Chapter 21
Stefan:
I enter the room where he lays, faint smile passing on my lips as the chill from the open window greets me.
I walk closer with quiet, even steps, he lies there still, his breathing shallow, pale skin, torn lips that have taken faintly bluish color. I guess we got little carried away - I wonder idly and raise my brow examining the cuts and bruises along his body, there’s still semen on his thighs and on the bed, traces of blood.
”It’s cold here, isn’t it Jonas?” I ask with a small grin as I walk towards the open window. I glance at him once more, his body shivers; his lips slightly apart but he stays silent and I wonder if he’s even conscious. He moves his head faintly then, vain attempt to pull his arms and legs free.
Finally I close the window; I don’t like the cold.
”Are you awake Jonas?” I ask approaching the bed, ”Missed us?” Again he moves his head; soft shake. ”Ah, don’t feel too bad, we were just getting some food, and beer… Maybe you’d like some as well?” I move my hand to his hair to stroke them gently, and as my hand brushes against his forehead I feel how hot his skin is, ”poor baby has a fever,” I blabber and stroke his cheek while grinning to myself. Finally I remove the scarf from his eyes wanting to see all of his face; the piece of fabric is damp from his tears which adds to my satisfaction. His eyes open half way; clouded and unfocused, his breathing quite laboured.
I tilt my head watching him and wondering how worried Alex is and grin thinking how he pines over the loss of his poor little hubby.
”I don’t think I’ve ever fucked someone with fever,” I muse to myself, my statement makes him more alert and I can’t help but to smile at the pained whimper from his lips. ”I feel so horny again, it’s crazy, you know?” Again I grin, ”want to touch it?” I ask starting to rub my organ through my trousers to harden it.
He chokes out another whimper that almost sounds like no, well most likely it is a no, but it only makes me laugh, I finally reach to unbind the ropes that keep him in place, He’s too weak to fight me now even without them, and when I get all of them done I hurriedly pull out my hardened organ, take his hand and force him to stroke it making it harden further. He tries to pull away awkwardly and it only makes me growl and reach for him to knock him down again, I lay on top of him, holding his shoulders in firm grip while watching his face, watching the endless tears running down slowly, yet evenly, he doesn’t look at me; his gaze is dull and broken… And again I’m fascinated by it, by the power I possess.
I’m not sure what do with him, I grasp his chin; force him to look at me, but still his eyes seem empty, he blinks few times… was it really so easy to break him? I wonder to myself and smirk, yet a moment later I feel annoyed, so I slap him; when he does not give the scream that would satisfy me, only a pathetic whimper; I slap him again and again; until his torn lip starts to bleed.
”I think you want it again,” I whisper in his ear and harden my crib, pushing myself against him, his skin feels so hot beneath my fingers…god I hate it when toys break too early.
I want a reaction, I’m going to have a reaction,
I hear the steps from behind me, holding Jonas under me I turn my head and grin at my friend.
”Bring me a knife,” I ask and he raises he brow in question looking at me and then the weak little slut beneath me, who finally seems to wake to some extend; struggling weakly and letting out small cries in sudden fright.
My friend smiles then, nods his head and leaves the room.
”Do you know what I’m going to do with that knife?” I ask him, holding his wrists down on the bed beside his face. In truth I haven’t even decided yet but I’m sure that when I require the desired item I’ll think of something.
He draws a deep shaky breath, shaking his head, muttering something I don’t really understand, I guess he’s speaking with his own language, his eyes dart around the room, his muscles tense and relax only to tense again. I’m still hard but I want to prolong this, the power really is an ultimate turn on. I draw away from him, stand up beside the bed, stroke my needy organ few times slowly just watching what my toy does now that nothing is keeping him in place. It seems to take awhile before he’s even aware of it and when he is; he crawls from the bed, falling on the floor with a thud, and I take slow steps closer so I can see him better; his pathetic being trembling before me.
