Chapter 20
Jonas:
Drifting, I can’t feel my body, in this place its light, for a moment I do not carry the familiar weight on my shoulders, but the moment is broken too soon. The darkness, you can not imagine it until it’s there, you can’t imagine the pain….Prison, with no escape…. No one will come and you’ll perish alone without the possibility of a goodbye, what would you say?
I drift off….I don’t want to feel…if only I could leave all together… I am quite sure that I’m dying and I’m not ready for it… It’s not enough! 20 years are not enough! But at the same time, how can I stand up and go on?
After this….
It’s cold, I listen… the wind behind the class…rain, it’s been raining for ages… no other sounds, it’s been like this for too long and a horrible thought enters my mind; what if he’s left me to die like this? Starve to death, bound in this bed, cold and naked? Could he do that? Considering what he’s done already, it seems possible and fear grips my throat, as the death seems possible I realise again how much I want to live. I try to move my hands, yank them free from the ropes, but all it does is exhaust me further, burning the skin of my wrists; I’m going to die, I think to myself.
I’m not sure which I fear the most; dying alone like this, or him coming back and finish me in some other horrid way… I pray, pray for a miracle that someone would come and rescue me, someone good would find me that I would have another chance to survive.
There’s so much left to say, so much left I didn’t have chance to do…
I whimper in desperation and fear, release a choked cry that breaks the eerie silence for a moment.
Where is he? Is he coming back?
I think of my life, go through the memories in my mind, there’s nothing else to do. All the people that ever meant to me, memories of different times I was happiest, small moments with no specific meaning to others, how odd… How odd how some moments stick to your brain so? The first memories… Moving from our first house, I had grown attached to it, I might have been four, I didn’t like the new owners, they were smoking inside the house, their furniture were … dark? Why do I remember such thing? Why do I remember the couple and how they had changed our home? Did we visit there? Odd…
Walking in some building, reaching for my fathers hand, I held it, but when I looked up it was a strange man and I began to cry, the man, he had a beard and he smiled comfortingly, but I was still frightened until I saw my dad….
We had a huge yard, you could see forest from our living room window, and me and my sister loved to play there, we wanted to have a pet bunny and we tried to catch one by digging a hole in the ground of the forest, our parents were amused I think, but didn’t stop us, of course they knew that our pathetic rabid trap would not get us one, that in few days we would find something else to do, they were right.
I lived a happy childhood, I knew nothing of evil; at least I had that….
When did it all change? Why? Was I given too much happiness back then?
My lips and mouth feel dry, I’m hungry, carefully I lick my lips, it eases only for a moment and soon the dry feeling is back.
I hear something… whispers… voices… downstairs… Steps coming up the stairs, echo of boots on the wooden floor, small creaks…. Closer and closer, slowly and yet evenly, closer to the room in which I’m kept in. Oh God, will it be the end now?
The sounds stops just before the door, a moment of silence, before the door is pushed open with a soft creak sending in a cold draft that sweeps across my naked body. The person steps in and closes the door, no words, just heavy footsteps drawing nearer and I can’t see a thing. My heart is beating rapidly, I turn my face towards the echo of the boots scared out of my mind. I tuck my arms in desperate attempt to free myself; no use.
He circles the bed and I can feel his eyes burning on my skin, I know… but this silence nerves me, what is he playing?
“S-ste-fan?” My voice is hoarse, dry, trembling and weak, but I get no reply. Finally he stops, standing close, watching, I don’t need to see to know that he is. “p-please… l-let me… go?” I beg, feeling tears roll down on my skin, the dark scarf covering my eyes already wet.
The bed shifts under his weight as he sits down, ghosting his hand over me but not touching yet,
“God… please…Please!”
Finally the hand lowers on my cheek caressing my skin softly, his thumb brushing against my trembling lips and to my even greater horror I realise that who ever he is, it’s not Stefan for his hand feels and smell different.
I turn my face away but the man sneaks his finger between my lips, I bite him in panic, not even thinking, I hear him hiss and angrily he slaps my face hard, cursing in German.
