more fear towards the man than ever before. He tried to flee, but the man was so much stronger than he was. Ricky was going to take him right there and then and he could not do anything to stop him.

It was rough and violent sex, just like most times with Ricky. Michael squeezed his eyes closed and didn’t try not to scream. He knew by now that the man wanted to hear his pain, he wanted him to hurt. Michael tried to flee inside his own sanctuary. He thought about Ireland, remembered how the Atlantic-ocean hit against the cliffs, he remembered how the sand felt under bare feet, he remembered his mother telling him stories before bedtime...Tony flying a kite with him...He tried to think about everything else, but that monster, who had hurt his friend so bad, that he might as well have killed him himself. He knew now what evil truly was.

Chapter 11.

Michael came back from his run at Central Park. It had become almost daily routine to him. He ran long distances, he ran until his body was too tired to continue. He needed this; he needed something to dissolve all his frustration in. He couldn`t just stay foot in Ricky`s place all day long, he had never been the one who could just lie and do nothing for a long periods of time. In his old life, as he now called it, he had had many interests outside the school; playing football, Latin dancing, playing the piano, running. During the summer he had enjoyed horse back riding in Ireland, where his grandparent`s had a horse farm. But all that was gone now. Running was all that he had left.

The next day would be his birthday, he would turn eighteen. This made him think about his parents even more. He missed them greatly, as he missed Isabella and Tony. Sometimes he had thought about calling them, to ask their help, surely they could help him, if he would only tell what was really going on? He wondered, but at the same time the other voice in his head, told him how disgusting he was. They would despise him, if they found out what he was now, that he was a whore. He couldn`t live with himself if his mother would find out about that, it would surely break her heart. He thought that it would be better, if they believed he was dead, like he sort of was. It would be better for them to remember him the way he had been before, not the way he was now, in this low and dark point of his live.

He sighed deeply as the doorman opened the door for him, into the hall of the apartment building.

“Good evening young Mr. Matthews had a good run now, did you?” the old man asked and smiled politely.

“Good evening Mr. Curtis, it was fine enough.” he answered, with a tired smile and walked toward the elevator. ‘Young Mr. Matthews,’ he thought bitterly. Michael Wills was forgotten and missing. He had become Michael Matthews, a nephew of a rich man, living with his uncle while going to school in New York`s college. A perfect cover up, his current live was only a big splendidly acted lie.

He looked at his watch as he came into the hallway: 6.30pm.

“Michael, is that you?” He heard Ricky`s voice from the living room. He hated his voice; he hated everything about that man, about that monster.

“Yeah, who else?” he answered lazily and walked towards the bathroom.

“Come here,” Ricky commanded. Michael sighed and stood without moving for awhile, before he did what was expected of him.

Ricky sat on the couch wearing a smart, black suit and opposite from him sat a slender, pretty faced, middle-aged woman, who had green eyes and auburn colored hair put together in a neat bun. The woman smiled warmly to him and looked at him from head to toe.

“Susanne, this is my nephew Michael...” Michael felt strangely amused each time that Ricky introduced him as his nephew; it was just such a big joke. “..Michael, this is my colleague Susanne Blaine.” Michael forced a polite smile on his lips as he walked closer to the woman and shook her hand.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs Blaine. Please excuse me, I just returned from my jog and I`m in the need of a shower. If it is alright with you, I`ll go and come back after that?”

"It`s nice to meet you too, Michael, and of course I don`t mind, it`s so nice to see a young man taking care of his body and health.” They smiled and Michael left the room.

Michael returned into the living room, when he had finished his shower and got dressed. He tried to prepare himself for the role that he hated. He sat onto the free armchair.

“Good looks seem to run in the family,” Susanne stated smiling and looked at him with interest. Michael smiled back. “Ricky told me that you`re from England and that there is a Spanish blood in you, from your mothers side?”

“Yes, it`s true.”

“Well, I just love English men, so polite and your accent, well, I just love it,” the woman continued on and laughed softly. Susanne asked about his studies and Michael told her the things that Ricky had told him to tell.

“You have an amazing bone structure, really beautiful face and figure. You should really be a model; you would be so great posing in some ad or... Don`t you agree Ricky?” Susanne sounded enthusiastic about this; she looked at Ricky, who had been strangely quiet for the whole time.

“His mother wouldn`t approve,” Ricky said with a firm voice. Susanne looked little surprised after this and Michael was really starting to get bored in this act.

“Yes, well you see, Mrs. Blaine, my mother is one of those people, who believe that taking pictures, captures the very soul of it`s object, so it can`t go to heaven. They have this own little religious group and they try to get more people into joining it...What can I say? My mother is little confused about everything. Can you imagine what it would do to the poor woman; to see her only son in some add? It would most likely break her heart and it would drive her over the final edge of sanity. It`s sad, really,” Michael told her with a serious voice and tried to look very concerned about this. He was quiet and shook his head. The woman could do nothing, but to stare at the boy. She wondered was this poor boy being serious, or out of his mind. On the other hand Europeans could be a little strange, didn`t perhaps have the same knowledge that they had in the States and God only knew what they did in Spain? So the woman smiled to the boy in a very sympathetic manner. Michael looked at her and then to Ricky and noticed how mad Ricky looked. He knew that he would hear about this later.

Michael stood up and went into the kitchen to get himself something to drink. Ricky and Susanne had become absorbed in a factitious conversation. Every cell in his body wanted to scream so loud that someone would have to hear his pain. He leaned his back on the kitchen counter and tried to calm himself down. He felt so utterly frustrated and powerless, he wanted to hit his head against the wall, he wanted to do something, anything to get that pain out of his chest.

Finally he returned into the living room, where Susanne was telling Ricky about some photography exhibition.

“Such magnificent pictures... You can really feel the artists burning emotion just by looking at his work... Such a talented man...” Michael listened the woman`s blathering for a second. He felt himself strangely agitated and couldn`t keep silent for a moment longer.

“Did you know that Ricky is also interested in photography?” he asked. Both turned to look at him. Ricky mouthed him the words, “Shut up.”

“Really?” Susanne asked surprised, but with an eager voice.

“Yes, he has a really nice camera and all that, lots of pictures. You should show her those someday, uncle," Michael said looking straight into Ricky`s eyes. The man had a hard time keeping his anger hidden, Michael could see it, but Ricky couldn`t do anything to him as long as Susanne was there.

“Oh, Ricky, you have to show me your work!” the woman smiled and leaned closer to Ricky. Ricky smiled stiffly and cleared his throat.

“Some other time, Susanne. Now it`s better if we get going we have the table reservation at nine.” Ricky rose up. “Oh, yes, I’ll hurry to powder my nose.” Susanne smiled and left into the bathroom.

Ricky looked straight into Michael.

“What the fuck, do you think that you`re doing?” he spat. Michael lifted his gaze up to him and rose up.

“I was just talking with our guest, uncle. Just as politely as you wanted me to,” Michael answered trying to sound calm. Ricky clutched his arm tightly and dragged him into the bedroom.

“You`ll be sorry about this later...Until then; good night Michael,” Ricky whispered and closed the door after him.

Michael stood there, looking at the door that had been locked in front of him. He breathed fast, feeling nervous. He could hear Ricky`s and Susanne`s voices, as they made their leaving in the hallway. Susan laughed happily to something that Ricky had said. The woman truly had no idea what was really going on in the apartment, how Ricky treated his ‘nephew’.

Michael walked over by the window and sat on the window sill. He was feeling more restless with each passing second. He imagined Ricky having dinner with Susanne; they would be talking and laughing like all normal people. Ricky would be telling more lies to her, lies that came from the man’s mouth so easily that it was almost scary. Susanne would laugh at his jokes; they would be flirting with one another. Drink some wine and have an amazing dinner. Ricky would accompany her to her home; he would kiss her good night and come home. And once Ricky came home, it was going to be hell for Michael. He knew what would happen, he knew and he was scared of it. ‘Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut? Why?’ he asked himself in despair.

Michael paced back and forth in the room, occasionally looking at the time: 11.02pm. His heart beat wildly. He knew that there were still time left, but he couldn`t stop what was to come. Ricky would come home eventually. He laid down on the bed, but couldn`t fall asleep. He was much too tense for sleeping. He got up, looked outside and paced some more.

He looked at the clock again: 12:40am. Why did the time go so fast now? He wondered and then realized that he had just turned eighteen. “Well, happy birthday to me,” he said to himself bitterly and sat on the bed to wait.

At 1:13am he heard the steps coming to the door, the lock was turned open and soon enough the door opened. Michel`s back was against the door, but he could see Ricky through the mirror that was opposite from him. They looked at each others through the mirror. Ricky had an evil grin on his face and for a moment he just stood there not saying a word.

Ricky opened his belt and took it off, he tightened it between his hands. Ricky came closer to the bed and Michael rose and turned to face him.

“You think that you are so smart, don`t you?...An ignorant boy, who`s nothing more than a whore, that is what you truly are my dear,” Ricky spoke coming nearer. Michael tried not to tremble, not to show his fear. He stood there, held his head up high and biting his teeth together. “You will never say something as stupid as you said today, do you understand!?” Ricky yelled and slapped him on the face. Michael cried and lifted his hand on his cheek.

“Now, take off your clothes!” the man ordered him. “I said now!” Michael`s hands were shaking as he undressed himself. He felt the tears coming down on his face, but stayed quiet. Once he stood there completely naked, Ricky grasped him and threw him onto his stomach, on the bed. The man whipped his buttocks and his back with the belt. Eighteen strokes, he had to count each of them out loud.

“Happy eighteenth birthday, dear,” Ricky whispered after the last stroke. Michael cried and felt how the man lubed his hole and soon the fingers were going inside him. The preparation was very short. The fingers were pulled out and replaced with the man’s huge cock. Ricky thrust inside him with force and Michael cried even more. It never felt good for him, which was the way Ricky wanted it to be. He prayed that it would be over soon, but it seemed to last forever.

“You`re going to learn your lesson now dear, aren`t you?” Ricky asked him during this violent raping. Michael sobbed.

“Y-yes...” he managed to say weakly and hated himself even more.

When it was over, Ricky pulled his back close to his chest and held him on tightly.

“Good boy, good little whore, you did well just now, you`re forgiven.” he spoke and kissed his neck. Michael still cried, he hated being so close to the man. The man held on to him the whole night. And it was only the beginning of his most horrid birthday ever.

Chapter 12.

Three years had past. Three and a half years from the day that Michael had arrived to New York. Michael had adjusted in his current life, he wasn't happy, but he had adjusted. He tried not to think too much of the time that he had been happy, his old live and the people that he loved. It was easier not to think about that, those good memories only seemed to bring more pain and sorrow to him.

At times it felt like he was walking in a constant haze, it was hard to see ahead of things, ahead of this life. His own actions, his own body and the words that came out of his mouth seemed sometimes so unreal to him, it almost felt like he was some kind of a robot, walking into the direction that someone else had shown him. ‘What a good and obedient little whore, you have become,’ he thought bitterly at times, doing the thing that was now expected of him. Having sex with men, that Ricky had sold his body to, for that purpose and for that moment, or having sex with Ricky. He didn't enjoy sex; it was just something that he had to do. His thoughts fled to somewhere else, the place in his mind, were everything was always beautiful and peaceful. He had started to believe that sex was supposed to be that way, that there couldn't be any pleasure in it, not for him anyways. It was painful and uncomfortable. Only very rarely it felt even slightly okay. There were times though, that he pretended to enjoy sex, he pretended for those, who wanted him to pretend. Yes, he was a good whore indeed.

Without Jack in his life, he would have probably lost himself all together. Jack meant the world to him, there was still laughter and there were still small moments of happiness when there was Jack. Jack gave him comfort and he gave him tenderness, the same things that he gave Jack. They had grown to love each other, but they both knew that it stemmed from the situation they were in, they understood each other perfectly, knew all the pain and the hurt that was everyday for them. When they were alone, they kissed and caressed each others bodies, but they never did anything more. Michael wanted to keep things between them as they were. He was scared of anything else, scared that Ricky or Joe would find out about their love.

5.5.2001

They arrived at the gay-club, where they had been many times before. Michael was glad to see Jack already there and went straight to him. They sat in front of the free table and started talking. Jack offered some weed to him and they smoked it together. They tried not to notice the looks that they were getting from the other men.

“Lets go dancing, Jack, it`s been ages since the last time we danced,” Michael suggested and stood up. Jack nodded his head and followed him to the dance floor. They danced closely to one one another, touching each other. Michael moved his hips seductively and it almost drove Jack crazy from desire. Michael surely could dance.

“Oh, god, Michael, you`re driving me crazy... I would just want to take you some where and..." Jack whispered to him. Michael looked at him and smiled, but didn't say a word, he just wanted to dance.

“Everybody is looking at us...they want you, you're so sexy,” Jack whispered.

“They want you too, Jack... I just hope that I wouldn't have to do it tonight with some stranger...”

“Well, I think that Ricky wants you tonight just for himself. He keeps looking at you that way,” Jack told him and Michael turned to look at the man. He could see that Jack was right and thought that he would like it better with some other man, with a stranger, than with that monster. He tried not to think about the night that would follow and just concentrated on that moment.

At some point during their dance, he noticed a man, who was standing near the dance floor, looking at him. He had never before seen this man there. The man smiled to him as their eyes met. There was something in this man that interested Michael, something different, but he wasn't sure what it was. The man had raven black hair, he was tall and had a lean, muscular figure, and his eyes were gray. The man kept on looking at him, still smiling; he was some what mysterious looking, like he had a secret he wouldn't tell.

They returned to their table and Michael couldn’t help, but to look at the mysterious man, every now and then. He tried to do it so that Ricky wouldn’t notice anything. Jack had also noticed him and the way the man looked at his friend.

“I haven’t seen him before, do you know him?” Jack asked, keeping his voice quiet.

“No, I haven’t seen him before either.”

“He seems to fancy you, not that it would be anything new though,” Jack continued and smiled to Michael.

“Come here, Mike,” Ricky spoke then, interrupting their talk. Michael rose very reluctantly and walked over to Ricky. The man pulled him close and kissed him, squeezing his butt tightly. Ricky’s friends were looking at them and smirking. Michael shivered and took few steps back from Ricky.

“You danced fantastically dear, you’re so sexy...Just wait until we get home...” Michael looked at Ricky frighten by his words. “Don’t look so frightened dear...it will be fun, I promise,” Ricky whispered and kissed his lips. To Michael his promises were lies; it wouldn’t be fun, not for him. Ricky slapped his bottom. “Alright then, you can return to Jack,” Ricky said smiling in a way Michael had never seen before, his smile was almost friendly. ‘Well that's just spooky,’ Michael thought as he returned to the table.

***************

A couple of days later, Michael was walking in the Central Park with Jack.

“There’s that guy from the club, the one who was checking you out,” Jack said suddenly, Michael looked around in confusion. “Over there by that bench, he seems to have noticed you too,” Jack grinned. Michael’s eyes went to the direction that Jack showed him. The man looked straight at him. He smiled and started to approach them. Michael just stared at him.

“Hello, I saw you at the club last weekend. What a lucky coincidence to run into you here. I have wanted to talk to you ever since I first saw you. My name is Jean,” the man spoke; he had a French accent in his voice.

Michael was too stunned, that at first he couldn’t say a word. Jack nudged him gently on his side, which made Michael wake from his stunned state. “Hey, I’m Michael...and this is my friend Jack,” he was finally able to say. The man smiled charmingly.

“So nice to meet the two of you. Could I offer you and your friend a cup of coffee?” he asked. Michael looked at Jack, hesitating. "Um...well, I don’t know if...” he started, but Jack cut him off.

“Well of course you can...We wouldn't say no to a free cup of coffee, now would we Michael?” Jack laughed.

“Good, I know a good coffee house, not far from here,” the man spoke.

They left with him, even though Michael wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. He was scared that Ricky would find out about it and he would punish him. Soon they arrived to the coffee house. They hadn’t sat there long when Jack suddenly told them that he had to leave.

“Oh my, I almost forgot that I have a meeting to go to,” he said and smiled.

“Jack, wait...” Michael tried.

“See you later, Mike,” was all that Jack said before he left, with a huge smile on his lips. Michael looked at Jean shyly, the man smiled at him. Michael felt his cheeks blush and stared down to his coffee cup, suddenly finding it very interesting.

“You’re British, aren’t you?” Jean asked breaking the silence between them.

“Yes.”

“I thought so, you can hear it from your speech,” Jean smiled warmly.

“You are French, right?” Michael asked, just to say something.

“Yes, born and raised in old Parii. Have you ever been there, in Paris I mean?” Jean asked.

“Only once, when I was ten,.” Michael told him and remembered the time clearly in his head.

His mother’s friend had married a French man and they had visited them at that one summer. His father had hated that man; Loure Pinon. “That man is just disgustingly slick, can you not see how he flirts with you Evelyn, as soon as Anna turns her back?...And the way he talks to Michael, hugs and kisses a ten year old boy on the cheek at every god damn moment that he can. That’s just sick. A sick man he is, but what else can be expected of them...” He could hear his father’s voice so clearly in his head and the soft laughter of his mother.

“Oh Henry, just calm down, Loure is a very nice man and his flirting has been very innocent. Just give him a chance, now will you?”

“How long have you lived in here?” Jean asked cutting him off from his thoughts.

“Three and a half years. How about you?”

“Well, I have been here for four months now, but I have lived here once before. I'll return to Paris in the fall, I like there better.” Michael smiled and tasted his coffee.

“So do you study here, or what?” Jean asked and Michael placed his cup back on the table.

“Yes, in college,” Michael answered and hated the fact that he had to lie.

“How old are you?”

“I’ll turn 21 in just one month from now. How old are you?”

“Well, you probably think of me as an old fart already, I’m 32.”

Michael laughed. “No, you’re not that old, 32 is still young,” Michael smiled and looked at him.

“I remember thinking in your age that all over thirty were so old and all the good things in live would be over by then, I’m glad to see that I was wrong,” Jean smiled.

“Listen I would love to see you again sometime, perhaps tomorrow already?” Jean suggested after they had talked for a while. Michael hesitated.

“I don’t know...It has been really nice talking with you, but the man that I’m with...” he started.

“Yes, you mean that man who you kissed with at the club?” Michael nodded.

“He must be even older than I am?”

“Yes, he’s 44, I...”

“Forgive me for saying this, but you didn’t seem to enjoy his company very much. No, I shouldn’t have said it, but would it hurt to make new friends? That is all I'm asking,” Jean smiled looking sincere.

”Well, alright...We could see each other tomorrow at the park at this same time.”

“That’s a date then. I look forward to it.”

“Thank you for the coffee Jean, I have to go now,” Michael said and left the table.

*************


Michael started seeing Jean very often. He enjoyed these meetings greatly. They saw each other almost daily, when Ricky was at work. Jack was happy about this new friendship that Michael had and was happy to cover up his tracks so that Ricky wouldn’t find out about them.

