Chapter 16.
It was a cold, grey afternoon, and she stood in the rain, waiting for the woman to show up. She had tried to talk to her on the phone earlier, but then the woman had simply hung up on her when hearing what it was about that she wanted to talk. But she wasn’t about to give in, not when it was about her child, not when it was something serious as this.
“Mrs Zając!” She called when she saw the slightly overweight woman, with dark hair that had been pulled back into a tight bun, finally stepping out from he gates. The woman looked at her almost as if alarmed by her presence, she continued walking without stopping.
The blond woman knew that she was Polish and for once thanked that she herself had at one time in her youth studied the language.
“Mrs Zając, I must speak with you,” She insisted, speaking her tongue, following close behind her.
“It’s about my son and Mr Hayner,” she continued.
“I have already told the police what I know,” was the quickly spoken reply.
“You were there that night, I know you know more and as a mother I beg you to tell what you saw and heard that night.”
“Please, ma’am, there’s no more to say and I’m in a hurry.”
“Mr Hayner raped my son,” she continued but the other said nothing and continued her walk.
“Staying silent, you allow it, but it’s not too late, please,” the other didn’t look at her, just hurried her steps,
“Mrs Zając, do you have children of your own?” This made her stop.
“Yes,” she replied, after a moment of silence and glanced at her quickly before, once again, continuing to walk.
“If someone raped one of your children, wouldn’t you want to get them pay for what they did? My son is suffering mentally because of what happened and he… he needs this, he needs your help. Surely you must have heard something? Anything?”
The older woman stopped once more, turned her face to look at the woman, her pleading eyes, eyes of a desperate mother ready to do anything to help her child. She thought of her own son at home, his family, his small children. Every month she would send money for them, they needed her help with so many mouths to feed and… She loved her family, missed them greatly, but this was all for them, she needed this job… But ever since that night, she had had trouble sleeping, in the back of her mind she heard the desperate cries for help that had slowly subdued to painful crying. The blood on the sheets… sheets that she had been ordered to burn if needed… Mr. Hayner had threatened her to not say a word or she would lose her job and other opportunities to get a new one, it seemed like too big of a risk to take.
“I’m sorry,” she spoke, “I can’t help you…” She turned once more to continue to walk. The persistent woman followed.
“Please, I’m begging you, I’m begging you for the sake of my son, he’s scared and his… his husband… they need your help, if they let Mr. Hayner go free, he’s free to try it again and…”
“I’m sorry ma’am, I wish I could offer my help, but I have my own family to think of!”
“Then you know what happened, you heard,” she insisted,
“I’m sorry,” was all that Mrs Zając could say with frightened tone.
“Please, I’m asking you to at least think, consider, any problems you might experience I would be ready to help you, if you only help my son.”
“I’m in a hurry, please, I don’t have time for this, not now.” She spoke hastily, the younger stopped her again, gave her a piece of a paper.
“Then here’s my number, call me, think about it, please,” the older woman gave another look at her, nodded slightly before turning and leaving.
Stefan:
Father pours himself a glass of brandy, he doesn’t look at me, not yet and I stay silent and wait. Calmly and without a hurry he walks over to his desk and slowly sits down. He lights a cigar, leans back and finally looks at me, his face hiding every emotion, a cold mask, one he thought me well.
The silence feels pressing, he knows it.
“I’ve spoken with our lawyer,” he finally speaks out, blows out some smoke and takes a sip of his brandy,
“Yes, sir?”
“To get involved with… with the likes of him,” he raises his eyebrow, “Of course I know of your taste, Stefan, and… Haven’t I been supportive enough? Haven’t I been tolerant enough? Sleep with pretty boys, but make it discreet and… One day I expect you to find a proper wife, but this, Stefan…” He shakes his head, “this is bad publicity and it is bound to grow bigger once the trial starts, once the media get their hands on this…” I grit my teeth, anger and fear growing inside; what if they arrest me? It’s their fault, all of it, he deserved it, all of it and more.
