Chapter 19

He saw them together; walking slowly in the garden. Olavi, who had gone out to look for his sister, stopped to his drags and watched, his hand reached to the tree trunk by his side staying in the shadow that the old apple tree offered. He tilted his head, heard their quiet talking, but could not make out the words so clearly.

What was Nikolas doing with her? Olavi wondered.

Nikolas reached to touch Aino’s face and he could see his friend’s lips moving; telling her something that caused a small shy giggle, such a sound he had never heard from his sister before. Her hand reached to his, the distance between them grew less as the brunet leaned closer and kissed her softly; a kiss that she accepted.

Olavi was more than surprised; he had had no idea about the two. He couldn’t help but to feel a little hurt that Aino had kept this from him. Why? And for how long? – He wondered. It was then that his sister turned and saw him, a look of surprise passing on her features, a hint of blush on her cheeks while the other boy looked at him in slightly embarrassed and apologetic way.

Aino said her goodbye’s to Nikolas before approaching Olavi, unsure how he would feel after what he had seen between her and the brown haired youth.

“Why have you not told me?” Olavi asked once she was close enough and hesitantly she bit her lip.

“It only just happened, I- I was going to tell today…I-“

“You are together?” Olavi asked with confusion.

“I- I am not sure what we are. Friends at least, the kiss you saw was our first.” She explained, reached for his hand and started to lead him back home. “It would be silly to expect anything or make promises since we are leaving soon.” She whispered and he detected the sadness in her tone.

“You are not happy to return,” he took note. Aino glanced at him staying quiet for a moment to weight her answer.

“Are you?” She asked then gazing at him seriously. “Do you really want to go back to Stockholm?” They had stopped walking; he looked away feeling slightly uncomfortable.

“What choice is there?” He asked. “It feels just as painful to stay here and I can not…You know they would not allow it.”

She sighed and nodded, looking down before back at him. “What about Alexander?” She asked and he quickly looked away with pain in his heart for even thinking about it.

“He will leave in two days,” he replied. “The house is finished… the summer is ending.”

“I’ve never seen you looking at a girl the way you look at him,” she pointed out carefully. “I’ve never seen you as happy as you were at the beginning of this summer…” She took his both hands in hers watching them carefully before meeting his eyes once more. “I love you, I want you to be happy and if it means being with Alexander then....”

“It’s not that simple Aino, I can’t just…” Olavi sighed in frustration and worried his lip before giving her a sad look.

“Nothing in life is simple,” She said and brought her hand on his cheek. “What do you want, Olavi? It is your own heart at stake, life is too short to please others in your own cost, and it is not real life.”

Olavi closed his eyes for a moment before looking away towards the direction where Aino had stood with Nikolas. “You want to stay here,” he whispered. The air was fresh; he felt the cold draft upon his face, the warmth of his sister’s hands.

“I won’t leave you alone, Olavi…” Aino told him and he brought his gaze back to her.

“You always hated being there. You always talked about coming back home.” He smiled gently. “What I know of Nikolas…” He started and took a small pause. “I have no ill words of him and Emma is here…I-“ He felt sadness gripping at his throat, pulled her close and hugged her tightly. “You should stay.” He whispered. “You belong here…” He nodded with realisation looking at her once more, reaching to wipe the sudden tears from her eyes. “It will be fine, won’t it Aino?”

“I won’t stay,” Aino breathed. “I can’t.” She said and shook her head before continuing. “I can’t leave you alone. I would not stand it if something happened to you… and I fear your depression, I fear your decisions…”

“I’ll be fine…” Olavi tried to assure. “I will do what’s right, somehow I’ll change and I will… learn to enjoy that life. It is possible.” He nodded and Aino felt frustration over his words.

“You don’t need to learn!” Aino told him. “You don’t need to change yourself! If you love him then…”

“It’s a crime Aino… do not speak of it… let’s go home now.” He said stepped back from her and turned.