After one month, Michael trusted the man enough to go to his place. Jean offered him a drink and they sat in the living room. They got into talking and Michael finally told him everything about Ricky, everything that the man done to him. It all came from his mouth with one big burst. He told him about Tony, his parents and Isabella as well. After it, he burst into tears and cried against the man’s chest. Jean comforted him with kind words; he stroked his back and just listened to him, allowed him to cry from the pain and the hurt. It felt good, to finally have someone who listened, to be finally able to tell about it to someone. Finally he relaxed into the man’s strong arms that held him.

Jean took his glass and placed it on the table. Michael looked at him little shyly.

“I’m sorry about that, I didn’t mean to tell it quite in that way, didn’t mean to cry so much,” he said with a quiet voice. Jean embraced him and placed his hand on his cheek.

“It’s alright; I’m glad that you told me. You can trust me; you know that, don’t you?” Jean kept his eyes on his and smiled.

“I know, thank you, Jean, for listening and everything.”

Jean leaned closer and kissed him softly, they shared their first kiss. The kiss was so soft and gentle, so relaxing, it felt good. Jean smiled to him after the kiss, his face still so close to his.

“Oh God, you’re so...so beautiful, so handsome,” Jean whispered, their lips almost touching.

Michael was feeling so confused, he wanted Jean, but at the same time he was scared. He was afraid of sex; it had always been so painful. He didn’t know what to do or how to act. They kissed again, Jean's hands seemed to be everywhere on his body, hands were undressing his shirt; soon Jean had undressed his own shirt too. Warm, naked skin touched the other. Michael touched him, uncertain touch, he didn’t know if he wanted this, the word; stop, was on the tip of his tongue, but he didn’t say it. Jean lifted him up from the couch and led him into the bedroom. They lay down on the bed; Jean was on top of him, kissing his neck, his chest, his stomach. Jean was opening his jeans, taking them off. Michael was trembling from fear, desire and need.

They were both naked now, Jean was over him again. Michael felt the tears in his eyes, he couldn’t stop them, he just couldn’t forget about his past. He felt Jean's hard cock against his thigh.

“Shh...It’s alright, babe, everything is alright, don’t cry. I won’t hurt you,” he whispered and kissed his ear. He gently wiped the tears from his face. He prepared Michael’s entrance with lube and his fingers. “Just relax, babe, everything is alright,” he said softly and Michael soon felt his cock entering him. He gasped and tried to relax his breathing. Jean was inside him but didn’t move just yet. He let Michael get used to the feel of him being inside him, before beginning to thrust in and out. His cock was throbbing.

“You feel so good, babe,” he whispered and kissed the young man. He began moving inside him, kissing the beautiful youth.

Michael felt some pain, but it wasn’t nearly as painful as it had been before. He even started to feel some pleasure and was very surprised by this totally new feeling. No one had ever been this gentle with him.

“Oh god, I’m coming soon...you feel so good...oh god...” Jean gasped and began to speed up his movements. Soon his body tensed and he moaned as he came inside Michael. Jean laid on top of him for awhile, his cock still inside him. They kissed.

Michael was getting dressed.

“Are you leaving already?” Jean asked, once he came back from the shower.

“I have to; I don’t even want to think about what would happen if Ricky would find out that I was here, with some other man,” Michael replied quietly.

“I thought that he ‘lets’ you sleep with other men.”

“As long as he makes the decisions and gets the money. God help me, if I make them, I mean, I might even enjoy it!” Michael laughed dryly. Jean came to him and gave him a hug.

“I have been thinking, I don’t want to loose you, Michael. I couldn’t leave knowing that you stayed here with him. I want you to come with me to Paris,” Jean said and looked in his eyes. Michael looked at him with surprise, then with sorrow.

“Oh Jean, you don’t know how much I would love to leave with you, but I can’t. Ricky would find me...he...”

“Shh, don’t be scared. He won’t find you, I promise. I’ll take care of things; we can both take care of things. We will do this in secret, with care, so he won’t even notice that you’re leaving,” Jean smiled to him; his voice was so soft and calming.

“But how? Ricky has so many connections, he would find me and...I can’t help, but to be scared.”

“Trust me, he’s not the only one who knows people from the right places...We’ll change your last name, get you a new passport. He won’t find you, I won’t let him find you...This life is going to kill you sooner or later if you stay...Trust me, let me save you from this,” Jean whispered and kissed his forehead.

A million thoughts run inside Michael’s mind. He wanted to leave, he had prayed for salvation for so long and had started to loose faith that it would ever reach him and now Jean was there, offering his help, offering freedom from this life. Why would Jean want to help him so? There wasn’t anything special in him, he was just a whore. ‘This is you’re chance, just take it,’ the voice inside him said.

“A new name? New passport?” he asked finally, his voice was trembling.

“Yes, come with me?”

“O-okay Jean, I’ll go with you...I trust you.” Jean looked relieved and smiled to him. They kissed for one last time before Michael had to go.

Chapter 13.

Everything seemed to happen fast. Michael had his new passport. He had taken his mother’s maiden name to use and was now Michael Harris. Ricky had no clue whatsoever of his plans to leave. Michael was little surprised by this. All these years with him had made him believe that Ricky saw everything and knew everything that was going on and now he could see that it wasn’t true. But he also knew that he could make just one mistake and all would be lost. They had been really careful with Jean and Jack had helped them. Michael was also used to the lying, even though lying to Ricky was scarier, than anything he knew.

9.1.2001

Michael lied next to Jack on the bed, in Ricky’s bedroom while he was not at home. This would be their last day together, tomorrow he would be leaving and so was Jack, but into a different place. They held each other close; Michael had tears in his eyes.

“I’m scared Jack. I don’t want to leave you; I don’t want to lose you. I love you...What if I wouldn’t leave with him and go with you? Let’s run together, please Jack...” Michael whispered with a tear filled voice. He clutched on to Jack shirt and looked into his eyes. Jack kissed his forehead.

“I know, I love you too...But you know that we couldn’t make it by ourselves Mikey...No, it’s better for you to go with him,” Jack told him and tried to smile. The truth was that his heart was also breaking, Michael was the only person besides his late mother, that had ever loved him, but his words were true and they both knew it.

Michael thought about Jack’s words for awhile and his own feelings. He was scared of a life without Jack. For almost four years, Jack had been the only person that had been there for him and he did love him greatly. He was also scared of a life outside, the normal life. It was weird really, he had wanted it for so long and he still wanted it, but again he found himself in the same situation; leaving to a foreign country with a man he had only just met...well it was four moths ago, but still it wasn’t that long.

“I don’t even know how to speak French...I’m scared...I don’t care...I want to go with you...” Michael sighed, he was still crying.

“Shh...Michael, please don’t cry, you like Jean don’t you?” Jack asked and Michael nodded his head carefully. “And I know you’ll be fine. He can offer you a normal and safe life, I couldn’t. You know what I am and that this is my life, but this isn’t for you. If you were to go with me, we would have to be always hiding; I know that it's not the life you want or need. You’re just scared and upset because you have dreamed about this for so long and it doesn’t seem real now...” Jack wiped the tears away from his face and continued.

“But just think; tomorrow at this same time, you’re already in Paris. In Paris for God’s sake! Now, I have never been there, but I’m sure that it’s going to be great for you. The city of love, or what do they call it?” Jack laughed and smiled at him. Michael was smiling now, just a little.

“It will all work out for you, didn’t I say it would?” Jack asked.

“You did, you always did...But what will you do, where will you go?” he asked.

“Well, I'm not sure yet, perhaps I'll go to San Francisco or to Los Angele's, the possibility's are endless,” Jack smiled.

“But I will never see you again...” Michael pointed out with sorrow. It took some time before Jack could say anything to this; he had to keep his voice even.

“You’re probably right. We can’t keep in touch, for if they should find one of us, it’s better for the other not to know where the other one is, so they wouldn’t find that out too...But I’ll never forget you...” Jack whispered. Michael felt the tears coming back to him.

“I’ll never forget you either...And I love you, always remember that I love you...”

9.2.2001

Michael was packing rest of his things together in panic and fear. Ricky had already left for work, but he was scared that he could come back at any moment. There would be hell to pay, if Ricky found him like this. He took the picture of his family and looked at it closely before placing it among the rest of his things. He didn’t look back when he hurried down to the lobby, where Jean was waiting.

Michael looked at Mr. Curtis with fear, when he noticed the man looking at him and Jean. What if he called Ricky and told him what he had seen? Michael thought with slight panic. The old man noticed his fear and gave him an encouraging smile. He drew his finger along his lips, seemed to lock them and throwing away the invisible key. He placed his right hand on to his heart. Michael smiled back with surprise and mouthed the words: Thank you to him. He couldn’t help but to wonder if the man knew what kind of a man Ricky really was? Or why else would he have done what he just did?

Jack was waiting for them outside. Michael came to him and gave him a hug. Jack looked so handsome with his cowboy hat on.

“I had to come by, for the last good byes,” Jack whispered.

“I’m glad that you did. I’m going to miss you. You take care now and promise me that you’ll leave drugs, okay?” Michael asked looking at him firmly.

“Well, okay, I promise to get help with that, since it was you who asked...And you...” Jack looked at Jean. “...You better take good care of Michael. He deserves it. He deserves the best, just remember that!” Jack looked at Jean closely.

“Only the best, I promise,” Jean smiled. Jack hugged Michael for the last time.

“You’ll always be in my thoughts, go now and be happy,” Jack whispered.

“And you’ll be in mine. Thank you for everything Jack, just take care of yourself.”

“I always will.”

Jean opened the door to the taxi. “Come now Michael, we have to go,” he told him. Michael came to the car and looked once more at Jack, he smiled, it was a sad smile and also hopeful. They were both leaving this horrible life behind them or at least hoping to leave it once and for all. Michael sat in the car, Jean sat next to him. Michael couldn’t look back, as the taxi headed to the airport. He cried for the loss of his friend and at the same time he was happy to be leaving New York and Ricky. He just couldn’t relax just yet. What if Ricky would be waiting at the airport and he would take him back? He was still scared.

Only when they got to the plane, Michael was able to relax a little. He looked at the ground below, that they were slowly leaving behind and smiled, closing his eyes. He held on to Jean’s hand.

“Are you alright?” the man asked. Michael opened his eyes and looked at him.

“Everything is perfectly, thanks to you,” he whispered and leaned to kiss Jean’s lips.

*************************************************************************

It was very unreal feeling to stand at the airport of Paris.

“I can’t believe that we’re truly here,” Michael whispered as they walked outside from the terminal.

“Just believe it, you truly are,” Jean smiled and took his hand in his.

“My friend Erick promised to come and fetch us,” Jean told him.

“Ah, there he is!” Jean said then and waved at the man, who was walking toward them. The man had brown hair and friendly green eyes. He had wide shoulders and he was about Michael’s height.

“Bonjour! You must be Michael? Welcome to Paris! My name is Erick.”

“Bonjour, Erick. And I’m sorry, but that’s about all I know how to speak French,” Michael smiled.

“Ah, well don’t you worry about that at all, I’m sure that you’ll learn it soon, after all you have two good teachers right here; me and Jean,” Erick’s smile was as friendly as his voice and his eyes. They walked toward the car.

“Paul didn’t come with you?” Jean asked.

“No, he would have loved to come though. He has been dying to see you after such a long time and of course this Michael you have been talking about so much, but the poor thing had to go to work.” Erick smiled and looked at Michael. “Paul is my significant other, you see,” he told him.

“Well you should come by some evening, we could make some dinner together,” Jean suggested.

“Sure thing, I’m sure that Paul want’s to meet with you soon,” Erick said opening the car door for Michael. Michael was feeling a whole lot better now. He liked Erick already, he seemed to be such a kind man, somehow fatherly or like an elder brother, or something.

They came to Jean’s apartment and Erick helped them to carry their luggage up to the apartment that was on the third floor of the building. It was of a nice size and had lots of light coming inside. There was a balcony outside the living room that had a nice view to the park nearby. Michael went straight out on the balcony to look at the view. Jean walked behind him.

“It’s so beautiful here,” he said smiling.

“Yes, I have missed this so much,” Jean said, kissing his neck.

"Well, I better leave you two love birds by yourselves,” Erick smiled as they came back inside to the living room.

“Thank you for your help Erick. Come by tomorrow with Paul?” Jean asked.

“Okay, we’ll be bringing the wine. You like wine, don’t you Michael?” Erick asked.

“Yes,” Michael said smiling.

“Well, okay then, see you guys tomorrow!”

”Mmmh…Finally alone.” Jean sighed as the door closed after Erick.

“What do you say if we make your moving in here official, in there?...” Jean asked, looking at the bedroom. He had pulled Michael close to himself and was now playing with his hair. Michael kissed him, he was feeling exhausted after the flight, but he didn’t want to say no to the man who had saved him and who was giving him a new life.

Jean led him into the bedroom, close to the bed. Michael kissed him again and opened his shirt and then he pulled it gently off of the man. He moved to kiss his collarbone and his chest; he took one of Jean’s nipples into his mouth and began sucking on it. Jean moaned from pleasure. Michael slowly kneeled in front of the man. He opened his belt and the buttons of his jeans and lowered them down to his angles. He kissed his member through the fabric of his boxers. It was hard already. Jean pulled Michael’s shirt up.

“Take this off, I want to see your beautiful body,” Jean told him and Michael lifted his arms up so that Jean could pull it off from him.

Michael pulled Jean’s boxers down and started to lick his balls, then he took the hard cock between his lips, just the tip of it, teasing Jean, licking it.

“Fuck...Michael...take it, suck it, please...” Jean moaned. Michael spat on it, and fondled it with his hand and then took more of it into his mouth and moved his lips on it’s length and at the same time he worked with his hand on it and the other hand was caressing Jeans balls. He looked up to Jean, looking to see if he was liking what he was doing and the answer was definitely; yes.

Jean looked down at the young man, who was giving him the most perfect cock sucking of his live. He couldn’t close his eyes; the look down between his legs was just too hot not to look.

“Oh, yes baby...that's right...suck my cock... You’re looking so hot right now, having my cock in your hot mouth...fuck yes...” he moaned and gripped Michael's hair, fucking his mouth with more speed. Michael was gagging, trying his best to breath at the same time that his mouth was being fucked.

Jean pulled his cock out.

“On the bed, I want to fuck you now...” Jean told him and pulled the younger man up from the floor. He then pushed him on the bed, onto his stomach. He ripped his jeans and boxers down hastily. He wanted to come inside him fast, to feel that tightness and warmth around his needing cock. He spat on his hand, pushed his two fingers inside, stretching him. Michael moaned, either pain or pleasure, but at that moment Jean really didn’t care. He just needed this and fast. He rammed his cock inside and Michael cried.

Jean placed his hand on Michael’s cock and started stroking it. Michael groaned; he felt the pain inside him and at the same time pleasure by Jean’s hand on his cock. So even though this pain, it was better than any other time he had had so far. And he wouldn’t complain about this pain, he wouldn’t ask to be prepared a little better. He honestly didn’t know that it wouldn’t have to be painful. Jean came only moments after Michael and he panted heavily as he lay down on the bed, next to his new, young lover.

“You’re the best Michael...Now let’s go to shower,” he said and took the trembling, younger man’s hand on his. They walked together into the bathroom.

*************************************************************************

October 2001

Michael was very attached to Jean, who seemed to worship the ground beneath him. Life felt good now, when he didn’t have to be scared everyday. He had only just met Erick and Paul from all of Jean’s friends and he enjoyed their company greatly. Erick really did seem like an older brother who took care of him.

Jean had decided to host a party, where he could meet the rest of his friends. Michael was nervous about this; the past had left him with the scars of insecurity. He couldn’t beat all of his demons, which made him think that he was somehow not worthy of a good life and that he was still so dirty and that he always would be so. Jean seemed to think differently though, that he was perfect and this also distressed him a bit. Michael was scared that Jean was only blinded by his looks, in love with his appearance and not with the person that he truly was inside.

The night of the party came and the place was full of people. Michael was talking with Erick and Paul when Jean came to them, with some other man. The man, who was Jean’s age, lean, narrow faced and elaborately dressed, looked at him from head to toe in an arrogant way.

“Patrick, this is Michael...Michael, this is my good friend Patrick,” Jean introduced them.

“Nice to meet you,” Michael smiled and offered his hand for a handshake. Patrick looked at him, his brown raised and then hold out his hand lazily and shook his hand quickly.

“Charming, I’m sure,” he muttered.

Michael was little taken back by Patrick's act, he didn’t like the way that he was looking at him, nor did he like the constant grin on his lips. Patrick turned to look at Jean and said something to him in French; Jean smiled and nodded his head. They both looked at Michael and Jean said something back to Patrick.

Michael felt now even more insecure, he knew that Patrick had said something about him, but didn’t know what it was. He looked at Erick, who was standing behind him. Erick seemed somehow angry to both Jean and Patrick. He said something with an angry voice and it seemed to offend Jean. Now it was really bothering Michael. It agitated him that he couldn’t understand the language, it only reminded him of how out of place he felt in this country. They seemed to argue about something and finally Jean turned to him, smiling more gently.

“I’ll go over there to talk with some of my friends; I hope that you’re having fun dear,” Jean kissed him briefly and then left with Patrick.

”I have never liked that man,” Erick said. ”And don’t you care about him either. He is what he is,” Erick continued.

“But what was that just now? What did he say about me?” Michael asked.

Erick was quiet for a moment. “Nothing special really, something that you can just let slip by. You can hardly hear any sense coming out of that man’s mouth, ever,” Erick told him, looking angrily at the man standing at the other side of the room.

“So let’s just forget about that and talk about something else,” Erick sighed, forcing a smile. But Michael couldn’t forget it; he wanted to know and wanted to understand what was being said around him. He didn’t want to be someone that the others could easily joke about, while he was present.

It was getting late. Erick and Paul made their leave.

“I think we are just getting too old, Paul dear. Can’t stay up so late, like we did when we were younger,” Erick said yawning. “Good night then, Michael. Try to ignore those drunken idiots even if they said something stupid,” Erick told him and gave him a hug.

“Okay, I'll try...Good night!” Michael smiled to them and walked them to the door.

He felt somehow lost when Erick and Paul had left. He looked at Jean and his friends, who sat in the living room, talking, laughing and drinking. There were four others with Jean and Patrick. Michael thought that he should just go to bed; he didn’t feel comfortable enough to stay and sit with them.

Michael walked toward the bedroom, when Jean called his name.

“Where are you going dear? You should come here and talk with us,” Jean said with a drunken voice.

“I’m just so tired already, so I’m going to sleep,” Michael answered; he didn’t like the fact that they were all looking at him. Patrick smirked and said something with a sneering voice to the others, something that contained the word: English. Others laughed slightly. Michael was getting angry and his courage increased.

