Joni
had decided that he needed to
do something to prove to Misha that he was feeling better. He was
afraid that Misha would forever see him as a victim, that their
relationship would remain in this odd stage where neither he nor Misha
were acting normally, where he was the patient and Misha his nurse.
Caring was sweet but Joni had really started to feel that Misha was
overdoing it and that wasn’t how he wanted Misha. The Misha
Joni
wanted was the way he knew him to be before and not the over protective
mother hen!
Misha
wasn’t even sleeping
next to him anymore. When Joni had asked why, the man had mumbled
something about it being inconvenient, something about morning things
and then the blonde had quickly changed the subject. It
didn’t
need an Einstein to tell Joni that Misha was basically worried to freak
him out with quite possible and natural things like getting an erection
in his sleep. He didn’t need Misha to act all virgin like,
didn’t need him to get so clearly uncomfortable with sex
issues
in his presence. Ivo, Dima and Linda were all the same way and it was
another thing to annoy Joni. It was as if someone had written
“raped” on his forehead, or marked him with a big,
bold
scarlet letter.
It
shouldn’t affect them!
Because it didn’t affect him either, yes, Joni decided that
he
was now completely over it. It had happened, it sucked, but there was
nothing that could be done to change it so he could simply just forget
it and act like normal. Who said anyway, how one should act after being
raped? Who claimed that he should now forever be fearful of another
man’s erect penis and his own sexuality? Joni wondered when
lying
alone in his bed the night before his birthday. It was too hot to sleep
properly so he had plenty of time to think. Was he expected to cover up
his body simply because of Chris? No! Joni gritted his teeth and threw
his t-shirt on the floor as a silent protest to his invisible or rather
non-existing audience. He felt somehow better and sighed. Should he
hate his own body? No! He would not! To prove this, he also removed his
boxers, lying on his back, naked and staring at the roof of the dim
bedroom.
Joni
carefully looked down,
carefully moved the thin blanket aside from his chest and touched his
own bare skin. He was healing, the bruises were disappearing, washing
away what had happened and Joni wanted to believe that he was also able
to wash it from his mind. He wouldn’t hate himself, he
wouldn’t hate his body, he should love his body and he would
still enjoy sex! He would enjoy his own sexual appeal and control it.
He would control himself, not thinking about the past, not letting
Chris win. He could forget, he needed to, he would prove he could.
Prove it to Misha as well. Joni allowed his hand to travel further
down, under the thin sheet, over his groin to his flaccid penis. He
felt weird somehow doing this, but he ignored it and slowly started to
move his hand to rub himself, arouse himself. He closed his eyes,
listened to his own breathing and tried to focus on anything but Chris.
Misha, how Misha’s lips felt against his own, the warm breath
tickling his skin, the touch of his hand, the feel of his muscles. He
imagined sitting on Misha’s lap and kissing him all over,
imagined the moan from the other’s lips. He felt his cock
responding and smiled, his eyes still closed. He spat on his other hand
and brought it down continuing to pleasure himself.
“You’re
never too tired
for this, always willing to spread your legs, so don’t lie to
me.” The whisper from his memories rang in his mind and made
him
lie still. Joni opened his eyes, breathing fast, feeling the tears rise
in his eyes as he let go of his organ. He wrapped the sheet around him,
lying on his side and gritting his teeth. “Sissy
whore…” The memories were dangerously starting to
fill his
mind. “I
will not think of you, you
don’t matter to me, not anymore.” Joni whispered to
reassure himself. Repeating over and over in his mind that the past
didn’t matter, Chris didn’t matter and the rape or
the
abuse couldn’t affect him, not anymore. He would will himself
to
forget, force it out of his consciousness. He could do it because he
was strong. He liked sex and he was sexual and desirable and he would
prove to Misha that he was fine, prove to himself that Misha still
wanted him that way. With these thoughts, Joni slowly fell asleep.