His voice is raspy when he starts to speak, whispering something I can’t understand, hand sneaking on my throat, not squeezing just stoking lightly,
“I don’t understand, I don’t understand…” I cry out whimpering pitifully, “please… let me go, oh god please…”
The man chuckles, breathing hard, moving his hand further down on my chest playing with my nipples, twisting and pulling, making me cry out, he laughs, his breathing turning harder by each second.
His hand travels across my chest to my stomach, further down, paying only little attention to my limp organ before forcing his hand between my legs, circling his finger around my dry opening before forcing it in making me gasp in pain; still sore after Stefan. He seems amused of my reaction, twisting and thrusting his finger in and out, he forces my legs to part further, spits on his other hand and starts slicking my abused hole with it. Two fingers in pushing relentlessly, forcing in a third before I can even prepare to it, he groans, twisting his fingers inside without any consideration of my comfort.
“How do you like it Jonas?” Suddenly I hear Stefan’s voice, I hadn’t even heard him coming in. The other man says something to him continuing his assault on me, “perhaps you would like some lube…” I can almost see the grin on Stefan face as I continue to beg them stop.
He approaches, I feel him kneeling beside the bed, opening something and then soon enough I feel something cold and slick being poured on my opening and other hand joins the first; teasing around the area and finally pushing in a fourth digit, making me jerk violently, I can’t even form words from crying and gasping, I’m gasping for air and I can hear their sickening chuckles.
“Don’t you wish now that you would have dropped the charges?” His cruel voice asks, “it wouldn’t have had to come to this… If only you had listened… if you hadn’t angered me…”
God… why… I won’t survive this I can’t… it’s too much… too humiliating… too many times…
I can’t…
“Well… who knows… maybe you even enjoy it, could be your lucky day Jonas,” Stefan says then, “because you know what?” I shake my head, still begging for them to stop, weakly, my voice failing. “You’ll get us both at the same time. Imagine; two cocks inside of you; what a treat…”
“No, no, no… oh God, please don’t! No… can’t please… please!…” They’re going to break me in half, I won’t be able to take it. Even if my body could somehow survive it… how can my mind? How can I?
“I don’t really care Jonas, your opinion means nothing to me… I’ve always wanted to try, just never found big enough slut to agree, you’ll do just fine… Used whore…”
I can’t breath, I feel like choking, panic and nausea taking over as they keep stretching me, both of their fingers inside my body, it can’t be real, it can’t be, it’s too sick…. Too twisted, I scream, I can hear my own screams unable to stop, desperate and loud, perhaps if someone would hear….
Their fingers finally pull out the sickening click of a belt and then another, both of them snickering and I scream with my voice getting hoarse, begging, feeling like about to lose my mind if I won’t get out and away. They start to unbind the robe that keeps me on my place, I gasp for air, still can’t see anything, my body aches all over, my movements clumsy and weak and still unwilling to give up, I scratch and scream, hitting blindly with my wrists wanting to hurt them just as badly if not more than they want to hurt me. But under two pairs of seeing eyes and two sets of arms I am helpless.
“Fuck, keep still!” Stefan hisses when I feel my fist connecting something, he pines me down, the other holding my wrist above me head when Stefan kicks my legs apart and settles between them, “Let’s put the first one in shall we…” He chuckles, licking my face poking his length against my opening until finally managing to get the head inside sharp wave of pain moves through me as he forces his length deeper and I’m unsure how I’ll be able to bare it with of losing consciousness if they go through what their plan is, in the end I hope I would pass out before I can feel… My screams turn into desperate sobs when Stefan’s arms secure me in tight hold rolling us over, I keep begging weakly over and over trembling heavily feeling the other man moving behind me; I can’t get away. Hand caresses my cheeks, warmth of the other closer to my skin and when I feel his hard organ brushing against my buttocks I jerk more violently.