“Well, as I said, I’ve spoken with our lawyer, the bruising on the boy…”
“I did not rape him, he wanted it,” I announce. Yes, he was flirting with me, all that time, I saw it, he was flirting and he wanted me, I saw it in his yes, I heard it from his voice.
“Of course you didn’t,” he takes another sip, “but be that as it may, I do not want this to spread in the news! I am disappointed in you Stefan, I expected better from you.”
“Father, I-“
“We give them what they want,” he interrupts me, “money, everyone has their price and we just find out what theirs is.” I grit my teeth again, stay silent and look away. Hm, I guess, I guess I could pay for my whore. “And Stefan, better hope that this works, I will not have this incident ruin our family’s reputation, I will not have you ruin it! You’re on dangerous waters here, I will do my best to keep this low, but I am doing this more for the sake of your mother, for us, than you.” His voice rises, he stands up. “I knew I should have put an earlier stop for this perversion of yours,” he mutters, takes another sip, “as a warning Stefan,” he points his finger at me, “I will make you penniless, I’ll disown you if I have to, I will not have a son who gets caught with a crime such as this,” I stare numbly at him, hiding the anger that boils inside of me.
“I have committed no crime father,” I tell him with as calm voice as I can, “I can assure you, that our reputation will not be ruined by this.” I keep my voice firm, no, I will not let them ruin me, I rather ruin them if needed.
He nods his head, “That’s what I wanted to hear,” he tells me, “you are dismissed.” He gestures with his hand and sits back down, studies some papers in front of him; silently I leave the room. I walk to my own and close the door, kicking the nearest object in sight.
“Dammit!” I curse, trotting back and forth, I turn the computer on. I have to do something, evidence… they might come and search my room to find it. I have gotten rid of my DVD’s already, next I have to clear my PC. I would hate to destroy the pictures and the tape completely, so I decide to send them to my friend who shares my taste, he understands, he’ll keep them safe.
I clear out my PC the best I can of all traces of evidence and when I’ve finished, it’s time for the plan B. I wonder if they’ll accept the money, of course they will, they’re greedy, he’s greedy. I can’t let him ruin me, my life, there’s too much at stake.
At 3 pm on that same afternoon, angry voice of a woman startles me and my curiosity takes the better of me.
I walk downstairs, into the living room where I find them. My mother sits on an armchair holding her hand on her forehead the way she does everytime she claims to have an headache, Zofia stands in the back, her head hanging low, my father stands, his back turned to the fireplace and in front of him, back turned towards me, a slender woman with shoulder length blond hair. Slowly the woman turns her face towards me, blue eyes flash from intense hatred as soon as they land on me.
“You!” She screams, points at me seeming ready to kill me. I just stare at her, of course I know who she is, there can be no mistake, at least I know where her son gets his looks from. “You should be in jail you sick pervert!” My mother moans as if in pain and hides her face.
I look at the blond woman with contempt, how dares she stand in our house and accuse me in front of my parents.
“Mrs?” My father lazily asks.
“Mrs Virta,” she informs and her blue eyes once again flash from anger that she can’t control. It’s a clear sight of the same lack of intelligent that her son is also suffering from.
“What is your business here?” My father, ever so calm, asks and lights a cigar and of course he can’t have a cigar without pouring himself a glass of brandy. He offers some for the woman who immediately shakes her head.
“I want justice for my son, I want the truth to come out,” she looks at me as she speaks, my father sits down, his face reveals no emotions. He looks at me, I look back, my head up, shoulders back, confident and well posed. As I am about to open my mouth to speak to her, my father raises his hand up to stop me.
“And the so called truth,” he starts, now looking at her, “is-”
“That your son is a sick rapist,” she interrupts him, “and it is not a so called truth but it IS the truth.”
“Mrs Virta, is it money that you and your son are after?”
“For the last time no! I came here to…”
“To bully a member of my staff while they are trying to work,” he states, and I glance at Zofia, who’s been looking down at the floor the whole time, staying silent, she knows better than to speak. I almost smile, but manage to hide it.