**^^**^^**
Misha
had his alarm clock waking him
at 6:30am; he sighed and forced himself up. It was Joni’s
birthday, he wanted to make him breakfast before going to work. A quick
shower, dressing up, getting Joni’s present, then downstairs
into
the kitchen. By now it was almost 7am. Ivo was still sleeping and Misha
had told him that he could congratulate Joni later and that he
didn’t need to get up early as well. This time his older
brother
didn’t even try to tease him about the whole thing, so
perhaps
this Jami person really was a godsend.
Misha
prepared some coffee, freshly
squeezed orange juice, cooked some eggs and bacon with toast, added
some vegetables on the plate and then placed them all on the tray
before heading back upstairs. He gave a soft knock on the door before
entering the room.
Joni
moaned still half asleep, he
was laying on the bed on his stomach, one hand close to his face, the
other bent above his head. “Happy birthday Joni,
I’m not
going to sing, but I did bring you breakfast,” Misha said,
stepping further in. When he took a closer look at the sleepy dark
haired youth he had to swallow. The thin sheet that worked as his
blanket revealed parts of naked skin on his back and part of his left
buttock. The sight was so utterly sexy that it caused Misha’s
hands to tremble and almost he spilled the drinks from their cups.
“Shit,” he cursed almost silently under his breath
just as
Joni slowly brought his head up.
“Morning,”
he mumbled
sleepily and smiled. Misha swallowed heavily again and placed the tray
on the table, trying not to look at the youth to control his wakening
lust.
“Did
you sleep okay?”
Misha asked and Joni sighed making an effort to turn and bring himself
into a sitting position which only caused more naked parts to become
revealed in the process. ‘Dear God, he’s
naked…’ Misha’s brain registered which
instantly
woke the interest of his lower parts.
“It’s
so
hot…” Joni complained, fluffing up his pillows
behind him,
finally in half lying, half sitting position, arranging the sheet over
his lap. Misha nodded, his eyes busy with scanning the interesting
sight in front of them. He wanted nothing more that to get
onto
that bed, pull that sheet away and then kiss and lick Joni’s
body
all over. Misha blinked at the sudden mental images, he felt so
incredibly horny that it was insane! And it was also terribly improper!
– He reminded himself.
Joni
grinned seeing the way that
Misha was looking at him, silently and… lustfully!
“Hmm… did the cat get your tongue,
Misha?” He asked
in a playful tone and tilted his head. Misha cleared his throat, picked
the tray up and then settled it down on Joni’s lap. There was
only that cursed thin sheet! And it felt impossible to get any clear
thought in his mind besides how naked Joni was under that one thin
piece of fabric! “So,
you slept alright?”
Misha was able to ask, trying to smile as he brought a chair closer and
sat down, leaning forward. Joni looked at him and snickered.
“You
already asked me
that,” the dark haired youth whispered and grinned.
“And I
complained that it’s so… hot.”
“Hot,”
Misha repeated
stupidly, that was how he felt at the moment. He felt his cock
twitching and tried to think of something… un-sexy, which
again
was difficult when there was something so utterly sexy presented right
in front of him. “Oh…I had a present for you as
well…” He said and handed him the gift
that he had
been holding in his hand. Joni was chewing on a piece of cucumber,
looking at him and smiling, the juice of the vegetable made his lips so
moist and… inviting. Joni took the gift.
“Thank
you!”
“It’s
nothing big… I’m not really good with getting
gifts, so…”
“I’m
sure it’s
fine,” Joni smiled before starting to unwrap it. Inside there
was
a dark blue covered book, a silver ink pen in a thin blue case and box
of chocolate covered strawberries that Joni had said he liked. The
brunet flipped through the empty pages of the book and raised his brow
in question.
“It’s
a
journal…” Misha explained. He would give Joni
another gift
on Saturday, the boy didn’t look very impressed and he
couldn’t really blame him, but Saturday was the more special
day
because then they could spend the whole day alone with each other.
“You know, you can write your private thoughts in it and I
thought in this erm… situation, it might be helpful and all
and
yeah…”
“In
this situation,”
Joni repeated. It only confirmed that Misha still thought of him as
some fragile victim, but seeing Misha’s nervous expression
which
was really quite a rare look for him, yet disturbingly cute, Joni
couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you, Misha. I never
really
had a journal before, who knows, maybe I’ll discover my inner
writer?” He joked and grinned. “Perhaps
I’ll be
famous then, ‘the memoirs of a brat’. What do you
think;
would people buy such a book?”