“Keep still now…” Stefan whispers and holds on more tightly, not moving inside me yet, the other lowers his hand to where Stefan’s length is buried and carefully he pushes his finger inside with it, stretching me wider, Taste of blood and iron fills my mouth I feel dizzy I don’t want to feel, I don’t want to be here… If I could disappear…I don’t want to feel…
Another loud scream fills the air when I feel the other’s thick organ move in next to Stefan’s, the pain is unimaginable, cutting every nerve on my body making me almost sure that I’m about to be cut in half,
“No… end it… I can’t… I can’t!”
I drift off, it’s dark, distantly I can hear my own screams but I flee inside my mind, closing door after door, until I find safe place, and I hug myself tightly, reassuring myself that I’m safe now.
Alex:
I’m sick with worry, not a single bite of food agrees to go down from my throat, sweaty and pale, waiting. It’s now confirmed that Stefan has not been seen since early this morning, but it took long ‘till evening until his family agreed to tell the truth and now we can only wait as the police have finally been given a search warrant for Stefan’s room.
I sit on the couch blankly staring at the television’s black screen, my hand stroking Taffy’s fur, the clock is ticking minutes passing, it’s late almost Midnight; where is he? I need him back, desperately, even thinking of losing him brings such pain in my chest that I can hardly breathe.
I feel tears rolling down on my cheek and I close my eyes; where are you? Please be alright… I can’t stand this pain…this fear and I want to scream and break something… I would do anything, anything at all just to get you back…
I blame myself… Did I do the right thing forcing Jo to continue the fight when he wanted to give up? God my thoughts are messed up… Nothing would stop men like Stefan! No matter what we did, or would have done….It’s all him, nothing either of us did! And I have to remember that but it’s difficult… Too many what if’s…
Jo’s mother is arranging the kitchen cabinets, been there all evening… I guess we’ve both been too afraid to talk, to voice our deepest fear. I force myself up, walk towards the kitchen, if only… if I could see him there, suddenly waking up from this nightmare and hold him close, I would never let go; please wake me up….
She’s leaning against the counter, back turned against me, hand covering her face and I can hear her crying.
“Why… why my baby?” She asks with trembling voice, not looking at me, “he’s always been a good boy… I don’t understand….”
I walk behind her, placing my hand on her shoulder gently rubbing it,
“I don’t know… it makes no sense…” I whisper, my voice hoarse and defeated. She reaches for the tea pot her hand trembling, taking deep breaths,
“Tea… Would you like some tea?” She asks, I lower my hand and clear my throat,
“Yes…” I give the weak reply slowly walking to the window, look out, only few apartments have lights on the storey house opposite, faint music from somewhere upstairs; party, occasional faint laughter… Stab of jealousy and bitterness, how can any be happy at such a moment? Nothing is the way it should be… All I want is… to have my love back in my arms, have normal life and every day problems, not this… I can not bare this… this pain… it’s driving me insane, slowly, this waiting…. Not knowing… What if you are already dead? No… you can’t be… it’s impossible, I just saw you this morning and you were…God… it’s my fault! Why did I leave; I should have stayed with you! I should have been more careful, I should have never let Stefan enter my home, should have never let him see you… I should have been stronger, forbid your friendship at least! When I knew… I KNEW he was up to no good… How can you ever forgive me? How can I ever forgive myself?
My head hurts, I keep waiting my cell phone to ring at the same time fearing it… but if the news were bad… they would probably deliver them by coming to see us… Send someone here, some officer, taking off his hat, awkwardly explaining the situation…That you are… gone… No, no! It’s impossible…
“Alex… here,” Sara whispers, I turn look at her and carefully take the tea cup from her hands,
“Thank you…” Silence, careful looks, afraid to speak, speak of him…
“You haven’t eaten, I could make you something?” She asks glancing at me and I softly shake my head,
“I couldn’t bring myself to eat, not now…”
She nods and sits down, I check the time counting the hours he’s been missing; it feels like eternity.
“T-this man…” Saara starts then, looking at me, “is he… could he-?” Her voice is shaky and finally she can’t seem to finish and brings her trembling hand over her mouth.