“Elias died.” Aino said suddenly and he turned frowning. “He had dreams,” she continued. “And he would have chosen Emma, he would live here with her and Emma would not be so miserable. She’s living their dream, but she is doing it alone. She’s so caught up in promises and dreams that will never be, she lives those dreams, she longs them to be real and she pretends happy. Do not end up like that,” she breathed. “Not when you have another choice! Alexander loves you… The rest of it doesn’t matter, not really.”

Olavi felt confused and overwhelmed by her words, it was unexpected and odd, too much at that moment to take. He turned without a word and started walking back home.

“Elias would have chosen Emma over him I am sure!” Aino called after him. “But you would choose him first above anyone if you’d see it is possible and it is! Olavi?” She stood where she was watching as her younger brother continued walking away without stopping.

Confusion twirled inside him that evening, he sat in front of the dinner table thinking what Aino had told him at times feeling her eyes on him, questioning and wondering. The parents were chatting, somewhat cheerful, trying to stir up a conversation from the rest of them. Anton was looking bored and grim; Emma was quiet except at times when scolding her eldest son Elias to stop playing around and eat.

Alexander hadn’t dined with them since the family had arrived, and these were the first times since what happened that Olavi actually sat down with the rest. As he sat there, listening to his adopted parents speaking of his future studies, planning the future out for him something inside him wanted to scream out desperately. Was this what he really wanted? Was Aino right? Could he let Alexander go when even now he missed him?

After dinner he decided to go for a walk to the house, Aino had offered to accompany him but he had denied; he needed to be alone, he needed to think.

When he got to the building he couldn’t help but to marvel how different it looked; the painting was new and the windows. The front door didn’t creak when it opened, the smell of fresh paint greeted him, there were still some paper left on the floor. It was funny how much bigger the house had seemed when he was a child and now… it was actually quite small. He stood in the living room, looking around to the kitchen doorway, the stairs, the room on the side that had been his parent’s bedroom. Here on this floor, they had slept side by side over some mattresses; Elias, Aino and himself. He distantly remembered Elias clearing the bed each morning to make more room for their plays … His gaze drifted to where the old dining table still stood and suddenly he felt sick; there, it had happened there and he could hear the screaming in his mind, collected from an old memory he had forgotten until this summer. This table and the horror that had marked it seemed to taint the rest of the room with its presence.

 He felt cold shivers touch his spine and turned to the stairway. He climbed up where the two small bedrooms were; Elias’ room and his and Aino’s room.

They had insisted that as little as possible was to be changed in their older brother’s bedroom; both of them wanted to keep it like it was as long as possible if not forever. Olavi smiled stepping in; pleased to see that the workers had respected their wish. He looked to wards the narrow wooden bed, the desk and the bookshelf, the closet… Some clothes had been ruined, but thankfully not all.

Olavi walked to the closet and opened it; he took out one of his brother’s shirt, which still held the musty scent to it, and held it against his chest. It was weird to think that he was now older than Elias had been, looking at the shirt he realised how similar their size was as well, he frowned; Elias had seemed so old then in his eyes, but now… He sighed and put the piece of clothing back to the closet before walking to the bookshelf. He took Elias’ old spelling book and opened it carefully, the first page had his brother’s name neatly written on it and as he turned the old pages he saw some other markings as well and drawings that made him smile; it seemed that his brother had been a dreamer as well who’s concentration had at times started to wander. He wondered if Elias had ever been caught by a teacher and been slapped on his fingers for this, because he himself certainly had many times and the punishments weren’t so funny.

He put the book back where he had taken it and continued to look around. Then he found his journals, the first had been started on Elias’ tenth birthday 12^th of September 1937,

“Mother bought this book for me; she said I should write down my thoughts and stories. Both mother and father seem to find my stories amusing.  I asked Emma and she said the same. Birthday was fun, got some cake and we went to the lake. I threw some mud on Emma and she got mad, only a little. She threw me on the mud; I guess I had that coming? Mother said I should know better; you don’t throw mud on girls or they don’t like you. I want Emma to like me; she told me she does and later dropped another mud cake on my hair. It was a funny day.”