Misha
smiled back at him.
“Maybe?” He wondered. “I’d be
interested at
least,” he said, his eyes once more travelling to check out
Joni’s bare chest; he couldn’t help it. Joni
smirked,
getting more confident.
“Can
I have a birthday wish?” He asked in almost innocent tone.
“Mmh?”
Misha brought his
gaze back up. “What is it?” He smiled. Joni brought
his
index finger on his lips tapping them softly.
“A
kiss? A proper birthday
kiss.” Joni answered and as Misha stood up and leaned closer
to
Joni, he already knew he would have a hard working day ahead of him. He
brushed his lips softly against the brunets, who brought his hand
behind his neck, parted his lips invitingly and deepened the kiss.
There was a soft moan, Misha’s hands cupped Joni’s
face,
his fingers seemed to burn with the urge to touch the younger male
more, to get rid of the tray that rested on his lap, to throw away the
sheet and simply enjoy the nudity of Joni’s beautiful body.
He
was starting to feel slight pressure in his pants and willed himself to
part with those sweet lips.
“Okay,
I must be getting ready to work,” he said then and Joni
smiled.
“Okay,”
he said and took a sip of his juice. “Thank you for the
breakfast and the gift.”
“No
problem, enjoy your day,” Misha smiled heading towards the
door.
“Oh,
Misha?” Joni called, stopping the blond just as he had
reached the doorway.
“Yeah?”
“It
did arouse me as well, the
kiss.” Joni smirked at the somewhat odd, embarrassed, almost
bewildered expression that formed on Misha’s face.
“Enjoy
your work day.”
“Oh,
yeah… see you
later Joni,” Misha said, smiled and left, almost hurriedly.
Joni
almost wanted to snicker; it was quite funny to be able to do this to
the usually very confident Russian.
**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^*
Katja
sighed as she stared at the
abyss grey Toyota parked on their driveway. Some things never changed,
she thought smiling at her husband who glanced at her while circling
the car. “So what do you think? Beautiful isn’t
it?”
He asked.
“Yes,
and expensive, there
goes our holiday money for the whole year,” she said folding
her
arms over her chest before stepping closer to the car.
“But…
Joni deservers
it…” Asko tried to defend.
“He’s turning 20
and… He’s…” Katja sighed once
more, closed
their distance and kissed his cheek.
“I
know… “She
whispered smiling softly as she brushed his hair back.
“He’s been through a rough time and…
Well,
it’s not like we would have travelled anywhere anyway in this
situation.” She took a small pause and grinned. “I
am still
certain that you would buy him the moon from the sky if you could, if
you knew it would make him happy.” The man gave her a
slightly
embarrassed look.
“I
love you, Katja. You do know that, don’t you?” He
asked bringing his hand on her cheek.
“I
know and I love you,”
she answered and then took another look of the car.
“Actually, I
am kind of looking forward to Joni seeing this.” Asko smiled
and
wrapped his arms around her shoulders.
“I
hope he’ll return
home to us soon,” he said and when he saw the look Katja was
giving him, the way her lips parted to speak, he continued.
“But
I won’t pressure him; it’s up to him to
decide.”
“Good,”
Katja smiled and reached to kiss him.
Next
afternoon on Joni’s
birthday, they arrived at the house where they were greeted warmly by
the oldest of the three Russian brothers at the door. “Joni,
your parents are here!” Ivo called and soon they heard the
steps from the stairs as the youth hurried down.
“Hi!”
Joni grinned as he approached.
“Happy
birthday, son!”
Asko smiled, hugged him and then took a closer look. “You
look so
much better, how are you feeling?”
“I
feel great!” Joni
smiled and then hugged his stepmother who also congratulated him.
“Where are Sini and the twins?” He asked.
“They
are with my parents at their cabin,” Katja replied.
“They all wish to see you soon.”
“Next
week, I am sure,” Joni nodded and smiled. “If they
are home by then?”
“They
are,” Katja answered. “You have a new hair cut
too?” She noticed. “Looks great.”
