Chapter 28
“Dad still
thinks I was with Ivo back then…” Joni whispered.
It was
almost
“He
does?” Misha asked, watching him and smiling slightly,
“perhaps he
should learn the truth? You know, to clean Ivo’s name and
all, unless…”
“Unless
what?” Joni asked attempting to snuggle deeper under the
covers
when again the whole room was lit momentarily by the bright light from
outside.
“Does it scare
you? The storm?” Misha asked instead.
“No,
don’t be ridiculous.”
There was another loud,
heavy rumble that seemed to shake the roof.
Misha glanced outside and then at Joni; his eyes were closed, his hand
squeezed
the cover in his fist.
“Ah, perhaps
I’m being a little ridiculous then, you know, because
I’m a
little scared…”
Joni opened his eyes,
both the one he could open completely and the swollen
one that only opened halfway.
“I
didn’t know it was possible for you to get scared,”
Joni wanted to
grin but it came out weak.
Misha shrugged, brought
his hand upon his chin, two fingers covering his
lips in an attempt to cover a small grin.
“Perhaps
it’s because nature is something I just can’t
control.” He
finally replied and clearly saw the reflection of Joni’s eyes
that indicated
that the younger male found his reply amusing, which was good.
“It’s a shame
really.” He sighed. “I feel quite uneasy
here.”
“Want me to
hold your hand?” Joni whispered.
Misha hesitated,
watching him. Joni moved carefully on the bed, his hand
reaching out to tap the spot next to him.
“Perhaps it
would help?” Misha said as he stood up and approached the
bed. Perhaps it could calm Joni? He wondered somehow hoping that his
proximity
could do that, it would mean a big deal to Misha if he was honest. The
worst scenario
was that his presence would just make Joni uneasy and scared.
Dima’s bed wasn’t
as big as his own, but still wide enough to lie beside another person
and still
have a bit of space in between.
He smiled as he leaned
forward to arrange the cover better on Joni
before lying down next to him on his side making sure that there was
some space
between them. He observed Joni’s reaction carefully, ready to
get up if there were
any signs of discomfort.
“I’m
not scared of you.” Joni whispered, sensing what the other
was
wondering and reached out with his hand to take Misha’s
before closing his eyes.
“I’m
glad that you aren’t.” Misha whispered still
looking at Joni’s face
carefully while his thumb gently caressed the youth’s palm.
“How are you
feeling? I mean, are you hurting much? Should I bring you
something?”
“It hurts,
but… there’s nothing more that you can do, your
presence is
enough.”
The touch of their hands
was so innocent and tender, Misha thought,
watching the slender hand that held his softly. He took note of the
bruise
around Joni’s wrist and the hand-shaped bruise on his arm.
Joni’s eyes were
closed again, only their joined hands touched and nothing more.
“You’re
really feeling ok, with
me here?” Misha asked observing him and Joni cracked his eyes
open.
“Yeah,”
He tried to smile, “I told you I’m not scared of
you… and I
don’t want you to be scared of the storm.”
Joni’s eyes closed again, a small
smile tugged on the corners of his lips.
Misha smiled watching
him, wondering if Joni saw through his little
white lie. The storm didn’t scare him, what had happened to
Joni and what had
almost happened; his possible death scared him, Chris had scared
him….
He felt better lying
there next to Joni now, it felt weird too, weird
because of the emotions that had awoken in him, emotions so new that he
didn’t
quite know how to handle them; his little bruised brat – he
thought, feeling
the urge to bring his hand to stroke Joni’s hair, to hold him
a little bit
closer to feel his heart beat and… it was
strange… so strange… All he knew for
certain was how much he wanted to keep the other safe, staying close to
him
felt like the best way to ensure it. He stayed like that, holding
Joni’s hand
and watching him in the darkness that was broken by the soft candle
light. He
just couldn’t help but wonder how Chris could have hurt Joni
so badly. He had
never really realised how fragile Joni could be; sleeping there next to
him, as
hurt as he was… It was somehow endearing how his hand still
held his as if it
was the most natural thing there was; how odd.
After some time Misha
got up, reluctantly letting go of Joni, who had
already fallen asleep. He blew the candles out, turned the lamp off and
then
returned to the bed as quietly as he could.
It didn’t take
long for him to fall asleep as well.
But like the previous
night, Misha woke to the frightened whimpering, it
was
“Joni, wake
up,” he said nudging him softly again. “Just a
nightmare,
it’s alright.” Misha explained as soon as
Joni’s eyes had opened. He reached
his hand to stroke his damp hair back, Joni’s breathing was
still fast and his
gaze confused.