Olavi felt himself smiling slightly as he flipped through the pages; collections on happy days, mentions of their parents giving Olavi a glimpses of how they had been; these books were precious, a true treasure. Elias had also written about his birth, he had written many pages of him and Aino, at times annoyed tone, but most of times loving. Then the markings of the war time and the tone changed. The happy playful boy had grown, struggled through seeing the changes, saying goodbye to his friends that were leaving, having his mother fall ill and eventually the news of their father’s death.

October16^th, 1942.

I’ve been thinking a lot about death, many nights the same dream repeats; I lie in the middle of the forest knowing I should be running but I can’t; the sky is clear blue and rays of sun spreads from the tree tops surrounding me and I just lie there not able to get up. I see a man with dark hair approaching me, a man holding a gun and raising it…That’s when I wake.

What happens to us when we die? Where do we really go? Does heaven exist? What if it doesn’t? I still can’t believe father is gone, the idea is absurd. How can people just stop existing? Is there a form of us that stays? I like to believe father is still here, at times I expect him to return from the front door telling us that it was all just a joke…

What is death? – I wonder…

What if I can’t ever have the life I dreamed of? What if I die before the war ends? Before I get to see Emma? Does she know how much I love her?  I’m scared…scared of dying before truly living…

Why did everything have to change? Why can’t this war be over?

Olavi looked out from the window feeling heavy sadness settle on his shoulders as he replayed the written words in his mind. Dreams, Elias had had dreams that never came true… He himself had dreams and he was about to give up on them? Wasn’t it foolish to do so? Looking down at the book in his hands, he flipped through several pages until he came across to the last marking:

11^th of January 1943

I miss Emma; I saw a dream of her. Sometimes I fear she’ll forget me, I long to hear from her. I can’t bear this uncertainty; I fear I may never see her again. Everything feels so hopeless, I pray for some strength to survive this winter, I hate this coldness.

Olavi sighed and closed the book. He closed his eyes, but startled when he heard the footsteps from the stairs. His heart was beating madly when he got up, leaving the books on the table before going to the door; he saw no one and blinked in confusion. “Hello?” He called, hesitantly approaching the stairs. He felt his heart jump into his chest when the front door opened, but calmed instantly when he saw Alexander.

The man looked up at him, “I saw you going out… I followed you and waited outside but you were taking long so…” He explained. Olavi nodded still feeling confused over the sound he had heard. He began walking downstairs.

“Were you here just now?” He asked after taking the last step down. The older man frowned.

“I just got in.” He replied. “Why?”

“Someone was here, I heard it, I was in Elias room and someone was coming upstairs.”

“Maybe you were imagining it?” Alexander suggested trying to listen; the house seemed quiet.

“No,” Olavi shook his head looking towards the stairs. “I know what I heard, and someone was walking here.”

“Old house makes sounds…” Alexander spoke softly while approaching him.

“Not like that it doesn’t.” The blond insisted.

“Okay, I’ll check upstairs, stay here.” Alexander said, placing his hand on his shoulder. Olavi nodded wrapping his arms around himself watching as the man slowly climbed upstairs. Olavi realised how good it had felt to see him, how good he felt now; safer, calmer… ‘You’re a fool if you let him go.’ A voice inside his mind whispered.

“Alexander loves you… The rest of it doesn’t matter, not really.” He recalled his sister’s words.

“I miss Emma; I saw a dream of her. Sometimes I fear she’ll forget me, I long to hear from her, I can’t bear this uncertainty. I fear I may never see her again.”

“Elias would have chosen Emma over him I am sure!”

Olavi sat down on the bench, breathing deeply. Different thoughts were running wildly in his mind, everything that had happened since they had met, the past, what Elias had written, what his sister had said… Alexander had killed the man who had attacked him, killed him in rage… Now he was here… Without Alexander following closely behind his movements, he would lie in a cold grave right now; he would have succeeded in his foolish attempt of drowning himself… And was he alive now only to go back to Stockholm into a life he didn’t want?