He cries out desperately when he sees me, trying to stand up only to fall back down, I watch him crawling towards the door, taking support from the wall to help himself to stand,
”You could use a shower,” I take note watching his thighs seeing the blood and cum there, he lays his forehead against the wall sobbing, ”I hope you don’t mind I got rid of your clothes, you don’t really need them now, do you Jonas?” I say as I slowly approach, then finally pin him there; between my body and the wall. ”Lost the will to fight so soon?” I purr in his ear, massaging my organ between his buttocks.
Suddenly he lets out a loud scream and turns around with such a strength I didn’t know he’d have anymore. He growls like a cornered animal, his eyes narrow; fearful and angry at the same time and before I have time to react he attacks me.
I fall on the floor, he scratches and bites, kicks screams and hits, and having not prepared for it; for a moment it seems he’s actually over powering me. My heart beats wildly, his hand presses against my face and his nails dig in to my flesh, making me scream.
I have never seen such a look on his face before; filled with blind uncontrolled rage and at the same time his eyes remain clouded, his skin hot and his lips pale and bleeding, there’s no words, he only growls, his hands reaching to my throat, I let out a choked cry try to will him off of me, relieved to hear the hurried steps from the stairs, my vision gets blurry as the hands around my throat tighten. I distantly hear my friend shout, and moment later see a glimbse of him as I’m still struglling to get Jonas off.
Then there’s a sudden cry, whimper, the hands loosen their hold and I gasp for air. The weight from on top of me disappears, I look around, still coughing and gasping for air.
My friend stands there, looking at me and then at the knife in his hands; dripping blood. He’s hand shaking slightly, I turn my head; Jonas has crawled to the corner of the room, crouching there, hand against his side, trail of blood on the floor leading to where he is.
”Shit,” my friend curses, ”what do we do now?” He asks clear to us both that hospital is out of the question and with a stab wound it would only be matter of time he’d bleed to death.
I watch the pale, naked form in the corner, his lips tremble, his glaced eyes stare ahead blinking and the wet bath of his tears run down on his chin now.
”Stupid slut…” I curse and force myself back on my feet’s rubbing my sore throat, this wasn’t part of the plan if there even was one. I run my fingers through my hair before tucking my now limb organ back to my trousers. I could go to jail, f*ck this… I can’t have him ruin things for me! There has to be away out, some way out…
”We have to get rid of him,” I take note with dry hoarse voice, ”it’s the only way…” I keep looking at Jonas who shivers, getting paler by the second, ”we get rid of his body, if they can’t find it… they can’t have nothing against us, right?” I lick my suddenly dry lips, I’ve never killed a person before, but now it’s the only choice we have and it seems clear to me; ticket out of this mess is to get rid of the evidence and Jonas is the evidence.
”Such a shame,” My friend sighs, ”but yeah, let’s do it…” He nods then, hint of excitement in his voice. ”I’ve never seen a dead person before.” He adds then and grins at me.
I nod a bit stiffly, nervous, my palms sweating.
”How do we do it?” He asks and looks at the bloodied knife in his hands before back at Jonas.
”Gun…” I answer and walk towards the night stand to take it, it feels cold in my hands now, the confidence I had before when holding it strangely leaving me… Stupid slut… I think to myself again and finally approach the blond, loading the gun, hands slightly trembling, what the fuck is wrong with me now? This should be easy! …
I stand next to him, lift the gun against his temple and that’s when he brings his head up, pale blue eyes, no longer bright, looking into mine and I can’t read that look, scared? Sad? Pleading? No… I’m not sure, he blinks, his breathing shaky but he remains silent and for some reason I just can’t pull the trigger. Again I lick my lips, just one move, one tiny move and he’d fall lifeless before me. I try to imagine it, thoughts running confused, my hand trembles, he looks at me, I don’t want him to look at me; stupid slut, look away!
”What are you waiting, just pull the damn trigger,” My friend hisses and I frown, trying to focus, such simple movement… why can’t I do it? Those eyes…this is fucked up, it wasn’t suppose to go like this… ”Stefan, for fucks sake!”