“I don’t know…” I shake my head, again staring out side, “I just don’t know…” She doesn’t need to say it out loud for me to know what she’s asking and I can only pray that the true answer is no.
Morning, sun begins to rise, hours of waiting and no sleep in between, have to take Taffy out… even she acts differently than normally, she knows something is wrong and for hours she waited in front of the front door for Jo to come back home, every time the steps draw near she stood up, waved her tail in hope to see the door opening in front of him, no…. And even on our walk, it seemed like she wanted to go look for him, on our way back she hurried towards home, guess hoping that in the mean time he’d have returned. By noon she seems depressed just like the rest of us.
What is taking so long?
12.30pm and the first news… they send two officers and I’m already about to faint when I see them; thinking the worst…
“Mr Hayner is now being searched for the possible kidnap of your… husband…” The female officer starts after they’ve taken a seat down in the living room, “his computer has been confiscated and searched… and we are lucky that he is not perhaps so skilled in hiding his tracks as he may have thought, evidence were found, quite crucial evidence; enough to make him the soul suspect on this case.”
It’s a small relieve, only a small, but at last the truth! Followed by anger; if they had done this sooner…!
“Why the fuck did it takes this long to find out what we knew already!? Had you arrested the bastard as soon as we reported him my husband would be home with me now!”
I scream standing up.
“Calm down Mr Bristow, I assure you; we are doing the best we can…”
“Are you?! All this fucking waist of time; sole suspect… now…. I could have told you yesterday that it was him!” Saara reaches out to touch my hand,
“Calm down, we understand your worry and we have done everything as fast as can be expected … Hayner’s family aren’t very co-operative I’m afraid, but they are being questioned and hopefully we’ll get some clue of where he might have taken him.”
I glance at Jo’s mother, her lips form a thin line, I can clearly see the anger, frustration and fear from her eyes.
“Just find him… I want my son back…unharmed…”
The woman gives her a sad smile, then stands up with her partner.
“We let you know as soon as we have new information,” she promises and quietly I lead them back to the door trying to control my anger; their best hasn’t been enough, not by far.
**^^**^^**^^**
“I’ve been here before…” The boy whispered to her girlfriend, who giggled when seeing the cabin,
“Tomec, we shouldn’t be here…” she whispered back holding his hand in hers, looking at the building in awe; it was beautiful and she couldn’t help but to dream of one day being rich and having one just like it.
“Relax Lisa… No one’s here… I know how to get in… they never know….” The boy assured smiling at her.
“Are you sure?” She hesitated, “what if we get caught?”
“We won’t, they’re never here this time of the year… besides you see any car?” He asked as they sneaked closer.
The girl looked around, it was secluded, tall dark trees looming around the yard, she then saw the tire marks in front of the porch
“No, but someone’s been here, look…” she pointed. The boy frowned,
“Been, but not here now…” He said, “could have been from days ago… frozen there… trust me, aren’t you curious how it looks inside?” He grinned and the girl bit her lip, finally nodding.
“I am…” She admitted, “but I’m scared…”
“That’s part of the excitement…” The boy tucked her hand, circling the house, until reaching the small window same level as the ground, “this here… let’s hope they haven’t noticed to fix it…” He grinned and knelt down, carefully trying to open it, it took a moment; there was a trick to it.
“There,” He grinned proudly, “want to go first?” He asked.
The girl still hesitated, looked around and tried to listen for any sounds that might alert her that the owners might still be there….
“You first…”
The boy chuckled,
“Fine,” he nodded and carefully slid in from the open window, landing on the concrete floor on his feet’s, he then turned back to face the window,
“Come on, I’ll help you….” He reached his arms and helped her down. The cellar; jars of jam, bottles of wine, old boxes of other stuff. “It’s chilly…” the girl whispered rubbing her arms.
“Of course it is…” He grinned and then took one bottle of red wine.
“Tomec! That’s stealing…” She shrieked quietly,
“We already broke in, what’s a one bottle of wine, just relax…. Let’s go up… I bet I can get you to warm up…” He took her hand and led her up the stairs.