The storm had faded, but
it was still raining slowly. Joni looked around
the room and then back at Misha, at first slightly confused about why
Misha was
in the bed with him, but while he lied under the covers the other man
lied
beside him fully clothed.
“He came here
and I was alone, I couldn’t get up, I tried but I
couldn’t
move.” Joni whispered and felt Misha’s hand move
softly along his arm now.
“He’s
arrested, Joni, he wouldn’t be able to come near you now,
besides,
we wouldn’t even leave you alone here. If I’m not
home then Ivo will be. If
neither of us can be for some reason then Dima will come
here.”
Joni sighed,
“I don’t want to make your lives complicated like
this, I
can manage alone too. It’s my imagination, he won’t
get out…right?” He asked
and Misha could read the true worry in him.
“He
won’t get out Joni, he won’t hurt you
again.” Misha assured,
watching him closely. “And it’s alright to be
frightened after what you’ve been
through. The truth is that you are hurt, you need a little help and
with these
nightmares you’re having I think it would be unnecessary
stress for you to stay
alone.”
Joni was silent, looking
away from him and Misha again moved his hand to
his hair.
“What are you
thinking?” Misha asked carefully.
“About
Chris…” Joni whispered, “I
don’t want to think about him, but I
can’t help it… What will happen to him
now?”
Misha frowned,
“Well, hopefully he gets deported and serves a long
sentence in
“Will they
deport him?” Joni stared at the ceiling,
“He’s mad at me,
he’ll blame me… for everything
and…”
“I’ll
be surprised if they don’t give him a restraining
order.” Misha
told him.
“I
hate being weak like this.”
Joni sighed then.
“I know and
you’re not weak, just your body needs to recover now, I know
you’ll come through this and show that asshole.”
Joni turned to look at Misha. He
was still worried and confused over everything that had happened, over
Chris,
it was difficult to understand that it was really over, that he
wouldn’t have
to be near Chris anymore.
Looking at Misha he
wondered what the man really thought of him now,
what he would think after learning more details? After knowing about
the
pictures? His lips parted, almost whispering the words out to him, the
truth
that frightened him, but the words got stuck to his throat. Would Misha
blame
him? Be disgusted? Could Misha ever truly look at him again like he had
that
night? Could anyone? There were too many questions that made him
insecure.
“What is
it?” Misha asked with concern over his voice noticing his
hesitation.
Joni swallowed,
“Nothing,” he whispered and closed his eyes.
“It hurts…
I want this pain to stop.”
Misha caressed his hair
softly, “Do you need anything?”
“No…
I’ll just… try to get more sleep.” He
whispered softly.
Misha lied still next to
him, listening to the rain outside and watching
Joni wondering what he was still hiding, hoping that he would start
opening up more
about his past relationship.
**^^**^^**
In the morning the
clouds had slowly started to break up, revealing rays
of sun. Misha stirred awake next to Joni who was still sleeping. Lying
still
for a moment, Misha watched the dark haired male next to him, listening
to his
breathing which was calmer now, if he was dreaming perhaps his dreams
were more
peaceful. Finally he pulled himself up as quietly as he could and
stretched his
sore muscles, a hot shower, perhaps some breakfast and then he could
return to
check on Joni who would hopefully remain sleeping a little longer.
It was
“How’s
our patient doing?” Ivo, who was reading a newspaper in front
of
the table, asked, turning his eyes to him.
“Sleeping, had
a bit of a restless night, the storm and he had
nightmares too, woke me up a few times.” Misha answered
covering a yawn with
his hand.
“You spent the
whole night with him again?”
“Yes, because
I know he has nightmares of that asshole, I don’t want him
waking up scared and alone.” Misha almost snapped, opened the
fridge and took
out the milk, pouring some in his coffee cup.
“Misha…
don’t get so defensive, I didn’t mean anything bad
by it.”
Misha glanced at him
from over his shoulder and sighed. “I’ve just
learned to get defensive with you… You and your
insinuations.”
Ivo sighed looking at
him.
“Okay…
I’ll try to tone it down.”
He promised and took a short
pause. “The cops will come over today, to
talk with Joni, around
Misha checked the time
again before sitting down and nodded, “I should
make him some breakfast.” He rested his chin against his
arms. “I really don’t
feel like going to work tomorrow…”
“Well, your
holiday won’t be that far away.” Ivo smiled gently.
“Want me
to prepare you some sandwiches?” He asked then observing him.
“Hm…
this is a first.” Misha gave a tired grin,
“I’m trying to remember
when you last offered to make me breakfast.”
“It
wasn’t that long ago… I made you plenty of
breakfasts when you were
a teen, a hung over teen.” Ivo grinned and got up.