“I would not stand it if something happened to you… and I fear your depression, I fear your decisions…”

“Alexander loves you…”

“There’s no one here.” Alexander’s voice startled him from his thoughts and Olavi brought his gaze up. The man started climbing back down. “What is it? Why are you crying?” The man asked in confusion and Olavi blinked only now aware of the moistness that had settled under his eyes, slowly running down on his cheeks. He shook his head in confusion.

Alexander approached and once he reached him kneeled down, gently wiping the tears away with worried frown.

“Olavi?” He spoke his name softly. “There’s nothing to be scared of, we’re alone.”

Olavi looked at him; the man’s warm brown eyes, the soft lines on his forehead, the slight darkness under his eyes that told him that the man hadn’t slept well. Without a word Olavi brought his hand up, concentrated expression on his face as his fingers gently ran along the marks of aging and worry upon his lovers face. They were both silent, Alexander was afraid to speak to break the moment, the contact, to lose the touch… Olavi’s hand moved to his hair, touching them gently; so soft around his fingers. Looking at Alexander closely like this made his heart ache; the man was beautiful, so familiar and warm… his hand moved along his jaw line, thumb caressing his lips softly before, without a word, he leaned down to kiss him.

Alexander gasped and slowly his lips parted to accept the gentle nip of the youth’s warm lips. Olavi trembled, felt as the man trembled as well and slowly he wrapped his arms around him pulled him closer and the kiss deepened; salty taste over his lips, a muttered sob…. Strong arms around his back, not threatening but gentle and supporting. The softness changed to desperate need and longing, they held onto each other almost as if afraid to let go.

Olavi was unsure how long the kiss had lasted, but once they let go he noticed the tears in Alexander’s eyes as well and reached for his hand, holding it tightly, gently kissing the tears away, his forehead resting against his. They looked in each others eyes, suddenly everything seemed clearer, more effortless, Olavi felt alive and warm, safe here where the outside world could not touch them.

“I love you.” The younger male finally whispered thus breaking the long lasting silence. Alexander closed his eyes and smiled, when he reopened them and parted his lips to speak, Olavi brought his finger on them to stop him. “I want to go with you…” He added. “…It is worth everything… Take me with you, run away with me to Paris.”

Alexander looked at him hardly daring to believe his own ears. “Am I dreaming?” He asked with his voice trembling slightly.

“No,” Olavi smiled. “It is I who have been sleepwalking, but I am awake now and I never want to go back to that dream again.” He whispered and brought his lips on his. “I need you,” he murmured. “I don’t want to let go… I can’t… it would kill me from inside…”

Alexander pulled him even more tightly against himself, burying his face against his neck, his hands stroking his back. “I won’t let go…” He whispered before kissing his neck softly and looking up. “Did you really say what I thought you said?”

“I want to be with you. I know it won’t be easy, but…I don’t want to lose you.” Olavi whispered and smiled when Alexander’s expression brightened up, they kissed, released a soft laughter in each other’s mouth.

“I love you Olavi…I’ve been so afraid…”

“I’m sorry… I never wanted to hurt you…”

“What about Aino?” The dark haired man asked with worry.

“She’ll be fine,” Olavi smiled. “We’ll all be fine…” He added nodding firmly. “We’ll have to leave in secret; my parents would stop me if they know what I plan.”

Alexander still felt overwhelmed; he hadn’t dared to hope that Olavi would change his mind, especially so suddenly. He tried to think. “We can leave tomorrow night. I’ll get a car we can drive to Helsinki and…” He looked into the boys eyes. “You have your passport?”

“Yes.”

“The problem is that you are under aged…” Alexander realised, unsure how to arrange everything so quickly. “And they will look for you…I…”

“My Russian uncle…” Olavi smiled and Alexander gave him a look of confusion. “…My mother was a Russian and you are her brother, you took me under your care after war that killed my parents and we lived here until we got sick of the prejudice around us that sprung from your nationality. You are my guardian and somehow we can make that work and people to believe in it…” Alexander cocked his eyebrow smiling fondly at his young lover, he brushed his cheek tenderly.