“If you have something to say to me Patrick, then just say it straight! Just let it out, anything you have against me or against the English, just say it!” Michael screamed.

Patrick looked at him quietly, but soon the annoying grin appeared on his lips. Jean just looked surprised.

“Alright then, I only said that you English are just damn boring,” Patrick told him, looking straight at him.

“Is that all?...Well then, I surely wouldn’t want to bore you any further,” Michael said glaring angrily at the man and then at Jean, who was still quiet. Michael turned to leave.

“Don’t be so upset, Michael, it was just a joke, wasn’t it, Patrick?” Jean spoke then.

“Yes, can you not understand a little humour?” Patrick laughed.

“Can you not think of anything better, Patrick? I must say, your jokes are not that good. I mean, I’m sure that there are plenty of jokes about the English and that was your try? Well, perhaps next time, you’ll try little better, eh?” Michael said and looked at all of them and walked to the bedroom, closing the door after him.

Jean came into the room after him. Michael was sitting on the bed and Jean sat next to him.

“Michael, really, you shouldn’t take that so seriously.”

“Well, I’m sorry Jean, but I just don’t like him and I don’t think that that’s going to change.“ Michael told him.

“I’m sure that you’re going to like him, you two just need to get to know each other better,” Jean said and kissed him. He caressed his body.

“Hey, Jean! Are you guys fucking there or what!?” Patrick's voice came from the living room, he laughed.

“You better go back to your friends,” Michael said. Jean tried to kiss him, but Michael pulled away.

“Alright then,” Jean said, sounding just a little bit angry of the fact that he was turned down by Michael. Jean slammed the door after him. Michael sighed and undressed himself leaving only his boxers on. He pulled the cover up and fell asleep.

It was four a.m. and everyone was beginning to be really drunk by now, all except Patrick. He listened with amusement to the drunken conversation that the others were having. He looked at the bedroom door every once and awhile. Finally he got up and sneaked inside the bedroom, so that none of the others saw him, they were too drunk to notice. He looked at the young man, who was sleeping on the bed, on his back. He came closed and climbed on the bed, on top of Michael, putting his palm over his mouth.

Michael awoke immediately; he blinked his eyes in confusion and fear. His heart was beating wildly as he looked at the man on top of him. The confusion and fear were growing inside him as he realized that it was Patrick.

“I know what you are,” Patrick whispered. “I have seen the video tapes of you...You’re noting more than an English whore. I bet you just love getting fucked by an older man; in fact I think you want it right now too,” Patrick’s voice was hoarse, he put his free hand under the covers and squeezed Michael’s cock through his boxers. Michael struggled to free himself from Patrick's hold.

“What tapes are you talking about?” he asked, voice trembling.

Patrick grinned. “Oh, come now, you couldn't have forgotten?...I’m talking about those porn videos,” Patrick whispered.

Michael was in shock to say the least. He had always been scared that the tapes would be spread out, but he could have never guessed that some one of Jean’s friends would have seen them.

“Where have you gotten them?”

“Does it matter? What do you think that Jean likes them? When you won’t say a word about this, then I won’t show those to Jean...” Patrick smiled evilly. He leaned in closer and whispered into his ear.

“I must say...I did like what I saw, I liked it a lot...I would gladly fuck you sometime, anytime." Michael looked at him with disgust as Patrick rose up from the bed.

“Go now! You’re disgusting,” he snapped. Patrick grinned.

“If I were you, I’d be a little friendlier. Like I said, it would be sad if Jean would have to see his boyfriend in such situations...” he said then, walking towards the door. When he reached it, he turned around and sent him an air kiss. “Good night, Michael, sweet dreams,” he said, smiled and left.

Michael looked at the door feeling stunned. His breathing was tense. He felt angry, scared and hurt; the past would never leave him, it would be always there to hunt him, no matter how much he would try to run from it.

Chapter 14.

The days, weeks and months passed by and Jean’s jealous nature was revealed to Michael. His jealousy seemed to take its full meassure when Jean was drunk and he seemed to drink more often. It didn’t take a lot for the man to get jealous. A simple smile or a brief look to someone at the bar or on the street was all it took to get Jean accuse Michael of cheating or planning to cheat.

Michael had to be on his toes constantly, trying not to give any reason for Jean to feel jealous. It was pressing to live like that; Jean was watching his every move and as it seemed, so was Patrick. Michael knew that Patrick was waiting him to get caught in something and to fail in Jean’s eyes. The ironic thing of it all was that the only person Jean should have been worried about was Patrick. The man kept molesting Michael at every chance that he could, he kept touching him and teasing him with sexual things whispered to his ear. Michael had endured Patrick’s behavour, silently hating it, but finally he had enough.

They were at Jean’s apartment, the three of them. Michael hated the fact that Patrick spent so much time with them. He honestly couldn’t stand the man and he knew that Patrick didn’t like him either. The man only loved the way he looked, lusted after him and thought that he was just a whore, and that seemed to give him the right to treat him accordingly.

Michael was making dinner in the kitchen, while Jean and Patrick were talking in the living room. Michael had always loved to cook and trying out different recipes. And this also gave him the perfect chance and excuse to avoid Patrick’s company.

Suddently he felt an arm coming around his waist, hot breath on his neck, hand squeezed his buttocks. “Mmm...You look so delicious today, you don’t know how much I would want to...If Jean wasn’t here, you could show me all those good tricks that a good little whore like you knows how to do,” Patrick whispered.

“Go to hell, Patrick! I have had enough of this! If you think that I’m going to put up with this any longer, you’re wrong; I’m going to tell Jean about you, about all of this!” Michael screamed as he had pushed Patrick away from him. Patrick merely smirked.

“I don’t think you remember that I still got those videos and I won’t hesitate to show those to Jean, if you...”

“God dammit, Patrick! I don’t care! I only want you to leave me alone! Besides Jean knows everything about my past,” Michael screamed in anger. Patrick took few steps back from him and grinned.

“About those tapes too? Alright then, it’s your choice after all.”

Jean came to the kitchen with them.

“What is going on in here? Are you two fighting?” he asked. Both Michael and Patrick looked at him and then back to each other.

“I would really apreciate it, if you would ask your friend to leave, Jean. I have had enough of him molesting me,” Michael said looking at Patrick in a defying manner.

“Apparently your boyfriend here has some weird hallucinations, I merely came in here to offer my help and he started shouting at me.”

“Offering your help?! If you call that helping, then thanks but I don’t need it!” Michael shouted.

“Um...Patrick, I think it’s best that you leave for now, I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Jean said looking at his friend.

“Alright, Jean, try to talk some sense to that loony,” Patrick said and left.

Jean came close to Michael and took him in his embrace.

“What’s the matter Mon amour? Why did you two fight? I would so much like for you to get along with each other. Can you not try?” Jean asked softly and placed his hand on his face.

“Why should I be the one to try? Can you not see, Jean? Can you really not see how he speaks to me? The way he touches me?”

Jean looked at him with doubt.“Perhaps you’re just imagining this, darling? He’s only trying to be friend’s with you.”

“Trying to be friend’s with me?! My God, you’re blind, Patrick doesn’t like me! He only insults me, thinking that he can talk to me and touch me in anyway he likes!” Michael withdrew himself away from Jean’s arms and returned back to his cooking with anger.

“Well perhaps you just send those kinds of signals to him. I have seen how you flirt with people; perhaps you do that with Patrick too!” Jean shouted after being quiet for awhile.

“Signals? What bloody signals?! And I haven’t even flirted with any one! Open your eyes, Jean!” Jean was looking at him, mad as hell, and for a moment Michael thought that the man would hit him. Michael was beginning to feel scared.

“Don’t you shout at me! You ungrateful prat!” Jean screamed, holding back the urge to slap his young boyfriend. “I’ll go for a walk. Try to think of how you’ve been acting while I’m gone!” Jean shouted and left. Michael stood in the kitchen stunned and soon he heard the front door being slammed shut. ‘Now how did this turn out this way, why is everything always my fault?’ Michael asked himself in confusion.

Jean was furious; he didn’t like being shouted at. He wondered who was right, Patrick or Michael? He had known Patrick for several years and he had always been able to trust him with everything. Patrick knew every single thing about him, every good and bad thing that he was and what he had done. Patrick had never judged him. And Michael? He hadn’t known him for that long and the boy’s past? ...Well it was something to bother him; how many men had touched Michael before him? The mere thought of it enraged him. He finally arived to his friends home and rang the doorbell. It took only few seconds before Patrick opened the door for him.

“Jean, what a surprise. ome in.”

They sat in the living room.

“Tell me Patrick, what’s the truth? What Michael said...” Patrick cut him off.

“He’s just begging for your attention, Jean, what else can you expect from such a...hm...Just wait a second, I’ll show you something that you might find interesting. I think it will help you to see things more clearly.”


***********


When hours went by and Jean didn’t show up, Michael started to feel bad. He shouldn’t have shouted at Jean, Jean had offered him a lot and been so good to him. He owed Jean a lot and didn’t deserve his kindness. He would try to be better; he would try to act kind to Patrick, if Jean asked him to do so. He didn’t like the man, but he would try, for Jean’s sake.

Finally he heard the front door openning. Jean came inside and started to undress his coat. Michael came into the hall and leaned against the wall.

“Look, Jean, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have shouted at you...It’s just...well, Patrick gets under my nerves some times, but I promise that I’ll try better, that I’ll try to get along with him,” Michael said and received an odd, despising look from his boyfriend.

“Well that is indeed what you’ll do,” Jean said with a cold voice. He walked past him to get some whiskey from his bar cabinet, he drank his glass empty.

Michael looked at him in confusion; he did not know what to do or what he should say. He only knew that Jean was still mad at him for some reason.

“I could warm up some supper for you, if you’re hungry?” Michael suggested with quiet voice. Jean looked at him.

“I’m not hungry,” he told him, filled his glass up again and sat on the couch. He turned the TV on.

“Where were you?” Michael asked, sitting on the armchair, he didn’t feel like sitting next to Jean.

“I was at Patrick’s,” Jean answered dully. Michael felt really nervous.

“Oh...” Was all that he could say? Jean was acting really strange. The man got up and filled his glass again, he then returned to his seat, staring at the TV with blank _expression. It was some really stupid looking TV show, with half naked women in it. Michael gulped nervously as he watched Jean’s drinking. He knew that it was best to stay silent. He got up and went to the bedroom to read a book.

In an hour or so, Jean staggered to the bedroom door. Michael turned to look at the man who was really drunk by now. He placed his book on the nightstand and rose to sit as Jean came nearer. Jean sat on the bed, little farther from him.

“Come here, mon amour,” Jean said with a drunken voice and tapped the spot next to him. Michael moved closer very slowly and Jean put his arms around him. Michael noticed that he was little bit scared of Jean. Jean leaned in to kiss him roughly and shed him onto his back on the bed. Jean’s mouth tasted like booze, it tasted really foul to Michael. Jean pressed his lips so roughly against his, that it started hurting.

Jean was holding his wrist down above his head, so hard that Michael was sure that it would leave him with bruises.

“Jean, please stop...you’re hurting me,” Michael moaned under his boyfriend. Jean’s eyes were burning with lust. Jean really didn’t want to stop and Michael could see from his eyes how he was struggling with himself. Finally Jean let his arms free and stood up. He walked to the bathroom. Only moments later Michael heard the shower being turned on. Michael felt tears in his eyes. ‘You know that was really close, he wanted to hurt you and you know it,’ the voice in his head told him, but Michael didn’t want to listen to it. He just wanted Jean to stop being mad at him, he had to do something to make it all better again.

************’

Two weeks went by and Jean still acted very coldly towards him. Michael had tried to ask what was wrong with him, but he refused to answer. Michael wondered if Patrick had really showed the tapes to Jean.

It was Friday night, when they went to one gay-club. Patrick was also there, but Michael tried his best not to pay any attention to the man. Erick and Paul were also there, so everything would be alright. Paul had his friend Kristjan with him, who had lived in England for several years. Michael talked with him, loosing himself totally in the conversation. It had been such a long time since he had talked to any one who knew the same places and surroundings that he did. It was only when they were heading back home when he realized that everything was not okay with Jean. The man seemed to be angrier than ever before.

They walked into their apartment. Michael took his coat off, fearing of what was to come.

“What the fuck was that at the club?” Jean asked with anger.

“I`m sorry, I don’t understand...What was what?” Michael asked and placed his coat on the coat rack.

“You know perfectly well, what I`m talking about. I saw the way you were looking at that man.”

“We were just talking Jean, nothing else,” Michael said looking at him, the anger was so clear in his eyes.

“Just talking?! I`m not blind Michael. You were planning something, arranging some secret meeting behind my back. You want to fuck him and then you would just laugh at me...” Michael looked at him in shock, his eyes widening.

“My God, Jean...We really did just talk...I don’t want to talk with you when you’re like this. Just clear your head from the drinking and in the morning you realize how ridiculous you’re accusations are.”

Michael walked towards the bedroom, Jean following him, he grasped his arm.

“You are not going anywere right now! I´m not going to let you make a fool out of me. You’re mine, only mine. Without me you would be nothing, you would probably be dead by now, without me!” Jean screamed. His fury was really scaring him, Michael tried to pull his arm free.

“You don’t own me!” Michael shouted.

“You little worthless whore!” Michael didn’t have time to react when Jean hit him on the face with force. Michael almost fell onto the floor. Michael looked at him, tears in his eyes. He held his hand on his burning cheek. He couldn’t believe that Jean had really hit him.

Jean tried to hit him again, but Michael managed to avoid it this time.

“Jean stop please!” Michael begged him.

“Patrick showed me those tapes and he was right. You truly are noting more than a whore and I’m sure you enjoyed every minute of it!” Jean grasped his shoulders and pushed him onto the floor. Michael cried from pain and he looked up to his boyfriend, tears running down his face.

“You knew what I was, when you took me! You knew, I told you!” he cried, his voice was hoarse from the tears. “I didn’t enjoy any of it, never...You know this!” Michael continued.

“That wasn’t what I saw.” Jean’s voice was cold and harsh.

“Jean please listen to me...I don’t even remember all of those times, I don’t want to remember. Lots of the times I was drugged or too stoned, or...I don’t remember, Jean! I don’t even know how many times...I never wanted any of it!” Michael stood up from the floor, his legs were shaking.

Jean was too mad to listen. He pushed him hard against the wall, but before Jean was able to reach him Michael ran quickly inside the bedroom, locking the door after him. Jean hit the door with his fists, over and over again.

“Let me in, you fucking slut!” he screamed. Michael leaned against the door, crying with fear. He couldn’t believe that behind the door was the same man he had met all those months ago in New York.

Finally it became quiet. Michael walked over to the bed and lied down. His face and his body was sore, his head began to hurt from the crying. ‘What did I do to deserve this life? Why me?’ he asked himself over and over again. He didn’t know what the answer was.

The next morning he woke up, his cheek was really hurting by than. He got up and went to look at himself from the mirror. His left cheek was beginning to form a clear bruise. He touched it gently, but didn’t want to look at himself any longer. He walked over to the door and opened it. He saw Jean lying on the couch. Michael walked past him into the kitchen to boil some tea for himself.

“I have a terrible headache; would you bring me some aspirin, chéri?” Jean’s weak voice came from the living room. Michael took the medicine from the closet and poured a glass full of water. He then brought them to Jean.

“So now I’m your darling again?” Michael asked handing him the glass and the pill. Jean looked at him with surprise, like he only then remembered what he had done last night.

“Oh God, did I do that to you? Oh my...I’m so sorry, Mon amour, please forgive me,” Jean asked, taking the pill and drinking the water quickly.

“Just leave it...” Michael said coldly and walked back into the kitchen. Jean followed him. He placed his hands on his shoulders and kissed his neck.

“Forgive me,” Michael walked away, but Jean didn’t give up. ”Just please forgive me.” Jean pressed his own body against Michael’s back and put his arms around him.

“You called me a whore...” Michael said quietly.

“I’m so sorry...I was just so damn drunk and so jealous...Patrick showed me the tapes two weeks ago and I haven’t been able to think clearly after that...I was a stupid drunken fool and I never do that again, I would never hurt you again.”

Michael turned around to face him. “Will you promise?” he asked.

“I promise,” Jean smiled; he stoked his hair gently and kissed him.

“You smell like booze and you taste like that too...” Michael said sniffing at his nose, he smiled just a little.

Jean laughed softly. “Was that a smile I saw on your lips? You forgive me then?”

Michael nodded his head slowly. “Alright I’ll forgive you this time...You shouldn’t have seen those tapes.”

“Let’s not talk about that right now okay? It’s all only your past...You know that the best thing in fighting is making up?” Jean whispered and nipped his earlobe.

Michael didn’t know what to say to this. He didn’t feel like having sex right then and there, but he was afraid of saying no, he just wanted things to be the way they were before. So he let Jean kiss his neck and his cheeks, he let him undress his shirt.

“You drive me so crazy from desire; I’ll never have enough from you,” Jean whispered moving his hands on his naked upper body. Jean lowered himself down and opened his jeans; he pulled them with his boxers down on his angles and then kissed his cock softly. Michael ran his fingers in Jean’s hair; he felt Jean’s hands squeezing his buttocks tightly. Michael moaned from pleasure, as Jean was sucking his cock. It felt amazing.

Jean rose up from the floor; he placed Michael’s hand on the front of his jeans.

“Can you feel how hard I am?”

“Mmm...yes....”

“Turn around,” Jean ordered him. Michael did just that and leaned over the kitchen counter. Jean massaged his own body against his and Michael could feel his hard cock demanding to be released from the tight jeans.

“I want you so bad, Michael...I want to come inside your tight little ass and fuck you hard,” Jean whispered to his ear.

“Do you want that? Do you want me to fuck you like that?” he asked.

“Y-yes.” Michael answered with insecurity.

Jean opened his jeans, spat on his hand and pushed his fingers inside his young lover. When he thought that he had prepared him enough, he spat on his hand again and rubbed his cock with it. He didn’t want to bother with better lube, he just wanted to fuck and he wanted it now. He shoved his cock inside the tight hole and heard as Micheal cried a little; it was just the sweetest sound of the world, to hear him cry out like that.

“That’s right babe, you like this, my cock inside you...you needed it so bad, didn’t you?”

“mmh...” Michael bit his teeth together, trying to ignore the pain. Jean was massaging his cock with his hand and it felt good; pleasure mixed with pain. Jean kissed his neck, and then he bit it, leaving a visible mark. They both came almost at the same moment.

Jean pulled his cock out from him.

“That felt so good...” Jean smiled. Michael was trembling a bit; he felt how Jean’s come started draining down his legs. He collected his clothes from the floor and stood up. Jean looked at his bruise and touched it lightly.

“It’s better that you don’t tell anyone how this happened. Especially to Erick or Paul, you don’t want them to be mad at me, right? It’s just between you and me?” Jean asked. Michael looked at him with serious face.