“Mrs Zając,” she pleads, looking at her. “Błagam panią, niech pani powie im prawdę, niech pani powie, co naprawdę słyszała!”
“This is quite enough Mrs. Virta,” my father interrupts. “Now, I must ask you to leave before I am forced to call the police,” the woman looks at me as though she would wish to kill me with that look, as if she could frighten me.
Reluctantly she allows to be led out by my father who then commands Zofia back to her work.
“This is getting out of hands,” he mutters, pours the drink down his throat and takes another. “A fine mess we have here son,” he looks angrily at me, rubs his face and sighs.
“I’m just as upset about this as you are, sir.”
“Of course our son is innocent, Franz, this is just absurd! How dares that woman and her son even claim such things. Who do they think they are!” We both look at her.
“Yes, something must be done,” he agrees, “we’ll offer some money for the boy, if his mother won’t take it, surely he will. This must silence them.”
**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**
Joonas:
“She almost agreed!” My mother shakes her head, trotting back and forth in the room in a way that almost makes my head hurt, “I almost convinced her to talk before… Oh I do so hate those people! So high and mighty! They think money can buy them everything! Unbelievable!” Finally she sits down.
“Maybe she can still change her mind?” Alex suggests, I look at him, then at my mother, who sighs.
“I haven’t given up, I won’t give up, not before I see justice happening!”
I stay silent, all this trouble because of me, because I was stupid, it’s eating me inside and I feel so helpless that it makes me sick.
I sit on the couch and stare outside where it rains. It’s been raining for days.
“Are you cold?” Alex asks in concern and even when I shake my head as a no, he still gets up and brings me a blanket, wraps it around me like a father would shelter a child.
“Are you hungry dear?” Mother calls from the kitchen.
“No.”
“What would you like? I can make anything you like,” she asks again,
“I said I wasn’t hungry.”
“I think you should eat honey, or perhaps you’d like some tea?” Alex asks in return, kneeling down on the floor in front of me. I want to scream! I feel like the walls are collapsing around me, like I’m suffocating because there’s not enough air, it’s almost as if they’re even afraid to let me go to the bathroom unescorted.
“No, please, I’m fine. I’m not thirsty, nor hungry, I’m not feeling too cold or too hot, I’m fine,”
And Alex looks at me in a way that clearly says that he doesn’t believe me. In the end mom ends up making lasagna and Alex brings me a cup of tea, puts a movie on for me to watch. They treat me like I’m sick, like I would be dying, so careful and nursing, like servants and I feel so frustrated. I’m not dying, I’m not sick, I was raped, but I am not completely broken. I just want my life back, I want myself back.
But I’m haunted by everything that’s happened, like it’s grown on me, like their hands are still over me, touching, taking, abusing, leaving me in this pain and confusion where I’ve lost my true self, where I’m treated like a seriously ill patient. At times I feel tired, at times I feel sick and at times I feel angry, angry at the world that has given me so much trouble already.
Late that evening I find myself relaxing again, feeling safe in the shelter that Alex is providing laying on the couch, my back against his chest, wrapped inside my blanket., his arms around me, his breathing on my hair, I hear the steady beating of his heart, smell the familiar scent of his aftershave. He holds me, laughs quietly with mother to the comedy playing on DVD, familiar, safe, warm. I close my eyes, there’s no need to try and run now, the problems will still be there tomorrow.
**^^**^^**^^^**
Alex:
A week goes by and the trial is nearing, Jo is nervous, restless and edgy. His nightmares keep me awake at nights. I’m glad to be at home, but there are times that I feel I’d like to get out, go somewhere with my friends have fun and forget. When I’m tired I sometimes notice myself wondering how much easier my life would be if I had never met him, and soon after I feel horrible for even thinking like that. I love him, but right now it’s just difficult between us. Newly weds with more problems than most people have to deal with in a life time.