You kill animals that are wounded…I reason to myself, I care nothing of him; he’s just a wh*re to me… Just a simple movement and then we can clean and erase everything, like it never happened…
”I can do it,” he sighs finally and moves closer, ”give me that,” he reaches his hand towards the gun, I don’t like the idea of being too weak to do it, but still…
Just as I’m about to hand the gun to my friend the door bursts open, ”Freeze! Drop that weapon! Hands up!” My eyes widen at the sight of the police officers with guns, pointing at us, ”The gun carefully on the floor, now!” Another command, how did we not hear them?
Fuck…
I kneel down, place the gun on the floor and finally lift my hands up, my heart racing, knowing I’m in deep, deep shit. Fucking whore… I should have killed the bitch when I had the chance, it’s all his fault!
Next moment I’m pushed roughly against the wall, handcuffed, someone calls for the medic. I turn my head and watch as they rush to Jonas’ aid. The police officer behind me hisses in my ear, I feel numb and hardly understand anything, I got caught, it’s all that sluts fault. Should have just shot him…
As I’m being lead away I take one last look at Jonas, two people trying to do what they can for his help, it might be too late anyway…
I oddly feel like laughing,
”Fucking piece of scum! Not so smug behind bars I can tell you that much… you get what’s coming to you, both of you…So wipe that fucking smile off your face!” Roughly they shove us inside the police car… should have killed that slut when I had the chance….
Alex:
I swallow thickly, my heart beats madly in my chest, my throat feels dry, steps echo on the floor people moving back and forth, a child cries somewhere and the mother tells it’s alright, it doesn’t calm the child and my head begins to ache.
I’m hardly aware of the time, I couldn’t tell exactly how long we’ve sat here, time makes no sense I’m drowned with worry and I realise just how much I hate hospitals.
It was a short relieved joy to hear that Jo was found, he was alive they said and for a moment I foolishly believed I would get him home that I could close him in my arms and tell him that this time I’d keep him safe, this time I wouldn’t fail, but now I realise just how badly I have already failed.
Jo is alive but he’s severely hurt, loss of blood brought him intensive care where he’s been since yesterday when they found him and we’ve not been allowed to see him. I’m not certain of the details, uncertainty is driving me mad. Restlessness spreads through my body and it’s difficult to just sit still.
My only comfort is that Stefan has been arrested, caught red handed with some other man! The evidence against him now is so solid he’d need one hell of a lawyer to defend him, and even that lawyer couldn’t speak well enough to grand him freedom after this or to his friend...
I rub my face tiredly, the fear does not ease, silent tears rising to my eyes. I want to believe we can make it, that he can make it but as much as I await the news of his condition as much I fear them; it could kill any hope I have, at least now I still carry that small sparkle that… they didn’t touch him that way, that… when I see him, he will smile and hold me and we can rejoice of being together once more, if only…
I finally glace at Jo’s mother, see her watching towards the woman and the crying child in her arms, her eyes hold almost a glazed stare, single tear drops from her eye, slowly traveling down on her cheek and she blinks as yet another pair of tears falls down, I silently reach for her hand, offer a broken smile when our eyes meet, she doesn’t speak but nods softly, her hand giving a weak squeeze and we wait. Too many thoughts, too many possibilities… The worst I dare not to think.
Finally the doctor approaches us, he looks tired, tries to smile but fails, my chest tightens as he asks us to follow. He has the news… We follow and on our way I look at my shoes and frown; they’re dirty, muddy and the left one has a hole; why had I chose to put these on when I have newer shoes? Most importantly; what has possessed me into keeping these shoes?
We’re lead into a smaller room, the doctor sighs before asking us to take a seat down, my lips tighten as I gaze up at his serious face, my eyes narrowing as if daring him from telling me any bad news; I only want them to be good.
”He’s unconscious now, we managed to stabilize him, but he still has high fever.” The man starts, frowning when looking at us, I’m not sure what was going on in his head, and I wonder if he’s at all bothered that I’m Jo’s husband, that we are gay… of course as a doctor he has to keep those feelings neutral, but I still wonder.