”I won’t tell them...” he promised.

“I love you, you’re so great!” Jean smiled happily and kissed his lips.

Chapter 15.

Michael had first began learning how to speak French with Erick`s help and later he started to go in an evening school to learn the language even better. He noticed that his Spanish language skill helped him a little with the French learning.

He had also started working in an English restaurant, which was located near one very popular hotel, so most of the customers were foreigners. The place was owned by Mrs. Muriel Gladstone, a warm hearted English lady, who was in her fifties. At first Mrs. Gladstone had been little worried of his still fumbling French skill, as well as his lack of experience in waiting, but Michael had smiled his most charming smile and assured her that he was indeed a fast learner and that his Spanish skills would most certainly come to an advantage. So she had hired him.

“Well most of the customers are foreigners, so I think you`ll do just fine. And with that appearance and with that smile, much is forgiven, even with the French customers,” Mrs. Glandstone had told him, when she had hired him. And she had been very pleased with his working, customers were praising him. Michael hadn`t been happier in a long time. Only then he truly realized how much he had missed the normal life, how happy it made him just to have some kind of routine and being able to make his own money.

August 2002

Samuel Grey and Katherine Marshall sat in the restaurant at lunch time, examining their menus.

“Oh my god Kitty, have you ever seen anything more beautiful?” Sam sighted suddenly. Kitty raised her eyes from the menu and looked into the same direction as her friend.

“Oh, him?" Kitty grinned.

“Why do you think I brought you here? Angela and I had dinner here the other night,” Kitty said quietly with a smile on her lips.

“I think that this is going to be my favorite restaurant,” Sam said smiling as the waiter approached them.

“Hey, are you ready to order?” the young, brunet waiter asked them smiling.

Sam couldn’t help but to stare at him; the beautiful chocolate brown eyes, full lips turned to a perfect smile. ‘Oh, he has the cutest dimples ever,’ Sam thought and then read the waiter’s name from the sign on his black shirt. `Michael...oh, I like that name...`

“Would you like to hear the day`s specials?” he asked.

“Um...oh, I already know what I woul like...Cesar salad and some ice watter, please,” Kitty answered after coming back from her drooling. Michael looked at the blond young man, who`s deep blue eyes were looking at him.

“And for you, sir?” Michael smiled. Sam came back from his own dreaming.

“Well...I..um...What would you recommend?” he asked smiling.

“Do you like spicy food?” Michael asked.

“Hm…How spicy are we talking here?”


“So not too spicy I assume,” Michael grinned friendly. “Pizza pollo is good, if you like chicken? It has fresh basilica and paprika`s. I could ask the chef to put the hot spices aside so you could add them in the way you like?”

“Sounds good to me, I’ll take that and one beer, please.”

“What kind of beer?”

“Stout”

“Is Guinness okay?”

“Yes, thanks.”

“Um...I could also take one glass of dry white wine please, after all we are on our summer holiday,” Kitty said and smiled.

“Okay, thank you, I`ll come back with the drinks shortly,” Michael said and turned to leave.

“Oh, he’s gorgeous...hm...I wonder if he would go out with me sometime...” Sam was thinking out loud.

“What makes you think that he`s gay? He could be straight you know? I could ask him out,” Kitty said looking at her friend.

“Oh, he`s gay, trust me,” Sam grinned.

“You can`t know everything, Sam, and besides it dosn`t really matter is he or isn`t he, if someone is that good looking, they must be already spoken for,” Kitty sighed.

“Spoken for?” Sam laughed at his friend’s choice of words, before continuing. “We are both singles, Kitty, if you haven`t noticed and you know that there is nothing wrong with the way we look, so...” Sam pointed out.

“Yeah, yeah...but you`re that way because you chose so. You`re one of those people, who just has many one night affairs and hardly ever anything that would even have the slightest chance to go any deeper...And as for me, I`m still trying to get over from the last guy that broke my heart.”

“He could have the same excuses that we do and besides I could imagine having more than just one night affairs. In fact those have begun to bore me, but so far, there hasn`t been anyone who I could have beared to look at longer than just one night...I`m sure I could bear to look at him...” Sam told her.

“I can bet that he`s not like you, sleeping around with as many as he can, he looks just too kind for that sort of thing. Just look at his eyes! He is either getting over from the last relationship or he`s in a relationship. But that woman might be totally wrong for him and the salvation is sitting right here, at this table, meaning myself. ” Kitty smiled and continued. “And he just has to be straight, otherwise the world is very unjust indeed!”

“Kind looking? He looks like a sex god. And besides, I`m kind looking too, in fact I am kind! Well at least most would say that I am...But kind men do need sex too...and he`s gay, it takes one to know one.”

“Here are your drinks.” Michael placed the glasses on the table and smiled.

“Thank you,” they both said.

”You`re welcome.”

“By the way, why is there so much Italian food on your menu?” Sam asked, he just wanted to ask something from the gorgeous waiter and hadn`t thought of anything better.

“Well our head chef is Italian and he insisted upon it...” Michael lowered his voice and continued. “You`re in luck that he`s the one working today and not the other one,” he grinned.

“Would you like anything else?” he asked then.

“No, thank you. This is just fine,” Kitty answered quickly before Sam could ask anything else from the cute waiter, she was afraid that it would be something really stupid.

“I want to get to know him, Kitty, I want to know who he is,” Sam said, looking longingly at the waiter who was standing little farther away taking an order from an elderly couple.

“Just another one night affair,” Kitty said tasting her wine.

“No, no more one night things, I want more...” Sam told her.

“Alright, if you get him to go out with you, I treat the next pub evening for you, but only if he is, like you say; gay. If he`s not, I ask him out myself and you treat for me,” Kitty suggested smiling.

”Alright, I`m in.”

*****************

Sam returned to the restaurant two days later and this time he was alone. Michael had seen the blond man the minute that he had walked in. He smiled at him and received a wide smile back. He felt oddly excited as he walked over to the table, where the blond was sitting.

“Hello, so you really did like the food the other day?” Michael smiled.

“The food was great, but what was even greater was the service. I was hoping that you would be here today,” the blond grinned and Michael felt an odd pinching feeling in the bottom of his stomach.

“What would you like to drink?” he asked.

“One beer, please.”

“Same as the last time?”

“Yes, please.”

Michael returned to him, with the beer.

“Are you ready to order, or are you waiting for your girlfriend?” For some odd reason Michael noticed that he was hoping that this man wouldn`t have a girlfriend and that...Sam laughed slightly.

“No, no girlfriend. We are just friends with that charming redhead. This time I came here all by myself,” Sam answered trying to think of a delicate way of asking if the waiter was indeed gay or seeing anyone. He then came to the conclusion that there was no such way.

”Hm...Would you recommend something again? I`m terribly helpless in these kind of things, I don`t even know how to cook, so I have to eat outside or buy something ready made from store...pitiful, isn`t it?”

Michael laughed at this. “Well that’s what restaurants are for,” he winked at him. “But seriously...Today I would recommend a few beers in here and if you want something decent to eat, then another place would be better, our head chef has a day off.” Michael spoke so quietly that no one else, but Sam heard him.

Sam laughed. “Oh, I see...well...since you seem to know more about these food things...um...Would you perhaps, want to go with me to dinner? Some place good?” Sam asked carefully. Michael felt as though he blushed, he wasn`t sure, his heart was beading fast. ‘Remember Jean, Remember Jean,’ his brains tried desperately to remind him.

“My shift ends in one hour, if you can wait, then alright,” he answered, deciding to forget Jean for a moment. Sam smiled even wider.

“Of course I can!” he answered, perhaps a bit too eagerly. “I’ll just wait here, drink some beer and um...wait...” Sam said looking at the beautiful brunet. He could have looked into those eyes forever.

After an hour, they met outside the restaurant.

“Hi again,” Michael said smiling as he had gotten close to the blonde.

“Hi.” For a moment they just looked one another and smiled.

“So where would you like to go? What kind of food...?” Michael asked finally.

“Everything is fine with me,” Sam answered happily.

“I know one good Indian place, not far from here. Is that okay with you?”

“Yes that sounds good...Oh, I have forgotten to introduce myself completely...I`m Samuel Gray...Sam,” he said smiling.

“Nice to meet you Sam, I`m Michael Wills, Oh, I mean Michael Harris...” Michael shook his head laughing. “I better explain that...You see I changed my last name a year ago and sometimes...well sometimes I just forget.” He grinned, blushing slightly.

“Change your last name, why? You got married?” Sam asked with interest.

“Oh God no, I mean...Well it`s kind of a long story...there is certain someone that I would not want to find me and this seemed to be something to help me with that, so I took my mothers maiden name to use,” Michael explained as they walked forward.

“Some harasser? Molester? Well, I`m not surprised really, with that look, you must get harassed a lot.”

Michael looked at Sam and grinned. “Well, something like that...”

“Where are you from?” Sam asked.

“I`m from Devonport, which is in Plymouth. You know the place?”

“Yes, I`m from London myself.” Sam looked at Michael admiring his beautiful features. Michael looked at him too and smiled.

“How long have you been in Paris, Sam?”

“Five months, and you?”

“A year, I came here last year in September from New York.”

“Oh, before those terrorist acts or after?”

“Before.”

“Well, you left there just in time. How long did you live there?” Sam asked.

“Almost four years.”

“Did you like New York?”

“No, not at all, I don’t ever want to go back there again.”

“This must have something to do with the name changing thing.”

“Yes.”

They finally arrived to the restaurant and sat at a free table.

“What did you do in New York?” Sam asked after reading the menu.

“The same as here, I was a waiter,” Michael lied.

“I didn`t even finish senior high school. Stupid really, but I was young and eager and very, very stupid,” Michael told him and smiled weakly.

“How old are you now?” Sam asked.

“I`m 22.”

The waiter came to take their orders. Michael took tandoori chicken, ice water and beer. Sam looked at him like asking for help, when the waiter had asked him what he would like. Michael smiled.

“He takes chicken korma and one beer, guinness if you have that? Thank you.” The waiter nodded and left.

“It`s a bit milder, I think you might like it,” Michael smiled.

“Thanks, I haven`t eaten in an Indian restaurant before, even though there`s thousands of those in London,” Sam laughed. The waiter came back with the drinks and the naan bread and left.

“So how old are you and what do you do for living?” Michael asked.

“I`m 25. I`m working in one gym as a trainer.”

“Is your food very spicy?” Sam asked when they had eaten for awhile. Michael laughed.

“Do you want to taste?” Sam nodded his head and took a small amount of Michael`s food on his fork. Michael smiled at him. It felt like he had known Sam for much longer. It felt easy to be with him and to talk with him.

“Oh my god, you must really like spicy food?" Sam said and drank some water. Michael grinned.

“Well I have eaten somewhat spicy food since I was a child, my grandmother was Spanish and...well you got used to it. I love spicy food.”

“I haven`t got used to this much spices, I don`t think my stomach would take it very well,” Sam laughed.

“Your friend, the one you were with the other day, she is also an English person, right?” Michael asked.

“Yes, Kitty. Yes, she is. I’, childhood friends with her and we both came here to work, I don`t know how I would manage without her... She is a makeup artist.” Michael nodded and smiled little sadly.

“I haven`t seen my childhood friends in so many years, not since I left to New York,” he said.

“Have you kept in touch with them?”

“No, not even with my parents. We got into a quarrel when I told them that...” Michael fell silent and looked at Sam hesitating.

“Go on?” Sam encouraged him.

“...When I told them that I`m gay,” Michael said finally. Sam smiled, he had been right.

“Have you ever considered of giving them a call or something?” Sam asked although he really had wanted to ask if Michael was seeing anyone.

“Yes, especially to my parents, but on the other hand...I don`t know; I guess I`m afraid to make that move...I`m afraid of what they would think about me now...”

Michael`s cell phone began to rang interrupting their chat. The caller was Jean.

“Where are you? Didn`t your shift end hours ago?” Jean asked with anger.

“I`m sorry, I forgot to call you...” Michael answered trying to think of a good explanation. He thought that the best thing was to tell the truth, or at least partly the truth. “I met couple of new people and I went to coffee with them, they are from England and...” Michael looked at Sam with shame.

“What people? You met them where?” Jean sounded even angrier.

“We talk when I get home, alright?”

“Well, alright, just hurry back!” Jean insisted.

“Okay, bye Jean!”

Michael sighted after finishing the call. He looked at Sam.

“I`m sorry, my boyfriend was a bit nervous of my where abouts...He`s quite jealous and I didn`t dare to say that I was having dinner with just you...I`m so sorry, this is quite embarrassing.” Sam smiled at him while trying to hide his disappointment that Michael was indeed taken.

“It`s alright I understand. Have you two been together for long?”

“A year, I moved here with him, from New York. I really don`t know lot of people around here, besides Jean and his friends and only two of them are my friends too."

“Sounds like few more friends wouldn`t hurt to have?” Sam smiled and this made Michael smile too.

“No, indeed not.”

“It would be nice to see you again sometime, I`m sure that my friend Kitty would also like to get to know you. Go out with us sometime?” Sam suggested.

“That would be really nice. Thanks”

Sam payed their check and they left outside.

“Thank you Sam, for the food and the company. I really had a nice time with you.”

“No need to thank me, the pleasure was all mine. Well, now we have each others phone number and I’m sure that we`ll meet again. Try to manage with that boyfriend of yours.” Sam winked at him. Michael laughed.

“I`ll try. See you later Sam!” Michael smiled.

“Yes, see you!” Sam smiled back at him.

He looked after Michael for a moment, as he was walking into a different direction of where he would be heading. He sighed deeply and hoped that Michael would leave his boyfriend or something. It had been a very long time since he had felt something like this for someone and they only just met. He really did want a chance with Michael, but he was prepared of just friendship with him, it would be enough, for now anyway.

Chapter 16.

Jean wasn`t very happy with the fact that Michael had now two new friends of his own. Every time that Michael said that he was going out with them, Jean felt enormous rage and jealousy boiling inside him. He tried to fight it and keep it to himself, he didn`t want to hurt Michael again. He didn`t want to be this bad person that seemed to live inside him, but it was beginning to be harder and harder to fight that person.

Erick had talked to him after he had seen the bruise on Michael`s face, or more like yelled at him. He hadn`t bought their poor excuses of where the bruise had come from, he could see the truth and finally Jean had admitted that Erick was indeed right with his doubt.

Above all, Jean was worried. He could see the clear change in his boyfriend. He had become more carefree and happier. This fact of course, woulden`t have bothered him, if he had known that the change was because of him and not because of Sam. Jean wanted to keep Michael dependent on him and before it had been easy, but now everything seemed to have changed. He couldn`t reach or understand the world that Michael shared with his young friends. Their age different seemed to have become, even clearer. Jean was very worried indeed.

Michael sat in an Irish pub with his friends. January was half gone, they had known only five months, but the time seemed so much longer. Michael was happy, happier than in a long time. He felt himself strangely energetic, he felt himself slowly reaching the person that he used to be, the boy that he had thought was lost forever.

He looked at Sam, who was sitting opposite from him and smiled, Sam looked at him and smiled back. It seemed that everything else from around them always disappeared when they gazed one another, loosing themselves in each others eyes. There were thousands of these moments, small moments that meant more than anything else in the world. Secret looks in filled rooms, smile, hand touching gently and briefly the other. The touch even though so light and lasting merely seconds gives such a feeling that can not be described, feeling like heaven, feeling like coming home after a torrential journey.

Michael knew that he was in trouble, in his heart he knew that this was so much more than an innocent infatuation. He still tried to tell himself that it would soon pass, all in vain. The mere thought of Sam and hearing his name mentioned made him smile and feel so warm inside. This scared him a little. He was Jean`s and how could he even consider leaving him, the man, who had saved him? `I love Jean.` He tried to convince himself constantly, even now as he realized where his thoughts had ran; to his blond and blue eyed friend. `I love Sam...no, no! Jean, I love Jean!` He tried in despair, but his heart still knew better.

He had drank too much; alcohol had dimmed his sense, his cheeks felt like burning. He had a strange urge to lean over the table to kiss Sam, to touch him. He soon found himself lost again into those beautiful, blue eyes. The same thoughts were running in Sam`s mind. He wanted to touch Michael so badly, to hold him in his arms, wake up next to him in the morning. Love songs started to play in his head, when ever he looked into those brown eyes. He had never wanted someone like this, as badly as this. He wanted everything, he wanted his body, he wanted his love and to share all his dreams and thoughts. He wanted a relationship, everlasting relationship, but not just with anyone, he wanted to have it with Michael.

Kitty did notice these looks, she would have been blind if she didn`t. She had hopped that the brunet would have looked at her the way he looked at her friend, but she knew that it would never happen. Now she was hoping that Michael would leave his boyfriend, that arrogant French man, who seemed to be displeased with everything, and that Michael would take her friend. She knew how happy it would make Sam and if Sam would be happy so would she.


The question was; how to open up Michael`s eyes and make him admit the truth to himself. Sam and Michael belonged together, Kitty knew that. But still, she couldn`t help but to dream having Michael for herself, she had never in her life, met someone so attractive looking male. And there was nothing wrong with dreaming, nothing wrong with having fantasies. Sooner or later she would get over with this fantasy.

Sam accompanied Michael home from the pub, they were joking and laughing on their way. They both had drank plenty, Sam`s arm was around his waist and it felt natural and good.

“See you again soon.” Sam whispered as they had gotten to the apartment building. He had wanted to say something else, to kiss Michael, but he tried to control himself from doing that. Michael smiled at him. Sam`s arms were still around him, his face was so close and he wanted to kiss him so badly.

“See you...” Michael whispered. ”...Thanks for walking with me.”

“Sure thing, it was nice...um walking with you...Good night.” “

Good night.” Sam waited until Michael had reached the door and went inside. He sighted heavily before turning to leave.

Michael came to the door and started to look for the keys from his pocked. His hands were shaking and he was laughing slightly. `Oh gods, I`m so drunk.` He thought as he opened the door. He started to undress his coat, it felt extremely difficult in his condition. He tried to take his shoes off and fell on the floor snickering.

“Michael?” Jean`s voice came from the living room.

“Yes?” He yelled back. He got up from the floor and staggered to the living room. Jean, Patrick, Louis and Felipe sat there, drinking wine and having a quiet conversation. Michael looked at them and sighted. `Could they be anymore boring?` He wondered.

“Bon soire!” Michael said with drunken voice and laughed.

“You`re drunk.” Jean pointed out coldly.

“Oh, am I? Wow, thanks for pointing that out for me, wouldn`t have realized if you hadn`t...” Michael grinned, his face felt so weird, everything was weird. Patrick looked at him with disdain.

“How come British always have to drink themselves in such a horrid condition?” He mumbled. Michael almost laughed at this, no wait, he did laugh at this.

“Well I`m deeply sorry Patrick, it`s a good thing that you can always drink so civilized, isn`t it?” Michael said looking at Jean with one raised eyebrow. Jean was feeling a bit uncomfortable.