“Wait, listen first…” She stopped him before he could open the door. Grinning and shaking his head, he did; pressing his ear against the wooden door, “no one’s there,” he said after awhile and before his girlfriend could utter another word he opened the door. “Hellooo?” He called, “you don’t mind if we visit?”
“Tomec, stop! I’m scared enough as it is…”
Chuckling the boy led her further in, they entered the living room,
“wow, it’s so… wow…” The girl sighed,
“indeed, and to imagine; if this is their cabin, how is their house then?” He looked around, then at her and grinned, “one day I’ll have one just like this… no, correction; one day you and I have one like this.…”
“Oh Tomec, you’re so romantic…” She giggled, snuggling close to him, kissing him gently.
“So, my lady, want a tour?” He asked, took her hand and kissed her palm.
“Why yes my love, I would….” She grinned. Holding her hand he started to lead her towards the kitchen.
“Tomec… it’s warm in here…” she whispered on their way, shivers running up on her spine then.
“We’re inside…” The boy shrugged.
“But… if no one is using this cabin at this time of the year, then why is it warm?” Boy glanced at her and opened the door to the kitchen; where they saw empty bottles of beer and wine on the counter, “we should go,” she began to sound nervous.
“So someone was here, but now they aren’t… you saw it yourself; there was no car…”
“But they could be coming back at any minute, gods my parents would kill me if I got arrested for something like this!”
“Relax Lisa…” The boy was too curious and reluctant to leave yet, he pulled her close and kissed her, “this is exciting, isn’t it?…Dangerous… and hot…” He grinned, before giving her a deeper kiss.
“Mmh…”
“I’ll show you upstairs… relax, we’ll hear the car in time and then we have plenty of time to get out of here…” He reasoned, hesitantly the girl nodded her head and allowed the boy to lead her to the stairs.
She had an odd feeling, something was off…
“Tomec… I-I don’t like this…something’s not right…”
“Come on, it just your imagination,” he tried to calm her, “you read too many horror novels…”
The second floor was colder, cold draft moving past them from open door, the boy glanced at his girlfriend who’s features were pale,
“Honestly Lisa,” he grinned, thinking it was amusing how frightened she was, although; it could work well for him when he would make her feel at ease. “There’s a bedroom here…” He whispered walking towards the slightly parted door, turning to look at her still holding her hand his other blindly reached to push the door open further, cold wind brushing against him but he had no time to reach when the girl let out a panicked shriek, letting go of his hand, all colour drained from her face, as she continued screaming, trembling as she made a mad dash towards downstairs…. The boy looked back in confusion of what had scared her so and sighed in shocked surprise when seeing the youth tied on the bed from both his ankles and his wrist, nothing covering his naked, bruised body, sheets of white slightly stained of blood, black scarf covering his eyes, lying so still it was easy to mistake him as dead. In panic, not able to think he quickly ran after his girlfriend, heart beating wildly in his chest almost at the same time hearing the car returning to the yard.
He cursed, reached the girl, quickly took her hand and ran with her to the basement. She was crying, gasping to breath, trembling heavily,
“oh God, oh God… was he dead?”
“We have to go… someone is coming…” The boy helped the girl out of the window and followed soon after.
They ran back to the woods, breathing heavily, the boy brushed his hair nervously, looked through the trees, just in time to see the car pulling to the driveway, two young men stepping out.
“Shit…shit… what the fuck was that…”
“Tomec… you think…” The girl looked at him with wide fearful eyes, “Tomec… we have to call someone…oh God…” She felt sick, the image refusing to leave her mind, these things only happened in movies…
“Should we? What if… it could be that…it was just… some weird… perverse game?…fake…”
The girl shook her head,
“No… no… it…looked very… real… we have to… We have to Tomec… He could be dead…”
“We could get in trouble…”
“I don’t care! Call the police! How could we just pretend we didn’t see that!” She hissed upset.
The boy nodded, shaking his head still shocked of what he had seen, still observing the house he took his cell phone and make the call.
Web published: My Secret Shore
January 21st, 2009.
© KOLGRIM