“Yup,
Ivo’s friend came here yesterday.” Joni grinned
glancing at the man, who cleared his throat and smiled.
“Come,
let’s go to the
kitchen? Coffee is ready and I made some strawberry cake earlier with
Joni.” Ivo smiled.
“Sounds
delicious,” Katja said as she and Asko took their shoes off.
“Here’s
your gift,
it’s from both of us.” Asko said as they were
seated in the
kitchen, he handed out a large envelope to Joni, who looked at them
both with curiosity, before opening it. First thing he took out was the
car keys, again he glanced at them both with slight confused frown not
daring to believe it was what it seemed to be. His parent simply
smiled, waiting and Joni then pulled out the documents and the pictures.
“Oh
my God!” Joni gasped
with barely controlled excitement. “You bought me a
car?!”
He asked looking at them and back at the documents that stated that the
brand new, straight from the factory car was his! Asko chuckled at the
look on his firstborn’s face; it brought him more joy than
words
could express, to see Joni looking so happy now, after everything.
“I
know it’s not quite
the LeMans you dreamt of, this is more sensible and more in our budget,
plus it’s safer to drive. I am your parent after all and your
safety is my main concern.” Asko said. Joni got up and hugged
him
tightly.
“You
are the greatest dad
ever!” He said unable to stop from smiling. Asko felt a
little
tug in his chest, feeling deeply moved, happy and somehow relieved.
“You
are very dear to me,
Joni” he whispered, also felling somewhat conscious of the
Russian’s presence. Joni then walked over to Katja and hugged
her
as well.
“I
hardly know how to thank
you both!” Joni confessed. “Toyota Prius, it is a
great
car!” He nodded. “Look Ivo,” he said then
and handed
out the papers to the blond who had been observing the family silently
smiling to himself.
“Looks
great, now I am
jealous,” Ivo chuckled and gave the papers back to Joni.
“I
have been thinking of getting one myself, it has a great environmental
value.” Ivo said then looking at Joni’s father who
nodded.
“Yes,
it was one deciding factor for me, plus the safety issues,
Toyota’s have usually been quite reliable.”
“That’s
true, I have an
Audi myself, well one that I share with my brother Misha.”
Ivo
and Asko started to talk more about cars, Joni studied the papers
silently and Katja slowly ate the piece of cake on her plate while
following the conversation with amusement; men and their toys.
“Dad,
when can I drive it?” Joni asked after they had all enjoyed
some cake and coffee.
“It’s
waiting for you at home, whenever you feel well enough.”
“Perhaps
this weekend?”
Joni suggested. “Could you drive it here dad? Then
I’d
drive you back home and return here with it?”
“Hmm,
perhaps you should still wait?”
“But
I feel just fine!”
Joni said. “Please dad?” The man sighed, it was
that tone
of voice, that look he had… He glanced at his wife who
shrugged
her shoulders and smiled.
“I
don’t know… If
I do you have to promise to drive carefully, within speeding limits, no
testing how fast you can go. The last thing we need is for you to get
back into the hospital.”
“I
will be careful, I promise,” Joni assured.
“I’m sure I can ask Misha to come with
me.”
Ivo
smiled at this, looking at the
boy. “Yes, I’m sure that my brother
wouldn’t even let
Joni go alone, so there’s really nothing to worry
about.”
He said looking back at Joni’s parents. Asko nodded slowly,
he
still felt it was too early for Joni to start another relationship at
such a moment, but on the other hand after his little chat with Misha
earlier he felt a little more secure about it, the man seemed sensible
enough.
“Alright,
I can drive the car here tomorrow evening,” he promised.
“Thank
you dad!” Joni said cheerfully.
*^*^* “I’m
relieved that Joni is doing so much better,” Asko said as
they were driving back home.
“Yes,
it was nice to see,” Katja agreed glancing at him quickly
before looking back out from the window. “He
seemed so happy today;
perhaps it means that he really is starting to get over from what
happened.” Asko smiled and got her attention once more.
“Hmm…
I don’t think it’s that easy… In fact
I’m little worried,” Katja confessed.
“Worried?”