“Alright…I`m going to bed, good night gentlemen...” He faltered and walked into the bedroom, closing the door after him.

His head was spinning. `I have to get to shower.` He thought and walked in the bathroom. Again the undressing part seemed to be much more complicated than what it was normally. He washed his hair and thought about Sam, Sam`s eyes, lips, his body...`God dammit stop this Michael, stop it now!` He argued with himself and turned the water on colder. He bite his bottom lip, keeping himself from screaming. At least it stopped his thoughts from wandering any longer.

He dried his body with towel and returned to the bedroom. Jean sat on the bed.

“Did your guests leave already?” Michael asked when dressing clean boxers on. Jean walked behind him and kissed his neck. “Not now Jean...I`m tired...” Michael said and walked on his side of the bed. He wrapped himself under the warm cover “Good night.” He said and turned his back on Jean. Jean sighted with frustration.

“Night...”

Michael woke up having a worst headache ever. He almost didn`t dare to move. If the pain was this bad when laying down, he wondered how bad it would be when getting up. Jean was also awake, he nestled against his back and moved his hands on his naked chest. Jean kissed his shoulder.

“Good morning chéri.” Jean whispered. Michael felt sick.

”I don`t feel so good.” He managed to say before rushing into the bathroom. He knelled in front of the toilet seat and vomited. His body was shaking, cold sweat running on his skin. He rose and washed his mouth before going into the shower.

When he came back he found Jean sitting on the bed, just like he did the night before.

“Come here Michael.” Jean demanded. Michael looked at him, feeling weary.

“I`m getting dressed.” He said and went looking for some clothes. Jean walked behind him, took his towel off and squeezed his buttocks, breathing in his neck.

“Not now Jean!” Michael said firmly.

I want you, it`s been awhile now since our last time, much too long if you ask me.” Jean whispered. Michael took his clothes and walked farther away to put them on.

“Honestly Jean, I feel terrible right now, I just throw up...you can`t expect that I...” Michael said as he was dressing.

“Then when?”

“Well, not now anyway...”

”God dammit, this is because of that Sam, isn`t it?!” Jean yelled in anger.

“No it isn`t!...I feel sick, just believe me already.” Michael said quickly and walked past Jean towards the kitchen.

Jean followed him, grasped his arm and pulled him close.

“I want you.” Jean said looking at him with demand. Michael pulled himself free.

“I feel sick, my head hurts. Do you really want me now? Do you want me to allow you to take me even when I really don`t want it? Not now, not when I`m feeling like this.” Michael asked after he had gotten farther away from Jean. Jean was quiet for a moment.

“Alright, but don`t make me wait much longer Michael, I`m sure you`re feeling better by the evening.” Jean snapped and walked into the kitchen to make some coffee. `By the evening?` Michael wondered and closed his eyes. He really didn`t feel up to it, but he would do it. He had to.

February 2003

Jean had invited his friends over and Michael decided to ask Sam and Kitty to keep him company. Michael chatted with them happily and soon Erick and Paul joined to their conversation. Jean watched them with jealousy, he saw the way that Michael and Sam were looking at each others, the way they were smiling. Michael said something that made Sam laugh and Sam touched his shoulder. It almost drew Jean over the edge. He didn`t want Sam to touch what was his and only his.

Jean rose and went to get himself another drink from the kitchen. He then walked over to Michael and the others. “What are you talking about?” jean asked once he had gotten close enough.

“I was just telling them some old school memory`s, nothing special.” Michael said and looked at Jean.

“Did you also tell them about New york? About what you did there?” Jean asked evilly. Michael looked at him with surprised horror. Every one else was looking at jean too.

“I don`t think you have dear...” Jean continued.

“Jean, please don`t... “ Michael`s voice was shaking.

“Why not? I think your friends would be interested in knowing what kind of a whore you were.” Jean said with cold voice. Michael gasped for air, his whole body was trembling.

”Jean!” Erick shouted with anger. Sam and Kitty were too surprised to speak.

“Yes, you heard right. Michael was a whore and very good whore I believe. How many men did you entertain my love? Perhaps you still do it behind my back.” Michael almost couldn`t breath, he felt tears in his eyes. He couldn`t believe that Jean had just said it. He couldn`t speak. He heart Erick saying something, but he couldn`t understand a word. He knew that Patrick was somewhere near and he could almost see the malicious delight on his face. He wanted to leave, quickly, he just had to get out.

“You are an imaginable bastard Jean!” Michael said finally, his voice sounded so strange to his ears. He tossed his wine on Jeans face and dropped the glass on the floor, he heard how it broke into pieces. He rushed away from the apartment, not looking back. Sam came back to the reality and looked at Jean.

“He`s right, you are a bastard!” He shouted and ran after Michael after taking his and Michael`s coat with him.

Michael didn`t know where he was going. Tears were burning his eyes. He felt stupid and hurt and disgusting, he felt so dirty. “Michael!” Voice was calling him, he didn`t care, he couldn`t face any of them.

“Michael wait, please!” Sam ran beside him. “Michael...” He said softly and touched his shoulder gently. Michael stopped and turned, but he looked at the ground, he was too scared to look Sam in the eyes.

“Here put this on, it`s cold out here.” Sam spoke and helped him with the coat. Michael wrapped his arms around himself.


“Are you alright? What was that just now?” Sam asked with concern, he touched him gently.

“It was the truth.” Michael sighed crying and finally looked up to Sam. Sam didn`t know what he should say or do, so he decided to pull him in a gentle hug.

“Tell me Michael, please, what ever it is you can tell me.” Sam asked. They pulled away from the hug. Michael nippled his bottom lip and looked at Sam hesitating.

“Lets go some place else...”

They walked to the park near by and sat down on the park bench. Michael looked briefly at Sam before lowering his gaze down. He sighted before he began.

“When I was seventeen, I met a man; Ricky Matthews. He seemed to be everything I ever wanted and he wanted me to go with him to New York. It seemed like a good idea at the time. All I did was fight with my parents, my friends had turned their back on me and the only person that accepted me for who I was, my grandmother, died all of a sudden...that`s why I left with him...” Michael spoke with a low voice.

Sam took his hand in his, thinking it might relax him a bit. Michal lifted his eyes on him and smiled weakly.

“Ricky, however, was everything else from what I had thought he was...He was, he is, very violent person for those who he`s with...sex was...it was horrible...” Michael had to stop for a moment, it was very hard to talk about it. Sam still held him, his other arm came around his shoulders and the other still held his hand. “I...He made me sleep with some of his friends..he sold me to them...he often filmed it...I...” Michael began to shake all over, tears ran down on his face. Sam wiped the tears away.

“Shh...Everything is fine...” Sam whispered, he was shocked of what he had just heard. He had tears in his eyes too. He wanted take all the pain away from Michael.

“Jean knows all of this, without him I wouldn`t have been able to escape...He saved me and...Oh god...what you must be thinking about me now...” Sam held him on tightly and Michael pressed his head against his chest. Sam stroked his hair gently. “What do I think? This dosn`t change anything I feel about you, it only makes me hate those who have hurt you like that...Michael...Why didn`t you tell me this sooner?” Michael lifted his head up and looked at Sam.

“I didn`t want you to pity me, I was afraid...afraid that...When I met you, for the first time in a long time I could forget about what happened. I felt myself normal and I was afraid that if I were to tell you, you would look at me differently...It wasn`t because I didn`t trust you, it`s just a part of my live that I would like nothing more that to forget that it ever happened...Although it`s impossible Jean reminds me every day.” Michael laughed dryly. “I never wanted it. I never had the choice, nor did I ever get the money myself. Just one choice, one wrong choice and I managed to ruin my whole life.”

Sam was quiet for a moment, thinking of what to say. “It wasn`t your fault and this really dosn`t change the way I see you, it only makes us closer to one another...and Jean is an idiot, it has to be said.” Michael looked at him and smiled.

“Oh god, did I really throw the wine on his face?” Michael laughed raising his hand on his forehead.

“Yes you did.” Sam laughed.

“Oh god, Jean must be mad.”

“He deserved it, would have deserved worsh if you ask me. I almost hit him.” Sam said meeting with Michael`s eyes.

“I`m glad that we met, I`m grateful for your friendship.” Michael smiled and they hugged again.

“I`m glad too. Well, what do you say if I would buy you a drink? I think we both could use one.”

“Sounds good to me.” They rose up. Michael smiled as they walked forward, Sam held his hand. He had never felt so save in his life. It felt so right, so right that it was almost scaring.

Chapter 17.

The end of may 2003

Michael had invited Sam and Kitty over for a dinner. Sam came earlier to help him with the cooking, but at first they had to decide what they would be cooking and then go to the store, to buy the ingredients.

They sat in front of the kitchen table, thinking. Jean came home with Patrick. Michael sighted deeply and rolled his eyes at Sam when he heard Patrick`s voice coming from the hall.

“Oh god, if they stay here all night...I can`t stand to listen to Patrick, that man doesn`t know when to shut up...” Michael whispered very quietly, making Sam laugh.

“Bonjour, mon amour.” Jean said walking behind Michael.

“Hi, Jean.” Michael replied. Jean leaned over to kiss Michael`s neck and his cheeks, wrapping his arms around him. Jean looked straight at Sam, like saying with his eyes: `He`s mine, just remember that.` Sam looked at him back firmly, he didn`t like Jean one bit and honestly couldn`t understand how come someone as sweet as Michael was still with that jerk.

Patrick came to the kitchen with them.

“Patrick.” Michael acknowledged with a rude voice, nodding his head in his direction.

“Michael, Sam.” Came as rude answer with the same gesture.

“What are you planning to cook?” Patrick asked. Michael looked at Sam and grinned.

“Hm...Haggis is Kitty`s favorite food, isn`t it? We should make that Sam, the real stuff, in lamb`s stomach of course.” Michael said trying to sound serious.

“Of course! Kitty just love`s haggis! We could also make some kidney pie?” Sam suggested.

“Oh brilliant idea Sam, that sounds good.” Michael said and looked at Patrick who had a sour expression on his face.

“Lets go out to dinner Jean? My treat.” Patrick said then, looking at his friend. Micheal tried hard not to smile from triumph. “Alright, I just go to a quick shower and change my clothes.” Jean answered. It did bother him to leave Michael alone with Sam, but in all seriousness, he would rather eat in a restaurant than that English rubbish and besides he didn`t care much to spend time with Michael`s friends either.

“Oh, it`s really a shame that you won`t be staying, I`m sure we would have enjoyed greatly from your company.” Michael lied, trying to sound sincere. Sam tried not to laugh. Michael rose up.

“Oh, don`t worry, after all, we`ll have the night to ourselves chéri.” Jean said and pulled him into a forceful kiss. Jean was squeezing his buttocks tightly. Michael whimpered quietly, he didn`t like it at all when Jean did that in front of others especially in front of Sam. Jean finally released him. Patrick was looking at Michael smirking. Sam had the urge to hit Jean and hit him hard. The man was just such a big of a dick. Michael was an angel, he should be held gently, treated with esteem. If Michael would be his, he`d... Sam shook his head, he was once again wondering into his own dreaming.



*****************


Sam and Michael left to the store as soon as Jean and Patrick had left.

"So what are we really cooking?” Sam asked.

“I was thinking that we could make tortilla`s; with chicken, salsa sauce and vegetable`s. Is that okay?”

“Yes, sounds good to me. Beer or wine?”

“We can take both.”

They were cooking when Kitty came in.

“Hello boy`s. I brought some wine.” Kitty said when walking into the kitchen behind Sam.

“It`s a rare treat to have two gorgeous men cooking for you.” Kitty smiled.

“Do you want me to pour you a glass of wine?” Sam asked.

“Yes please.”

“So, has Michael done all of this alone?” Kitty asked grinning, looking first at Sam and then to Michael.

“I sliced the vegetable`s and opened a beer bottle for Michael.” Sam told her.

“Yes, Sam has been very helpful.” Michael grinned. They sat down to eat.

“I hope that my salsa sauce, isn`t too hot, I made it myself.”

“Oh, now I`m scared...Well at least I know who to blame if my stomach argues with me tomorrow.” Sam laughed.

”So Kitty, how`s your love life?” Sam asked.

“Well, pretty much the same as ever. Although I have started to flirt with that Irish man, that bartender.” Kitty told them.

“That redhead? I thought you didn`t like men with red hair, although I have never understand it, because you`re a redhead yourself.” Sam sneered.

“Well, opinions change. He`s kind of cute and the way he talks, oih...” Kitty sighted.

“Kitty has a thing with Irish men...” Sam told Michael.

“Oh, really? I`m quarter of an Irish, did you know that?”

“Oh? No, you haven`t told us that before. An interesting mix you are.” Sam said smiling and looked at him. Sam had such a pretty smile, Michael thought.

“So what about you Sam?” Kitty asked and Michael looked at the blond, he noticed himself being a little too eager and scared to hear the answer.

“Well...I was on a date last weekend, with Phillipe, do you remember him? From the club?” Kitty and Michael nodded their head`s.

“Well...It was boring as hell! The conversation was so forced and he kept staring at me. `Oh Sam you`re cute and so funny and...` “Sam imitated with shrill, feminine like voice. “I kept trying to look at my watch, thinking when it would be alright for me to leave. We talked about the weather and it was the most interesting topic we had! Ugh, totally waste of time.” Sam sighed and took few gulps of his beer.

Michael felt oddly relieved.

“Poor Sam, well at least you tried going out on a date. I`m proud of you!” Kitty laughed and hit her friend playfully on the shoulder. Michael drifted to his own memory`s, his first date with Jenny when they were 15. They had went to the movies and eat in a hamburger restaurant. Jenny had held his hand and they had kissed and all that time he had thought about Tony and felt himself like an idiot. He smiled weakly to the memory`s of his home, memory`s of a life that seemed so unfamiliar now.

“Michael, earth calls...What are you thinking?” Sam asked.

“Oh, nothing special, just some old stuff...” He smiled.

“Where is Jean by the way?” Kitty asked.

“He went out to dinner with Patrick. We scared them away telling them, I mean lying to them that we would make haggis and kidney pie for dinner...God, it`s easy to cheat them in a things like this. I mean one would think that Jean would know me well enough by now, to know what kind of food I like and don`t like.” Michael grinned.

“Well, thank god you didn`t cook haggis.” Kitty laughed.

“How are things with you and Jean anyway?” Kitty asked, knowing how much Sam would want to know the answer.

Michael was quiet for a moment, the truth was, that things wern`t going so great. Ever since the incident in february, things had turd to worse. Michael`s feelings toward Jean had changed majorly. He didn`t feel any desire towards him anymore, he didn`t feel comfortable around him. He thought about Sam all the time. Jean hurt his feelings often, threatening to hit him and at times he did, not in the face, so it wouldn`t show.

Jean was frustrated of the fact that he had refused from having sex so often. Jean had even tried to bribe him. “I`ll buy you something nice, if you give me what I want. And tomorrow, we can do what ever you want.” Jean had suggested. “Are you bribing me? Trying to buy sex?” He had asked irritated of the fact that Jean didn`t understand when he said that he didn`t want to have sex just then. It was hard to want it when the other constantly abused him with harsh words and physical violence. “What if I am? Shouldn`t be anything new for a whore like you!” Jean had shouted and finally threatened that he would find someone else for having sex, if he didn`t give it. And what had he said to that? “Go ahead Jean. What are you waiting for? You`ll have my blessing...” He had been hurt and angry when saying it. Jean had hit the soft spot; reminding him about his past was just that.

With those words he had hurt Jean back, it sounded like he didn`t care at all, but he did. He missed the man that Jean had once been, man who seemed to have disappeared. He missed and loved that man and prayed that he would return. All though, he often wondered that the love might have been more like a gratitude than the real thing.

Michael felt guilty, he felt himself like the worst boyfriend ever. He truly didn`t want to be with Jean anymore. He knew that his heart belonged to Sam, but he didn`t know how to say it or how to leave Jean. It felt hard, it felt impossible. He was just too scared to leave and he thought that it would be stupid to even think that he could have someone like Sam to love him. Sam was too good and too pure for someone like him. He would learn to love Jean again, he had to.

“Things are fine between us” He answered finally, forcing a smile.

Sam had noticed the thoughtful expression on Michael`s face and he could see from his eyes that it wasn`t true what he said. Jean and him weren`t doing fine, he knew it, hell, he had seen it. Jean was an idiot who treated Michael badly and the worst part of it was that Michael seemed to think that he deserved it. Sam wouldn`t be able to look that much longer from the side. He would have to talk with Michael, talk with him truly.

Later that evening Sam and Kitty were walking home together.

“I`ll have to talk with him Kitty, soon...” Sam said as they had walked for awhile. Kitty looked at him.

“I think you should. I`ve seen the way you`re looking at each others...and you...you really seem to fancy him?” Kitty smiled. “Fancy? Hell, I think that I`m in love with him.” Sam told her.

“What? Am I hearing right? Samuel Grey, the boy who, just awhile ago, said; ‘I`ll never fall in love, nor want another relationship.’ Is in fact, in love right now?! Hallelujah! A miracle has happened!” Kitty laughed with joy, she pushed playfully at her friend`s side and wrapped her arm around his waist. Sam placed his own arm on Kitty`s shoulder.

”Well, I guess it`s a bit strange, but it had to someday.” Sam laughed and blushed slightly.

“I think you should definitely talk with him! It`s clear that he has feeling for you too. As I said, I`ve been watching the two of you and the looks have been very obvious. There has been so many times that I have had the urge to shout; Get a room you two!” They both laughed.

“What would I do without you Kitty?” Sam sighted.

“And what would I do without you? You are so dear to me and I wish you only luck. I hope that Michael would realize that you are the one for him and that he should leave that stupid French.” Kitty smiled and kissed her friend on the cheek.

“You are dear to me too Kitty...Tell me, how come I`m so nervous of telling him? My heart races even now when I only think about it.”

“That`s what the love will do to you Sam. Better get used to it.”

Chapter 18.

June 12th

It was Michael`s 23th birthday and they had invited friend`s over for the evening, including Michael`s friends. Jean hoped that this would help their relationship, if he would try to accept Michael`s and Sam`s friendship. He could feel that he was loosing his lover, if things wouldn`t change with them soon and Jean didn`t want to let Michael go.

He missed Michael`s touch, missed the sex, which Michael had refused from so often. It was because of Sam, Jean knew it, he had seen the way they were together. Michael had changed so much from the insecure, serious boy that he had met in New York. With Sam he was happy, he smiled a lot, he was joking and having fun. Jean wished that he could be that way with him.

Jean watched Michael from the doorway as he was getting dressed. He walked behind the younger man and wrapped his arms around him.

“You look delicious...” Jean whispered and caressed his body. Michael startled slightly and took few steps back from him.