“Joni’s throat must still be
sore?” He asked going to the fridge.
“I think so,
his voice is still a little odd… and hey, don’t
make it
sound like I was hung over all the time.”
“Well, often
enough at least,” Ivo teased glancing at him.
“Okay, so
something not so solid for Joni…”
“He seemed to
like the smoothies I made for him yesterday... I can make
one for him.”
“So I should
just make the sandwiches for you?” Ivo asked with small
amusement, “Yes, I think yours would taste to him
better.”
Misha glared at Ivo,
“Just to let you know, you’re doing it
again.” He
sighed. “And honestly I’m a little scared of
leaving you with him tomorrow,
your sense of humour, your perverted
sense of humour is not what he needs right now.” Misha
reminded him and took a
sip of his coffee.
Ivo smiled and set a
small plate with two ham and cheese sandwiches in
front of Misha.
“I am very
aware of what he’s been through.” He said in a more
serious
tone, filling his coffee cup. “And despite what you may think
I’m not stupid
enough to upset him with my jokes.”
Misha picked one of the
sandwiches watching his older brother and
finally he nodded.
Ivo sat down on his
previous seat. Misha stared at the table while
eating lost in his thoughts.
“What are you
thinking?” Ivo asked carefully, holding the warm cup
between both of his hands.
Misha shrugged at first,
“Well…” He
started, “I just
wish I knew why… why was he with him? And to be honest
I fear the details he’s still hiding.”
“You
can’t expect him to trust you enough to pour his heart out to
you
yet.” Ivo said quietly, “Thinking of what his
relationship was like is enough
reason for him to have some mistrust. And considering the past between
you two,
well give him time, I’m sure he’ll talk
eventually.”
**^^**^^**^^**
The sun was shining
again; a soft summer breeze from the open window
caressed his face softly. Joni lay awake, staring at the wall; Misha
had
brought him breakfast earlier and had also let him know that the cops
were soon
going to visit. It unnerved him, even though he knew that they would
try and
help him, but he was still nervous about what would be expected of him.
He went through all the
details in his mind, everything from the
beginning, couldn’t stop thinking about it, about Chris,
about the change. He
felt tears slowly gathering in his eyes, remembering the way Chris had
once been,
remembering the beginning hurt as well, he wanted to understand but
couldn’t, wished
that he could somehow ask and get the answers from the man that Chris
had once
been.
It was too confusing, he
wanted to let go but couldn’t, why the sudden
longing? It made no sense and it disgusted him. He had to let go, the
memory of
Chris was fake, maybe he had been just too blind in the beginning? He
wanted to
talk with Adam, suddenly the need became intense; he needed to talk
with Adam
to understand Chris.
A knock on the door.
“Y-yes?”
First he saw Misha who
opened the door to let in a man and a woman,
“Good
afternoon Mr. Lehto.”
Cops, wearing civilian
clothes, Joni’s heart started to beat nervously
and he looked towards Misha hoping he would stay.
“We came to
ask you some questions about what happened to you, about
your relationship with Mr. Hanratty.”
Joni moved to sit up
slightly and nodded.
“Yes, I
understand.” He whispered, glancing at Misha again, perhaps
after all it was better if he left? He wasn’t sure just how
much he needed to
tell these people.
The two people walked
further in, middle aged, normal looking people,
Misha offered them a seat.
“We would like
to talk with Mr. Lehto alone.” The woman said, a small
smile on her lips; comforting, her partner was more serious looking,
tired,
perhaps.
“Of
course.” Misha nodded, glanced at Joni, and left the room.
The door
closed, Joni felt uncomfortable on the bed, it didn’t seem
proper to talk with
cops like this, he wished he could have bathed first, hoped that he
could…
“We have
talked with your family and your neighbours and with Mr.
Hanratty, we just need more details that only you can give. Just relax,
this
shouldn’t take too long.”
Joni nodded, he
didn’t feel self confident, he wondered what Chris had
told them, had he blamed it all on him? Told them that he was a slut?
Told them
he cheated and acted coldly? Tried to justify his actions? Or perhaps
he had denied
everything? Had he told them that he was willing when…?
“Were you in
agreement with Mr. Hanratty when you left to the cabin on
June 17th?”
“No, I
didn’t want to go. I- I tried to break up our
relationship…
before.”
“Mr Hanratty
claims that you left in agreement, that you did have a
quarrel that involved Mr. Volochov and your intention was to try and
solve it?”
“We did
quarrel about Misha…” Joni paused, “Mr.
Volochov…” It felt weird
calling him by his surname. “I didn’t want to go
because Chris… I knew what
would happen and I was right.”