Jo’s rapist might walk free when I could end up in jail, and at times I still feel angry that Jo didn’t listen to my warnings. But then I look at him and I cannot feel the anger, he’s not the target for it, it’s Stefan, it’s all about him and I will get my satisfaction when they read him his sentence, when they put him behind bars.
The first evening in days that he fell a sleep in my arms on the couch, made me feel momentary spark of happiness and made me regain my hope for the future. If only there could be more of such peaceful evenings
**^^**^^**
It’s Friday, Jo sits on the couch, looking tired after another restless night.
“Jo, come here, I want to show you something,” I tell him, in surprise he looks up to me, tired unfocused eyes, I give him a smile an he walks over to me.
“Sit down,” I guide him in front of the computer, “there’s this game I’d like you to try,” I whisper to his ear, as I stand behind him, leaning so that my cheek almost touches his. I find the Internet page.
“Da Bomb pong?” Jo reads out in surprise.
“Yes, it’s quite addicting, trust me, I’ve played it many nights in between my homework,” I tell him.
“Now, let’s start here with the long mode, where you have more time.” I click on the button, and then take Jo’s hand and place it on the mouse. “Very simple, use the mouse and you don’t want the bomb on your side when the time is up,”
“Uh! I didn't even have time to…” he starts when the first bomb goes by him. “Ah, now I see,”he mutters as he starts to play.
I stand up straight and just watch him play for a while.
“Evil computer, I’ll show you…” he mutters, and after a while he laughs. “I won!”
“Yes you did, now lets see if you get a higher rank than a junior,” I smile at him, “and I’m going to help your mom in the kitchen,
“Alright,” he mutters, focused on the computer screen. I walk away with a smile, a perfect game to mislead one’s mind from the serious matters of the real world.
I help Saara, Jo’s mom to prepare a dinner, and at times go see how Jo’s doing.
“I made it to professional, and then it killed me, evil,” Jo mutters and I laugh quietly,
“Then you just have to try again, won’t you?”
“Yes, I want to see what ranking comes after professional,” he nods firmly and continues playing.
At 7 pm the doorbell rings.
For a moment I go speechless seeing Stefan’s father standing there.
“Hello, may I come in?” He asks, but doesn’t stay and wait for the answer before he’s already in.
“What do you want?” I hiss angrily, he has no right coming in here after what his son did.
“I wish to talk with your…” he looks at me like one would eye an unwated insect, “your partner, Jonathan, was it?” he asks,
“Joonas, my husband” I correct him at once. When I hear footsteps from behind me I see both Saara and Jo in the hall.
“You! What do you want?” Saara’s voice is just as angry as my own was, she holds her hand on her son’s shoulder staying close in a protective manner.
“Ah, Jonas, I came here to speak with you,”
Joonas:
I look at the dark haired man, dressed in a grey suit, confusion taking over me.
“I’m Franz Hayner,” he says looking at me and I can almost feel my heart stopping, Stefan’s father. How could I not have recognized him? After all, I saw a picture of Stefan’s parents once, it pains me to even remember the time when I thought of him as my friend. How easily I seem to be fooled…
“You can have nothing to say that we would like to hear, please leave!” It’s Alex, a smile passes the corners of the man’s mouth, but he does not drift his gaze away from me.
“I came to speak with Jonas Bristow, the question is, can he speak for himself?” I look up to him, meet his yes that remind me too much of his son’s.
“I can speak for myself, what is that you want?”
“Can we sit down?” He asks and all I can do is nod, both my mother and Alex express their worry but I allow the man to step further in the living room where we sit down, Alex on my other side and mother on the other.
I watch as the man pulls out some kind of a note book.
“Now, Jonathan, name your price,” he asks takes a pencil out, ready to write.
“M-my price?” I ask in part confusion, he looks at me as though I was stupid and that’s how I feel too.
“Yes, your prise to stop these lies about my son, so what is it? 5000? Or perhaps 10 000?” He asks, I can’t find my voice, I can’t speak I’m too stunned for it.