“Not now Jean, there`s no time.” Michael said quickly. Jean expression darkened.

“When do you have the time now days?” He snarled.

“The guest`s will arrive shortly, that`s why there`s no time...Please...darling, don`t get upset” Michael smiled, hoping that it would relax Jean.

“Darling? It has been such a long time since you called me that...” Jean smiled and continued. ”After everyone leaves tonight, I`ll have you in bed, no more excuses love...” Jean came closer to him and kissed his neck. Michael stared at the wall in front of him. `But I don`t want to, I want...Sam` He thought. Jean was kissing his lips now. “Mmh...Can`t hardly wait...” Jean whispered. Michael was feeling uncomfortable.

The doorbell rang. Michael sighted with relieve and went to see who it was. He smiled as he saw Erick and Paul standing behind the door.

“Congratulation” Erick wished him happily and cave him a hug.

“Thank you.” Michael smiled and then hugged Paul, who had congratulated him too.

“So 23-year`s now? Still so young. Can`t hardly remember the time that I turned 23. We`re getting old Paul.” Erick laughed.

“Erick has a small middle-age crisis coming. Last week he thought he found a grey hair and he hasn`t talked about anything else since. Speak for yourself my beloved, I intend to be young still.” Paul joked and Erick smiled to him.

“Alright, alright. I stop going on about that hair, at least for today. Now it`s time to celebrate, right Michael? Here`s some wine and a small present for you.” Erick handed him the bottle and an Irish music cd.

“I thought you once said that you like this music?” Erick asked.

“Yes, I do, thank you so much.”


More guests arrived, including Patrick, whom Michael had hoped not to see that night. Michael looked at Jean with worry, he was drinking again and Michael could only pray, that he wouldn`t drink too much that night. Finally the doorbell rang and Sam arrived.

“Sorry, I`m late, I couldn`t leave earlier from work.” Sam said and smiled at him.

“It`s alright. Thank God you came...” Michael whispered and smiled back.

“I woldn`t have missed this for a world...Kitty couldn`t make it. She had to go to work. She said she would make it up to you later, she will take us to dinner or something like that.” Sam smiled. He was feeling slightly nervous, he had wanted to talk with Michael for several days, but every time he had tried, someone or something had interrupted them. Today he had decided to finally have that conversation, he just had to get Michael alone with him somewhere.

Jean came to the hall with them.

“Ah, Sam. I was beginning to think you wouldn`t show up today.” He said.

“I wouldn`t have missed Michael`s birthday for anything.” Sam told him and looked at Michael then.

“Happy birthday.” He smiled and handed him the present.

”Hm...it`s a book, isn`t it?” Michael asked smiling, after he had explored the packet.

“Open it and you`ll find out.” Sam winked at him.

“Come Sam, come to talk with us. You haven`t met all my friends, let me introduce you to them.” Jean said quickly, he didn`t want Sam and Michael to spend too much time with each others. Sam looked at Michael with surprise on his face, Jean hadn`t been this eager to introduce him to his friends before. Michael rolled his eyes at Sam and sighted.

He went into the bedroom to open Sam`s present in peace. It was a book about Egypt`s history. He had told Sam that history had been his favorite subject in school and that he was especially absorbed about Egypt. He read the birthday card on top of the book. “Happy birthday to my dear friend! Next year I`m taking you to Egypt, I`m not taking no for an answer ;) While we wait for that, you can read this book. (ps: Look inside the covers)” Michael smiled and opened the book. Inside it, was a beautiful, silver cross necklace. Michael thought about putting it on, but then he decided that it wouldn`t be a good idea, when Jean was drinking, even a small thing like this could rouse his jealousy. `Tomorrow then` He thought with a smile and placed the necklace back inside the covers. He returned to the living room.

It felt as though Sam had talked with Jean for ages. Michael stood at the other side of the room with Erick and Paul and looked at Sam every once and awhile. Sam looked back at him as often as he could, so that Jean wouldn`t notice it too much. Patrick talked with them too and Michael smiled with sympathy to Sam, when he looked at him, shaking his head ever so slightly when ever Patrick opened his mouth.

“What`s going on between you and Sam?” Erick asked quietly behind him. Michael looked at him with surprise. “Nothing, I mean, we`re just friends.” He replied. Erick looked at him with doubt.

”What ever you say, but if I were you, I`d be careful.” He said then and looked at Jean`s direction. “I think you understand, I won`t say more.” Michael nodded, he looked at Sam and then at Jean, noticing only then that Jean was looking straight at him with an odd look on his face. Michael tried to smile at him.

Michael went into the kitchen, he wanted a moment in peace. He tasted the punch that Jean had made. Sam came into the kitchen with him. “I was finally able to escape from them, Jean and Patrick found more interesting things to talk about.” Sam said smiling and then looked at him with more serious expression.

“We need to talk.” He said.

“Alright.”

”Not here, lets go somewhere more private?” Sam asked. Michael looked around.

“Okay, lets go over there.” He said then and looked over at the bedroom.

Michael walked inside, followed by Sam. The room was dim, with only moonlight from the window brightening it slightly. Michael walked over by the window and then turned to look at Sam. “Alright, what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?” He asked and looked straight into Sam`s blue eyes. “I think you know...We have been avoiding this subject for so long, even though we both knew that it was and that it is there...I think it`s time to talk about this truly, no more hiding...” Sam spoke and moved closer to him. He placed his arms around his waist and pulled him even closer.

Michael`s heart was beading fast when he felt Sam`s touch, when he felt him so close to himself.

“Sam...I ...” Michael started, but was cut off when Sam pressed his soft lips against his own. Michael parted his lips to give Sam better access in his mouth. Everything else from around them seemed to vanish. Sam`s mouth tasted like strawberry`s and champagne. It was a perfect kiss with a lot of emotions that were hidden far too long. This was everything he had ever dreamed of, Sam was all that he ever wanted. Sam was touching his body all over and Michael squeezed him tighter against himself.

Suddenly he remembered where they were and pulled away from the kiss.

“Sam, we can`t do this...This is Jean`s home, I can`t...” Sam looked at him with confuse. Then he moved closer again. Michael was looking out from the window, his hand touching his own lips slightly, like he was still wondering what had just happened.

“I fell for you the moment I first saw you and I haven`t been able to think clearly ever since...You`re always, always on my mind...I have wanted to talk with you, about this, for so long...To tell you how...” Sam touched his chin and turned his face gently to meet with his. They looked in each others eyes.

“…I`m in love with you Michael...And I could make you happy if only you`d let me. I would never have confessed this to you, if I knew that you were happy with Jean, but I can see that you`re not...” Sam continued. Michael was quiet for a moment. He wanted to hold Sam, to tell him that he felt the same, but something inside him stopped him.

“It`s not that simple Sam, I can`t just leave. Jean has given me so much and I just can`t...”

“Do you love him?” Sam cut him off.

“Yes, I think...I don`t know anymore...” Michael answered fretfully.

“If you`d love him, you would know that.” Sam told him.

“You don`t understand Sam. Jean saved me and I really don`t know where I would be right now if...”

“I understand completely, but this isn`t about who saved who. It`s about what you want and feel. Isn`t it about time to do what you want for yourself and not what others want from you? Someone always gets hurt, that`s life and you can`t live your whole life for the others” Sam touched his face and looked deeply into his eyes. There was so many feelings running inside Michael`s mind; He wanted to leave, he wanted to be with Sam and to tell him everything he was feeling for him, but he was afraid. How could he leave Jean, who had given him a better life?

Michael sighted and nipped his bottom lip, he stared outside for a moment and then turned to look at Sam.

"He querido decirte esto desde hace mucho tiempo; cuánto realmente significas para mí. Mi corazón es tuyo, es a ti a quien quiero... pero tengo miedo, miedo de dejarlo, miedo de lo que podría suceder si lo hiciera..." He said finally, smiling sadly. He knew that Sam wouldn`t be able to understand him, but he had to say it somehow.

“What was that?” Sam asked, thinking that what ever it had been, it sounded really sexy.

Michael looked at him, touching his cheek gently, his sad smile never fading from his lips.

“Something I have wanted to tell you for such a long time, but it dosn`t matter now.” Sam kissed him again and Michael kissed him back, a gentle kiss full of desire and want. The words that Sam couldn`t understand echoed in his mind. He wanted to know what they meant.

“Sam...I can`t do this.” Michael whispered with sorrow.

Jean started to wonder where Michael was, Patrick had noticed his absence much earlier. Patrick went to look for him from the kitchen and then noticed the bedroom door that was slightly open. He walked closer and thought he heard someone talking. He peered inside and saw two men inside, realizing that they were Sam and Michael. They were talking about something, but Patrick couldn`t hear what it was. Michael held his hand on Sam`s face, Sam moved closer and they kissed. Patrick wasn`t too surprised by seeing this, he had always expected something like this to happen. He smirked evilly. Michael would be in serious trouble, once Jean would find out about this.


Michael and Sam stood there looking at each others and just when Sam was about to say something, something that would change Michael`s mind, the door opened.

“What are you doing here, in the dark?” Patrick asked and looked at Michael`s surprised face smiling. Michael didn`t like that look on his face. `Did he see something?` He wondered.

“We were just talking, it was so noisy out there, in the other rooms.” Sam hurried to answer. Patrick turned the lights on.

“You know, you can turn the lights on? No need to talk in the darkness, unless...”

Jean came into the room.

”Here you are Michael, I was beginning to wonder...” He said looking at them and then to Patrick.

"Is everything alright? The guests are starting to leave.” Jean said with suspicion in his eyes. Something was wrong and he could sense it.

“I was just leaving myself.” Sam said then, looking at Michael.

“Wait, I see you to the door.” Michael said and they walked past Jean and Patrick. Michael could feel how Jean was looking at him

“If you change your mind, you know where to find me. Think what I said, alright?...Take care now.” Sam whispered and looked at him with worry. He could see the way Jean was looking at them and his mind felt restless for Michael. He wouldn`t have wanted to leave Michael there, something was not right, he thought.

“I`ll be fine Sam, don`t worry...” Michael said trying to assure Sam with a smile.

When the door closed after Sam, Michael missed him already. He questioned his own decision of not leaving with Sam. He walked back into the bedroom, with hope that he still might see Sam as he would walk past the building.

Patrick walked quietly behind Michael and placed his hands on his shoulders.

“I saw everything Michael, what do you think that Jean thinks about all of this?” He whispered.

“Don`t touch me.”Michael snapped and turned around.

“Well, well, is this the way to talk to a man who knows your secret?” Patrick asked, clearly enjoying from this situation. At that moment Jean walked in.

“I leave you two alone for awhile.” Patrick said and left the room.

Jean stood there for a moment just looking at him.

“So, did everyone leave already?” Michael asked trying to forget about what Patrick had just said.

“Yes, they did.” Jean said with a cold voice.

“Did you have a nice time today Michael?” Jean asked walking closer to him.

“Yes, I did, thank you for arranging this.”

“It seems to me that you spend a lot of time here, in this bedroom...perhaps the party was more enjoyable here.” Jean said not taking his eyes away from him. Michael started to feel uncomfortable.

“What are you talking about?”

“Just what I said, that you enjoyed your time here, with Sam...”

“Don`t be absurd Jean, you have drank too much.” Michael said and tried to walk past him. Jean grasper his arm tightly and pulled him back.

“Am I absurd?...I know everything you little slut, Patrick told me what he saw here and you have the nerve to lie to me about it.” Jean bawled. Michael looked at him, not knowing what to do or what to say.

“It wasn`t what you think.” He said finally, knowing that he sounded stupid.

“Oh really? I think it was exactly what I think it was. I think you want to be treated like a whore like Ricky did.” Jean snarled.

“That`s not true, you know it! If this is what you think of me, then I think that it`s best for me to leave.” Michael pulled himself free and walked over to the wardrobe. He opened the door, took his suitcase and started to pile his clothes in it.

“Where do you think you’re going?!” Jean followed him and ripped the clothes from his hands.

“You’re not going anywhere, you still owe me a lot!”

“Stop it Jean! You can`t stop me from leaving!” Jean grasped him from his shirt collar and pushed him against the wall.

“Is that what you think? Just look at yourself, you`re trembling from fear. You`re pitiful Michael!...You know, I think that Ricky would still be interested of your where abouts, I might just let him know that...” Jean said tightening his grip on Michael, who still tried to brake free.

“You`re horrible!” Michael screamed, kicked Jean and tried to get to the door.

Jean reached him again and hit him on the face, Michael almost lost his balance and fell. He tried to flee, but Jean grasped him again and pushed him so forcefully that Michael hit the table with his side and this time he did fell onto the floor. Jean moved quickly on top of him, one leg at each side of him, holding his wrist down above his head. “Let go of me!” Michael screamed.

Patrick came back to the room. He watched the situation for awhile from the doorway. Michael tried desperately to free himself, but didn`t seem to succeed in it. Jean was tearing his shirt open.

“Stop it, Jean! Stop!” Michael screamed and tried to fight back even harder. As Jean tried to undress his jeans Michael managed to move a bit, trying to escape. Jean flipped him over to his stomach and succeeded to pull Michael`s shirt all the way off. Jean was pinning him against the floor with force.

“You`re going to get it soon, long and rough, that`s the way you like it, you whore.” Jean snarled.

”No, no! Let me go! Jean...no!” Michael screamed, tears forming in his eyes.

”Shut the fuck up!” Jean shouted, holdind his young boyfriend under him, feeling himself starting to harden.

Patrick came closer and Jean turned to look at him.

“Help me, hold him down.” Jean ordered. Patrick hesitated for just a second, but then did just what Jean had asked him to do. Patrick knelled onto the floor and held Michael`s wrist behind his back, forcing his upper body to lie still. Jean was pulling Michael`s jeans off of him. Michael lied there, with nothing, but his boxers on, at the mercy of these two men, his lover and his lover`s friend. He was panicking, scared as hell. Michael couldn`t believe that Jean was really going to do this to him.

Patrick was looking at Michael`s body with lust. He really was beautiful from the face as well as the body. He met with Michael`s eyes, the younger man was looking at him with hate and fear. For a moment Patrick felt guilty, he knew that this was wrong, but at the same time he felt aroused, so incredibly aroused that he soon forgot about the quilt.


Jean lifted Michael up to his knees in front of him. He held his arm around his neck and with his other hand he held Michael`s hands behind his back.

“So I`m not enough for you? Fine, have it this way then.” Jean hissed as Patrick sat in front of Michael on the bed and Michael could see that he was hard already.

“Does it look good Mike? Want to taste it?” Jean sneered to his ear. Michael shook his head, tears falling down harder.

“No, no, no...” He kept saying and trying to understand that Jean was the one doing this to him; about to hurt him, in the worst possible way that he knew. `Maybe they won`t do it, maybe they are just threatening me?` He tried to comfort himself, but when Patrick opened his trousers and took his hard cock out, he knew that they weren`t just threatening him.

Patrick rubbed his cock in front of him and moaned from pleasure.

“Suck him.” Jean ordered.

”No!” Michael screamed and tried to brake free. Jean`s hold on his neck became tighter.

“Do it, now!” He said firmly, forcing his head closer. Michael looked up to Patrick, with tear filled eyes. He hated him more than ever. He felt so humiliated being there, in front of him, half naked and helpless. Why did Jean do this to him? How could he do this to him? He kept asking silently.

Patrick took a hold of both side of his head and brought his mouth closer to his cock.

“If you bite it, I swear you`ll regret it!” He hissed. As the hold on his throat became tighter and tighter he finally had to open his mouth. Patrick fucked his mouth and at the same time Jean kept rubbing himself against his butt. Jean was hard, he could feel it clearly. The hold on his throat loosened and Jean moved his hand down on his body, inside his boxers. He fingered his entrance.

“Soon you’re going to get it in here.” Jean whispered. It felt hard to breath, his mouth possessed and violated, tears darkening his vision. Patrick took his cock out of his mouth and kept rubbing it with his hand.

“Perhaps Patrick wants to try your tight, little ass.” Jean said and lifted him up from the floor.

“Let me go, please.” Michael begged.

“No, I don`t think that we will cheri. I think you`re going to enjoy this just as much as we will. Although it dosn`t really matter if you don`t.” Jean laughed sounding more like Ricky than himself. Michael tried to run, but didn`t manage. Jean hit him and strike him down on the bed. He pulled his boxers off of him.

`This can`t be happening, this can`t be happening, I`m not here, not really here.` Michael kept telling himself. Jean sat in front of him, holding his wrists while Patrick sat on his thighs. Patrick squeezed his buttocks. It had been suck a long time since he had, had someone so young and good looking man. Patrick moved his finger inside of him and Michael screamed. All the horrible times with Ricky rushed back to him.

“Stop, please...Jean, please, stop this.” He cried. Jean pulled his hair and pushed his face on his crotch. Then he opened his belt and the buttons of his jeans releasing his hard cock, he tied Michael`s hands behind his back with his belt.

“Lick it.” Jean told him. Michael sobbed and Jean pulled his hair again.

“Do what I tell you to do! Or I`ll hurt you more.” And finally Michael listened to him.


Patrick placed a pillow under his pelvis and took some lube that Jean had given him. He put the lube on his opening and on his own cock and started to push inside him slowly.

“You fucking bastard, no!” Michael screamed in agony. The pain slashed through him as Patrick moved deeper inside him, all the way there. Patrick started fucking him slowly, quickening his speed with each trust. “Mmh…You`re so fucking tight...perhaps you haven`t been giving it so much as I thought you were...” Patrick moaned. Michael felt sick. Jean still held his hair tightly and rubbed his cock in front of him. Michael closed his eyes and tried to imagine that he was some place else. Patrick moaned, his body tensing, he came inside him. He rose up and changed places with Jean.

”Now you`re going to get some more and you`re going to get it hard and much more roughly.” Jean said as he thrust inside him. He was right, he was much more violent than Patrick had been. Michael screamed from the pain. “This feel so good, this is what you are made for.” Jean moaned. He came out of him and flipped him onto his back. “I want to see your face when I fuck you.” He said lifting his ankles over his shoulders and thrusting back inside of him. Michael turned his head a side, but Jean grasped his chin and turned him to look at himself. Jean kissed him, drawing blood from his lips.

His arms hurt badly as they had to endure all the weight coming on them, but on the other hand it wasn`t as bad pain, as the other down there. He tried to move and he cried from the agony. Michael looked at Jean`s eyes for a moment, the look in them was so cold, he seemed more like a stranger to him than his lover.

“Please stop, it hurts, hurts so bad...” Michael groaned, closing his eyes.

“It`s suppose to hurt, after all, you enjoy from pain, you slut!” Michael just couldn`t understand this, this wasn`t the man he had met in New York, that man had been kind and loving and now he had been placed by this bitter and cold man, who wanted to hurt him. Jean grasped his shoulders and groaned from pleasure as he came.

Jean and Patrick rose up, Patrick released his hands. Michael lied there, paralyzed from the shock. He was shaking all over.