“Quick thinking…” He whispered and leaned closer for another kiss still slightly unsure how to build this lie into something believable.

“It was something I thought before… before that day.” Olavi muttered and understanding Alexander nodded sadly. “What if we drive through Sweden to Norway first?”  Olavi suggested.

“We could get you a false ID…” Alexander said after awhile, “I think I know how.” He smiled then in more relaxed way realising that it was possible. He pulled Olavi in his arms once more, kissing his forehead and cheeks. “What changed your mind?”

“My sister… I had a talk with her and…then I came here… I found Elias’ old journals…it made me realise some things…I’m scared but… this feels right.”

“You don’t have to be scared…” Alexander whispered smiling at him, gently stroking his face. “We’ll get a small house with garden and room for you to paint, Aino will always be welcomed to visit.” He could vision their future and for the first time in a long time this vision was pleasant and filled with joy. Alexander made a firm decision to give Olavi no less than that; he would dedicate the rest of his life to ensure his young lovers happiness.

Olavi was unsure how much time had passed until they were finally able to release their hold on each other; the sun had almost disappeared under the horizon as they slowly walked towards Emma’s house. Olavi looked at the tall man by his side, hoping he could hold his hand but the risk of being seen doing so was too high. His heart was beating madly, but when Alexander’s gaze met his own and the man smiled at him in gentle encouraging manner Olavi instantly felt better.

Just one day and they’d leave this place, one day and he would have to say goodbye to the people who had raised him without any certainty of seeing them in the future. When could he return? If he did how could he explain everything? … And Aino… how could he bear the long separation? Would she be okay?

“Don’t worry my love; everything will go alright … Talk to your sister… I will take care of the rest.” Alexander encouraged, his fingers aching for another touch and a kiss that would ensure him that this was still real, but he knew he had to restrain himself. “Go inside, I’ll stay outside for a while for a smoke.

Olavi nodded. “I’ll probably spend the night in my sister’s room.”

“I think it’s good if you do.” Alexander smiled softly. “Good night.”

“Good night…” Olavi smiled back and started walking towards the house, on his way he turned once more and mouthed the words; I love you, before grinning and hurrying inside.

Alexander smiled closing his eyes for a moment before drawing a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it. For once his fate was showing its brighter side and he never wanted to lose this newly found happiness again.

Olavi found Emma in the kitchen. For a moment he stood at the doorway watching her as she washed the dishes unaware of his presence. There had always been something in Emma he hadn’t been able to read; he had never been able to tell if the woman was truly happy; somehow he had always doubted. He remembered when she had married her late husband; how happy the man had been that day and she had stood by his side and smiled yet in her eyes… The sadness was in her eyes, it had always been there as long as Olavi could remember.

She startled when she heard him coming closer, almost dropping a plate from her hands to the floor.

“Gods, you shouldn’t sneak up on me like that,” She breathed her hand on her chest. Soon the surprise was replaced with gentle smile. ”I thought you would be in bed by now.”  She continued drifting her gaze back to the dishes. He could tell she felt slightly uncomfortable, uneasy, he had detected the change earlier as well, whether it was because of what had happened to him or because of Alexander and him, Olavi couldn’t tell.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Olavi said. “I felt like having some tea before bed, would you like some?”

“Sure,” she smiled glancing at him quickly. “Why not,” she added.

Moment of silence followed, Olavi lifted the tea pot on the stove and worried his lower lip while looking at her.

“How are you feeling, Olavi?” She asked little awkwardly. “Better I hope?”

“I am… fine.” Olavi whispered.

“Then I’m glad.” She nodded smiling slightly.

“Actually… I came to talk with you.” Olavi answered after awhile, preparing them both a cup of tea.

“Oh?” Emma dried her hands, moved in the room clearly slightly nervous around him; she glanced at him, smiled again. “Anything specific?”

Olavi walked closer and handed the cup to her before taking his own and sitting down.