“Did Mr.
Volochov harm you physically?”
Joni frowned at this,
“No, Chris did.”
“Mr. Hanratty
claims you had willing sexual intercourse, is this true?”
“No,”
he replied tensely, “he abused and me then he…
“ Joni paused, he
felt nauseous, “I didn’t want it, I was too weak to
push him off.”
“Did Mr.
Hanratty harm you physically before June 17th?”
“Yes.”
Joni whispered, feeling more and more uncomfortable.
“Now, can you
tell us in your own words what happened on June 17th?”
The voice was gentle, calming, Joni took a deep breath before starting
to go
over that day, trying to be as honest as he could.
**^^**^^**
Half an hour later they
had left, Joni felt nauseous and restless; there
would be a trial - he thought. There was no way Chris would admit to
everything. He would have to face Chris in court and Chris would be so
mad at
him and…
A soft knock on the
door, Joni couldn’t find his voice, but he didn’t
need to, the door opened slowly and Misha peeked in before stepping
further
inside.
“Hey,
everything alright?” He asked.
Joni shook his head,
didn’t look at him, he placed his hands over his
stomach; it felt difficult to breathe.
“I need a
bath…” He whispered.
“What?”
Misha came closer, he hadn’t really heard him.
“I need a
bath.” Joni repeated and tried to get up.
“Hey, hold on
there…”
Misha
reached to help him, “are you sure you want one
now?”
“Yes!”
“Okay,
okay…just let me help you.”
“I want to go
alone…” Joni who had gotten up to his feet tried
to push
him off weakly.
“No Joni, you
can’t.” Misha told him calmly, holding the younger
male
close whose body was trembling all over, his breathing was fast, Misha
could feel
his heart racing.
“Let
go… I need a bath, alone!” Then it was tears that
followed.
Misha wrapped his arms
around him, holding him against his chest, his
hand going to his hair.
“Just calm
down now, shhh… it’s alright, calm down
Joni.” He spoke in a smooth,
calming voice, holding him like that until Joni finally relaxed
slightly.
“You’re
okay now?” He asked and the other one nodded slowly.
“I still want
that bath though…”
“Alright,
I’ll take you downstairs if you promise to let me help
you?”
Small moment of silent
hesitation, “If it’s necessary,” came the
quiet
answer.
“It is. I
don’t want you to slip there and hurt yourself
further.”
“You just want
an excuse to see me naked,” Joni joked a bit tiredly
making Misha grin; joking was a good sign.
“Well
it’s the plus side in it.” Misha smiled looking
down at Joni, “but
don’t be scared, I won’t try anything.”
Joni sniffed wiping the
tears away, before he nodded his head with a
weak smile, “I’m not that attractive now,
anyway…”
“The bruises
will heal, Joni, just let us help you. And now….”
Misha
leaned down and picked him up. “Downstairs, the bathtub is
there…. and just
relax now, no arguing.”
Joni sighed.
“No arguing.” He promised.
Misha slowly started
carrying Joni down. “Ivo, fill up the bath!” He
called
before slowly starting to climb down the stairs. “Damn, this
is difficult…” He
muttered to himself, trying to be as careful as he could in order to
not fall
down.
Joni still felt slightly
silly being carried in this manner, but he
didn’t try and argue, he felt too exhausted, he wanted a
bath, and he wanted
the pain to end and the memories to disappear.
Once Misha made it to
downstairs, he carried Joni to the living room
couch.
“Okay just
wait here, I’ll check the bath.”
Ivo walked out of the
bathroom, “The water is running,” he told Misha
and glanced towards the living room. “How is he?”
“He’s
little shaken up after the cops.” Misha sighed.
Ivo nodded,
“Poor kid… Okay, I’ll go prepare some
soup for him.”
Once the bath was ready
Misha walked back to get Joni. He lowered him to
the floor carefully. “Okay, I’m going to help you
undress now, you’re okay with
that?” He asked.
“No,”
Joni sighed, “but I’ll try to deal...”
“Good,
you’re safe with me, no worries okay?”
Joni only nodded a bit
stiffly and looked away when Misha helped him to
undress his t-shirt.
Misha
gritted his teeth slightly when
seeing the bruises on Joni’s chest and sides that were now a
darker shade and
looked rather painful, making him slightly amazed that Joni
wasn’t complaining
about the pain more.
“Can you turn?
I don’t want you to look.” Joni asked.
“Okay, of
course,” Misha replied, turning around, his back against Joni
who then stripped his pants, letting them fall on the floor around his
ankles
before carefully stepping out and approaching the tub. The only problem
was
climbing in; his body protested every big movement and so far his only
movement
during his stay had been between the bedroom and the toilet that was
next to Dima’s
room.