He asked with puzzled tone of voice.
“I
don’t know… He
seemed so…” She tried to find the right way to
express her
thoughts, but her thoughts were rather confused. “Okay, he
seemed
too cheerful, like he’s trying too hard, you know?
It’s
just such a big change all of a sudden.”
“You
would prefer him being depressed?” Asko asked slightly
agitated, but mostly confused.
“No,
of course not. I just
think he’s going through a mental
rollercoaster…”
She shrugged feeling somehow helpless. “I just think it would
be
good if he’d talk to some professional, instead of trying to
act
like nothing bad happened. The trial will be stressful, I
don’t
know if he realises what is still waiting ahead.” Asko was
quiet,
thinking to himself. Joni’s behaviour had indeed taken an
incredibly fast turn to the better from what it had been the last time
he had visited. Today he had been like his former self, cheerful and
chatty, confident, not mentioning Chris or anything that could be
related to what had happened between them.
“I
guess you are right,”
he finally admitted. “I just don’t know how we can
suggest
a therapist to him, without upsetting him.” Asko sighed, he
knew
it would be a struggle, but Katja was right after all, Joni should talk
to someone instead of trying to ignore what had happened, like it now
seemed he was trying to do.
**^^**^^**^^**
Misha
had a very difficult time to
focus on his work, all he could really think of was Joni and
how… sexy he had looked that morning. He kept making silly
mistakes, the numbers and images on the screen seemed to blur and at
times he found himself logged onto his facebook profile, just so that
he could look at Joni’s pictures; which only made it so much
more
difficult to focus back on working.
He
hadn’t felt this way for
someone before, it was quite scary. Joni was on his mind constantly and
he would really need all the will power in the world to progress slowly
with him, especially if Joni continued to offer such sexy images to
him. He kept reminding himself that the brunet wouldn’t be
ready
yet and he would wait until he was, no matter how hard it was going to
be.
When
he got home after picking
up some Chinese takeout, he was greeted by Joni in the hall before he
had even had the time to take his shoes off.
“Hi!”
Joni grinned, hugged him and kissed his lips. Misha smiled at him.
“Well
hello, you sure seem to
be on a good mood,” he took note as he kicked his shoes off
and
took a closer look at the youth. Joni was wearing dark green shorts and
a sleeveless black t-shirt that hugged his torso, so apparently he
wasn’t trying to cover up his body anymore…
“I
am! Guess what? Dad bought
me a car!” Joni grinned and then eagerly tugged at his hand.
“Come, I’ll show you the pictures! He promised to
bring it
here tomorrow, and then I can take you for a drive!” Misha
followed Joni into the living room, somehow amused about how excited
the other was. Joni took the papers from the coffee table and gave them
to him. Misha lowered the takeout bag down to look at the papers and
pictures more carefully.
“Toyota
Prius,” Misha
read and was quite surprised, when Joni said his dad had bought him a
car he had expected it to be a used one. Who could compete with this
kind of gift?, he wondered silently. “These are rather
expensive,
aren’t they?” He looked up to Joni.
“Dad
got promoted a while back
and got some big bonus…” The brunet replied
smiling.
“So… will you go for a drive with me tomorrow?
Will you
dare?” Joni asked in a playful tone and grinned while
pressing
closer, his hands lowering on his waist. Misha swallowed, leaned
forward and kissed him gently.
“Are
you feeling well enough
for it yet?” He asked slightly doubtful, which caused the
younger
man to sigh heavily and release his hold of him.
“Yes!
I feel just fine!”
Joni replied somewhat tensely and folded his arms over his chest.
“I’m bored and want to do something different! I
want to go
for a ride with you tomorrow.”
“Alright,
alright, we can do
that,” Misha sighed smiling and brushed his hand softly over
Joni’s hair. “Don’t pout on your
birthday,
let’s go and eat some Chinese food.”
“Alright,”
Joni smiled,
cheering up again. Misha lowered the papers back on the table, took the
bag with takeout food and then lead Joni to the kitchen.
“Where’s
Ivo by the way?”
“Outside,
talking with Jami on
the phone, he’s been there like half an hour
already,” Joni
grinned sitting down in front of the table.