“If…” He started hesitantly. “If you could have either your husband back or Elias, but only one of them, who would you choose? Knowing what you do now.”

She was clearly taken back with such a question and looked away to the window.

“I’m sorry if my question upsets you, I-“

Emma raised her hand to him, to indicate it was fine, she closed her eyes for a moment before opening them and looking at him with a small smile; a sad smile.

“Elias… My choice would be Elias and my husband always knew that.” She replied quietly, before looking down. “I guess I always imagined that your brother would have chosen me as well, but now… Now I am not so certain…” Her voice was still low; she looked back at him and tilted her head. “Sometimes it has been painful for me to look at you simply because how much you remind me of him.”

“My brother loved you…” Olavi whispered. “I know he did… You’re insecure because of Alexander, just like I was insecure of his heart.” He looked down at his tea cup for a moment. “But… I guess… it is like he says? It is possible for a heart to love two… and what happened then… Elias must have been really frightened…” He frowned. “And what happened to me … in the forest… I thought I was going to die… and that…man… he told me everything.” He closed his eyes. “I can’t even imagine how it was for him… and Alexander was the only one who …cared… The love I think… they needed each other, to feel warm and… some form of safety I guess. The circumstances made that love possible… But if Elias was here…” He raised his gaze back to Emma who had listened quietly, her eyes watering. “He would have returned to you…” He told her and when he noticed the tears in her eyes he got up and hugged her tightly.

“You are such a wonderful woman; you’ve been such a wonderful sister to me… I love you Emma.” He whispered and Emma looked at him, brought her hand on his cheek.

“I love you too, Olavi.”

Olavi smiled and wiped her tears away gently. “I don’t want you to be unhappy; Elias wouldn’t want it either… perhaps one day someone will come along and…”

“You are sweet Olavi.” Emma smiled and brushed his cheek. “I’m fine, don’t worry, I have my two children, I’m back home…I- there are many things I am thankful for.” She assured, looking at him thoughtfully for a moment. “Why do I get the feeling like you would be…” She started.

“Will you promise to watch over Aino?” Olavi interrupted and the woman frowned.

“Of course, but…”

“Please don’t hate me…and please don’t tell them… I need to go Emma.” He whispered. Emma slowly let go of him, confused. “I love him, I know you don’t approve, but I can not help my heart… Just please don’t tell them, please don’t hate me.”

“I do not hate you Olavi, it would be impossible.” Emma sighed with serious expression and when seeing the boy’s worried expression he pulled him closer again. “I will miss you.” She said and kissed his cheek, tears rising in her eyes once more. “Make sure he treats you right, make sure to be alright.”

“I will, he will.” Olavi whispered. “Can you tell them I’m sorry, that I love them?”

Emma nodded. “Of course…” she whispered, looking at him, smiling through her tears, she brought her hand in his hair and stroked them gently. “Love is worth it and you deserve to be happy… You’re always welcomed back to us.”

“Thank you… I’ll go now, to talk with my sister.” He slowly let go of her and she nodded.

“I will watch over Aino.” She promised again and saw the boy smiling with relief and nodding before walking away from the kitchen.

She sighed closed her eyes for a moment before turning back to her chores, fully understanding the love between the two men was still difficult for her, but love could always be complicated yet worth everything, in his shoes she would have chosen the same. The bitterness she had at first felt towards Alexander when learning the truth had slowly died as well, if he had offered Elias comfort in his last days then she could not bring herself to hate the man, he knew what he had lost and she had lost the same; there was no room for hate.

 When Olavi told Aino that he was leaving with Alexander, she felt both relieved and sad. She knew it was the best decision for him, she trusted that Alexander could make him happy, but at the same time though she had accepted it, saying goodbye felt crushing and heart breaking, they both cried that night, laying side by side on her bed like they used to do as children, whispering comforting words to each other; they had never been apart for more than one night before and now they were scared.

Aino drew lazy patterns on his palm. “You will write to me, won’t you?”

“As often as I can, I will try writing you every week and I will call you when ever I can.”  He promised. “You will come and visit us, won’t you?”