“I’m
going to turn around now Joni and help you in, alright; I
won’t
look down, okay?”
Joni sighed, again
feeling silly, uncomfortable, his heart was racing.
“Okay,”
he finally whispered and heard the other moving closer.
“Relax, ok,
carefully now,” Misha spoke gently helping him into the tub
and then sit down in the warm water with bubbles that he had added to
make Joni
more comfortable.
Misha then took the
sponge carefully starting to wash him, “Your heart
is racing,” he took note, touching Joni’s chest
carefully, “try to relax,
everything is fine.”
“I feel
stupid,” Joni whispered,
“and…naked…”
Misha smiled, continuing
to run the sponge down on his skin. “You’re not
stupid, but you are naked.”
“I
don’t like you seeing me like this, you
shouldn’t.”
“See you
naked? Taking a bath?” Misha pretended to be clueless, just
wanting to lighten up the mood.
“Bruised…
weak... I feel like… an old guy.”
“Just relax
now, I know you feel strange, but you know it makes me feel
better to be able to help you now…” He
looked at Joni’s face, “What did the cops
ask?”
“Just…
what happened…” Joni swallowed,
“Chris… he’s blaming you.”
Misha shrugged,
“He’s desperate… But it won’t
safe him.” He said,
carefully wetting Joni’s hair before taking some shampoo to
wash it.
“I want to
believe it’s over, but it’s not… not
yet…it’s not that easy…”
Misha paused,
“What did he do, Joni?” He asked then,
“What did he do to
make you stay that long?”
Joni shook his head,
“Not now,” he said, “Not here,”
his voice pleaded
softly. Misha could see he was starting to panic again.
“Okay, not
here, calm down now. I’ll rinse the shampoo off.”
Joni nodded keeping his
eyes closed and trying to calm down, focusing on
the gentle touch, the sound of water running down on his skin.
“I would hate
for you to get in trouble for me.” Joni whispered after a
while.
“Trust me
Joni, it won’t happen, I was defending you and myself from
him
and he’s the one who was crazy. They will see that.”
“I just want
to forget… to erase everything… “He hid
his face from Misha,
“I wish I could
understand…why…”
Misha felt unsure what
to say, he wanted to comfort him but wasn’t sure
what the right words were.
“Some people
are just good at hiding their true nature…” He
finally
whispered, “I know its difficult now, I know you’re
hurting, but trust me, it
will get better, once he gets his punishment you’ll get to
start over. And I
have every faith that you’ll succeed. ”
Joni sighed and brought
his head up before nodding. He felt weird like
this, with Misha washing him, with Misha being so gentle and caring
towards
him, he couldn’t help but wonder how all this would affect
the image that Misha
had of him. If he thought with reason; all this meant that Misha really
had
started to care for him, but still his emotions were such a mess that
it was difficult
to truly believe that. Perhaps Misha was just trying to make up the
past? He
wasn’t sure, he didn’t want to think, just wanted
to go to sleep and wake up to
find the whole episode with Chris just a bad nightmare.
“I’m
tired…” Joni whispered after some time.
“Alright,
you’re clean now anyway, I’ll help you
up.” Misha smiled and
reached to take the fresh towel.
“Misha?”
Joni asked, slowly standing up taking support from Misha who
held out the towel for him.
“Yes?”
“Do you think
we could watch some comedy now?” He asked, “I
don’t feel
like going to bed, it’s boring.”
“Sure we
can.” Misha smiled, and wrapped the towel around Joni and
then
reached to lift him out from the tub. “I know a few good
ones, you can pick one
of them.”
“Thanks.”
Joni smiled and sighed once he was lowered onto the floor. “I
guess I need some help with my clothes.” He admitted holding
on to the towel
and shivering slightly from cold.
Misha smiled, kneeled on
the floor and helped Joni put his sweatpants
back on, once he was done he urged him to lift his arms to be able to
slip the
t-shirt on him. Joni’s hair was still dripping wet so he
gently used the towel
to dry it a little bit more.
“Alright,
let’s go to the living room then, get you some rest and some
light entertainment.” Misha said before picking him up again.
“You know, you
don’t have to carry me everywhere,” Joni reminded
him.
“I
know,” Misha grinned, “but I want to.”
He said and continued his way
into the living room, Joni couldn’t help but to smile, he
wasn’t ready to admit
it out loud, but being this close to Misha did make him feel safe.
TBC.
Web published: August 19th, 2009.
My Secret Shore
© KOLGRIM