“Oh
my, that is serious,” Misha chuckled.
“It’s
cute,” Joni
said and was quiet for a moment watching Misha who took plates for all
three of them and started serving the food. “So it looks like
it’s just you and me on Saturday evening, huh?” He
asked
and Misha glanced at him, not really wanting to spoil the surprise.
“Perhaps,
though Dima and
Linda might visit and I might have to do some work at home,
it’s
only a week to my holiday, so there are lots of things to do before
that.” Misha shrugged and Joni felt a slight disappointment,
he
would have wanted Misha’s company all to himself, without
interruptions. “What would you like to
drink?”
“Beer,”
Joni sighed and
Misha nodded. Since Joni was off the medication now, a little alcohol
would do no harm. He poured beer into both his and Joni’s
glass
and when he noticed the slight pouting look over the brunet’s
face he smiled and kissed the tip of his nose.
“Cheer
up, it’s your birthday and you got a new car,” he
whispered which brought a smile on Joni’s face.
**^^**^^**
The
next evening Asko drove the car
to the driveway and Joni, who had been waiting eagerly the whole day,
immediately rushed outside to greet him. “My car is
here!”
He shouted to the two brothers from the door and Misha glanced at Ivo,
grinned and rolled his eyes before getting up from the couch.
“It’s
fun to see him
this excited,” Ivo said as he followed Misha to the front
yard.
When they got outside, Joni was already busy with studying his
expensive gift from inside and out. Misha couldn’t help but
to
think how cute he looked, his little spoiled brat was back and he
rather enjoyed watching him.
“I
love this car, dad!”
Joni finally cheered, walked closer to his father and hugged him
tightly, which made Asko chuckle softly.
“I’m
very glad that you
do,” He said and watched with amusement as Joni returned
quickly
to the car, opening the driver’s side door and sitting down
to
marvel at all the details inside.
“Misha!
Come here!” Joni
called and Misha circled the car to the passenger side sitting down
next to him. “Isn’t it wonderful?” Joni
asked beaming
as he hugged the steering wheel. Misha grinned at him.
“Yes,
it’s a beautiful
car,” he agreed. “And I like it even better because
it
seems to put you in such a great mood.” He said, briefly
touching
Joni’s thigh.
Meanwhile
Asko approached Ivo.
“I didn’t have the chance to ask yesterday, how has
it been
going here with Joni?” He asked standing by the tall
man’s
side. Ivo smiled at him.
“It’s
been going just fine; it’s been nice to have him
here.”
“How
has he seemed to you? I
mean he says that he’s fine, but do you think that
it’s
true?” Asko kept his voice low and his gaze towards
the car
where Joni and the younger Russian were talking. Ivo placed his hands
into his trouser pockets, quiet for a brief moment before answering.
“Well,
the last couple of days
he’s been quite cheerful, but before that… Well,
his mood
swings a lot and I do see a clear difference between now and just few
days ago.” Ivo sighed, hearing Joni’s laughter,
seeing him
lean towards Misha and giving him a brief kiss, which was quite a bold
move in front of them and it seemed Joni had suddenly become a lot
bolder in this sense. Misha had also mentioned it the previous night
after Joni had gone to bed. Asko was also somewhat surprised to see the
kiss, things had apparently progressed fast. “To be honest, I
don’t think he is as fine as he tries to let us think, mostly
I
think that he’s trying to trick himself.”
“Well,
I hope your brother understands not to push this relationship of theirs
too fast,” Asko said worriedly.
“Misha
really cares about
Joni, you don’t have to worry about it, the last thing he
would
do is to pressure him. This stage he’s going through now
might be
brief and I think we all should be prepared for any switch in his
behaviour.” The concerned father nodded, again looking
towards
his son who at the moment looked happy like nothing bad had ever
happened. He hoped in his heart that it could be like this, that it
could be this easy for Joni to get over Chris and what he man had done
to him, but deep down he knew it couldn’t be and all they
could
really do was to wait and be prepared to support him in any way
possible.
TBC.
Tbc.
A/N: Please review
, either
on shout box or the questbook where the review link leads to, thank you
:)