“Do you honestly think that Sam would want you for any other reason than sex? You`re a fool if you think other wise.” Jean snarled and then left the room, followed by Patrick.

`You have to get up Michael, get up, get up now.` The voice in his head told him. He couldn`t stop from crying. Each move that he made hurt so bad, he groaned as he stood up from the bed. His legs felt so weak, like they would give up from under him at any moment. He tried to wipe most of the sperm and the sweat on his body away. He dressed with shaking hands. He knew he would be with bruises the next day. He packed his clothes from the floor to his suitcase and walked into the living room. Jean was sleeping on the couch and Patrick was no where to be seen, he had probably left home already.

Michael walked down the streets of Paris, he was feeling so lost, he hardly knew where he was walking, his instinct was leading him. It began to rain, he could have laughed, it was just so fucking perfect. His head hurt, he was cold and wet. The people that walked past him, looked at him strangely. He couldn`t blame them, he must have looked like quite a mess. He wanted to forget about what had happened, but his abused body, didn`t allow it, the pain seemed to run all over him, but still; the memory`s were the worst.

It felt as though he had walked forever. He stood in front of Sam`s door and looked at it feeling numb inside. He didn`t want Sam to see him like this, but where else could he go? He needed Sam, deep inside, he knew that Sam was the only one who could make him feel alright.

He rang the doorbell, it took awhile until Sam came to open. Sam had only his t-shirt and boxers on, he looked a little bit sleepy. Sam looked at Michael with shock. He had tear swollen eyes, red and slightly swollen lips, his cheek was little red from a bruise.

“Oh god…What did he do to you?” Sam asked.

“Come inside.” He added then quickly.

”You`re soaking wet.” He said with worry. Michael dropped his bag on the wooden floor.

“I didn`t know where to go and I thought that if...” Michael spoke quietly, his voice was trembling.

“Of course, you`ll stay here.” Sam said and hugged him gently.

“Everything is alright now.” Sam comforted. It was braking his heart to see Michael like this.

”Can I go to the shower?” Michael asked.

“Yes, of course you can. I just give you a towel and I`ll boil you some tea while you`re showering.” Sam said and went into the bedroom to get a towel.

“Here and there`s the bathroom.” He showed him, after he had returned to him with the towel and a bathrobe.

Michael came into the bathroom. It was hard to undress, the clothes had clutched on to his skin and his body ached when he had to stretch and pull them off. The jeans were the hardest part and for a moment he thought about asking Sam`s help, but then decided against it. He didn`t want Sam to see how helpless he felt and he didn`t want him to see the bruises on his body. Finally he managed to undress himself completely and stepped into the shower. He scrubbed his skin harshly, wanting the dirt away, wanting every trace of them away from him. He felt so weak. He stepped out of the shower and dressed the bathrobe on. He went into the kitchen where Sam was.

“Here`s some tea.” Sam offered the tea mug to him.

“Thanks”

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Sam asked carefully. Michael was quiet for a moment.

“Patrick saw us when we kissed and he told Jean...” Michael started. “...Jean didn`t take it so well, he had been drinking too much and then he...he and Patrick, they...they forced me to...” Michael stumbled over with his words, he looked at Sam very quickly, as though he was a shamed. Sam understood what he was trying to tell him and hugged him.

“I shouldn`t have left you there.” Sam said and felt the tears in his own eyes.

“You couldn`t have known, don`t think that.” Michael whispered. Sam looked at him touching his face gently. `How can anyone do something like this to other? Especially to your own boyfriend?` He wondered, feeling so helpless himself. He went to get some ice from the freezer and wrapped them into a towel. He then came back to Michael and pressed the ice gently on his bruised cheek.

“You better try to get some sleep.” Sam said then as Michael had finished drinking his tea.

They came into the bedroom.

“You can sleep here if you want to be alone, I can sleep on the couch myself.” Sam suggested.

“No, I don`t want to be alone, please, I want to sleep next to you?” Michael said and sat on the bed. He undressed the bathrobe and took the shirt that Sam had given him. He laid down and Sam laid next to him, wrapping his arms around him. Michael felt save in his arms. Sam touched his hair and his face softly.

“You`re save now.” He whispered and smiled gently.

Sam stayed awake, waiting for Michael to fall a sleep. He kissed his forehead very gently. He had never felt anything like this in his whole life, he wanted to protect the angel laying next to him from everything, he wanted to love him and give him happiness he truly did deserve, he hoped that everything would turn out alright eventually.
 

Chapter 19.

Michael startled awake from his nightmare and for a moment, he thought that he would find himself in Jean`s apartment and that he would find him laying next to him. His breathing was tense and he moaned quietly, not daring to look around himself. “Michael, is everything alright?” Sam wrapped his arm gently around him, soft lips pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead. Michael turned to look at the blond man next to him, to his friendly, blue eyes and calmed down. He smiled and nodded his head.

“I love you Sam.” He whispered and kissed his lips very softly.

“I love you too, very much.” Sam said and kissed him back. “How are you feeling?” He asked then.

“Well, better than last night, it still hurts though...”

“I saw a nightmare about last night, Ricky was in it too...It was horrible...” Michael spoke quietly and stared at the ceiling. Sam stroked his arm gently and slowly.

“Everything is alright now, you`ll never have to go back there again.” Sam`s voice sounded calming. Michael looked back to him, turned over to his side and snuggled closer to his warm body. Sam held him and stroked his back. He kissed his forehead.

“I feel so save here, I could stay here, in your arms the whole day, or a week or a...If I wouldn`t have to eat or go to the bathroom sometimes...” Michael muttered against his chest. Sam laughed softly and brushed Michael`s hair

“I wouldn´t argue to that at all, it feels good just holding you like this.” Sam smiled and continued.

“It`s still early, you should try to get some sleep. I`ll be here, right next to you.” He pressed another kiss on his forehead and stroked his back and his hair soothingly. Michael nestled even closer to him and muttered something that Sam couldn`t make any sense out of.

Sam smiled, he really could have been like this forever, to feel Michael`s warmth next to him and breath in his scent. He wished that the situation could be different though, that the reason that they were this close now, would have been different. He couldn`t understand people who could hurt others so cruelly, especially this warm hearted, young man next to him. `Why is it always the good people to get hurt?` He wondered silently. He really did want to defend Michael from everything bad that followed him. He honestly could have given his own live to save him and he had never felt anything so powerful for anyone. He listened Michael`s even breathing and knew that he had fallen back to sleep.

“No one will never hurt you again, I promise.” He whispered and closed his own eyes. He fell a sleep, his arms still around Michael`s body.

*********

Jean woke up, his neck and his head ached after he had slept in a bad position on the couch. He smacked his dry mouth, tasting the booze from last night, it tasted like a rat had growled in his mouth and died, he really needed to drink some watter and brush his teeth soon. He rose up in sitting position and stretched his limbs. Then he remembered; Michael, last night, what he and Patrick had done to him. He cursed himself silently.

Jean rose up from the couch, ignoring his headache, he walked towards the bedroom.

“Michael?” He called. The room was empty, he checked the bathroom and the kitchen; empty. Michael`s suitcase was gone as well as the most of his clothes and some of his books and cd`s.

Jean searched his cell phone and tried to call Michael, he didn`t answer. He rang the second, third and the forth time; still no answer. He started to get nervous. He cursed, searched his car keys and his wallet and left outside.

Erick was just starting to make some coffee, when the doorbell rang. He stopped what he was doing and went to get it. “Jean, what are you doing here?” Erick asked with a surprised voice. Jean walked past him inside.

“Is Michael here?” He asked with an anger voice.

“No...Why would he be here?” Erick asked and looked at his friend in confusion.

“Call me if you hear from him.” Jean said and headed to to the door.

“Jean, What has happened? Did you two have a fight?” Erick asked quickly.

“It`s not your concerne.” Jean snapped and left. Paul had heard Jean`s voice and came to the hall.

“What was his problem?” Paul asked.

“I don`t know, he was looking for Michael...I have a bad feeling about this...I better try to call him.”

*************

Michael woke up. Sam wasn`t by his side anymore, but he could hear noises coming from the kitchen. He rose up and searched his phone. There was eight calls for him already, all of them were from Jean. He pressed the voice back on to the phone. Sam came back to the room carrying a tray.

“Oh, you`re up already. I made you an English breakfast, but you have to be in bed...Oh, and don`t worry, this much I can cook.” Sam grinned. Michael smiled to him and climbed back onto the bed.

“Thank you, I can`t even remember the last time that someone made me breakfast in bed, I think the last person who did it was my mom...” Michael said and placed his cell phone on the nightstand.

“Has someone called you? You look so thoughtful.” Sam asked and sat beside him.

“Jean...eight times.” Michael said with serious voice and tasted his coffee. Sam looked at him, thinking.

“Have you thought about reporting to the police about this, about what happened.” He asked then.

“And to tell them what? That my boyfriend, sorry, my ex-boyfriend and his friend raped me? Do you honesty think that they would take me seriously?” Michael snorted and stared into his coffee mug. Sam touched his face softly and Michael lifted his gaze up to him.

“Why are you so good to me Sam? I can`t understand how you are able to touch me or even look at me after what happened.” Michael wondered.

“What they did to you, was wrong, so very wrong...I see you the way I always have; to me you`re an angel, too good for a world as cruel as this. It wasn`t your fault and don`t you ever think that it was. I hate them, I hate them more than I have ever hated anyone in my whole live, for doing this to you.” Sam looked into his eyes, held his hand and continued. “ I don`t think that you even realize, how much I honor you. You have gone through so much bad things and you have survived it all, kept your head high and smiled to the little good things in life, not many could have done that. Promise me that you won`t give up in the future either, that you`ll never let them brake you.” Michael felt the tears in his eyes. It had been such a long time since someone had looked at him like that, since someone had believed in him so much and respected him so.

“I promise...Maybe things will turn out better now...now when I`m with you...” Michael smiled carefully.

His phone started to ring and Michael startled, fearing that it might be Jean. He took his phone and sighted with relieve as he saw that it was Erick.

“Hello.” Michael answered.

”Hey, Are you alright? Jean stopped by here just a moment ago and he seemed a little bit strange.” Erick asked.

“I`m with Sam, I left Jean last night...” Michael told him.

“What happened? Jean wouldn`t tell.” Erick sounded really worried. Michael was quiet for a moment, he felt a lump in his throat even when he just thought about it. He felt that he would grumble if he would say it out loud again.

“I would rather not talk about it, not now, I can`t” He said, voice trembling a bit.

“Okay, would it be alright if I stopped by over there? “ Erick asked then.

“Wait, I`ll ask Sam.” Michael looked at Sam. ”Is it alright if Erick comes by here?” Sam nodded his head. Michael cave Erick the address and finished the call.

Half an hour later the doorbell rang, Sam went to open.

“Hey, come on in.” Sam told Erick, noticing the worried expression on his face.

“How`s Michael?” Erick asked taking his coat off.

“Well, considering the circumstances, he`s doing tolerably well.” Sam said and continued. “I think it`s best that I`ll tell you this, Michael dosn`t want to talk about it much just yet...Patrick and Jean raped him last night, after every one had left...Patrick had seen us kissing...” Sam sighted deeply. He looked at Erick who was really shocked.

“They did what?...Oh my god, I can`t believe...Jean?...Oh, my god...” He kept saying raising his hand over his mouth.

“It`s true, if you see Michael you won`t doubt it for a second.” Sam told him.

“Michael woudn`t lie about a thing like this, I know that...It`s just, I have known Jean for so long and it`s hard to believe that he...” Erick said, stopped for a second, like realizing something and then continued. “...Or perhaps I should have seen that something like this would happen, sooner or later.” Sam looked at him confused.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“I explain this soon, where`s Michael?”

Michael came from the bedroom to the living room, where Sam and Erick were. Erick looked at him and came to give him a hug.

“Oh, Michael I`m so sorry. I`m so mad at Jean right now.” Erick said.

“I told him what happened." Sam told him.

“I have to tell you something Michael. Something that I should have told you in the beginning, I see that now.” Erick said, they had sat down. Michael and Sam looked at each others and then to Erick, not knowing what to expect.

“Oh god, how to tell you this... Look, years ago, before you met Ricky, he was with Jean.”

“What? Jean and Ricky? You can`t be serious…” Michael asked, he looked at Erick, hoping that he would say that he had heard wrong.

“It`s true...What Jean and Ricky had, was nowhere near of what you and Ricky had...I guess, there was just too much in common between them, both too strong willed and...” Erick spoke carefully, it seemed like a very hard thing for him to talk about. He looked and Michael and continued. “Don`t get me wrong...I don`t mean to say that Jean is the kind of monster that Ricky is. I once knew a boy, who was just a bit lost, but not bad in his heart. Jean has had a difficult youth, abusive parents, it hardened him, I think, but the time he spend with Ricky, changed him more than I ever truly realized, up until now. He didn`t talk about it, not to me anyways, so I don`t know the whole story between them...I know that Ricky left Jean and soon after, he found you. Jean came back to Paris at first, but then returned to New York to prove Ricky that he was better that him. To revenge his rejection. The best thing to do that, was to take you away from Ricky, or so Jean thought” Erick fell quiet for a moment to look at Michael, who had a very hard time understanding what was being said.


“Oh, god...How could I...How could he?...I don`t understand...He...?” Michael shook his head.

“I`m so sorry, that I didn`t tell you this sooner. Jean begged me not to tell you. I believed him, when he said that he had fallen in love with you. It had been a long time since he had been so happy as he was with you...Now, I don`t know if I know him myself anymore...The fact how ever is, that Jean has never taken a rejection sensibly.” Michael looked at him, still trying to understand it all.

“Jean and Ricky?” He kept saying over and over in confusion.

“Yes, you mean that man who you kissed with at the club?”
“Forgive me for saying this, but you didn’t seem to enjoy much from his company. No, I shouldn’t have said it, but would it hurt to make new friends? That is all I'm asking.” Michael could hear Jean`s voice clearly in his head, he remembered how Jean had looked at him, how he had smiled. He remembered Jean`s expression when he had told him about Ricky. Michael remembered Jean`s touch. “Shh...It’s alright babe, everything is alright, don’t cry. I wont hurt you. “ Michael shook his head wanting to forget. “I couldn’t leave knowing that you stay here with him. I wan’t you to come with me to Paris” Michael was shaking now, he had believed every word that Jean had said. Jean had been a great liar. `Who the fuck Jean really is? Who is the man I have been with, for two years? What`s the truth?` He wondered, lifting his hands up to hide his face.

“Michael...I really am sorry, had I known that something like this...” Erick started.

“You don`t have to apologize Erick. Jean is your friend and...” Michael had cut him off. “...I don`t know what to think...I...it`s better to find out about this now than never.” Michael said quietly.

“Jean truly dosn`t deserve you...I have never been this mad to anyone...Michael, you`re my friend and I hope that we could be that in the future...however, I understand if...” Erick looked at him sadly.

“Do you think I blame you? Erick, of course I don`t...You`re my friend, that will never change. You are not responsible of Jean`s actions.” Erick smiled and took his hand.

“I`m with you on this, one hundred percent. If you race charges against them, I`ll testify against them.”

“I`m not going to inform this to police, they wouldn`t believe if I did. I just, I couldn`t bear another humiliation, I just want to leave this behind me.” Michael told them.

“Are you sure? They would deserve a punishment.”

“I`m sure...I...I don`t want to...I couldn`t...Please don`t make me...I know that they wouldn`t believe me, they`d just laugh...I`cant...” Michael trembled from the mere idea of it.

“Alright, but if you change your mind...” Erick said and hugged him. “Take care now, call me if you need anything. You have a good man here, everything will turn out alright.” Erick looked at Sam and then to Michael. Michael smiled weakly to him. “Alright I leave you two alone now. See you again.”

“See you, and thank you Erick.”

Michael thought about everything he had just heard, after Erick had left. Everything seemed to be too much. He remembered the time that he had met Jean and what happened last night. On the other hand, it all made sense. The man he had met in New York, wouldn`t have hurt him like this, but it was all just a big lie, that man had never truly existed.

Michael sat on the couch and stared into the emptiness. Sam walked behind him and placed his hands on his shoulders. “What are you thinking?” He asked.

“How could I believe him? Why didn`t I see it? You think you know someone, you think you even love them and then everything changes, it all turns out to be a lie.” Michael said quietly.

“No one could have seen it, some people have just a natural talent to lie. He made you see what he wanted you to see. Even Erick believed him and he has known him much longer than you have.” Sam said, circled the couch and sat beside him. He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close.

“I`m just so tired of this all, tired and weary...tired of being afraid...I may never get over the fear.” Michael whispered. “Everything will be alright, I`m sure of it...You just need some time.” Sam whispered. Michael smiled and pressed his head against Sam`s chest.

“Hm...I should start finding my own apartment...” Michael thought with a quiet voice.

“Own apartment? Why? I mean, you could stay here…I`d like you to stay here.” Sam said, Michael lifted his head up to look at him.

“Are you sure?”

”Yes, I`ve never been this sure about anything. I want to be with you...The question is will you have me?” Sam asked and smiled little shyly. Michael smiled and touched his face.

“Do you even need to ask?” He grinned.

“I told you I love you and if you would have understood what I said last night, you wouldn`t have the smallest doubt.”

“What did you say? You don`t know much it bothered me.”

“I told you, that I had wanted to tell you for a long time, how much you mean to me and that you have my heart, that you are the one I want...but I was afraid of him...” Michael looked at Sam and held his hand.

“I have your heart?” Sam smiled.

“Say it in Spanish again?”

“Mi corazón es tuyo.“ Michael said and kissed Sam.

“You know, you could say anything at all in Spanish to me and I would think that it would be something really beautiful. Even if you would say; Sam you`re the biggest jerk in the place of the earth and as dumb as a boot.” Michael laughed to Sam`s words softly.

“I would never say that, or think that.” He fell quiet for a moment.

“I just hope I would have left with you then, before when...” He said sadly, lied down on the couch and laid his head on Sam`s lap.

“Just remember, it wasn`t your fault. You didn`t know...” Sam comforted.

Kitty came by later that night, Sam had called her and told her what had happened.

“Those kind of men should be hanged from their balls, or cut their dicks of completely!” Kitty shouted in anger. He sat beside Michael on the bed and stroked his cheek gently.

“Can I send a hired murderer to get them, or can I kill them myself?” She asked, Michael smiled weakly.

“Calm down Kitty.” He said and took her hand in his.

“It`s hard, I`m just so mad. It`s so wrong! They would deserve a good beating, or worse.” Kitty snarled, staring at the wall in front of her and squeezing her hans into fists, like she would have seen the enemy in front of her.

“Kitty, it dosn`t help to rage. Trust me, I have tried...” Michael brought Kitty`s hand close to his chest.