“Of course I will.” Aino nodded.

“Perhaps you take Nikolas with you.” Olavi grinned and she laughed through her tears before nudging his arm. “Though it might be that he won’t accept us, what we are with Alexander.” He said in more serious tone.

“If he won’t then I won’t care for him.” Aino whispered and laid her head on his chest. “No man can ever mean more to me than you.” She whispered and Olavi wrapped his arms around her kissing his head.

“How will I manage without you?” Olavi asked.

“You will, you are with him and he loves you. He will take care of you, if he won’t he knows I will come after him.” Aino grinned and lifted her head to look at him. “I will miss you so much though…” she smiled sadly and kissed his forehead.

“And I will miss you…”

She laid her head back beside him and they continued to hold each others, until finally falling asleep together.

Next day Olavi felt nervous, he was helping his adopted parents, wanting to spend time with them one last time, hoping that they would not hate him later for leaving without a word.

The day went by fast, after everyone had gone to bed Olavi backed some of his clothes and his pencils with him, before sneaking out where Alexander was waiting with Aino and Emma.

“I parked the car little farther away.” Alexander told him and Olavi nodded feeling himself tremble slightly; it was real now. He turned to his sister and hugged her tightly suddenly overwhelmed by sadness, he didn’t know how he could let go; Aino had always been there, always.

“I love you, you’ll be fine, I’ll be fine, don’t worry Olavi.” She kissed his cheek, reluctantly letting go. “You protect him and keep him safe and never harm him! If you do…” She warned pointing at the man.

“I will protect him with my life if necessary.” Alexander agreed.

Olavi kissed Aino’s cheek and hugged Emma before walking to Alexander’s side. They had said there goodbye’s and it was time. When Aino watched Olavi walking away with the man she started crying uncontrollably, this was harden than she could have imagined. When Olavi turned to look back and saw her, he had to run back. He hugged her, held her and kissed the top of her head.

“Go, just go, it won’t get any easier…” Aino told him and Olavi slowly let go looking at Emma who in turn pulled the younger woman closer, gently stroking her arm, she smiled encouragingly to the crying boy.

“It will be fine, it’s not goodbye for ever,” Emma told them both. “Go, he’s waiting.”

He nodded and turned back to Alexander who smiled with sympathy and reached his hand for him. Still crying Olavi forced himself not to look back at Aino, fearing that otherwise he couldn’t keep his decision of leaving. Alexander’s arm wrapped around his shoulders and Olavi found some comfort in his hold allowing the man to push him forward. 

“I know it hurts now my love, I promise it gets easier… you will see her again.” He assured and led him to the car. Olavi couldn’t find his voice and only nodded. Alexander opened the car door for him, and Olavi sat down clutching his bag in his lap. Alexander kissed his forehead before closing the door and circling the car to the driver’s seat. Again he looked worriedly at him.

“So this it, ready to go?” He asked unable to hide to hint of worry; what if Olavi would change his mind after all?

Olavi turned his tear stained face to him, smiled through his sadness.

“I’m ready.” He assured and reached for the man’s hand. “I love you, I want to be with you.”

Alexander released a relieved sigh before leaning forward to catch his lips into a gentle, comforting kiss.

“I love you too, now let’s wipe those tears, life is waiting.” Alexander smiled planted small kisses on his cheeks, before starting the engine.

Olavi leaned back on his seat, watching Alexander as he drove he felt odd sadness and happiness mixing inside, fear and excitement over what the future held, missing his sister already but at the same time he knew that this decision was the best he could have made.

There had been enough deaths, pain and misery in their lives, enough lost chances and now the future was open, it would not be easy, but it was worth it. He shared a lot with his older brother, but deep down he knew that Elias wouldn’t be mad for either of them, deep down he understood that Alexander loved him for him and not just as a ghost of his brother.

Life was waiting and the future seemed hopeful for them both.

The end.

Web published: October 16th 2009.

My Secret Shore

© KOLGRIM 2006 - 2009

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