“What the hell do you think you’re suggesting?” Alex roars, standing up, mother squeezes my hand.
“Mr. Bristow, I’m merely making this easy for you, you want money, and I have no wish to go to the court to settle this so… Though I do think that this is robbery, but as a busy man, sometimes sacrifices must be made. So, Jonathan, 10 000 should be enough, more than enough, don’t you agree?”
Alex mutters something in German, something that doesn’t sound very nice. My mother looks like she would want to strangle the man.
“Joonas,” I correct him, finding my voice again, “and no, I don’t agree.” I hiss.
“Not enough? You’re greedier than I thought.”
“Look now you bastard, get out of our home now and take your dirty money with you!” Alex shouts, I stop him with my hand, before he does something stupid, he looks at me in confusion and for a moment Stefan’s father has a triumphant smile on his face,
“Looks like your partner here disagrees with you, so, tell me the price?”
“Sir, you can tell your son, that no money is ever enough to make it right, I am not a whore he can use and pay for, I won’t accept,” I tell him, wondering where my sudden courage came from, perhaps from anger, perhaps I’ve had enough? Alex and my mother smile at me proudly, the man stands up and I feel my chest tighten, sudden worry sweeping over me.
“I though you’d be wiser than this,” he says looking at me in despise, “well if this is what you want, then so be it. I guess I’ll see you in court and be sure we’ll rip you apart! You will regret not accepting my offer!” With that he leaves the apartment, the front door slamming shut after him.
I hide my face in my hands, somehow I feel like I made the worst mistake ever. Alex laughs, and in confusion I look up to him.
“They are scared shitless! Oh my God, they are!” He looks at me and then at my mother, “Don’t you see it Jo! Oh I am so proud of you!” He pulls me up from the couch and hugs me, “they know that they’re going to lose!” he smiles, my mother stands up as well, smiling back.
“This calls for a celebration!” Alex announces walks into the kitchen and gets a bottle of wine and three glasses. “They wouldn’t be offering money, if they weren’t scared that they would lose,” he explains pouring the white wine into each glass.
I can’t be so optimistic as they are, I take the wine glass with slightly shaking hand.
“To justice!” Alex cheers,
“To justice,” my mother repeats smiling still
“Isn’t this little early for this?” I ask carefully, Alex shakes his head,
“The evidence is on our side, Heike will testify against Stefan, and once we get Mrs Zając to testify as well, we’ve won!”
“I’ll have another talk with her, she’s only moments away from agreeing, I know it,” mother nods taking a sip of her wine.
I really hope I could see this the way they are seeing it, but I fear we are celebrating too early, the man was angry, much like his son is and I am not exactly sure what I am afraid of, I just have that funny, nervous feeling in the bottom of my stomach. But somehow I force myself to smile, to at least act confident. Perhaps it can work out?
**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**
Stefan:
“Shit,” I walk back and worth in my room angry, so angry that I want to break something. Fucking Alex, he destroys everything, somehow it always goes his way! Oh how I hate him.
They refused, they fucking refused.
Mother has been complaining about her headache the whole evening, pitying herself if her friends find out about this, father locked himself in the study room with his brandy after telling me of the latest news.
I have to do something, something to silence them, if I go down, Alex will go down with me. He’s so stubborn… too stubborn… what would hurt him the most…?
I could talk to him, to Jonas, he already fears me, it could be easy to… I need a plan… a plan… I sit in front of my computer, there’s not enough time. Father will disown me, I have done nothing to deserve that… All their fault… He wanted it and now he’s lying…I have to do something, the clock is ticking, the time is running too fast and it’s making me nervous. I hate it when things don’t go my way, they weren’t supposed to tell…
A plan slowly forms in my mind, a plan that I have no idea if it’s going to work, it won’t be easy, but I need to try it. I need to see him, I need to make him understand. I have to do this for my future.
Web published: My Secret Shore
© KOLGRIM 2006 - 2011