“I`m sorry Michael, I didn`t came in here to shout and be comforted by you, it was suppose to go the other way around.” Kitty looked and him and smiled with shame.

“Don`t worry, I`m just glad that you`re here.” Michael said.

“You`re so great Michael, so sweet and so kind and oh, I just love you so much.” Kitty said and leaned over to hug him.

“I love you too Kitty.”

“I brought you some chocolate and books, Harry Potter`s, they always cheer me up.”

“Aren`t those children`s books?”

“No, grown ups read them too. Sam probably tries to tell you other wise, but don`t listen to him. These are really good!” “Alright, thanks Kitty.”

“When you are feeling better, I`ll take you and Sam out to dinner.” Kitty promised.

“That would be nice.” Sam came in to the room and smiled to both of them.

“I should be leaving now, you need to get some sleep. Good night.” Kitty said and kissed his forehead.

“Good night Kitty.”
 

Chapter 20.

7.3.2003

Michael sat in front of the tv, watching the movie called; Amelie. He had, had the time to heal his wounds in peace. His employer; Mrs Gladstone had given him the time off from work. She didn`t know the whole story, but she did know about the jealous ex-boyfriend, who had beaten him up pretty badly. She hadn`t ask more questions, the fact which Michael was very thankful for. Jean had tried to call him several times, but Michael had decided to ignore him completely, or at least, he tried his best to do so.

Sam came home from work and smiled when he saw Michael. He was sitting on the floor, in front of the tv, eating some noodles and in front of him were also a bowl of strawberry`s, French bread and a large glass of ice watter.

“Hey Sam, I have a little floor picnic over here.” He said smiling and took some noodles with his fork and put them in his mouth. “I was bit lazy to make supper and then I had this strange urge to have some noodles so I went and bought some, do you ever get those kind of weird cravings?” Michael asked when Sam knelled onto the floor beside him.

“Cravings? Uh, yes, sometimes I do...” Sam answered. Though his thoughts at that point, were in some place totally different than in food. He couldn`t draw his eyes away from Michael. Somehow even him eating noodles was somehow beautiful and oddly sexy. Everything about him was that way, Sam thought.

“Do you want some? I could make you some or then you can eat the rest of mine. I`ve eaten enough.” Michael offered the bowl closer to Sam, but Sam still couldn`t draw his eyes away from him. “Sam? Didn`t you hear? What are you looking at?” Michael asked with a grin on his face. Sam awoke from his thoughts.

“Oh, I`m sorry, I just got lost in your eyes again...” Sam smiled and touched his face gently.

Michael looked at him, smiling back. He wondered what he had done to deserve someone like Sam. He was so good to him, he didn`t pressure him into anything. They had only kissed and held each others close and not once had Sam implied that it wouldn`t have been enough for him. It was something so very new to Michael.

Michael took one strawberry and brought it to his lips, he took one small bite looking straight into Sam`s eyes. He came slightly closer to the other man and bought the strawberry to Sam`s lips. Sam parted his lips and tasted the red berry with his tongue. He bite a small piece from it and finally ate it. The whole time they kept looking at each others.

Michael leaned even closer and kissed his lips gently and slowly. Michael placed his hand behind Sam`s neck to deepen the kiss. Sam moaned. He closed his eyes and enjoyed every minute of it. No one had ever kissed him like that, like Michael did. The kiss was filled with love and emotion. He had never known that a one simple kiss, could feel so good.

Michael broke away from the kiss. He looked at Sam, who sat there with confusion in his eyes, like asking; why did you stop? Sam licked his lips. Michael rose up, looked at him once
more and walked away. Sam stayed still, not able to move or to think straight. He would have wanted to kiss longer, he could have kissed him forever. He sighted and stared in front of him, the spot that Michael had sat just a moment ago.

“Sam? Are you going to join me, or are you going to sit there all night? It`s a bit lonely in here, without you...” Sam turned his head to Michel`s voice. He sighted when he saw him; standing there, leaning against the wall on their bedrooms doorway, with nothing covering his upper body. His brilliant, brown eyes were looking warmly at him, his perfect, full lips, turned to a smile. He had never before seen Michael`s naked upper body and he had truly never seen anything or anyone so beautiful. “Sam?” Michael asked smiling and finally Sam had back his ability to move. He walked over to Michael, who took his hand and leaded him into the bedroom.

Michael sat on the bed, leaned back and pulled Sam on top of him. They kissed softly and Michael started to lift Sam`s shirt up. Sam took the hint and took it off completely, he continued with the kiss as soon as he had managed to throw the piece of clothing away. The feel of the Michael`s naked skin against his own, felt amazing. Like he had never before felt it. Sam wondered why everything felt so different with Michael than with others; it was like feeling everything for the first time.

Sam hadn`t even notice, when they had shifted laying completely on the bed. He wanted to touch every part of Michael`s body, he wanted to kiss him always, to be with him always. Sam kissed Michael`s chin and moved to the side of his neck, down on his chest. He licked his other nipple, took in gently between his lips, nipped it slightly and then did the same with the other one. He listened to Michael`s breathing and moved his hands up to his sides. He kissed his way up to his lips.

Michael`s hands were on his butt, caressing it. His hands moved slowly on his front side to open his jeans. Sam moaned from pleasure against Michael`s mouth. His cock was throbbing, it was beginning to be uncomfortable tight inside his pants. He willed himself to draw away from the kiss. He looked into his loved one`s eyes, which were looking back to him with confusion in them. Then Michael smiled, realizing why Sam had stopped the kiss.

“I want you to make love to me Sam...I want you...” He whispered and lifted his head up to reach Sam`s lips with his own. “Are you sure? You don`t have to...I can wait...” Sam whispered between the kisses.

“Sam, didn`t you hear me? I want you, I`m sure...Make love to me, please?” Michael whispered in a way that made Sam even more aroused. Michael returned to his task. He pulled Sam`s jeans and his underwear to his ankles and Sam kicked them all the way off his legs.


Sam sat down and started to unbutton Michael`s jeans with shaking hands. He had never been this excited before, or at least he didn`t remember being. He had never wanted anyone this much. He undressed him as gently as he could. He never took his eyes away from Michael`s face, who looked back at him.

He stopped to look at his body, that had more beauty than in any art he had ever seen, than in anything he could have ever even dreamed of. He truly looked like an angel to Sam`s eyes, an angel that he felt so much for, an angel that had been hurt by the demons of this world. His skin was smooth, slightly tanned, you could see the lean muscles that delineated from under the skin.

Sam moved his hand on his naked thigh, pressing soft kisses on the delicate skin. He took the tip of his cock in his mouth, sucking and licking on it`s length. He heard how Michael moaned, his hands grasped the sheets into his fists. Sam added more speed, wanting nothing more than to bring pleasure to his angel. Michael ran his fingers in Sam`s soft hair. Sam moved with kisses up his body, until his lips found Michael`s once again. They moved their hips, their hard cock`s massaging against each others.

“Oh god...I want you Sam, inside me...I want to feel you, remember you and only you...to be yours completely.” Michael whispered. Sam looked deep into his eyes and kissed his lips.

“Are you sure?” He asked and Michael nodded his head.

Sam reached to the nightstand and took the lube. They moved to lay on their sides. Sam took the lube on his fingers and moved his hand behind Michael, between his buttocks. He found his opening and pressed his finger gently and slowly inside. They looked in each other eyes the whole time, Michael needed to see that it was Sam and no one else. Sam added a second finger, widening him carefully. He kissed Michael`s lips and his cheek. They listened to each others breathing. Michael took some lube on his own hand, massaging Sam`s cock with it. Sam added a third finger, Michael gasped slightly.

“Are you alright?” Sam asked. Michael smiled and nodded. ”I`ll stop if you want to, okay?” Sam whispered guiding Michael gently on his back again.

“I don`t want you to stop...I want this...I want you.” Michael assured.

They kissed again, Sam positioned his cock against his opening. Michael wrapped his legs around him and Sam started to move inside very slowly, he stopped once he had gotten himself inside all the way. The wawe`s of pleasure ran through his body as he felt the tightness`s and the warmth around his cock. They both were breathing fast. He pressed his forehead against Michael`s and touched his lips very lightly with his own. He began moving inside him with no rush, looking straight into his eyes. Michael moved his soft hands on his back.

Michael moaned, there was no pain and he was more than surprised by this. The pleasure ran through his body. Sam moved inside him, hitting some spot inside him that made it feel even better.

“Oh god, Sam...what...oh” Sam smiled to him and kissed his lips. Michael looked into his blue eyes, he was so close, they were so close. It was hard to tell where Sam`s body ended and where his began, they were like one and Michael had never felt such a warm wawe of happiness and love move through him.

“I love you.” He whispered softly.

“And I love you.” Sam answered, once again placing a kiss on his soft lips.

Sam started to move with more speed inside him, their sweat mixed together. They kept kissing each others, they moaned as they became closer and closer, Michael squeezed Sam`s shoulders, gasped and felt himself come only moments before Sam did.

Sam lied on top of him, catching his breath. They shifted to their sides, kissing. Michael felt the tears in his eyes.

“What`s the matter? I didn`t hurt you, did I?” Sam asked with worry and wiped his hair gently from his forehead.

”No, it was great...I`m just so happy...” Michael smiled. “I cry because I`m happy...I love you so much.” He whispered kissing Sam`s cheek.

“I have never been this happy too...That was better than I could have ever imagined. I love you so very much, more than anyone or anything in this world.” They laid there, said by side, talking and caressing each others for the rest of the night.

7.8

Michael was leaving home from his French class. He had just gotten outside when he saw Jean, waiting for him on steps of the building. Michael stopped for a moment and looked at Jean, who had also seen him. Michael started walking quickly towards the parking lot, where Kitty would be waiting for him.

“Michael, wait!” Jean shouted behind him and ran by his side. ”You haven`t answered my calls. I`m really sorry about what happened, I was an idiot, please forgive me?” Jean begged. Michael turned to look at him with anger.

“Do you really think that I could forgive you about what you did?! No, it`s over Jean...Besides I know everything about you and Ricky now. I never want to see you again, leave me alone!” Michael screamed and kept on walking. Jean however kept following him.

“Wait! You can`t leave me like this!” Jean shouted, but Michael didn`t stop.

He headed towards Kitty who had gotten out from her car, little unsure of what she should do.

“I can and I will, just watch me!” Michael screamed back at Jean.

“You played me for a fool Michael! You fucked with Sam, long before that night, you slut! And now you live with him? I`m not going to be cheated just like that.” Michael circled the car and told Kitty to get back inside. He opened the passenger sides door and looked at Jean, surprised of what he heard.

“Believe what you will Jean, if it eases you. However it wasn`t me who cheated on you, it was you who did it with lying to me about everything!” Michael answered with agitated voice. He looked at Jean once more before he got into the car.

They had driven for awhile, both in silent.

“Hey, are you alright?...Damn that mans nerve.” Kitty said finally, braking the silence.

“It will be alright, Jean will rage for awhile and calms down eventually....He will have the sense to leave me alone, I`m sure of it.” Michael said, not sounding so sure as he had wanted. `He just has to.` He thought to himself.

“Well, I hope that you`re right...Lets talk about something else now, okay? About this horrible traffic for example...Or lets talk about you and Sam and how you two are doing?” Kitty asked smiling.

“Although I saw Sam last night and he seemed happier than ever.” She continued.

“We are doing really good, Sam is wonderful and perfect and I`m madly in love with him.” Michael smiled.

“Good, I think he used those exact words about you as well.” Kitty told him.

They reached Sam`s apartment.

“See you again, perhaps tomorrow already, at the gym?” Kitty asked as Michael was getting up from the car.

“Yes, tomorrow then. Oh, and thanks for the ride! This was just unnecessary trouble for you, I could have walked or taken the subway, you know.” Michael said.

“But I promised to Sam that I would see you home safely and I`m a woman true to my words.” Kitty smiled


Once Michael had gotten inside, he went to the shower and drank a glass of wine, while waiting for Sam to come home. He missed Sam`s touch that would make him feel alright and to forget about Jean and everything else. The waiting seemed such a long time. He watched the door every once and awhile and tapped the armrest of the couch with his fingers.

Finally he heard the sound of the front door opening and nearly ran to hug Sam. He kissed Sam with passion.

”Finally you came...” Michael whispered.

“What did I do to deserve such warm greeting?” Sam asked with a smile and kissed him back. Michael smiled to him in a secretive manner, took his hand and leaded him to the bedroom. He guided Sam to sit on the bed and climbed to sit on his lap. He kissed him and started to open his shirt. Sam didn`t need much to get aroused. He ran his hands all over his lovers body and enjoyed from the closeness of him.


Sam laid down on his back and looked at Michael, who was taking his shirt off. Sam couldn`t help, but to wonder his beauty once again, it only seemed to increase with each passing day. Michael leaned closer and they kissed.

“Oh god Michael…” Sam sighted and rolled him next to him on the bed, on his side. They continued their kiss. Michael opened Sam`s jeans, undressing them off completely. He took Sam`s cock in his mouth and started gently sucking on it. He fondled his balls with his hand and then took them in his mouth and licked them. Sam moaned and reached with his hands to touch Michael.

Michael lifted his head and kissed his way up to Sam`s lips.

”You taste so good Sam, I can`t get enough from you, I love you...” He whispered massaging his body against him.

“I love you too...I missed you the whole day, it seemed that the time went by agonizingly slow.” Sam whispered and undressed Michael`s jeans.

“I want to know, how you feel inside me...” Sam moaned and turned over to his stomach. Michael kissed his neck and his back. He caressed his butt with his hand and took the lube. He brought his lubed fingers to his opening and pushed one in, very carefully. This situation felt so new and exiting, his first time this way around, and he was scared that he would hurt Sam. He added a second finger and a third, trying to do it exactly like Sam had done to him. He then lubed his own cock.

“Are you ready Sam?” He asked carefully.

“Yes, I need you so badly.”

Michael started to trust in slowly and stopped for a second once he had gotten inside, letting Sam to get used to the feeling of him. It felt so amazing already, new short of pleasure ran in every part of him. Sam lifted his hips up slightly and Michael started to move inside him.

“Mmh...you feel so good...” Sam moaned under him. Michael kissed his warm skin and started to add more speed. He moved his hand under him, to rub Sam`s cock. He felt how it started pulsating and finally erupted with the hot seed on his hand. Michael could feel himself coming too, he felt a pleasurable tingling in his toes and soon in his whole body. He moaned as he finally came inside his lover. He lied next to Sam, who turned around to kiss him. They snuggled closer to one another.

"So how was your day?” Sam asked smiling, after the moment in silent. Michael hesitated, but then decided to tell.

“Well, I saw Jean today...” He said with a quiet voice.

”Where? Did he do something to you? He didn`t touch you, did he?”

“No, he was waiting for me when I was leaving from my French class, luckily Kitty was there.” Michael told him.

“How dare he! He would better stay a far way from you, or I can`t be held countable of my actions.” Sam said with an anger voice.

“Sam, I`m sure that he`ll realize that I`m not going back to him and he`ll leave us alone eventually.” Michael said trying to assure himself as well. “Well I should hope so.” Sam sighted and kissed his forehead.

“My mom called today, she invited us to Nice, they have a villa out there. She`s dying to see you.” Sam said, wanting to change the subject.

“Really?” Michael asked. Sam nodded his head and smiled.

“So, do you want to go?”

“Yes, sure, it would be great to meet with your parents...I`m a little bit scared though, of what they will think of me...”

“They will love you.” Sam assured him.

“Have I ever told you, about how I told them that I was gay?” Sam asked and grinned.

“No, you haven`t...tell me now?” Michael asked and smiled back to him.

“Well, I was 15-years old and I was seeing another boy my age, he had told his parents about us and encouraged me to do the same. I remember thinking that my parents would be mad as hell and that would leave me and my boyfriend to fight back against the big bad world. So one fine day, I walked into the dining room, while my family were eating breakfast. I looked at them, lifted my chin up, and then announced in a very ceremonial manner; “Mom, dad, I`ve got something to tell you.” They looked at me very curiously and then I continued. “I`m in love with another boy, that`s right; a boy and we`re going to stay together no mather what you say to that. I have invited him over for a dinner tonight.” So I praised myself in a huge fight and then my mom smiled and told me: “Well, that`s nice dear, we`ll have to inform Albert that we`re having a guest. He isn`t some weird vegetarian, now is he?” I was in complete shock, my father wasn`t the least bit bothered by my news either. They told me that they sort of had guessed it already. And suddenly the relationship of mine, lost all it`s excitement. A week later we broke up. I had wanted to repel and I failed miserably.” Sam finished and looked at him with a grin. Michael laughed.

“I wish my parent`s would have been like that. My father wanted me to go and see a shrink and my mom was sure that everything would turn out right, once I would just meet with the right girl.” Michael shook his head.

“Yes, my parents are quite amazing, although I didn`t always realized it. I warn you though, they are a bit unique, so...well, just don`t be frighted.” Sam smiled.

“I Won`t fear a thing when I`m with you.” Michael whispered and kissed him.

****************

Erick had avoided seeing Jean, for some time, he had wanted to calm himself down first before seeing him. After three weeks had passed, he finally decided to visit him, he thought that he would get the rest of Michael`s stuff with him.

It was a late night when he came to the apartment. He rang the doorbell and he had to wait some time before Jean came to open.

“Oh, it`s you. Came here to preach, now did you?” Jean asked bitterly. Erick looked at him long, it was clear that he was once again drunk, he had a half empty glass of hard liquor in his hand.

“Can I come in?” He asked.

“I think you`ll come anyway, wetter I wan`t you to or not.” Jean said and walked into the kitchen.

“I came to pick up rest of Michael`s stuff.” Erick told him, took his bag and went into the bedroom to get his clothes and some other stuff. He then came to the kitchen where Jean sat.

“Jean, what`s with you these days? I hardly know you anymore, you drink too much and what you did to Michael...” Erick started, but Jean cut him off.

“What I did? I did what the slut deserved, Michael cheated on me, I cave him everything and now that whore won`t even talk to me....You know something, Erick? I would do it again, if I had the opportunity and I`m sure that I`ll have that someday...” He said with an odd look in his eyes.

"You can`t mean that Jean?! Just listen to yourself!” Erick gasped, horrified of his friends words.

“And what if I do mean just that? You go and tell you new little friend, just like you have told him everything else? Hah...and here I thought that you were my friend, but that god damn whore has gotten you to join his side too.” Erick looked at him sadly and slightly scared of what he saw in him. Jean looked more like a stranger to him now, like his former friend had been taken over by a demon.

“You should stop drinking and come back to your senses. Can you not realize, that you could be in jail because of what you did? No one can blame Michael for not wanting to talk with you or be anywhere near you.” Erick said and turned to leave. “Yes, just go Erick, run away quickly and tell that whore that I said; hey.” Jean shouted and a drunken laughter followed his words.

Web published: My Secret Shore

© KOLGRIM 2006 - 2010

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