”What does… ” Saara’s voice trembles, she lets out a choked cry obviously trying to calm herself enough to speak, ”will he survive?” She finally forces the question out.
”If no complications occur, he should survive.” The doctor nods carefully, again taking that worried frown on his face,”I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but it is best that you know so you can prepare yourself before you see him.”
I knew what he would say and part of me wanted to silence him, if he said it, it couldn’t be taken back, if he said it out loud it would make it too real and I simply wanted to turn the time back and erase everything wrong.
”He’s been sexually assaulted and beaten, he was also stabbed once on his side; that caused the major blood loss. Also…” He sighs deeply, I squeeze my hands into fists, wondering if it’s even possible for it to get worse than this, ”We had to use some stitches… he’s had it pretty bad… There will be arranged some psychiatric help once he comes back to and most likely he will need it for quite some time… The recovery usually is quite a long proses and it’s recommended that you would also speak to the psychiatrist so that you have the advice and support of how to deal with this situation, he will need your support after all.”
Jo was starting to get better, he tried so hard, I rest my elbows on my knees, run my fingers through my hair repeatedly just feeling too sick to say anything. Tears burn in my eyes, it’s a bitter, helpless feeling that makes me want to scream, it’s difficult to breath, the doctors words running over and over in my head. No matter how I want to believe it will be alright, I know it won’t, how can he find the strength to go over it again? How could anyone? I hope he’d be blessed somehow so he wouldn’t remember any of it when he wakes, I pray to God he would never ever remember it! It would be the only way for… Again I swallow thickly, I don’t think we’ll ever reach the point where we could be like any other couple, still, I’m not prepared to give up. I love him, love him too much to ever want to give up.
He’s still unconscious when later we’re allowed to see him, my chest feels the already familiar tightness at the sight of him laying there looking so fragile, pale skin, torn lips, bruised cheek, my gaze travels along his figure covered under a blanket, noticing the fact that his bottom is lifted so it won’t touch the bed, some kind of cushion… I close my eyes try to focus on breathing, the anger and bitterness and fear mixing inside like a storm ready to rise and yet there’s no way to let it out, I can’t scream, can’t kill the ones who harmed him though I’m sure if I only got the chance I would; eye for an eye, I understand the old law now and how I wish I could claim my revenge.
I can’t find my voice, I just stand there and look at Jo, observing quietly, doing my best not to fall apart. His mother’s grief is louder, as I scream inside, her form trembles letting out choked cries, sitting close beside his bed, holding his weak hand, her tears wetting his palm. She can’t stop, draws shaky breaths and cries, I have an eerie feeling of standing next to his deathbed and I need to focus on his rising and falling chest to know he’s alive. I can’t find my legs to move, can’t find my voice to speak, to comfort his mother, to comfort myself.
Take away those bruises, take away what happened! I need him to be okay, if I would reach out…maybe there’s a chance?
I tilt my head, force my steps closer, my hand reaching without myself exactly even thinking; I brush his forehead gently, my fingertips softly against that bruise willing it to disappear, hoping my hands would have the power to heal and wake him, power to bring that smile upon his face…. Slowly my hand travels to his hair; so soft, my lips tremble as my mask is about to cave, I keep stroking his hair watching his face quilt inside spreading; my love I’m so sorry…
I was the one who brought Stefan into our home…If only he had never seen you… Why you? Why did it have to be you so many times? You’re so good, so gentle… We both made mistakes but this is too high prise for them, we’re not perfect, but we don’t deserve this, you do not deserve this!
Hours pass and we wait, wait in silence because it feels too difficult to speak of it, to make it real, knowing how long path there will be ahead, this is only the beginning… and yet small hope remain that Jo is able to recover, hope; a flame, a sparkle… Hope; we must keep holding on, never give up…
Web published: My Secret Shore
April 30th, 2009.
© KOLGRIM